A BtVs / Angel / Harry Potter / Sopranos / Highlander crossover. Minor spoilers up to season 7 of Buffy. Set after Season 7 BtVS, after Season 4 Angel, after Harry Potter graduates, and nowhere in particular in Sopranos / Highlander continuity.

All characters belong to their respective creators / film companies / etc. and are used without permission. This story may only be distributed on a non-profit-making basis.

Work in Progress. If you like this story, check out my other stories on the Fanfiction Net, Twisting the Hellmouth, and Fonts of Wisdom websites.

I'm British, so's my spelling. Live with it.


Bring Me The Head Of Harry Potter

by Marcus L. Rowland

XIV

"How long to sunrise?" shouted Angel, looking at his watch and trying to make himself heard over the wind of their passage.

"Nearly two hours" replied Dawn, checking her PDA and peering over the edge of the carpet at the Hungarian forest a few hundred feet below.

"Why t'fuk didn't we use this f'kin thing the first time, instead of f'kin mice?" asked Tony.

"Too risky," shouted Willow, looking tense, "the spell that makes it fly and keeps us off everyone's radar draws a lot of power, it's taking everything Harry's got to keep us in the air and I can't help much."

"How come?"

"I get my power from the Earth, can't do that at this altitude."

"If she did it," shouted Kennedy, "we'd be trailing lightning all the way, and that'd be kinda conspicuous. Might burn the rug too."

"How far do we have to go?" asked Gunn.

"We're already inside the unplottable area," said Harry, without looking around or relaxing his grip on his wand, "and I think I'm starting to recognise landmarks. I visited once, a few months before the place was destroyed, did a little flying abound the area. I don't think it's more than seven or eight miles now."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Dawn asked Angel, "What are we going to find?"

"Maybe witnesses. A couple of hundred people died there, some of them must have seen something. I'm sensitive to ghosts, so are Harry and Willow. You've seen some too, I think."

"Yeah, but that was in Sunnydale with the First around, you can't really count them."

"Granted, but it's worth trying."

"Think I can see something," said Kennedy, "Mountain ahead and to the left, about five miles ahead. Looks like ruins on a plateau."

"You must have good sight," said Harry, "Can't see anything but the mountain yet. I think you're right though, that's Durmstrang."

* * * * *

"Over here," shouted Willow, "looks likes steps leading down to a cellar. Clogged with rubble."

"Let's see how much I can shift," said Angel, "if I can get underground before sunrise I can spend the day exploring, has to be better than being cooped up in a tent." He started to pull lumps of rock from the hole. Kennedy joined him, and Willow and Gunn hastily backed away as the first rocks were thrown clear.

"About twenty minutes to sunrise," said Dawn, looking up from Harry, who had almost collapsed once he'd landed the carpet and put the tents up. Willow came over to join them, and said "Do you want to see if you can draw some power from me, recharge yourself a little?"

"I don't think so," said Harry, "I ought to be fine once I've had some sleep, and I don't think it's a good idea to depend on other people's power instead of my own resources."

Willow grinned, and Dawn said "I guess you did pay some attention to Willow's talk then."

"Of course I did."

"But you were all 'hey, she's so powerful', not 'hey, let's be careful with the power I've got.'"

"Dawn, I spent seven years learning that lesson, with Voldemort as my bad example. You really think I needed to hear it again? I was impressed, but mostly I was winding you up."

"Winding me up?"

"Teasing you." He added an "Oww" as Dawn hit him in the shoulder, none too gently.

"How's it going," asked Willow, looking towards the excavations.

"Nearly through," shouted Angel, "looks like some extended tunnels down here, lots of fire damage, like someone took a flame thrower to the entrance."

"Or a dragon," said Harry.

"I oughta talk to my wife," Gunn said to Tony, "make sure she and the baby are okay. But I can't get a signal on my phone. How about you?"

"Not here, and not in f'kin Romania."

"You won't," said Willow. "The cell network doesn't extend to these unplottable areas, you can't even get a satellite signal out."

"You can always send her a message by post," said Harry, looking up. An owl was gliding down towards him, and landed on his shoulder. "Hello, Hedwig." The owl made pleased-sounding noises as Harry ruffled her feathers and gave her some owl treats, then untied the scroll from her leg. "Message from Hermione for me, oh, and a personal scroll for you, Gunn, and another for Angel." He handed them over then read his own.

"How the heck did Hedwig get here so fast, and what does Hermione say?" asked Dawn.

"Owls have their own way of doing things, the best guess is that they apparate, but only when nobody is looking. Let's see... Hermione says the hotel was visited by the Department of Magic, asking some routine questions about using portkeys in public. She doesn't think they really know anything, they probably just traced the one we used to get mister Soprano to the hotel. Sounds like Percy hasn't told them anything, wonder why."

"They're probably trying to keep things quiet if it's as bad as we think," said Willow.

"I suppose you're right," said Harry. The sun's first rays appeared above the horizon, and Willow shouted "Are you all right down there."

"Fine," Angel replied, "if you one of you can warm a couple of bags of blood and bring them down to me I'll have a snack then start exploring."

"I'll take care of it," said Gunn, and went into their tent to warm the blood and read his scroll.

Returning to the letter, Harry said "Hogwarts won the quiz final against Durmstrang, they got George Weasley to stand in for me."

"I meant to ask about that," said Dawn, "who exactly was on that team if the place was destroyed?"

"Former students, you'd call them alumni, just a year or two older than our team. I thought you realised, most of the profits from the conference were going towards funds to rebuild the place. That's why I agreed to take part in the quiz, it was being broadcast and the fees were going to the charity."

"Oh... wonder why there isn't anyone working on the place now?"

"No point at this stage, they still need another million galleons or so, and they'd need to start in spring to get the job done before the snow sets in. Look, it's the middle of summer and you're all shivering."

"It's easy to feel smug just because you went to school in the Arctic. Some of us come from places with a normal climate."

"Scotland isn't the Arctic. This place practically is. Anyway, what else does Hermione say? Umm... professor Berkel-Gunn's speech got a standing ovation, and Hermione goes on for about six inches about how important it was. I think I'll wait for the Daily Prophet's version."

"Rita Skeeter's gossip column in the Daily Prophet had a picture of Kennedy talking to Malfoy, describes her as his mystery girlfriend."

"That'll come as a shock to Kennedy," Willow said with a grin.

"Apparently Malfoy is spreading rumours that I've run off to join a techno-pagan commune run by a homicidal muggle, wonder where he got that idea?

"I couldn't begin to guess," said Dawn, looking annoyed.

"Dawn, your sister sent an e-mail asking for information about the Bunyip, Hermione and professor Berkel-Gunn have answered it for you. There's also apparently a picture of her standing next to a dead demonic kangaroo with the caption 'you should have seen the one that got away.'"

"Anything more about platypuses?"

"Not that Hermione mentions. Oh, a package has come for you, sounds like the present you bought at the conference. Okay, there's some stuff for me, hopes I'm being careful, that's about it."

Kennedy came out of the tunnel and dusted herself off. "Angel says there's plenty for him to explore down there, but watch out if you come down because the ceiling is cracked in places and he's worried some of it might collapse."

"Later, maybe," said Harry. "I need to get some sleep first. Anyone wants any messages sent, get them written out on scrolls, there are some rolls of parchment and quills in each tent. I'll send them off later when Hedwig is rested."

"If you want to put in something for your wife," Willow said to Tony, "we can have it posted from Los Angeles or New York, wherever you prefer, or send it by e-mail or phone. Please don't say anything about what's going on, that would cause a lot of problems and we wouldn't be able to send it."

"Don't worry, I don't tell her nutt'n about my business."

"Okay, I think we all need some sleep," said Willow. "I don't want to try talking to dead people without being properly rested."

"Do we have to wait until nightfall?" asked Dawn.

"There might be ghosts we can talk to in the tunnels. It's just after six, how about we all try to get some sleep then meet up for a brunch about twelve, maybe out here if the weather's good, we've got everything we need for a barbecue in our tents."

"Sure," said Tony, "I say it myself, I'm a pretty good barbecue cook."

* * * * *

"Soprano's up to something," said Gunn, as Angel drained his bag of blood.

Angel nodded and said "I heard. There's no way he'd volunteer to cook for you if he wasn't. He and the other guy have both spent a lot of time practicing with their crossbows, and they want to get out of this without leaving witnesses. With me stuck down here he probably thinks that they'll be able to take the rest of you while you're eating, then take care of me when I come out at nightfall."

"Yeah, right. Willow, Kennedy and Dawn, just easy targets. Harry and I aren't exactly pushovers either."

"Don't underestimate Soprano, he isn't stupid, nobody gets that high in a crime family if he is, and I can smell his anger and frustration. He hates us because he isn't controlling the situation, and I think he has what they call rage management problems. He's taking some sort of drug and it isn't working too well, and since we're the only people around he's going to take it out on us. He probably hasn't even thought about how they're going to get home."

"Drug?"

"I can hear the pills rattling in the bottle when he walks, and it's changing his body chemistry a little. I can smell that too. Maybe Valium, maybe Prozac, something like that."

"What do you want us to do?"

"Warn the others to stay alert, and keep me posted if anything seems to be happening. Oh, and come down here before you eat, maybe I'll have news for you."

* * * * *

"Okay," Tony said in Italian, "the medicine cabinet's like a f'kin pharmacy, that gives us an edge. This says it's a sleeping potion, 'take two or three drops for a full night's slumber', we mix that with the drinks and they'll be out for the count. Then we can take care of things, maybe have a little fun before we finish them off."

"That's good," said Furio, "but how do we get home afterwards?"

"Easy. The vampire's got one of those portkey things in his tent, heard him talking about it with that Willow bitch. It'll take us back to Los Angeles, we can finish things there then head for home."

"What about the vampire?"

"Put some crosses around the entrance, the black guy and all three of the women have them, then when he comes out at dusk we throw another cross behind him then shoot him while he's trapped."

"That oughta work."

"There's plenty of wine, we put the stuff in that and they won't notice they're feeling sleepy until it's too late."

"I don't think the wizard kid or the girl drink wine."

"Okay, good thinking. Doctor some soft drinks too."

"Right, I'll see to it."

* * * * *

"Anything?" Gunn asked a few hours later.

"Explored a lot, seen a couple of vague shapes that might have been ghosts, but I think I scared them."

"Figures. What about Soprano?"

"They've been talking a lot, I tried to listen to what they were saying but there's just too much rock in the way, I couldn't make out the words."

"Damn."

"With that much talking they have to be up to something."

"What's the weather like out there?"

"The weather, what's that... oh. Yeah, kind of overcast."

"That might be useful. Okay, this is what I think you'll need to do..."

* * * * *

"Okay," said Tony enthusiastically, wiping his hands on an apron with an 'I've Seen The Short-Snouts of Sweden' logo, "We've got steaks, we've got fried onions, baked potatoes and salad. To drink we've got wine, beer, some stuff called butterbeer, coke and lemon squash. Better eat quick, looks like it might be going to rain!" He started loading his plate, and most of the others followed.

"This wine tastes a little odd," Willow said to Tony a few minutes later. "Kinda corked, maybe. What do you think?"

Tony pretended to sip a little and said "Seems okay to me."

"This butterbeer's a little off too," said Harry, "must be the altitude affecting the way we taste things."

"Maybe," said Gunn, yawning and sitting back in his folding chair. Soon he began to snore, gradually the others followed.

"Okay," said Tony, in Italian, "that went pretty well. Let's take them out, then get set up for the vampire." He pulled out a hunting knife.

"Right," said Furio, "What should we do, just throw them off the cliff?"

"No, better cut their throats first. I'm not sure the fall would kill all of them." Furio pulled his own knife.

"Or you could just drop your weapons," said a quiet voice behind them.

Tony and Furio turned to see Angel standing behind them, holding his coat over his head to protect himself from the diffuse sunlight.

"You can't do that!" said Tony, pulling out a cross and holding it up to defend himself. Angel snarled, and with blurring speed closed the distance between them and knocked it from his hand. The crucifix flew from his hand and spun out over the edge of the plateau. Before Tony could react Angel followed up with a punch to the jaw which lifted him from his feet and sent blood and teeth flying. Tony staggered but came back at him with his knife. Meanwhile Furio frantically raised his knife and ran at Angel, who was trying to keep the coat over his head. He was half-way towards him when Harry raised his wand and said "Stupefy". Furio collapsed, but the spell missed Tony, who stabbed Angel in the chest.

"I liked that shirt," said Angel, staggering back. He pulled the knife from his chest and threw it back at Tony, who was trying to back away. The knife turned once and hit him in the throat. There was a meaty thud and a bright spray of arterial blood, then flickers of light began to play over his body.

"Another immortal?" said Gunn.

"Yes," said Dawn, looking again, then shouted "get to cover, Angel must have cut his spine!"

Angel dived for the cellar opening, while Willow said "Thicken!", erecting a barrier between the rest of them and the corpse.

"Come on," screamed Kennedy, grabbing Dawn and Harry and pulling them behind a mound of stone blocks, "unless you want to absorb that bastard's quickening!"

"Not if I can help it."

Gunn pulled Willow down behind another pile of rubble; seconds later there was a massive explosion, spraying rocks and fragments of stone in all directions. Lightning danced across the ruins and the corpse for a few seconds, then gradually faded away. Light rain began to patter down.

"Okay," said Willow shakily, "everyone all right?"

"I think we're all okay," said Kennedy, wincing as a last chunk of rock crashed to the ground a few feet away. The barbecue was on its side, and some of the nearby bushes were on fire, but the rain was slowly putting them out.

"You all right down there?" shouted Dawn.

"A little singed and I've had a knife through my chest," shouted Angel, "but I'm okay."

"What about what's-his-name?" asked Willow.

"He's kinda bloody," said Gunn, checking Furio's pulse, "but I think he'll be all right."

"Newt time, I think," said Willow, "we can decide what to do with him later," then shouted "Angel, it's raining now and pretty cloudy, I think you'd be okay to make a dash for your tent, we can fix you up properly in there."

"More of a slow hobble," said Angel, covering himself again as he came out of the tunnel and took shelter. The others followed him into the tent.

"Good thing we were feeling paranoid," said Gunn, "but I didn't expect anyone to end up dead. Not when we were so careful."

"We had to find out what they were up to," said Dawn, "they might have just planned to leave us here unconscious or something, or known more about the impersonation and what happened here than they were saying. Good thing Harry was here to petrify them while we checked things out, then obliviate them once we'd got rid of the drugged drinks."

Harry shrugged and said "They should have just given up once they knew we were on to them, you can't blame yourself for what happened."

"I don't," said Gunn, getting out some surgical tape, cotton wool, and antiseptic, "but we're gonna have to cover our tracks on this one, last thing we need is the mob after us."

"Don't worry," said Angel, "Between Wolfram and Hart and Harry we ought to be able to do that pretty well. He didn't even call home from the Hyperion, so it's not like he left much of a trail to begin with."

"The magical authorities might be more of a problem," said Willow, coming in with a glass jar containing a sleeping newt. "Sooner or later the DOM will work out what went down."

"Is that Furio?"

"Yep. I think you can say I've newtralised him." There was a chorus of groans. "He's a sleeping newty." Kennedy threw a cushion at her, and she hastily dodged and put the jar down on the table.

"Keep him alive and well, we'll want him as evidence that what happened to Soprano was self-defence."

"Was it?" asked Dawn, "That was kinda a lucky shot there, seeing as you'd just been stabbed through the heart."

"What can I say?" said Angel, "I pulled the knife out, had to do something with it. I was trying to hit him in the shoulder."

"And the fact that I'd told you he could only be killed by severing his spine?"

"I'd pretty much forgotten," he said innocently.

"All I can say," said Dawn, "is that it's a good thing that you're pretty much immune to magical lie detection, 'cos if you were Pinnochio I think your nose would be about three feet long." She kissed him gently, and added "Thanks, I didn't want to have to deal with him," then hugged Willow and said "and thanks for getting your shield up so fast, I really couldn't have taken having his memories and personality in my head."

"That's what I thought," said Willow, "glad I could help."

"Okay," said Gunn, "Now that we've dealt with that little problem, is there any way that we can get back to business so that I can go home to my wife and kid?"

"Sure," said Willow. "Just let me get this little fellow parked safely and I'll start trying to see if we can get any help from the..." She tailed off as she realised that nobody was paying any attention; all of them were staring at the door behind her. She turned to see a tall thin man with a large curved nose and thick black eyebrows, wearing a black travelling robe and holding a thick wand.

"Bloody hell," said Harry, "Viktor? Viktor Krum? Is it really you?"

TBC