A/N: To Becka, Julia, and Ali: Keep writing or else I'll be one sad girl. Also, to Marissa. Just because she's wonderful. Thanks for the feedback. Reviews are always a joy.

Chapter Twelve

"You will be on your best behavior today," Luke stated, looking down at his nephew.

"Yes," Jess said, bored with this constant prodding. He turned a page in his book to show his disinterest, only infuriating Luke further.

"You will be polite and silent around Lorelai."

"Yes."

"You will help Sookie if she asks, and you will tell her that the food is delicious. In fact, you've never had a better meal."

"Yes," Jess enunciated forcefully.

"You will actually stay for the dinner."

Instead of an immediate response, Jess picked up a discarded notebook off of the coffee table, and took a pen out of his back pocket. He hastily scrawled something onto a blank page, before ripping it out and holding it up with his left hand. With his right, he brought his novel back up to eye-level to continue reading.

"Jess."

With a flick of his wrist, he caused the paper to bounce up and down. Luke glared at the handwriting:

Y-E-S

"Just be good today, okay?"

Jess shook his wrist.

"It's Christmas Eve. You don't want to be the guy who ruined Christmas, do you?"

The piece of paper nodded.

"You're not even listening." Luke ripped the sheet out of his hand, and crumpled it up before launching it at him. It bounced off his head, causing Jess to finally look up, annoyed.

"Child abuse."

"You're nineteen." Luke paused, noticing the title of Jess's book. "In age. In maturity, it's still undecided. Are you reading Alice in Wonderland?"

"I'm trying to recapture my lost youth." Luke raised an eyebrow, eyeing him suspiciously. "Christmas is making me nostalgic. It makes me wish I had a better childhood, a better life."

"We're leaving," Luke said, turning around and heading for the door.

"Come on, Uncle Luke, I just want to be loved!"

The door slammed behind him, leaving Jess smirking on the couch. He threw down his copy of the satirical version of the classic tale, and went straight to his dresser. He opened the top drawer, and removed a small wrapped package. Carefully, he turned it over in his hands, debating whether or not to drop it back inside and forget its existence, or take it with him today. It was ridiculous the amount of thinking he was putting into this.

The door was suddenly thrown open, startling him. Luke popped his head in, and quickly, Jess stuffed the gift into his jacket pocket.

"Are you coming?" Luke asked.

"Yeah," Jess responded, shutting the drawer. "Let's go."

----

It was painfully obvious that not only was Lorelai not expecting Jess, she was disappointed that Luke had brought him. Jess wasn't entirely sure how he had caught onto this. It was either some freaky kind of sixth sense he had developed from spending too much time in the small town, or the way Lorelai's smile completely dissolved when she opened the door. So much for the general holiday rule: the more, the merrier.

"O—oh," Lorelai faltered. "You brought Jess too."

"Of course I did," Luke answered.

"I just figured you'd need someone to watch the diner."

"It's closed. We don't exactly get a lot of customers on Christmas Eve."

"Right, right. I'm just surprised, I wasn't expecting him. I had a list of people, and everything. Went through it twice. Kind of like Santa does. Except I wasn't checking who's been naughty or nice. Just who was coming."

Jess tilted his head down to study the carpet fibers, trying his best not to lash out. He had said he'd be good today. Lorelai, once she got over her initial annoyance, would probably behave as well.

"I told you he was coming. You were too busy worshiping Davey to fully listen," Rory said, coming up from behind her mother.

"I did no — Oh. Well, if there's not enough food to feed him, it's your fault," Lorelai conceded.

"He can pick off of my plate." Rory reached forward, much to Jess's surprise, and grabbed his wrist to pull him into a different section of the house. "You won't even notice he's here," she called over her shoulder.

The pair disappeared into the kitchen, and then headed into Rory's room. As soon as Jess was sure they were out of earshot, he shot her a look and asked, "What the hell is wrong with your mom?"

"No, bad, don't start this. She's just a little wary of you coming over. Last time you were here for something like this…"

"Two years ago. Two," he said, holding his hands up in the universal peace sign for emphasis.

"She just wants everything to be good and happy and enjoyable. She really likes Christmas."

"Apparently everyone here in Whoville does."

"Why don't you like Christmas? Why must you be the anti-everything-that-is-good-and-happy boy?" She asked, sitting down on her bed.

"It takes less energy to be apathetic," he explained. "What time are we eating?"

"I'm sorry, do you care when dinner is?"

"No, I'm just trying to calculate the soonest time I can leave without pissing Luke off."

"You're such a liar. You're glad you're here. Free food, forced conversation, awkward pleasantries with people you hardly ever speak to… what could be more fun?" He shot her an annoyed look and she smiled. "Feel free to hide in here. Easy access, it's right off the kitchen."

He sat down onto the bed next to her, leaving enough room so they weren't physically touching. But they were close. Close enough. "Voluntary hiding me? I thought you were going to shove me headfirst into the Christmas cheer."

"I just want tonight to be good."

He turned his head to catch her eye. "It will be."

They both looked at each other, slowly transitioning from polite eye contact to an all out staring contest, both daring the other to look away first. For once, she was able to keep a blush out of her cheeks, a usual side affect from having his gaze on her for too long. Instead, she felt the flutter again, the one that had caught her by surprise in the bookstore the weekend before. It had been happening more and more lately, when she saw him, spoke to him… thought about him.

She found herself wanting to him to lean forward, and close the gap. She just wanted to remember what it was like.

He wanted the same thing. He probably would have done it too; every inch of him was pulsating, trying to get him to move toward her. But he held back, unsure, remembering the last time he had tried, she had brushed him off. He didn't want it to happen again.

She tilted her head forward slightly, her hand sweeping close to his thigh, before she quickly looked down at her lap.

"I need to ask you a favor," she announced.

The disappointment didn't register on his face, but he felt it. He didn't like this uncertainty, this constant heavy question of maybe. It followed the both of them around, the elephant in the room whenever they hung out. It was better than before, however. At least now he knew they were headed somewhere.

"Does it involve moving?"

Her mouth twisted into a pout. "It involves standing up and walking, so try not to strain yourself."

"I didn't agree to —"

"Lane and Dave are going to be here in an hour," she interrupted. "When they arrive, I'm going to bring Lane out onto the porch so we can wait for Sookie."

"Why don't you wait in the house? It's freezing outside."

"I want to be the first to greet her."

"You can when she rings the doorbell."

"Why are you complicating this?"

"Complicating what?" He asked with a hint of exasperation.

"A couple of minutes later, I want you to bring Dave out onto the porch."

"Like carry him?"

"Yes, I want a full out newlyweds walking into the honeymoon suite kind of scene. Of course, not carry. Just invite him out on the porch."

"Why?"

"Because I asked you to."

"How am I supposed to get him out on said porch?"

"I don't know. You're a guy. He's a guy."

"And therefore we have identical thoughts."

"Please?"

"Do I ever get to know the reason behind the madness?"

"Later."

----

"So on a scale of one to ten, how much are you suffering?" Luke asked as his nephew plunked down next to him on the couch.

"This isn't so bad," Jess confided. "I saw Lorelai a little while ago, and she didn't scowl or glare. It was more of a blank, do-I-know-you look?"

"Yeah, well just wait. Jackson isn't here yet."

"So?"

"He's the guy that talks to his fruit."

"You talk to your burgers," Jess pointed out.

"No, I don't."

"I've heard you. You swear at them. Threaten them with sharp objects."

"On a rare occasion when I burn myself, I sometimes take my frustration out on the meat. But that's it."

"Sure," Jess nodded, sounding entirely unconvinced.

"You talk to yourself in the mirror."

"I do not."

Luke leaned forward slightly, bringing his fingers to his baseball cap-less head. He pretended to swish his hair which would have amused the hell out of Jess if it hadn't been a gesture to insult him.

"That's right, stay just like that. No one will ever guess it took me two hours to get this just rolled out of bed look…"

"You're making that up," Jess accused. "It's Christmas. Aren't we supposed to have some kind of temporary truce going on?"

"No, that was the German and the British. They had fewer issues to work out."

The pair lapsed into a silence, watching the unfamiliar program on TV. It wasn't long before Lorelai appeared in front of them, blocking the screen. Both men looked up at her with guilty expressions. She folded her arms across her chest.

"Maybe if we stay really still she won't notice us," Jess stage whispered.

"Lorelai, do you need help in the kitchen?"

"Are you kidding? I'm an independent, self-sufficient woman. I can manage preparing the appetizers. I mean, they're appetizers."

"Having trouble with the pigs in a blanket?" Luke asked.

"They won't roll right!" Lorelai declared, throwing her arms up in the air. "Whenever I try to roll them, they come out all deformed like mutant mini-hot dogs! It's ridiculous. And Rory's no help. She just points and laughs while she slices the cheese. Yeah, she gets the easy job."

"Would you like some help?" Luke offered.

"Um, no?"

Luke stood up and headed off to kitchen, Lorelai on his tail. She kept mumbling her thanks mixed in with an assurance that she could have handled it if the dough hadn't been against her from the start.

Seconds later, the doorbell rang, the sound pulling Rory into the living room. She swept by Jess and opened the door to reveal Dave and Lane, cheeks flushed from the cold. Hellos were exchanged, as the three moved further into the house. Lane and Dave both went to remove their coats, but Rory quickly put a stop to it.

"Lane, do you want to wait outside with me for Sookie?"

"Outside? But there's snow on the ground. Snow equals cold, it's common sense."

"I've been slaving away in a hot kitchen," Rory explained, "I have the need to freeze."

"And you're bringing me down with you?"

"She'll be here soon," Rory assured her. "And if you start turning unnatural bluish colors, we'll head back in."

Rory grabbed her coat off the hook, and shot Jess a look as she headed out the door. Dave, standing off to the side, decided to take a seat on the couch. Both boys sat quietly for a moment, Dave twiddling his thumbs, Jess staring hard at the television set. An unpleasant tight feeling hung in the air, an uncomfortable sign that they needed a familiar face to balance them out.

"So this isn't awkward at all," Dave blurted out.

His voice seemed to startle Jess, snapping him out of his trance. He quickly looked over at him, almost as if he was surprised to see him there. He then turned back to the screen.

"This shouldn't be so weird. We've hung out together before."

"There were mostly other people around. Rory, Lane… the rest of the band," Jess said.

"But we've exchanged words."

"Mostly hellos," Jess clarified.

"Ah."

"Sometimes you asked how I was."

"And how are you?"

"Fine," Jess stated.

"Just fine? You don't want to elaborate or anything…"

"Nope."

"Feeling sick? Maybe really happy? Angry? Have you gotten into a fight recently? It might help to get some of the anger out."

Jess abruptly stood up. "I think I'm gonna go out on the porch for a smoke. Do you want to come too?" He offered remembering Rory's bizarre request. "Get some fresh air?"

Dave shot him a confused look. "Did you hear what you just said?"

"Are you coming?"

"Yeah, okay, let's go outside where there are more… talkative people."

A moment later, they emerged out on the porch, clad in their coats. They immediately spotted the girls leaning against opposite poles of the stairway that led down to the yard. Rory paused in mid-conversation and smiled at them as they came closer, happy that Jess had actually followed directions for once.

"We thought it would be a good idea to get frostbite too," Dave explained as he and Jess came to a stop near the girls, pretty much standing under the archway themselves.

"You're right, it is pretty cold out here. I think Jess and I are going to head inside," Rory said, gripping Jess's arm, ready to guide him back to the house.

He looked up from his pocket where he had been digging for his pack of cigarettes, shooting her a baffled look. But before she could take a step, Lane gave Dave a gentle push and both began to head across the porch.

"No, no, you should wait for Sookie," Lane suggested. "Hey, is that a mistletoe hanging up there?"

Rory frowned at her best friend while Jess tilted his head up. Yup, definitely a mistletoe.

"I didn't even notice that!" Lane said, overly exaggerating her shock. "You both know the tradition, right?"

"Lane…" Rory began.

"We're just going to head inside," Lane said, and both she and Dave disappeared into the house.

"I can't believe she did that," Rory stated as Jess leaned back against the pillar across from her. "I was supposed to get Lane under here!" Jess raised his eyebrows, an amused expression lighting up his face. "You know what I mean. Lane and Dave!"

"Looks like your plan backfired on you."

"She wasn't supposed to know about that," Rory pouted, pointing upwards. She continued on, almost as an afterthought, "Don't worry about this whole thing, it's just a stupid tradition."

"Stupid tradition? That's blasphemy. Not following tradition in this town is like the same as kicking a dog. A malnourished, three-legged dog."

"That's a good point," she agreed, studying him.

She felt a tingle in the back of her throat, as a lull fell over them both. It turned into an infinite stretch of time, reminiscent of the way they had both stared wordlessly at each other almost two years ago at Sookie's wedding. She could sense the same ambiguous question and the wild excitement that had been barely kept at bay by the logic in her head. But in the end, her heart had given in, allowing her to break through her uncertainty and kiss him. There was nothing that should have been holding her back, like there had been then. They had both danced around each other for months now, exchanging harsh words that were always laced with a bitter kind of regret. Neither of them had wanted the relationship to self-destruct, or for them to continue on in this immature manner. But in the end, despite everything that had happened… maybe it had all been worth it.

His right hand carefully slid into her left, their fingers intertwining. His thumb brushed over her knuckles, sending a shockwave of goosebumps up her arm; she was left shivering inside her jacket. She took a step forward, and lightly touched his cheek, taking a moment to savor this, him. They were both slow to close the final gap. Each of them was much too used to the dull routine of walking on egg shells, neither wanting to ruin the fragile structure they had built. It kept breaking over and over again, and they'd have to lower themselves to pick up the pieces, trying to fit it all back together. It was tiring and stressful, and eventually, they'd give up, unable to find the connection that had brought them together in the first place.

It happened though. Jess took a chance and dipped his head down, initiating a timid kiss; he felt like warm air on her lips. She slid her hand around the back of his neck to pull him closer, and he complied, suddenly dropping her hand and wrapping his arms around her back. She squeezed her eyes shut, allowing the feelings she had been suppressing to flood through her, welcoming them back. It was almost too much, this familiarity and comfort around him that she had only been getting in small doses for the past few weeks. But she recognized this, the way the heat spread through her slowly, a warm shudder flitting through her body, and the way she couldn't breathe. The way she could get used to this again.

She pulled away and squirmed in his arms, mistakenly sending him the wrong message. His grip became tighter as he pulled her flat against him, melding them together.

"There are only two directions you can go," he mumbled, his voice low. "In the house and down the street. Either way, I'm coming after you."

"I'm not going anywhere," she promised.

She kissed him again, this time parting her lips to allow him further access. She wanted more, she wanted to remember all of this, the way he had made her feel before everything fell apart. That was the problem, really. She so often got caught him in the hurt that came after their deterioration that she had trouble letting him in now. She didn't want that anymore.

His hand traveled up her back, curling around her neck, before findings its way into her hair. A small sound, almost like a muffled gasp, escaped from her mouth, enticing him. He couldn't believe she had finally surrendered, allowing this to happen. He wasn't one to stop and question this though.

Once again, she pulled away, this time taking a full step back, causing his arms to fall back to his sides. Her fingers were tapping her lips, almost tracing them, as she studied the wooden steps to the right of her. For a full second, he thought she was going to take off, and leave him alone and confused on the porch, needing more. But then she glanced up at him, a half-smile on her face, eyeing him curiously. She wanted to speak, but she couldn't find a single thing to say.

Finally, she managed to get out, "We should get back inside."

He deflated at her words, but somehow the disappointment didn't completely penetrate him. She was still smiling. She seemed shy now, sweetly cautious around him. He liked this. The kiss had meant something; she was as affected by it as he was.

He nodded and followed her inside, walking a step too close. When she was a couple of inches from the door, she stopped, and he nearly bumped into her. She paused, her hand on the doorknob, a wonderful hum beginning in her chest, as she reveled in his close proximity. He touched her shoulder, and she nearly jumped out of her skin.

Quickly, she opened the door and both stepped inside to find Lorelai, Luke, Lane, and Dave situated around the living room, talking.

"Rory!" Lorelai exclaimed, and she jumped again. Jess bit back a smirk. "Did you know that Luke is the King of Mini Hot Dogs? He swears he isn't, but if you had seen the way he rolled the dough… We should be honored to be in his presence."

"Should I curtsy?" Rory asked, moving further inside.

"Your mother has this problem of taking small things and blowing them so completely out of proportion that even I begin to think it was actually important," Luke said.

"It's a bad habit," Lorelai agreed. "The king speaks the truth."

"And there we go," Luke muttered.

"You guys were out there a long time," Lane pointed out, obviously pleased with herself.

"We were waiting to see who would turn blue first," Jess explained. "I won."

"Sookie here yet?" Lorelai asked.

"Nope," Rory answered, slipping off her coat. She took Jess's as well and hung his up on a hook, before placing hers over it.

"Hey, do you think you could go and check on those hot dog things? And maybe bring in the appetizers? Mommy would do it but she's tired from all the cooking she's done," Lorelai said.

"Yeah, I'm sure hovering behind Luke was hard work." Rory turned to Jess. "Help me?"

"Sure," he nodded, following her into the kitchen.

"What was that?" Luke asked. "She asked him once, and off he went. I have to throw objects at his head before he'll pay attention let alone follow orders."

In the adjacent armchair, Lane did her best to hide her smile.

Rory went straight for the table as she entered the kitchen. Jess stopped by her side as she surveyed the plates, trying to figure out what to take in first. He kept his eyes on her face, mentally tracing the scope of her jaw, the curve of her lips. He wanted to touch her again.

"Could you grab —" She cut herself off when she looked up at him. "Are you staring at me?"

"Nope."

"Don't."

"I'm not."

Thoughts of the food left her head, as she began to stare herself. She inched forward. "Can we go somewhere and talk?"

"Yeah," he nodded.

He went to kiss her again, but was interrupted by a loud bang in the living room and the chatter of two people entering the kitchen. Rory drew away, startled, watching as Sookie teetered, trying to balance several plates at once. She managed to get them on the counter before anything could drop. Jackson entered behind her, Davey in his arms.

"Hi, sweetie," Sookie chirped cheerfully. "I'd suggest getting those appetizers inside soon. Lorelai has started to threaten violence, and she's sitting awfully close to Luke."

"Right, of course," Rory said turning back to the table.

She and Jess both carried several plates inside, setting them on the coffee table. Rory was about to lead Jess off into her room so they could speak privately, but was distracted before she could. Lorelai, while simultaneously popping food into her mouth, turned to her daughter.

"Sookie's here, and now the real work begins," Lorelai announced.

"We have to help her? Is that allowed?" Rory asked, hoping that it wasn't.

"She needs help getting back into the swing of things. There's also the small possibility that the table isn't set yet."

"You were supposed to do that this morning."

"I forgot?" Lorelai shrugged.

She trudged off and Rory followed, shooting Jess an apologetic look. 'Later', she mouthed and he nodded. He turned back to the remaining people in the room to find Lane openly staring at him. She had caught the glances. Immediately, she sprang up and hurried off into the kitchen, most likely to corner Rory. Jess took her previously occupied spot on the armchair.

Dave looked around the room, pausing on Luke and Jess who were both staring at anything that wasn't a living, breathing person.

"So," Dave began, "this isn't awkward at all."

----

"…And I've decided that I'm more likely to scale some real big mountain than actually surf. It was a complete disaster."

Jess leaned forward, his smirk bordering on a full blown smile. "You followed a cliché, it's your own fault. Just because you moved to California, does not mean you have to be a surfer."

"But I had to try. It's like this known rule," Dave explained. "You can't see it, but it's in fine print on the 'Welcome to California' sign."

"You stay away from the beach now? Hiding your non-surfacing face?"

"God, no. The beaches there are awesome. They're always crawling with people. At my school, you can tell the good students from the slackers by how dark their tans are."

"How's college down there?" Jess asked, somehow turning into an avid listener to Dave's stories. He had this biting curiosity that kept pushing him to ask more. He just needed to know what was down there, what he was missing.

"Same as up here, I guess," Dave said. "Just more 90210."

"Two dimensional people with overly dramatic problems?"

"Nope. I was referring to the way people always seem to be half dressed. Hey, have you ever seen the O.C.?"

"Nope."

"Oh. Well if you do… it's nothing like that."

"Right."

"It really is nice down there, but I miss here too."

"You ever think about moving back?" Jess asked, his interest now at its peak.

"Sometimes, but I don't think I would. California is like this whole new experience that I'm so glad that I went for. The change was good."

Good? Huh.

Luke came back into the room, a relatively frightened expression on his face. "All women are insane," he announced, sitting down on the couch, fracturing the former conversation.

"Bad experience in the kitchen?" Jess inquired.

"Sookie almost stabbed me. Three times. Lorelai just missed me with gravy, and Rory walked straight into me right after Lorelai said she didn't have to help anymore. I could have been killed."

"Are they almost done in there?" It had been over an hour since Rory had disappeared in there. He wanted to have their promised conversation; he wanted to know where they stood.

"Lorelai seems tired, but Sookie and Rory are in psycho cooking mode."

"Rory is? Are you sure you didn't get her confused with… anyone that's not her?"

"I'm positive."

Minutes later, Lorelai and Lane entered the living room and threw themselves onto the couch.

"I like it when people cook delicious food for me to eat. I don't like to help," Lane pouted.

"The little red hen would be disappointed in you," Dave piped up.

Suddenly, Sookie appeared at Lorelai's side, looking rather distraught. "I've been kicked out of my own kitchen."

"Rory kicked you out?" Lorelai asked, surprised.

"Not literally, but emotionally. I asked her to cut the tomatoes for the salad, and the next thing I know, she's stirring the pots, and adding salt to the mashed potatoes."

"Ew," Lorelai commented.

"She's gone commando chef. I thought she didn't like cooking," Sookie said.

Jess felt a pounding in his chest, the uneasy feeling of his heart falling. Oh god. She was hiding in the kitchen. She was avoiding him.

"I'll be right back," Jess said, standing up.

"If she has a knife, I'd run," Luke suggested.

Jess brushed past him and into the kitchen, and found Rory standing in front of the stove, stirring the soup. He walked up behind her, and gently touched her shoulder, leaning into her. Immediately, she dropped the spoon and sidestepped him, moving to the refrigerator. He took a sharp breath, and watched as she removed the lettuce.

"Rory, what are you doing?"

"Making the salad," she explained as she opened a drawer, searching for a knife.

"That's not what I meant."

"Well, you're going to have to be a little more clear with what you mean."

He could hear a small amount of anger in her voice, and his stomach turned. "Damn it. Rory," he snapped, grabbing her elbow. He spun her around, his grip tightening.

"You're mad."

"You're the one who looks mad," she said.

"This is unbelievable. I can't…" He trailed off, and turned around, pulling her behind him.

"Hey, I have to make sure that doesn't burn!" She exclaimed, gesturing toward the oven.

He slammed into her room, and shut the door behind the both of them.

"Okay, what is it?"

"What's what?" She asked, annoyed.

"Which lie? Which memory? Is it from last spring or is something more recent? Which bad thing that I did and apparently didn't repent for are you remembering now?"

She stared up at him, her mouth a thin line, unmoving.

"Rory, you can't keep doing this. I can't keep doing it. I don't know what you want from me. We can't be friends one second, yelling at each other the next. You cannot kiss me back and then just…"

Still, she kept quiet. Frustrated, he turned around and muttered a 'forget it' as he headed for the door.

"I heard you talking to Dave," she said quietly.

Jess spun around, confused. "So?"

"It's not often that you get so caught up in a conversation."

"Rory…" He began, catching on. "We've been over this. I told you, I'm not go —"

"Going anywhere?" She finished for him. "You already did. You… You just don't understand what it was like to sit down next to you on that bus, and listen to you tell me you were leaving. That's it, Jess. There's no lie or stupid thing that you did that I'm holding against you. It's just that."

"No, you can't do that," he insisted. "I already said…"

"No," she said. "That wasn't something that could just be fixed with an 'I'm sorry'. Do you have any idea how you made me feel? It was like I didn't mean anything to you."

"Whoa, Rory." He couldn't believe this.

"Did our relationship mean that little to you?" She asked, her blood boiling as she remembered glancing up and finding him, never suspecting that he was… "I understood why you were leaving, Jess. I get it, I know, but what I don't understand is how you could just leave me without a word. We dated for over half a year! And then just like that, it was over and you didn't even have the decency to tell me."

"Rory," he began again. He didn't know what to say to this, to fix this.

"You made me feel like I was just another girl that you wouldn't think about a week from now. I thought you wanted to be with me as much I wanted to be with you, but I was obviously wrong if you couldn't even manage a goodbye. It was like you didn't care."

"Rory… I, Jesus, if I didn't care, I wouldn't have stayed."

"If you did care, you wouldn't have tried to leave."

He felt real, solid guilt at this. It was almost ironic the way she felt. He had often felt like he didn't mean anything to her, like he was just another guy that she could quickly get over. But didn't the past few months prove anything to her? He had worked so hard to repair them, yet she couldn't get past this one mistake that he had made.

He didn't know how to tell her, explain that she had meant so much to him that he simply couldn't do a goodbye. He had been afraid she would keep him there, and well… look at the result. He had stayed for her. It wasn't enough though, what he did for her, the idea of what he had given up. She needed to hear it.

"I'm sorry," he said. "You know I am."

"Sometimes when I see you, I think about how you shouldn't be here right now. That really, you should be three thousand miles away. I think about how different it would be, and how it wouldn't hurt so much. You don't understand how much it hurt."

"Rory, you don't…" He paused, swallowing the fear. "I love you."

Her eyes widened but his words fell flat. She was too angry, too blind. She was thinking too much about the past, stuck there, reliving it. "Don't say things you don't mean," she snapped. "Trust me, it doesn't help."

She walked around him and out the door, leaving him standing alone in her room. He stared straight ahead at where she had just been. It was a switch flipped quickly, an immediate metamorphosis from guilt to anger. He let the emotion fill his body, overflowing with it. He had to do that first, before the pain could get in. He couldn't believe that she had… she had actually said… she had thought…

She didn't believe him.

He made a sharp turn and followed her previous trail out the door. He entered the living room where everyone was gathered. They all watched him as he moved past them without a word, heading straight for the front door.

"Jess," Luke called out. "Jess."

Ignoring him, Jess slammed the door behind him, and sucked into a deep breath of the frigid air. He began a silent walk home, relieved to be out of that house.

Inside, Luke looked over at Rory who had perched herself on the armrest of the couch next to her mother. He stared for several seconds, but she refused to budge. She wouldn't meet his eyes.