Title: Return From Exile

Author: sbeegee

Email: sbeegee563@yahoo.com

Category: S/Tu; Romance/Angst

Summary: Trip helps Hoshi deal with the consequences of "Exile."

Notes: I was just thinking that maybe there could be more to the whole "Crystal Ball" than was explored in the episode (as well as some emotional consequences for Hoshi).  Anyway, as this is my first fic (and me not being that deep into the world of Trek, though it's obvious I love S/Tu), we'll see how it goes.

Her body writhed and twitched on her bunk.  Her tank and boxers stuck to her sweat-soaked skin.  Her long, thick hair was a tangled mess from her constant tossing and turning.  It was the same as every night for the past two weeks… Images exploded in her mind.  Images and emotions: past, present and future; pain, fear and hatred.

With a gasp, Ensign Sato awakened.  She lay in bed, forcing herself to take deep breaths before turning her eyes to the clock.  0200.  "Shit," Hoshi muttered to herself.  Another night without sleep. "What's one more night," she grumbled as she made her way to the sink, splashing cold water on her face.  She wet a washcloth and wiped down her neck and shoulders, bringing a chill to her skin.  She took a good look at herself in the mirror, noting the bluish circles under her eyes.  The shadows clearly showed against her too-pale skin.  She felt the familiar, self-inflicted pressures weighing down on her. . . people were "concerned" about her enough as it was – she hardly needed her drained appearance to confirm the suspicions that she didn't belong on Enterprise.

Hoshi let out a sigh and threw the cloth against the mirror.  She knew from previous nights that it would take hours to get back to sleep after the dreams.  The dreams that were so disturbing in her sleep, and yet she could not remember them clearly upon waking.  And, on some level, Hoshi didn't want to remember them; they haunted her enough as it was.  If they became more… real… what then?  She stared at her reflection and shuddered at the thought.

"Arrghh!  Get a grip, girl!" she chastised herself.  Throwing on a pair of baggy fleece pants, she made her way to the mess hall.  Maybe some herbal tea would help calm her nerves.

He entered the mess hall, expecting it to be empty.  Instead, in the dim shadows he saw Hoshi sitting alone, her arms wrapped around her pulled-up legs as she stared out at the stars with her chin resting on her knees, oblivious to his presence.  A smile started automatically when he saw her, but it froze as he observed her a  little more closely. 

He always knew her to have a greater emotional sensibility than the average person.  If she were an engine, she would be one that was elegant in design, but responsive to every vibration, no matter how slight, causing it to require constant fine tuning.  The kind of engine that was a labor of love.

 It was that same emotional attunement to others that made her the best com officer Enterprise could hope for, as well as a good friend to have in your corner.  Members of the crew from every department could be seen talking to her, finding a little solace in her company.  But he knew that on some level, that it took a lot out of her.  Occasionally he would see her zone out, even within groups of friends, snatching some time to be alone with her own thoughts.  

Even with that in mind, however, he could see that something was troubling her beyond the norm.  He considered leaving her alone with her thoughts, but quickly tossed that idea aside.  During the past few months, her friendship had come to mean more and more to him.  He was a man who wore his heart on his sleeve, anger as well as love, and most of the crew had shown some discomfort around him after the Xindi attack on Earth.  But Hoshi hadn't shied away from his tempers and his moods.  She was so accepting of his feelings, that he found it calming to be around her.  And so, her quiet kindness had touched his heart. 

She had been through so much in the last few weeks.  Perhaps now he could repay some of her own compassion.  "Hey, Hosh," he spoke quietly as he made his way to the chair next her, not wanting to startle her.  Hoshi looked up at him, and he was shocked to see the expression in her deep brown eyes.  They looked tired, hunted and so… lonely.  "Is everything all right?" he asked gently, putting one large hand on her small shoulder.

She stared at him, brown eyes meeting blue, before actually physically shaking herself out of her stupor, causing him to remove his hand.  She tried to force a smile.  "I'm fine Trip," she replied, lowering her feet to the ground.  "I just couldn't sleep."

He wasn't buying it for a second.  The kind of emotional distress that was written so plainly on her face didn't come from just one bad night, and he knew that better than most.  What should I say? he asked himself.  He was so unused to seeing her like this; she was normally so full of sly wit and sparkling humor.  He wanted to comfort her, but felt at a loss for what to say.  So, of course, in true Tucker style, he simply spouted out the first thing that popped into his head.  True, it was a strategy that got him into some scrapes, but usually nothing that he couldn't charm his way out of.  "Yeah?" he drawled, leaning forward to her.  "Then maybe you should come with me to T'Pol's quarters.  We just finished up with a minor problem in astrometrics that was keeping us up late and…"

He stopped talking at the stunned expression in Hoshi's face.  Can I be hearing this right? she asked herself.  Is he actually inviting me to hang out with him and his girlfriend?  As if this night couldn't get ANY worse.

"Hosh?" he asked.  "Are you okay?  I mean, you must know about me and T'Pol.  It seems like everybody's talking about it," he said in a voice laden with exasperation.  "You'd have to be completely out of touch with everyone on board not to have heard."

At his words, Hoshi flinched as something in her mind snapped.  Out of touch.  Isolated.  Lonely.  Again, Tarquin's words were mocking her deepest insecurities.  But this time it was so much worse, because this time it was him saying them to her.  Humiliation and anger mixed dangerously together in her sleep-deprived mind, forcing her to respond with uncharacteristic terseness.

"Thank you for you concern, Commander," she responded in a cool tone, as she suddenly stood up, "but that won't be necessary. I can take care of myself, as 'out of touch' as I am."  She didn't even look at him as she began leaving the mess hall.  "I'm sure you have many more interesting ways to spend your time," she ground out between clenched jaws as she strode out of the room.

Trip just sat in his chair as he stared at the door, his mouth open and his eyebrows furrowed.  What in God's name just happened? he asked himself, not a few times.  True, he knew he wasn't the most tactful guy in the world, but he normally didn't cause women to storm out of a room.  Especially not women that he cared about.  Sure, something he had said had pissed her off, but there had to have be more to it than that; she just wasn't herself.  He knew now that what was troubling Hoshi was much more serious than he had originally imagined.

He finally snapped out of his daze to realize that T'Pol had been waiting for him for over a half-hour.  He quickly left the mess hall, forgetting the tea he had come in for.  He walked to T'Pol's quarters mechanically, his mind completely occupied with Hoshi.  He would get to the bottom of what was going on, and he would find a way to help her deal with it.  She was his friend, and she deserved that much.  And more.