So. Back again for chapter 3 of this story. But first once again it's review time.
Well there's not much comments I can make about these two except thank you very much.
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So on with the story.
The Quagaar captain looked down on the giggling form of Lister on the floor. He gave a snort of disapproval.
"Silence!" he boomed. "You have sinned."
"How can we sin against a chicken." Laughed Lister but Rimmer's face had gone green.
"The garbage pod." He said in a hoarse voice.
"What?"
"The garbage pod. I must have been right. It must have been a Quagaar warrior."
"How could it buddy." Said the Cat. "That's crazier than saying that luminous green looks good on everyone." The Quagaar captain was getting annoyed. Here he was announcing he was going to have the entire crew of this ship killed and they were giggling, changing colour and making strange comments about clothes.
"How dare you blaspheme against Luminous Green the colour of Teya Lula if it was possible for you to survive being killed we'd kill you afterwards." Lister tried to picture a Quagaar wearing a luminous green traffic warden's uniform and fell into hysterics again. Rimmer however went white (the Quagaar captain stared at the Cat expecting him to make a comment about clothes but he didn't).
"What do you mean...kill us?"
"You have disturbed the tomb of our great leader "Heinz Baked Beans Multipack" (Lister broke into more hysterics). You must make amends to his soul before he gains permission from the god "Hepatuya" to return to this world and haunt us all."
"Sure." Said Rimmer, brightening up and the sound of this. "How much do we owe you?"
"All your lives!!!" Rimmer fainted.
"How odd." Observed Kryten. "Holograms aren't able to faint." Rimmer got up again. He looked quite embarrassed.
"I knew that." He muttered in a way that fooled no-one. The captain sighed; this was going to take all day. He looked again at the screens; they still would not be in firing range for 5 minutes. 5 minutes of this mindless drivel. He began to wonder whether Heinz Baked Beans Multipack would want these people's souls. Still the law decreed they must be offered to him so...
Back on the Dwarf, Holly noticed something through the windows. She called the others over to look and they all gaped. There in the emptiness of space was a fleet of ships of unimaginable size. Lister broke once more into hysterics. They were all shape like giant chickens only they were green. The crew gazed out in wonderment (with the occasional giggle) at the Quagaar fleet. Onboard the flagship the captain realised that they were in range. Lister's giggles turned to moans of fear as the neck of these chickens fired green beams of light. A few seconds later 1/8 of the dwarf fell away into the emptiness. Alarm bells went off everywhere.
"Emergency, emergency. Hull breached, hull breached." Screamed Holly. "Nanobots initiated to solve the problem. Crew are advised to evacuate ship until told to return." They didn't need telling twice.
The dwarfwers ran down the corridors towards the docking bay. Holly continued screaming reports on the damage as they went. Until...
"Holographic simulation suite hit by fire." Rimmer went pale as his image flickered and died. Lister gaped. Rimmer was destroyed. With the holographic suite destroyed there was no way to bring Rimmer back his personality was stored on disk in there and now...He never thought he'd feel sad but he did. Lister stood there gazing at the deactivated lightbee. A tear fell from his eye. He stood still as explosion after explosion rocked the ship. Kryten tugged at his shoulder.
"Come on sir. There'll be time to celebrate later." Lister nodded.
"You're right. Lets go." They ran on, damage reports flooding their ears. Suddenly Holly announced:
"Computer core destroyed. Holly will now deactivate permanently. Hey wait don't I get any choice in theeeeeeeee........" Holly's image disappeared and a sign appeared in her screen.
"No computer detected. Please install a computer." Even Cat let out a gasp this time. Two of their number killed in as many seconds. They ran on and finally reached the docking bay. Picking a craft at random they climbed in and flew out. Masked by the laser fire the Quagaar did not notice.
"Alright Kryten. Get us the Smeg out of here." Lister shouted. Kryten pulled a leaver marked Ion drive and waited. He pulled it again. Then he looked at the ships registration written above the view screen.
"Smeeee" He muttered. "Sirs. We appear to have picked Starbug 9 as our getaway craft."
"What's wrong with that?" Asked Lister.
"I took out this crafts Ion drive and replaced it with something we were experimenting with onboard the Nova 5. I didn't expect people to use this ship." Behind them a massive explosion lit up the stars. Red Dwarf had been destroyed. With no laser fire to mask them the Quagaar finally saw them. the massive fleet turned and sped after them.
"With no Ion drive this ship will only be able to travel at very slow speeds." The Cat looked at the readouts of the engine.
"I reckon I could hold them off for about one hour before we die." He announced. It was then Lister saw there only chance.
"Kryten." He said. "What exactly where they working on?"
