Return From Exile: Part 4

Lieutenant Reed piloted Shuttlepod 2 towards the ruins of an ancient temple complex on the planet below.  The planet was long-abandoned, but scans had shown that some of the ruins were emitting unusual energy readings.  Desperate to try and find some answers to the mystery that was the Expanse, Archer had ordered Trip to head an away team to gather information.  "Those spheres had to have been built by someone," he explained when Trip had complained about a 'god-damned waste of time.'

Hoshi sat in the shuttlepod, arms crossed over her chest and stared at a spot above Trip's head, ignoring the rest of the team in general, and Trip in particular.  She inwardly sighed as she thought of how awkward it was to be stuck with the chief engineer for the next few hours.  "We'll need your skills there to help the engineering team in deciphering the artifacts," Captain Archer had said to her.  "Besides," he had added, at her further complaints, "It'll be good for you to get some fresh air."  At least he wasn't abandoning her alone on this god-forsaken planet, she grumbled to herself.

It had been three days since Phlox's discovery about her freakish brain-waves, and Hoshi felt even more alone than she ever had before.  Who would want to be around her now?  They would want to be as far away from her as Tarquin's people had wanted to be from him.  Come back to me… You don't have to be alone… She closed her eyes against the thoughts and leaned back in her seat.

Trip watched Hoshi carefully, as this was one of the few times he had seen her since that disastrous episode with Travis in the mess hall.  She hadn't even tried to hide the fact that she was avoiding him: yesterday, he had been in the turbolift when the doors opened to a deck where Hoshi was waiting.  She had taken one cold look at him and stepped away from the open doors until they closed again.

He had tried approaching her, and he had even spoken to the Captain about his concerns, but Jon had told him in guarded tones to give Hoshi some space.  Trip had given a bitter laugh when he heard that—Hoshi was taking care of that all on her own.

Her utter rejection of him had hurt more than he had ever imagined it could.  It was all he could think about, to the point where his insomnia returned and the Vulcan techniques weren't effective.  As he looked at her small, fragile form, it was all he could do to keep from sweeping her into his arms and comforting her.  Like she would ever let you do that.  Face facts, she hates you. 

It had taken all of this drama for him to realize how much she meant to him.  The absence of her smiles and kind words only highlighted how much he had come to depend on them.  The absence of her tiny hand, occasionally touching his arm or shoulder, told him how important those small physical gestures were to his happiness.  His mouth dried as he stared at her perfect face.  Even with the shadows and marks of anxiety, she was still beautiful.  Had he ever told her that before?  Yet another regret, he thought to himself.

He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he hadn't even noticed when Malcolm had begun landing the shuttle.  He began to give assignments as the two other engineers, along with Hoshi, Malcolm and the MACO sergeant began to gather their supplies.  "Malcolm, you stay with Ensign Singh and Lieutenant Dominguez.  Sergeant Williams will stay with Hoshi and me."  Trip tried to ignore the pain he felt when Hoshi flinched at the groupings.  He knew she would be angry, but he couldn't help himself—in the back of his mind he kept hoping that she would eventually open up to him.

"Yes, Commander," Malcolm replied as he looked around with his usual caution at the windy landing site and gloomy sky.  "I know this planet is supposed to be abandoned, but I think it would be prudent for us to stay in close proximity as we explore the ruins," he stated in his usual, professional manner.

"Better safe than sorry, eh?" Trip asked, trying to force a grin on his face.  "Good point.  We'll check in with each other regularly, and don't be shy about calling for assistance."

With that, the two groups made their way among the ruins, examining the artifacts that were emitting the particular energy readings.  Whenever Trip asked Hoshi a question, her shoulders tightened and she answered in as few words as possible.  At one point, Sergeant Williams returned to the shuttlepod to get additional supplies, and Trip began to regret forcing Hoshi to be in his company.

Suddenly, the wind began to whip around them.  Trip looked up and saw storm clouds rapidly approaching.  He knew that a storm was going to hit hard and fast. After getting in touch with Malcolm, whose team was still fairly close to the shuttlepod where Sergeant Williams was, he turned his attention to his own situation.  "Hoshi?" he called out, and saw her about a hundred feet away, intently studying some inscriptions on a column.  He ran up to her and grabbed onto her shoulder.  She was startled out of her study and suddenly became aware of their surroundings.  "We need to get to some shelter fast, we don't have time to get to the shuttlepod!" he shouted to be heard above the wind.

He scanned the area and pointed towards a  small building across the courtyard that appeared to still be in decent condition.  They ran towards it, and had barely made it in when the storm hit.  Trip quickly appraised Malcolm of their situation; he decided it would be best for them to wait it out and told the Englishman to inform Enterprise.

He turned to where Hoshi was sitting, farther into the structure, and his heart ached at seeing how exhausted she appeared.  He pulled a blanket out of his pack.  "We might be here for a little while," he said as gently as possible as he handed the blanket to her.  "Why don't you try and get some rest?"

She looked at him suspiciously before finally taking the blanket.  Rolling herself up in it, she curled into a tight ball on the ground.  Trip sighed and sat against the wall, watching Hoshi's back.

Hoshi's steady breathing told Trip that she had managed to fall asleep, and for that he was grateful.  He soon become lost in his own thoughts—trying to figure out when Hoshi's happiness had begun to matter so much to him—when he was brought crashing back to their present situation by Hoshi's desperate moaning.

He quickly made his way to her side, where she lay tossing and turning, her loose hairs sticking to the sweat on her neck and forehead.  She was moaning and mumbling incoherently.  After a moment of caution, he gave into his desire to hold her in his arms.  She didn't wake, and he tried to soothe her with soft words, as one hand rubbed soft circles onto her back and the other hand smoothed her hair back.  He touched as much of her face as he could, knowing that this might be the only chance he would get to feel her next to him. "Shhh.  Shhh, my darlin," he repeated over and over, but it didn't seem to help.  Hoshi suddenly let out a deep gasp and awoke.

They sat frozen for a moment, staring into each other's eyes, when she suddenly scrambled away from him, as if his touch were poison.  "What the hell were you doing?" she yelled at him.

Even if she had stabbed him, he wasn't sure it could hurt worse than the disgust and fury her words and expression held.  He put up his hands as if in surrender.  "Hosh!  You were having a nightmare, that's all.  You need to calm down."

"Calm down?" Hoshi yelled as she stood up, backing away from him.  "Why?  Because I'm too stressed out?  Too out of control?" she continued to yell, her eyes gleaming darkly.  "What happens if I don't?  Are you just going to leave me here, to rot alone?  I know that's what you all want—to leave the freak behind!"

Trip was completely stunned by her outburst.  What the hell is going on here?  He quickly stood and rushed to her, grabbing onto her arms and holding them against her sides.  "Hoshi, you need to get a hold of yourself."

When she began to struggle against him, he shook her slightly.  He was scared of hurting her, but at this rate, he was more scared of her hurting herself. 

"What do you care?" she screamed at him, her face red, and twisted into a cruel caricature of the woman he cared about.  "What am I to you, just someone to pity and talk about behind my back?  You and Travis, the Captain and Phlox, you're all the same!  You just want to get rid of me!"

He tightened his grip on her arms as she began to shove against his chest.  He was practically beside himself as he tried to get through to her.  "What are you talking about, darlin?  We all care about you; we're worried about you, that's all!"

Some of his words began to pierce the cloud that had settled on her mind, a small, tiny voice screamed at her that he was telling the truth, but it was quickly smothered.  He's lying.  They don't care about you.  I need you.  Come back to me.  Hoshi suddenly remembered Trip leaving T'Pol's quarters, and all of her hurt and jealousy flared to the surface.

"Oh right, worried!  I'm sure it's keeping you up nights.  Why should you care?  You've got T'Pol!"

"T'Pol?" he repeated, his confused brain trying to process her accusation amidst the insanity of the situation. "What are you talking about?  We're friends, that's all."

"Friends," she spat out as she continued to struggle against him.  "That's some definition you have there.  And what am I?  A charity case?  Someone too weak and pathetic to take care of herself?"

"Hoshi!  You know that's not true!"  This time he really did shake her, trying to snap her out of her frenzy.  "None of us think of you like that.  We value you, darlin, we need you.  Deep down you know how much we care about you!" 

He sighed in relief as she began to calm down.   She looked up into his face, and a glimmer of rationality began to surface in her eyes.  "It's true," he said to her.  "We care...  I care," he whispered the last to her, his heart in his voice and in his eyes.

Hoshi relaxed in his arms, and he was just about to release her, when she suddenly tensed.  "NO!  He lies!" she shouted, her voice not even sounding like her own.  "He lies to you!  No one cares for you, not here!  No one will ever care for you like I do!" she continued to shout, spittle spraying from her lips as she pushed Trip away with abnormal strength.  "Come back to me!  I love you!" she yelled in agony, just as Trip managed to grasp her shoulder.  She gave one, final terrifying scream, and passed out in his arms.

With tears in his eyes, he carefully lowered her to the floor.  His heart ached as he saw how pale and lifeless she appeared. It was still storming outside, but he knew he had to get her back to Enterprise.  He couldn't give up on her, not now.  Not when he had just realized that he loved her.