Disclaimer: Nah... 'Snot mine...
Summary: You'll find out... hehehehehe! You're in for a laugh, I'll tell you that much. Dedicated to every child who has been scarred by their parents' activities, but didn't know it. Haha. If you think that Harry and Ginny are extremely playful, it's because I modeled them after my parents, and some of my neighbors, whom I love.
Bloody earthquakes.
Epilogue
Being married is awesome!
You get to have your best friend with you always,
Plus you get the benefit of kissing him!
- A very wise neighbor... She's so cute! -
"And that, children," Ginny said in a dramatic voice, waving her hands in grand flourishes, "was the beginning of the end!" Harry snorted from his position next to her.
"I beg your pardon?" Ginny pointedly ignored him and turned back to her son and daughter, clasping her hands in her lap. "Fine, but I won't forget that. We'll talk about this later."
"Any questions?" Ginny asked, weaving her hair into a long braid. She then tossed her head, whipping her husband in the face with it. Harry yanked on the long tail playfully, dragging her head to the side. Ginny pulled her hair upright, pushing Harry off the bed onto the floor.
"Mummy, is that why you call Daddy 'Wonderboy'?" Avery asked, her emerald eyes wide with curiosity. Avery Potter was the spitting image of her father except for her hair, which was a tad tamer than Harry's. She had also inherited her mother's astuteness and mischievous streak, as did her brother. Ginny snickered at her daughter's question and glanced at her husband, letting a smirk barely curve the corner of her mouth.
"He is a wonder, isn't he, Bunny?" Ginny deadpanned, patting Harry condescendingly on his head. "Well, actually, that's part of the reason, but it's more of a wonder that we're even here!" At this, Harry jabbed her in the side. "Dearest, violence is not to be tolerated. I suggest you settle down if you don't want to be sent to the corner. Yes, Sirius?"
"Do you ever get tired of kissing Daddy, Mummy?" the seven-year old red-head inquired in a disgusted tone. Harry blushed, but as he saw Ginny opening her mouth to make another smart remark, he answered instead.
"I don't know that we've quite reached that point yet," Harry said, winking at Ginny who was pretending to be oblivious of everything being said.
"Neither have Aunt Hermione or Uncle Ron!" Avery piped up in her high, six-year old voice. This revelation was quite unexpected and Ginny let a wide grin spread slowly over her face. Harry thought she had never looked more like Fred and George than she did at that moment. Ginny smoothed down the unicorn quilt spread on Avery's bed and got up.
"Is that so?" Ginny asked, pushing them back against their pillows. She brushed the fine hair back from Avery's face and kissed her. "Goodnight, Bunny." Harry kissed Avery next, while Ginny dimmed their lights.
"How so, girl-of-mine?" Harry asked, as he squeezed Sirius' shoulder, and then swooped down to kiss the boy's forehead, much to the child's dismay.
"Dad!" Sirius howled, wiping at his face. "I'm too big for that! Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione kiss whenever they go through a door. Did you know, they walk through a lot of doors together. Jane says they kiss every time a bird chirps, too." Jane was Avery's and Sirius' cousin and partner-in-crime, and well-versed in the 'traditions' of her household. Ginny was trying very hard not to break into giggles, and Harry had to cough... several times.
"Goodnight, punkins," Ginny said, heading towards the door, her hand clasped in Harry's.
"Do you know what's really weird, Daddy?" Avery asked sleepily. Harry went over and crouched next to her bed.
"What, sweetie?" Harry asked softly, stroking her little head gently. Avery yawned widely. Ginny smiled, leaning against the doorjamb, amused at how Sirius perked right up, and so she listened intently.
"You know how you and Mummy had to go on that big trip?" Harry nodded. "And me and Sirius had to stay at Aunt Hermione's?"
"Yes?" Harry encouraged.
"There was an earthquake!" Avery said excitedly, sitting back up. Sirius looked wide-awake, all traces of sleepiness gone, having recognized the story. Ginny started forward, alarmed.
"An earthquake? Harry, Ron didn't tell us about that!" Ginny whispered urgently. She turned back to her daughter. "Are you sure, Bunny?"
"Course we're sure," Sirius said in a superior voice. "I saw it!" Avery nodded enthusiastically.
"Yes! It was an earthquake all right!" Avery insisted earnestly. "It happened when me, and Sirius, and Jane snuck down to the kitchen, even though we were s'posed to be sleeping." Her little face was immediately sheepish at having told this naughty fact.
"Why were you sneaking down to the kitchen, if you were supposed to be in bed?" Harry asked sternly, his eyes twinkling. There was no mistaking that she was her mother's girl.
"We were going to stick all of the spiders we found in the garden into the sugar bowl! We got a whole jarful of them!" Sirius informed his parents cheerfully, his red hair sticking up comically in the back. Ginny pitied her poor boy, having inherited his father's unruly hair. "Uncle Ron always gets his coffee first, you see. He's awful scared of them, even though he won't admit it. Say Dad, have you ever seen Uncle Ron when he gets close to spiders? I tell you, it is something wild! 'Cept he pretends to be joking after Aunt Hermione gets rid of them." Avery and Sirius both snickered loudly into their comforters. Harry buried his face into the quilt, his shoulders shaking madly. Ginny clapped her hand over her mouth to muffle the delighted shriek that had escaped her lips. She arranged her features quickly into a sorrowful look.
"That was very wrong to do, very wrong," Ginny said, willing herself not to crack up. "I never want to hear of you doing something like that to your uncle, do you hear?" The two imps were properly abashed, and sincere penitence shone in their eyes.
"Yes, Mummy," they promised solemnly. "Cross our hearts and hope to die..." They gestured across their chests. Harry emerged then, wiping his mouth with a still-trembling hand.
"That's right, listen to your mother," he nearly gasped, holding his stomach with his arm. "She knows what she's talking about. So go on, what happened with the earthquake?"
"Well, we were on our way back up the stairs, and we saw Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron in the living room," Avery eagerly plunged back into the exciting tale. "Jane says that they read a chapter of Hogwarts, A History together every night, and that they kiss every time they turn a page. Sirius told me they read pages over, but I don't get why." Harry and Ginny managed, with great effort, to keep straight faces this time.
"But they weren't reading!" Sirius said, ready to insert some of his knowledge of the story, figuring his sister had said plenty so far. "We couldn't see a book anywhere."
"Not reading? Why?" Ginny exclaimed, feigning shock. "But Aunt Hermione loves Hogwarts, A History!" Avery gave her mother a pitying look that Harry was sure that she had inherited from said mother. Merlin knew he had been the target of that look many times.
"Because, Mummy, that's when the earthquake happened," Avery explained impatiently. "Sirius, tell them the weird part." Harry and Ginny immediately snapped their gazes to their son, thoroughly intrigued by this mystery.
"Tell us!" Ginny implored; it was nice for once to not be the person telling the story. Sirius beamed importantly.
"The weird thing is, we didn't feel anything," Sirius said in a perplexed voice. "I thought you're supposed to fall down in an earthquake." Harry lifted an eyebrow at his wife in confusion.
"Well, it must not have been an earthquake if you didn't feel anything," Harry said knowledgeably. Ginny nodded in an assuring way. The two kids were having none of it, shaking their heads and refusing to believe their parents.
"But it was, Dad!" Sirius insisted. "Avery and me saw it, didn't we? We couldn't feel anything, but we saw them shaking, though, like it was an earthquake."
"Really, Mummy, we saw it!" Avery cried. "Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione were shaking and rolling all over the floor!" Ginny's eyes widened at Harry and she immediately began to hush her children.
"All right now, it's late and it's time you went to sleep!" Ginny declared firmly, as way of getting out of this scrape caused by her encouraging of the story. Harry agreed vehemently.
"Your mum's right, kids," Harry said, needing to run out of the room before he busted his gut howling. "Time to sleep!"
"But Dad! We haven't finished yet!" Sirius said in a wounded voice. "The earthquake stopped really fast when Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione saw us, 'cause they got up and chased us all back to bed!" Harry's face was scarlet from pent-up laughter, and Ginny's throat was aching horribly from holding back the screams of mirth.
"That was a most curious story, darling," Ginny said in a choked voice. "But I haven't an answer as to why you couldn't feel the earthquake. I'm sure you'll figure it out when you're older." She leaned over and kissed them both again. The two children began to protest again, but this time Ginny was firm. "No 'buts' dears, it's time to sleep." She took Harry's hand and led her hyperventilating husband out the door. She gently shut it, leaving an two inch-wide gap.
"Sweet dreams!" Ginny called softly, turning to head to her and Harry's bedroom. Avery's voice floated out the crack in the door. Harry stayed her, sitting down against the opposite wall of the children's door. Ginny remained standing, listening carefully though.
"Remember Uncle Ron in the morning, Sirius? He screamed just like Aunt Hermione!"
"Yeah! And then he fainted! It was hilarious!" came Sirius' enthusiastic answer. A few seconds of silence ensued. Then,
"'Night Sirius."
"'Night Avery."
"Sirius?" A low mumble answered the girl. "Jane said there's an earthquake every Tuesday night, but it stops as soon as Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron see her. Why do you think so?"
"Yeah, Jane told me that too," Sirius said, yawning. "She said she's going to make an experiment of it, you know she's going to be a wizard scientist when she grows up, and she wants to know what happens after she leaves when they send her to bed. Jane told me she's gonna hide under the couch tomorrow night, and draw pictures of all of the data, 'cause she can't write yet." Jane was only five, incredibly smart, but had not been able to master writing yet, to her mother's chagrin, and her father's relief.
"What's data?" Avery wondered aloud. Ginny could just see the wheels turning in her confused head.
"I dunno, must be something to draw, I guess," Sirius mumbled. "Go to sleep, Avery."
"Okay, g'night Sirius."
"'Night." At these last words, Ginny slid down the wall into a sitting position next to Harry, holding her quaking sides. Harry couldn't speak.
"Oh Merlin!" she gasped, wiping the tears streaming down her cheeks. Harry was now snorting loudly next to her. "Oh Harry, that was priceless! A gold mine! Our sweet, innocent children!" Harry let out an especially loud snort.
"Mmrph? 'Sweet'? 'Innocent'? Ginny, didn't you hear what they did to Ron?" Harry guffawed, nudging Ginny's ribs. "What I wouldn't give to see Ron faint when he saw his sugar bowl! Our children are prodigies, Fred and George are going to be so proud of them."
"And poor Jane, we should warn them of a little scientist-to-be hiding under their couch, because otherwise, the darling will be scarred for life," Ginny said, wiping her face on the sleeve of her robe, pulling her knees up and wrapping her arms around them. "As for her 'data', I can't imagine what would happen if it was left around." The couple broke into another laughing fit induced by the image of Jane's scrawly drawings, and the content sure to be within.
"Yeah, we've got to warn them or... Hey. Hey!" Harry paused dramatically. "Or better yet, use this information to our advantage and their humiliation." He lifted his eyebrows meaningfully at his wife. Ginny's mouth was curved into a small 'O.'
"Potter! You don't mean?" she breathed, excitedly. He nodded, grinning. "You think it's time?" He nodded again.
"I think so, Weasley."
The familiar mischievous glint so commonly seen at Hogwarts crept back into her eye. A broad smirk was on her face, and an identical one was on Harry's.
"It's been a long time since we used..."
"The Book!" they said together. Harry pulled out his wand and muttering, conjured up an old, worn, and faded leatherbound book, whose pages used to be blank. Except for a few pages near the end, the book was crammed with facts, writing, and diagrams. The Book fell into Ginny's lap, and she picked it up, caressing the cover reverently, and opening it, where it fell open to a particularly detailed page. Harry sucked in a deep breath.
"Oh, Ginny! That was the big one!" Harry said solemnly.
"The pride of all our school years put together," Ginny said, placing a hand over her heart. Harry imitated her motions, closing his eyes in silent respect.
"The blueprints of the plan to pour Stinksap on Snape when he came in for dinner!" whispered Harry, opening his eyes, and gazing adoringly at the crude sketch. A bucket was depicted pouring a slimy substance over a certain Potions Master. Harry and Ginny beamed at it.
"It was brilliant! Let's face it, Harry, we were geniuses!" Ginny exulted, punching the air triumphantly with her fist.
"Brilliant geniuses," Harry agreed. "And it worked too!"
"It's really too bad he traced the spells we used to rig it back to us. Darn that Snape, he's too shrewd for his own good."
"Yeah. But it was worth it. The looks on everyone's face, including the teachers, the cheers, it was worth it!"
"Despite the month of detentions?"
"Cleaning toilets with toothbrushes..."
"Picking out the grime between stones with toothpicks..."
"Scrubbing cauldrons with feathers..."
"Digging dandelions with teaspoon..."
"Dusting armor with cotton swabs..."
"It was all worth it!"
"Definitely!"
"The kids must never hear of this."
"Absolutely not!"
"Where were we?" Ginny was confused. "Oh yes, The Book, the record of every prank we ever played together. What are we going to do with the precious information given to us by our very own children this memorable night?" Harry rested his chin on her shoulder, contemplating for a moment.
"Write this down," Harry whispered into her ear, conjuring up a Self-Inking Quill and handing it to her. They put their heads together, whispering back and forth, amidst snickers and giggles.
Ten minutes and many scribblings later...
"Okay, recap," Ginny said, prodding the new diagrams with Harry's wand. A stick-figure with a mop of red hair and a figure with black hair jumped to attention, mimicking every word out of her or Harry's mouth. "We Floo to the Weasleys' at nine-ish, what do we say, Harry?"
"Why hello friends, we hope we're not interrupting anything important," Harry said in a high, nasal voice, mid-snicker. Ginny continued where he left off.
"We figured we'd drop in, since it's only Tuesday and you're probably bored with nothing better to do but sitting around," Ginny giggled. A speech bubble appeared over the red-headed and black-haired stick-figures, containing the words just spoken.
"What do you say to a nice, relaxing game of chess, Ron?" Harry said, smirking. Harry the Sketch pulled out a tiny little chess set from behind him and offered it to Ron the Stick-Figure. Harry and Ginny howled into their hands, careful not to wake up the sleeping kids across from them.
"Then we invite ourselves in and sit on the couch," Ginny went on in her normal voice. The two little sketches on the yellowed page scurried over to the roughly drawn couch and plopped themselves upon it. Harry muffled his laugh in her shoulder. "They'll be so horrified, they won't be able to tell us no."
"We'll have to watch Ron's ears," Harry said, grinning. "Then you'll pretend to drop something and you'll look under the couch..."
"Then I'll find Jane and pull her out," Ginny said, watching the drawing of herself pull out a miniature bushy-haired Hermione from under the couch. "She loves telling me anything I ask her..."
"Then we'll bring up the subject of earthquakes, and ask Jane about her experience with them," Harry added, his eyes gleaming. "Jane will spill everything." He let out a mock cackle.
"After Ron and Hermione realize we know everything," Ginny laughed, "we pick Jane up, step into the fire and right before we Floo home, we holler..."
"ENJOY YOUR EARTHQUAKE, 'CAUSE NOW YOU'LL BE ALL ALONE!" Harry and Ginny chorused, laughing madly. Realizing that their kids were asleep, Ginny shushed him, gaining a jab from Harry's elbow for being hypocritical. She stuck out her tongue at him.
"We make a good team, don't we, Weasley?" Harry chuckled, slinging his arm over his wife's shoulder and affectionately ruffling the hair that had come loose from her braid.
"I think so, Potter," Ginny leaned over and pecked him on the cheek, resting her head on his shoulder. "We'll have to publish The Book someday, and we'll be famous! Not that you need it." After a hearty laugh, they sat there quietly, basking in their satisfaction of coming up with yet another plan sure to bring great laughs in the years that would come.
"You know what, Ginny?" Harry asked seriously. "You're my best friend, and I don't know what I'd do without you." Ginny smiled.
"And you're my best buddy, Wonderboy," she replied, squeezing his hand. That triggered a memory in Harry's mind.
"What was all that tosh you were feeding Avery about it being a wonder that we were even here?" Harry demanded. Ginny laughed.
"Oh that? I just meant, if you hadn't been so slow, we could have wasted less years apart," Ginny said slyly. Harry looked appalled.
"Me? Slow? For your information, I was about to ask you out, when you grabbed me and started yelling in my face," Harry said in a hurt voice. Ginny slapped his arm playfully.
"Well, I wouldn't have yelled at you if I hadn't been so frustrated with all the ickyness going around, and me without anybody," Ginny told him.
"Well, you could've asked me a lot earlier," Harry countered.
"I'm the girl!" Ginny protested, grinning. "I'm not supposed to ask. You were!"
"Sure, pull that one on me, after all, you started it," Harry cried, pushing her shoulder.
"How could I start it? You started it by looking at me," Ginny retorted, wagging her finger in his face. Harry shook his head.
"You pointed at me first!" Harry laughed triumphantly. He added a second later, "And chased the train." Ginny blushed.
"Fine, Harry, I can't keep it in any longer, I've got to tell you the truth: You didn't start it," Ginny said in mock-defeat, getting up. "But I didn't either. It was the giant marigolds. They started it. Blame them." She headed down the hall towards their bedroom.
"Marigolds? What do marigolds have to do with anything?" Harry asked, following her.
"Everything, Harry."
The End
Author's Note: Well, there it is, the last chapter... Hope you all enjoyed my little piece that was fueled by insanity. Would you believe that this was written ages before chapter two? Well, it was an amazing stroke of genius that simply could not be put to wait, as it would have been forgotten. I was thinking of a one-chapter sequel, maybe from Jane's POV? Is that a good idea?
Please tell me in a review what you liked, didn't like, and/or whether or not you'd like a sequel. It's the reviews that keep me going, man! Please, please, please review!
And one more thing:
REEEEEVVVVIIIIIIEEEEEEWWWWW!
Thank you, and farewell... until we meet again! Which may not be for a while. Kingmaker... I don't think junior year is going to bring forth any bursts of creativity; it's all being squashed by physics honors. (sniffles) I'll try, okay?
