Hello. I'm back again and this is chapter 2 of Quagaar. So it's time to check the reviews. Let's look I have.............one.

Thank you Mispel. Yes I did make mistakes with gender. If I make more remember Holly is a woman in this one.

Now on with the story.

It was the drive room on Red Dwarf. The crew were standing around Holly's main screen.

"The transmission is not being broadcast in any human frequency." Holly was saying.

"Aliens." Shouted Rimmer. "It has to be."

"You think everything's aliens."

"It could be."

"I'm bringing it on screen now." Said Holly. A line of strange letters filled the screen.

"What do they mean?" Asked Lister.

"How am I supposed to know." Was Holly's reply. Rimmer meanwhile was deathly silent. He had seen these letters before.

"Holly. Bring up the files on the Quagaar language."

"But they weren't real Arny."

"Just do it." The screen split in half. On the top was the message. On the bottom was what Rimmer had thought was the Quagaar alphabet.

"Holly. As I say letters write them on the screen."

"Ok Arny." Replied Holly mystified. Rimmer spent the next 5 minutes saying letters apparently at random. Finally,

"All right Holly. What does it say?"

"Hdkj jepo woeojepo ej wjn hioe rig."

"OK. My idea was wrong." Rimmer sat down again.

"Just joking Arny. It says:

"Crew of the Vermillion small ship. You have committed an act of blasphemy against the Quagaar. You have violated the tomb of our ancient leader "Charlie". The gods are angry. We are also angry. You must pay with your lives. Message ends."

They all went pale.

"Hang on." Said Holly "I've found out what wavelength they're transmitting on. I should have them on the visiscreen in about 5 seconds. 5 seconds later Lister burst into laughter. The cat and Rimmer looked like they were having problems keeping their laughter in. Kryten alone kept a straight face. The mighty Quagaar commander looked at them.

"Is mirth a sign of respect where you infidels come from?" He asked. Lister tried to explain but got as far as:

"You look like........" before giving in to hysterics again. What it looked like was a roast chicken. Not when it's been cooked. Imagine a chicken you buy in a supermarket. Now imagine it on its side so that the 2 legs stuck out in front complete with bare bones at the bottom. Now imagine it wearing a cloak. Then you'd have a vague impression of what a Quagaar looked like.