Hoshi lost track of how many times she had replayed the image of Trip leaving T'Pol's quarters in her mind.  Hours had passed, with her imagination adding to the scene in a sick effort to torture herself further: Trip kissing T'Pol goodbye; Trip saying he loved T'Pol; a smile on T'Pol's face as he whispered in her ear.  And to think that she had been making her way to Trip's quarters to apologize for having snapped at him the night before!

She was so stupid for having gone there!  Her mind thought back to earlier that night.  The sedative hadn't worked as well as Phlox had hoped.  True, it had helped her fall asleep, but it wasn't enough to keep away the dreams, or to keep her from waking up in a fevered sweat.  She had woken up pissed-off and frustrated, and paced her room back and forth.  She knew that the lack of sleep was taking its toll on her health, but her own insecurities weren't making the situation any better. 

Why was she doubting herself so much?  She hadn't been filled with such insecurities since her first months aboard Enterprise.  She had proven her worth time and again.  Ever since she had returned from Tarquin's planet she had been reverting to the "old" Hoshi. 

She forced the doubts, which lay like a cloud, from her mind.  She had to stop second-guessing herself and others.  She flushed as she thought about her exchange with Trip the night before.  He had done nothing to deserve her anger.  After all, he had no idea about her feelings for him: she had worked hard for the past year to keep them closed away, deep in her heart.

Even she herself didn't know at exactly what point her feelings for him had changed to more than friendly regard.  She just knew that he normally made her happy—just by being around.  His jokes, his grin, the way he calmed her fears… a thousand little things, that when added together, caused her heart to tighten a little whenever she saw him. 

After the Xindi attack on Earth, Hoshi's soft heart had gone out to him at seeing him in such pain, and so she had done all that she could to help him.  And, in helping Trip, she had been exposed to a fuller picture of who he was, as a man, and not simply the persona he often presented to the world.  She saw the depths of his emotions, the light and the dark. And she had fallen even harder for him.

She asked herself, wasn't it better to have him as a friend, than not in her life at all?  As painful as it was to admit, she had to face facts that he didn't care for her the way she wished.  She quickly pulled on some clothes, before she changed her mind.  She would go to his quarters and apologize.  Maybe then, things could get back to normal.

Now, as she lay on her bed, she wondered for not the first time what she had been thinking.  What did you expect, for him to rush into your arms?  How stupid she had been; it wasn't better to have him as a friend, the pain was too much!  He didn't care about her, nobody did.  Even T'Pol, ice-queen and remote as she was, had someone in her life.  And Hoshi, who did she have?  Nobody.  Lonely.  Isolated.  He was right… Of course I was… Come back to me…

The tears finally stopped as exhaustion took over her body.  Alien faces crowded her dreams: one that her subconsciousness recognized all too well; others that seemed strangely familiar.  All of them frightening.

Trip entered the mess hall, searching for a particular face.  He saw Travis finishing his breakfast as he worked on a padd.  "Hey, Travis," Trip called in greeting.  "Mind if I join you?" he asked, even as he was plopping himself into a chair.

Travis gave him his patented smile.  The young man had always liked the Chief Engineer: even with the grim realities of their current mission, Trip managed to project a sureness of purpose that the crew found reassuring.  And in recent months, since his anger had begun to recede, more and more of his old humor was seeping to the surface.

"Sure thing Commander.  I'm due on the bridge pretty soon, though.  What's up?"

"Actually," Trip began, lowering his voice, "I wanted to talk to you about Hoshi."

The smile immediately left Travis' face, and was replaced by a guarded look.  "I'm not sure I'm the one to talk to about that, Commander."

"Relax Travis," Trip replied, trying to keep his tone friendly.  "I'm not trying to get anyone in any trouble, here.  I'm just a little…well, troubled, I guess, about Hoshi's behavior lately.  She's obviously exhausted and she's been real sensitive."  At Travis' slight nod, Trip continued.  "I know you two are real close," again, Trip felt that stab of pain, but he ignored it to go on, "and I guess I sort of hoped you could fill me in on what's going on with her."

Travis looked Trip in the eye, as if he was trying to decide something.  He had apparently reached a decision, because he let out a deep breath and shook his head.  "I just don't know, Trip," he finally replied.  "She's been weird ever since she was stuck with Tarquin in his castle."  He shook his head.  "I still can't believe the Captain and Malcolm left her alone with that freak!" he expelled in a quiet but angry voice.

"What did he do to her?" Trip asked, his heart racing at the imagined possibilities.

"That's just it," Travis answered, frustration lacing his voice.  "She won't talk about it.  I've tried getting her to tell me, but she just gets angry and shuts me out.  I think she's been avoiding me for the past week."  He paused and then gave a determined look to Trip.  "She needs help.  It can't be healthy, the way she's isolated herself from everyone on board."

Neither of the men had noticed that the object of their conversation had entered the mess hall, and was now quietly approaching them from behind.  Her suspicions had been raised when she saw them speaking in hushed tones, and was determined to find out what they were talking about.  "…she's isolated…from everyone…"  She caught the end of what Travis was saying—one of the "benefits" of having such sensitive hearing.

"But what can we do?" she heard Travis ask.  "I mean, she's been acting so strangely, but it could just be stress."  Of course they would think it was stress, Hoshi thought to herself.  They all thought she was weak and wouldn't be able to hold up under pressure.  "She was so angry yesterday on the bridge, after she talked to the Captain.  You should have seen his face afterwards, he looked a little freaked."  Shit.  Now they're even gossiping about how the Captain has lost confidence in me!  Why are they all out to get me? 

"Well, we've got to do something, and soon," Trip responded.  "I mean, have you taken a good look at her lately?  She looks awful."  Hoshi completely missed the heartfelt concern in his voice.  She only heard the criticism.  She could feel the blood draining from her face.  I don't belong here… You belong with me… Come back to me…

"Phlox to Sato," the doctor's voice suddenly sounded over the intercom.  Both Travis' and Trip's heads snapped up, looking around, and quickly saw Hoshi standing behind them.  Trip groaned as he caught the expression on Hoshi's face.  She had heard them talking about her, and she clearly wasn't happy about it.  How do I keep fucking this up? he asked himself.

"Hoshi!" Travis exclaimed, standing up as if to walk to her, but stopped at the cold look she gave him.  It killed him to see such anger from his best friend, and he sat back down with a slump in his shoulders. 

Hoshi quickly went to the com panel.  "Yes Doctor?" she bit out the words.

"Ensign, please come to sick bay immediately."

"I'll be right there," she answered, and stiffly left the mess hall.

Travis and Trip just looked at each other and sighed. 

Hoshi made her way to sickbay, alternating between wanting to scream and cry.  No one wants me here.  I don't belong here.  I should just leave… Yes.  Leave.  Come back to me. 

On some level, deep inside her, Hoshi knew that she was behaving irrationally, but that didn't seem to make a difference.  It was as if the cloud had enclosed her mind, twisting her emotions into chaos.  She had been able to shake off the cloud briefly the night before, but it had come back with a vengeance.  Come back to me.

She entered sickbay to see Phlox and the Captain deep in conversation.  "I didn't know this was going to be a conference," she announced, her tone sounding harsh even to her own ears.

Before the Captain could respond, Phlox smoothly stepped in.  "What I have discovered needs to be understood by both you and the Captain."  He motioned to the computer screen with an encouraging smile, and Hoshi grudgingly stepped forward.  After giving her a frown, Jon also stepped forward so that they were both flanking Phlox.

"What exactly are we looking at here, Doctor?" Jon asked, with a puzzled expression.

"On the left, you see an image of the brain-wave activity of an average human.  On the right, of a humanoid species with some psychic talents.  While there are some slight differences in physiology, the differences between these patterns are striking."  He paused as he indicated a particular section of the image.  "These elevated readings here are what corresponds to telepathic abilities."

"What's the point of all this?" Hoshi asked in an exasperated tone.  Again, circumventing a possibly harsh response from the Captain, Phlox stepped in.

"I believe it will become obvious in a moment," he replied with a smile.  "Let's now take a look at the recent scans I took of Ensign Sato."  He gave the two humans a moment as they processed the new image before them.  "As you can see, Ensign Sato's patterns show much in common with the telepath's." 

Phlox looked to Hoshi, trying to gauge how she was responding to this news, but her expression was impassive.  I AM a freak!  This confirms it! the thoughts screamed in her mind.

"How was this not noticed before?"  Jon asked the doctor, arms crossed in front of his chest, as it appeared that Hoshi was not going to speak. "Or is this a new situation?"

"Yes and no," Phlox answered.  "As you can see from an older examination, Ensign Sato's scans showed her to have some variations from the norm, but nothing to have been alarmed about.  It's possible she had been utilizing some very minor form of telepathy for a while now."  The doctor privately suspected that this may have been one of the reasons as to how Hoshi had been able to learn alien languages so quickly, but knew that this was not the best time to bring it up. "This heightened activity, however, appears to be a recent phenomenon, perhaps due to some stimulus."

"You mean Tarquin?" Jon asked, Hoshi flinching at the name.

"Most probably," Phlox responded.  He then turned to Hoshi. "Your headaches and dreams did begin after having been with the alien, isn't that correct?"  At Hoshi's slight nod, Phlox continued.  "Well, I think it would be foolish to discount this as mere coincidence.  Though, we should not overreact, either.  This could simply be a natural, latent ability that has begun to manifest in Ensign Sato.  For example, on Betazed—a planet Denobula has relations with—the developing of empathic abilities are a rite of…"

"Thank you, Doctor," the Captain interrupted.  "What are your current recommendations?

"I think it would be best if Hoshi has daily check-ups with me as I continue to research.  I will also continue to give her light sedatives for aid in sleeping, which should help in the short-term.  I believe that she can return to work, as long as she keeps to short shifts."  He had expected Hoshi to brighten up at this last piece of news, but she looked as withdrawn as ever.

Jon nodded at Phlox's words, but his attention was focused on his com officer.  What was happening to the bright and enthusiastic young woman of just a few weeks ago?  After Hoshi had been asked to be dismissed, Jon turned back to Phlox.

"Are you sure it's a good idea that she gets back to active duty?"

Phlox nodded, though it was clear that he was just as worried as the Captain.  "Yes.  I think it would do her good to interact with the rest of the crew.  I have noticed that she has been secluding herself more and more from others.  We need to keep her in as 'normal' a routine as possible."

"Fine, doctor," Jon responded.  "But we need to get to the bottom of this, and fast.  I'm counting on you."

Phlox nodded, and Jon noticed that this was one of the rare occasions that the doctor did not smile.