"What?" I shrieked before I knew what had happened. "How dare you call yourself my father?"
"Paige, I know you are upset with me, but you have to hear my explanation."
"You mean your excuse!"
"Paige," Mom said in a 'calling-down' tone. "Listen to him. He's your father."
"No he's not."
A look of pain came over his face. "I understand why you are acting this way...but Paige...I had no choice..."
"Yes you did. You had a family, a son and a daughter and a wife. You gave all of that up for some woman who was willing to spread her legs for you!"
"Paige, that is enough!" Mom sounded furious.
I fell silent and sank onto the couch. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to see my family."
"We're not your family."
"Now, Paige, that hurts," he took a step to me.
"Well, it hurt when you walked out but did you care?"
"Of course I cared..."
"The hell you did."
"Paige!" Mom's voice was demanding this time.
"Mom, how could you let him into this house? How could you let him back into your life?"
"Because, he's your father."
"I don't have a father. He died when he walked out."
I could tell that my words stung at his heart-if he had such a thing- but I couldn't find it in me to care. This man had walked out on a wife, son, and daughter and hadn't bothered to call for seven years. How could I feel compassion for such a person?
"I know what I did was wrong, and I am terribly sorry for that. I fell in love with her, I couldn't help it...Paige, you have to believe me."
"Why? Why should I believe you? I believed you when you said you would call and you let me down. I believed you when you said you will always be there for me and never leave and you let me down, then too. Why should I believe you now?"
"You're absolutely right. I did let you down. But I would like to make it up to you."
"It's too late for that." I walked past him and up the stairs my bedroom.
As I lay on my bed, I thought about the past. I thought about the times I had wished my "dad" had been there. For instance, when I got starred in the schools production of 'The Swan Princess' in grade seven. Or when Dean raped me. I wished he had been there but he hadn't. I doubt he even knows what happened. It's like he doesn't care. He never has. If he had...then why had he left?
----------------------------------------------------------------
I awoke the next morning to the sunlight in my window. I hoped, I prayed, that I would have to get up and go to school but I knew it was Saturday. I looked over at the clock that read 11:30. I groaned, not wanting to get up. I turned onto my stomach and covered my head.
"Paige?" I heard Dylan's voice behind me.
"What?" I groaned.
"Dad wants to talk to you downstairs."
"I don't have a dad."
"Paige, come on," I felt him sit down at the bed. "I know he hurt you. He hurt me too. But he's still our father. And you still have a loyalty to him, regardless of if you like that or not."
I sighed. I knew he was right. I rolled over and sighed. "What he did sucked."
"I know." He smiled a little. "But, I mean, everyone has to make choices. Sometimes they aren't easy, or right, but you can't change the past. But you can enjoy the future."
"When did you get so smart?" I winked at him.
He smiled. "Now get up, shower and dress...and for heavens sake, brush your teeth!" he laughed.
I slapped him playfully. "Get out of here!"
After I showered and dressed I went downstairs. Mom and Dad—woops—were sitting at the kitchen table with Dylan. Mom rolled her coffee mug between her hands, as if she was cold...or really bored...maybe nervous. Dylan sat with his cup of coffee in front of him, starring at it blankly. Dad---there I go again—well, his cup was empty.
"What's going on? Why does everyone look so devastated?" I asked as I slowly slid into the fourth seat of the table.
"Paige, you're father..." Mom started to say.
"...I have something to tell you." Dad cut her off and they exchanged a worried glance.
"What's going on?" I poured myself a cup of coffee and added cream and sugar to it.
"Well... Paige..."
"Just say it already." I took a drink of the coffee.
"You remember Judy? The woman...I was seeing? My wife..." he started.
I nodded.
"She's pregnant."
I almost choked. "What!"
"Paige, don't make it harder..."
"You came here to tell me that you have your mistress knocked up?"
"Paige," Mom's voice was stern. "Do not talk to your father that way."
I ran from the house, leaving them behind. I heard them calling me...telling me...demanding me to come back but I ignored them. I didn't care. I couldn't believe that he had gotten her pregnant.
I rang the doorbell of Craig's house. I didn't know how I had ended up there.
Caitlin answered the door. "Paige, is everything alright? You look upset."
"I'm fine...is Craig here?" I asked, running my hands through my hair and shivering against the wind.
"Yes, come in." she stepped aside and let me in. "He's in his bedroom, up the stairs to the left."
"Thanks," I mumbled, following her directions. I came to a closed door that said "Caution" on a yellow sign. I heard a guitar playing. I knocked.
"Come in!" he shouted.
I opened the door and stepped inside. Dirty clothes were scattered among the floor. A red light shone from the closet...probably his dark room. His bed was unmade.
"Paige," he stood up and put the guitar away. "I didn't know you were coming over or I would have cleaned up." He picked up a pile of laundry and moved them to a hamper that was already overflowing in the corner.
"It's alright...you don't have to clean up. I needed to talk." I stood awkwardly in the doorway.
"Are you okay?" he used his foot to move the clothes and then sat down on the bed. He gestured for me to sit next to him and I did. "What happened?"
"Its my dad...he's back."
He looked at me for a moment as I tried to find the words to go on.
"He left my family seven years ago to be with a woman he was having an affair with. He came back last night and we had a fight. I told him that he wasn't my dad and some other stuff that I really didn't mean to say. This morning, Dylan and I talked and...I was ready to forgive and forget, you know? So then I go downstairs...and..." I started to cry. "...he told us that he married the woman, Judy. Now she's pregnant."
"Oh, Paige, I'm so sorry..." he put his arms around me to comfort me.
"How could he just trade us in like that?" I tried to control the sobbing but it was useless. "How could he claim to love us and then trade us in for a new woman and a new baby?"
He turned me to face him. "Paige, I'm sure that's not what he meant to do. Maybe he has a good reason for leaving and maybe he doesn't. but an innocent baby isn't to blame."
It was at that moment, sitting there on his bed, his hands on my shoulders and my eyes peering into his that I realized what had happened. I had fallen in love with Craig. I kissed him impulsively. I wanted to be with him. Right then. Right there. I wanted to be his.
One thing led to another. Craig's hands were resting on my stomach. He was on top of me, kissing me. "We can't..." he managed to say, pulling back a little.
"I want to," I told him, kissing him again.
"So do I," he said. "But we can't. not here. Not like this. I don't want you to regret it...I want our first time to be special."
I sighed, knowing he was right. "You're right. I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be sorry. I don't want to take advantage of you. Paige...I love you."
I wasn't really shocked as much as I was happy. "I love you, too."
