A/N:  Meep.  Sorry for the long wait.  I had a bit of a block.  Thanks so much for the fantastic feedback I received on the last chapter.  I so appreciate the kind and helpful words.  And thanks to Mai for being a wonderful art goddess and a groovy friend.

(For Becka and Lee)

Chapter Fourteen

Absently, she tugged on the silver chain she wore around her neck, her fingertips brushing against the small charm that hung in the middle.  The metal was warm against her skin, sometimes to the point where it felt like a slow burn, a feeling she had long ago begun to associate with him.  Once in a while, she glanced at the mirror, lifting the necklace to check that it hadn't left a scorched imprint behind.  But she always found herself unmarred, and let the chain fall back into place.  It was real, she came to realize.  It was probably expensive too.  It was beautiful and undeniably simple, and already she was emotionally attached.

The necklace slipped out of her grasp, as she removed another book from the box, returning to the task at hand.  For the past hour, she had been sitting in the middle of her bedroom floor, tearing the last year of her life apart.  These were all the small details, the trivial objects of each month:  books, CDs, tickets to the movies or concerts.  There were smaller trinkets, like the miniature umbrella she had asked to be put in her coke at a restaurant, and the small, plastic monkey that had hung from Jess's fancy drink.  She had always been a packrat, and in this moment, she never regretted it more.

There was so much spread out on the carpet around her.  All the little things, taken from one box prepared to enter another.  They all seemed so arbitrary now, meaningless and ridiculous for being kept for so long.  But each had a past attached, a story to tell, or a kiss to remember.  They all came with these permanent impressions, faint tugs on the heartstrings.  It was why it all had to go.  It was time.

Flipping through the worn paperback, her eyes were met with his untidy handwriting shoved into most of the margins.  Her memory failed her now.  She could not remember the original owner of most of the books she pulled out.  His notes dusted over the pages did nothing to provide a clue.  He had never really shown regard for others' personal property, so it could have belonged to either of them.  Letting out a resigned sigh, she dropped it into the new box.  It didn't matter anymore; he could have it. 

Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted her mother hovering by the doorway.  Lorelai had taken a few steps inside, but for the most part, seemed hesitant to approach her daughter.  She was too busy studying her, trying to figure out what exactly she was watching.

"Rory?"

"Yeah?"  She didn't look up.

"I just happened to pass the hallway closet.  The closet that we rarely ever venture into.  The closet full of all the junk that we refuse to throw away, but also don't want lying around.  The closet that should be marked with yellow tape that reads 'Hazardous'."

"I know of this closet."

"Well… it was open."

"Yes."

"Oh, so you noticed too?" Lorelai asked.  "Because there was a box taken from the top shelf.  It was just sitting in the doorway, open and alone."

"That's because we don't label things and I couldn't tell which was which."

"Right, right," Lorelai nodded.  "So you were looking for something?"

"Yes."

"And you found it?"

"Yes."

This was like pulling teeth.  The aforementioned something was sitting right here in front of Rory, and yet she wasn't explaining.  Lorelai had already figured out what had been taken down.  She knew it as soon as she saw the closest door ajar.  Thinking back to last night, and the way Rory had acted after she came home… well, it wasn't hard to put two and two together.

"You have a second box," Lorelai commented.

"I needed another one."

"For the emotional baggage?"

Rory finally glanced up.  Lorelai was surprised to find her daughter's eyes wide, brimming with a sharp kind of hurt.  Her motherly instinct immediately heightened, and she took a seat on the floor in one of the few empty spaces.

"Rory, is this your Jess box?"

"I'm trying to separate my stuff from his," she answered, although it was for the wrong question.  "All his stuff goes into this new box," she gestured over to it, "and all of my stuff that relates to him goes back in the old one.  And then the old one goes back into the closest."

Lorelai frowned as she listened.  Rory had spoken in a very matter of fact tone of voice, as if this whole thing was some sort of set plan complete with structure and rules.  She had put thought into this; she had done her best to fully figure this out.

"And the new box?" Lorelai asked, prodding her along.

"Goes to Jess."

"Right."

"At the end of a relationship, you return the other person's belongings.  Not only is it polite, but it helps with the healing process and moving on," Rory recited.  Every word that came out of her mouth sounded like textbook knowledge.

"Honey, hasn't it been the end of the relationship for a while?  You guys broke up back in…"

"June," Rory filled in for her.  "I know, I can't believe I didn't think to do it then.  I guess I just thought…"  She trailed off, dropping the pile of CDs she held into the new box.  Then, she simply let her hands fall into her lap.  "I don't know.  I wasn't thinking, I guess," she said, her voice losing the robotic tone.  She sniffed back what Lorelai thought were tears, although she saw no solid evidence to back this up. 

"It's alright if you wanted to get back together," Lorelai reassured her.  "You and Jess… well, ah, you and Jess were close, closer… you kind of had a good thing going at first."

"You hated Jess, shouldn't you be happy about this?"

"Happy about my daughter being upset?"

"I'm not upset," Rory snapped, contradicting her appearance.

"Look, I may not have liked him.  I may have even strongly, strongly disliked him," she continued, doing her best not to use the word 'hate', "but he made you happy.  When you broke up, yes I was relieved because by that point, you were miserable with him.  But if I thought you two could be together again while not being completely miserable, I would be, uh, that thing where you smile a lot and try to feel good for the other person, uh…"

"Fake happiness?"

"Yes!  Thank you, you read my mind."

"It's not going to happen."

"What brought all this on?" Lorelai inquired, fishing for details of last night's events.  Something serious must have happened for Rory to be this adamant about the end.

"He said he didn't want me.  Not anymore."

Lorelai, channeling the spirit of something much like a goldfish, opened and closed her mouth dumbly.  The words stung her, despite being directed at someone else.

"He really said that?" she finally managed to get out.

"Doesn't matter," Rory shrugged.  "It's over.  Really, really over."

"I'm sorry, babe," Lorelai said quietly, moving a little closer.

"It's been a long time coming.  We've been breaking up over and over again for the past few months.  It's just…"  She paused, her voice cracking.  "I just didn't realize it could hurt this bad."

"Oh, honey…" 

Lorelai held out her arms and Rory climbed into them, tears slipping down her face; she cried into her mother's shoulder.

----

Rory waited until the next day to seek out Jess, letting one day of silence pass between them so she could ready herself, and he could (hopefully) cool off.  She wanted their meeting to be amicable, and to leave her with some sense of closure.  She no longer had hope that they'd figure each other out and move forward; she just wanted a peaceful acceptance.  Besides, they had already had a couple of second chances, and she was positive that they had never panned out thanks to her pent-up emotion.

It was late morning when she headed to the diner.  The sun was bright, melting the snow on the ground, allowing small patches of green grass to poke through.  Christmas decorations were still strung about the square, and would continue to hang until New Year's Eve when they'd be replaced with celebratory items for the impending year.  Most of the town was out and about, chatting happily about their Christmas and post holiday experience; it felt too light and cheery for Rory's mood.

Nonetheless, she ignored the surrounding storybook scenery, and continued down the sidewalk, the brown box in her hands.  Halfway to the diner, she felt a presence behind her, and seconds later, Lane and Dave were walking beside her.

"Rory, hey!" Lane exclaimed, Dave joining in on the greeting.

"Hey guys," she forced a smile.  "How was your Christmas?"

"Mama bought Dave a present."

"I thought we agreed to not bring this up.  In fact, I thought we decided to pretend it never happened," Dave complained.

"What did she get him?" Rory asked, temporarily forgetting her mission.

"A bible," Lane answered, practically bubbling over with mirth.  "A new one with an imitation black leather cover that contains both the Old and New Testament."

"Oh god," Dave muttered, going unnoticed.

"She said it was for when he wanted to do some light reading," Lane finished.

"Your mother never had a sense of humor before we began dating!" Dave insisted.

"She really got you a bible?" Rory asked.  "Aw, it's like this inside joke between you two."

"She likes him," Lane nodded.  "I think he's an honorary Korean now."

"Do I get some kind of membership card?" Dave asked.

His question went unanswered as Rory did her best to bite back a sigh as she repositioned the box she held.  The edges were beginning to dig into her hands, and damn, did those hardcover classics weigh a lot.

"Do you want me to carry that?" Dave offered.  "It's just… you're lugging that huge thing around and I'm the only guy here… it feels like I should be carrying that."

"Thanks for the gentlemanly offer," Rory said.  "But I have to carry it."

"You?" Lane enunciated.  "Is it like some rite of passage?"

"Kind of."  Rory paused, holding back.  But then the news inside her jumped, as if trying to force its way out.  She wanted to tell someone, and it might as well be her best friend.  "It's Jess's stuff."

Lane and Dave exchanged a glance.  "His stuff?" Lane looked over at the box, but the top was closed.  "Does this mean..."

"It's over," Rory finished.

"But hasn't it," Dave began but Rory quickly swooped in.

"Done.  Trust me."

"Wow, that fight at your house must have been huge," Lane said.

"Yeah, it kind of was.  And we talked, or uh, yelled on Christmas too.  It's just… better this way."

The trio finally reached the diner, but as if some invisible wall stood in their way, all of them stopped simultaneously.

"Diner," Dave gestured.

"Yup," Lane nodded.  "It is."

"It's okay," Rory reassured them.  "I would go in, but I need someone to get the door for me."

"Oh, right!"  Dave jumped ahead and held it open.  "And there is my chivalrous act for the day," he said as Rory swept past him inside.

Immediately, she charged upstairs, leaving Lane and Dave to their own devices.  Once she reached the door of the apartment, she hesitated briefly, unsure and almost unwilling to do this.  Then, she heaved the box onto her bent knee, freeing a hand, and opened the door.

Jess, lying on his bed with a book, looked up in surprise at the disturbance.  He watched as Rory gracelessly stumbled inside, shutting the door with her leg.  Then, with her balance restored and her determination intact, she walked straight over to where he sat, and dropped the box at the foot of the bed.

"What is this?" Jess asked, having no idea what to say or do.  He wasn't prepared for this sudden appearance, and he was still up in the air about his feelings toward her.  He had been so angry at her, but had felt the guilt full force when he turned her away.

"It's your stuff," she stated.

Jess raised an eyebrow and leaned forward, opening the top.  Even though she had told him so, he was still surprised to see old books and CDs of his piled on top of each other.

"Why are you…" He looked up, letting the rest of the unsaid question hang in the air.

"You're supposed to give the person their stuff back at the end of the relationship," she explained, recalling what she had said to her mother.

Jess shook his head.  "I don't want this."

"It's your stuff.  I should have given it back months ago."

He reached inside and lifted out a hardcover copy of Adele.  He fingered it carefully, as if smoothing out the cover.  "I bought this for you."

"I don't want it," she said.  "You paid for it, you should get it."

"This was a gift," Jess insisted.  He extended his hand, trying to give it to her; she took a step back.  "Rory, I don't want this stuff," he repeated.

"Would you just take it?" she asked.  "Why are you trying to make this so difficult?"

"Me?" He shot up, annoyed.  "I'm not trying to make anything difficult.  You're the one who's always turning everything into a god damn argument."

"No, stop it," she warned, taking a few steps back, closer to the door.  "This is not supposed to turn into a fight.  I'm supposed to give this back, leave, and forget about it.  This is what is done at the end of the relationship!  You give everything back so you can move on!"

"Move on?"

"I thought about what you said," she explained.  "We've been fighting since June, and if things were going to get better, they would have.  I don't want to fight anymore, Jess.  I don't want to go through this every time I see you."

"I don't want this stuff," he said for a third time, trying to make her understand that this was the wrong move.  But he didn't know what else to say, how to tell her.  He had spoken out of anger when he had said he no longer wanted this.  He didn't!  He was sick of the fighting, and their inability to move past it all.  But her… god, he still wanted her.  Even after all of it, even after she had thrown the words back in his face. 

He just needed her to trust him, believe him, want him back.

"I'm… sorry.  For not believing you at the Christmas party, and for everything I've said."  She paused, fidgeting in front of him.  Say it all now, she reminded herself.  Just let this end well.  "I'm just really sorry."

He finally tore his eyes away, looking down in the box.  He saw books that didn't belong to him, things he hadn't even realized she had had.  He didn't want any of this back.  He didn't want to be purged from her life.

"I'll see you, Jess."  Without waiting for a response, she turned around and walked out the door.

----

Lane caught up with Rory halfway back to her house, leaving Dave to go back home to his family.  Lane was silent even after she reached her best friend's side, and finally when they turned onto Rory's road, she opened her mouth to speak.  Before she could get out one word, however, Rory cut her off.

"Don't.  I don't want to discuss it or analyze it or dwell on it.  I want to talk about something else.  You!  Let's talk about you," Rory decided, nearly rambling.  "How's school?  The band?  Dave?  How's Dave?"

"Dave?" Lane asked.  "I… He's…"  She paused and sighed.  "I really shouldn't be wanting to unload this on you now what with you still thinking about Jess and just recovering from that.  I mean now's the time where you talk to me about how you're feeling, and I don't want to be a bad friend…"

"Lane."

"Yes?"

"What's wrong with Dave?"

They had reached her house, and had slowly been heading up the driveway.  Instead of going inside, Rory steered Lane to the porch swing and they sat, the seat creaking loudly from the added weight and the cold.

"Remember how I was really excited about Dave coming back for vacation, and I couldn't wait to see him?"

"I definitely do.  We had a little countdown on the calendar, and three circles around the date he was returning.  They were even different colors, so it would stick out more," Rory answered.

"I wish he hadn't come back."

"Why?" Rory asked, shocked.  Suddenly, Jess flew out of her mind, and she was almost grateful that Lane was in distress.  It was a distraction she so needed.

"Because we've been spending a lot of time together, just talking and hanging out… like we did before, when we dated.  But he's going to have to leave again in a couple of weeks, and then what?  I'm going to have to go through being sad about his leaving again.  Everything will be undone!"

"Oh, Lane, I'm so sorry.  That never even crossed my mind…"

"I really like being with him, and pretty soon, I won't have the option to.  We need to spend less time together."

"But don't you want to just enjoy the time you have?"

"No.  No enjoyment!  Because it'll just make it worse later."

"Why don't you and I have a movie night tonight?  Junk food, and a bunch of nonromantic comedies.  My mom will pop popcorn and we'll eat and eat until we can't anymore."

"That sounds like wallowing," Lane said.  "I don't want to wallow."

"Neither do I," Rory assured her.

"We don't need to," Lane stated.  "So… no wallowing?"

"Absolutely none.  Just a fun girls only night," Rory said, feeling her spirits begin to lift.

----

"Alright I bought three little tubs of Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream, the perfect personal size to wallow in!" Lorelai announced, walking into the living room.

"We're not wallowing!" Rory and Lane chorused.

"Dave and I weren't even dating," Lane pointed out.

"Neither were Jess and I," Rory said, almost tripping over his name.  Internally, she groaned, but then took a quick breath, reminding herself that tonight was supposed to be fun.  Jess and her were over.  He wanted it that way, so she delivered.  Now was the moving on time.  Tonight was a new beginning.

"Let's see… I rented Gigli," Lorelai began.

"There's romance in that," Lane cut in.

"Come to find out, it is very hard to find a movie that does not involve relationships.  I mean, even the cartoon animal movies have a love story!  Balto was about sick children in desperate need of medicine, but you know he only did it to impress that girl dog." Lorelai rolled her eyes.  "Anyway, Gigli is for mocking not enjoying."

"Good thinking," Rory nodded, retrieving the popcorn from the kitchen.

"I also got Spice World," Lorelai continued.

"Cinematic genius," Rory smiled, sitting down next to Lane.  "When the bus jumped the bridge…"

"I know!  My heart stopped too.  The miniature plastic looked so authentic!" Lorelai enthused playfully.  "And last but not least… Happy Gilmore."

"Why Happy Gilmore?" Lane inquired.

"Name's in the title," Lorelai shrugged.  "Besides, Adam Sandler comedy is always welcome in our household no matter the occasion."

Lorelai went over to the VCR and popped the first film in, before settling on the couch, next to Rory.  Spread out on the coffee table in front of them was an assortment of all kinds of junk food from chocolate to gummy bears to jelly beans.  Newly poured popcorn was on one side, and pretzels were on the other, for Rory who especially enjoyed mixing the two tastes.  All was set for the perfect 'Girls Only' movie night when the doorbell rang, pulling Lorelai from her spot.

"I'll get it," she said, pausing the film.

"Hey, it's only the previews!" Rory complained.

"They're my favorite part," Lorelai pouted, walking over to the door.

Opening it up, she found her least favorite person in the world, standing on her porch, box in tow.

"Hi," was her curt greeting.

"Hi," Jess answered, immediately alerting Rory to his presence.  She froze in her spot.  "Is Rory here?"

"Uh… I'm not entirely sure.  I, ah, have to check," Lorelai replied, closing the door in his face.  She turned and headed for the couch. 

"I'm here," Rory sighed.  "I better go and just…"

"You don't have to be here," Lorelai said.  "I could tell him you're out, or uh, dead.  You know… something."

"It's okay," Rory shrugged. 

"He had a box," Lorelai said.

"Oh.  Oh, of course.  Yeah, he's just… yeah.  My stuff."  Rory walked past her mother and opened the door.

"You're home," Jess said.

"I'm home," she repeated.  "Is that…"

"Yeah," Jess said, handing it over.  "I'm just giving it back."

"Thanks."  She took it, finding it surprisingly heavy, and set it down next to her in the front hall.

"No problem."  He stood for a moment longer, staring at her, almost as if willing her to speak.  But then he just nodded and turned, walking down the steps.

Rory closed the door and looked down at the box as Lane and Lorelai joined her in the hall.

"You okay?" Lorelai asked.

"Fine," Rory said, forcing a smile.  "I'm fine."  She kneeled down, and opened the top, surprising herself at her boldness.  Fine, she was fine!  She could look at this.  It was her stuff, after all.

But it wasn't.  Reaching in further, she found a pile of Jess's books, CDs, and a couple of his T-shirts.  Everything inside was what she had brought him that morning.  Upon further inspection, she found that it was the exact same box.  He hadn't even bothered to transfer the items into a different one!

"I can't believe him!" she snapped, standing up.  Turning around, she ripped her coat off the hook, and took off outside, leaving a confused Lorelai and Lane behind.

----

"Jess!" she called out, as she rounded out of her driveway and reached the sidewalk.  She saw him several feet ahead of her, and called his name again. 

He stopped and turned around, waiting for her to reach him.  By the time she did, she was frowning, giving him her worst look.

"I gave that stuff back to you for a reason," she said.

"I told you I didn't want it."

"Why are you making this so hard?" she whined.  "This is what you wanted!  You said you were tired of this, so why, why are you fighting me on this?"

When he didn't answer, she tugged on her jacket, frustrated, and turned to leave.  "Forget it."

She had only turned halfway around when he grabbed her wrist, pulling her toward him.  "What are you…"  She stopped when he reached for her neck.  Following him with her eyes, she watched as he delicately touched the silver chain that she had tried to hide beneath her shirt.  He lifted the necklace partly in the air, higher than he needed.  His fingers brushed her soft skin, momentarily lingering on her pulse.  Then, he ran the length of the chain, pulling it out from under her shirt.  Mentally she chastised herself for not zipping her coat up before chasing after him.

He dropped down to the charm that hung in the center, the small 'R' that had first caught his eye back in the mall.

"How did you..."

"The way you wrapped it," she admitted quietly.  "I was able to untape the top and slip the box in and out."

Instead of dropping the necklace back in its place, he once around ran the length of it up toward her jaw.  When he finally let it go, his hand was half in her hair, his thumb brushing her cheek.  She let out a shuddery breath, and continued.

"I just wanted to see what it was.  And then I wanted to see how it would look, and…"  She trailed off, unconsciously leaning into his touch.  "You've never bought me jewelry before."

"I wanted to get you an L," he explained, "so when you wore it and introduced yourself as Rory, it would confuse people."

She smiled at his confession, and he went on, "I got you the R instead, so your mom couldn't borrow it.  You were always saying that she borrowed your stuff…"

"And never returned it," she finished.  "It's beautiful," she said, very, very quietly.  He barely heard it.

He leaned forward and caught the words, kissing her soundlessly.  At first she seemed happy, pulling him further against her, but just as suddenly, she took a step back, as if it had stung.

"Don't do this, Rory.  Not anymore."

"You said you didn't want this!  I thought… God!  I don't know what I think anymore!"

He took a step closer, but she looked away, trying to ignore the stirring she felt inside, and the sharp pain behind her eyes.  The two conflicting emotions waged a battle against each other, but it ended in a stalemate.  Both the desire and sadness lingered, transforming her into a mess.

Finally, she looked up, meeting his eyes.  Her confusion was spinning out of control here; she could have sworn he was seriously angry with her.

"You were mad."

"You said you were sorry," he shrugged.

"Sometimes, I swear I hate you."  Her voice was void of any bitterness; she was simply stating a fact.

"It happens."

"Jess, when you came to town, you know how everyone reacted, what everyone said."

The abrupt change in subject took him by surprise, but he followed along, sensing the seriousness here.

"Yeah."

"And then when we started dating, it continued, maybe even got worse.  I always defended you, you know I did, but sometimes, I let what they said get to me.  I wanted to trust you, but it was hard.  And then when I finally did… you proved them right."  Her tone was even, cool, calm, everything she could to keep him from running right now.  She wasn't trying to start a fight; she was trying to explain.

"You hurt me really bad, and… I think I wanted to hurt you back."

"By staying angry," he finished.

"You have to understand how hard it is for me to believe that we can be okay again.  I trusted you once, and you let me down.  I'm afraid of what will happen if we try again."

"Rory, I can't promise you that it's going to be fine.  We fight, it's impossible not to.  I act like a jerk, you act like a princess, it happens.  But… I can promise that it will be different this time."

The frightened look still didn't leave her face, and he was coming to the end of his rope.  He had no idea what he could say.

"I'm here, Rory.  And I want to try again.  Can't that be enough?"

There was a moment of silence, in which his heart dropped, and he felt a blast of anger.  Once again he had put himself out there, and once again, it was for nothing.  He had should have left it alone that morning.  He should never have fought her on this.  He was planning on telling her to drop the box back off tomorrow, so they could finish this for good, but then he saw her give a slight nod, and she kissed him.

It was a tender kiss, shy and slow, as if this was their first time.  He almost couldn't remember where to put his hands, shocked to the core at her bold move.  But then he was pulling her into him, letting her take the lead.  She touched his face, and deepened the kiss, and he no longer doubted her.  It didn't even cross his mind that when this was done, she would run.  He knew, somehow, that she wouldn't.

"I want this too," she mumbled against his lips, not wanting to move away even to say that.  She wanted to keep his arms securely around her, where they were supposed to be.

He looked down, breaking contact, but keeping her close.  Meeting her gaze once again, he said for one final time, so she knew and understood:

"I'm sorry."

"Me too," she whispered.

And then she kissed him again.