Causes of Death for Johnny Tremain characters:
(Alphabetically...for the most part...)
Sam Adams: Hobos who finally figured out that he wasn't a hobo at all, but instead just a want-to-be...And also lost to James Otis for Hobo King!!!!!! (Vote James Otis for Hobo King!!!!!!! SAVE ME FROM THE HOBOS...AH...AH...AHAHAHAHA!!!!!..........AH...AH!!! (WEARLY) Ah, well never mind they've gone to their...k...keg of be...beer again...and are listn..listnnin...liststining...to another one of James Otis's speeches. Oh, no!! He's telling them to go to war...and to Go and God go with them...I think I'm out numbered...espically now that they have God on their side. Ut oh, they know that I'm a Sam Adams supporter, and James Otis hates Sam Adams...their old enemies. But...oh, good...he called him an old friend as well. Their coming toward me... 'Hello, fellows...' (little laugh)...there's a large one in front that I think is their leader. A brutish fellow that's nine feet tall and has hair all over his body...rather looks like a ape...Oh...no sir didn't call you an Ape...I swear...Well, you do look rather like an ape don't you?...Wait a second...I'm typing this...and you don't know what I'm typing this so how did you know that I called you an ape?...Well I guess I did just call you one...I think...Oh, no...Oh, no Mr. ...what was your name?...Sasquatch?...yes and how do you spell that?...Oh, not S. A. S. Q. U. A. T. C. H.?... Oh, that is how you spell it but not in lowercases...ah... 'Is there anything that I can do to make it easier to spell, sir?'...Oh, just call you Mr. Bigfoot?...Well sir, I really don't feel good about calling you 'Bigfoot', your feet are big, but look at mine...Ah, well that's very nice of you, Mr. Bigfoot to give me the name of your colber, but you see, I already have one...What do you mean?!...I tell you sir, that my feet are not two big...What? Where do I buy my shoes?...Why at the clown inporium, doesn't everybody?...Well it's not very nice of you to start lauging at my big feet...huh!...Oh, well dry your tears of laughter and tell me what your name is... 'Yeti'? Well Mr. 'Yeti', since you look like the out door type, I will take you for your word. Now, I tell you sir that I am not, a Sam Adams supporter...No, I'm not...I was taken hostage by some of his supporters and they through me down here because I tried to make a brake for it and ran into a wall...So they through me down here with all of James Otis's supporters...What you aren't all James Otis supporters?...No?...Well I though because you were all rallying around him that you...Oh, he's your next...What? He's your next meal?...Well I've fallen into a group of cannibals!...Oh, your not cannibals?...Then what in heaven's name are you?...Ah, you're the people that got smallpox, thrown into a river...oh lake for you...and pond...and another body of water that you really can't think of right now?...This seems fimilar...Ah, and hit by...Limes?...okay, this is getting freky...But you aren't going to eat him...But I thought that you just said that you were going to...Ah, he's a sacrifice to the God's?...(queerly) this is starting to make sence?...Okay, then to what God?...The God of ever death?...Ah, Hates?...no?...Who then?...Oh, no...No!...I tell you Lightning is not a God!...They've started their dance around 'Ben Franklin's rod'...Oh, no...I've got to get out of here...their crazy...Do I want to face these...I don't know what to call them, or do I want to face the drunk Hobo's above with Sam Adams?...Well I guess I'll take my chances underground, since we are under ground there isn't much of a chance that the lightning...will...Ah!!!!...(Chewing) You know I never knew that lightning could strike underground, but, ha, you can't go against the results...This James Otis is fabulous!...What is it really, Mr. Yeti?...Oh, it is James Otis...I can tell that you are...(bite)...Sam Adams supporters, now...Do you add any thing to it Mr. Yeti?...No, really, it just tastes...(bite)...so...(bite)...(Creak)... Oh, no...They've come to take me back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peggy Anderson: Small Pox
Timothy Barton: Over Work
Benjamin Church: Firing Squad
Bessie Clark: A Tiny Piece of Garlic
Justice Dana: A small girl
Will Daws: His horse tripped on the way out to Lexington to rally the Militiamen
Dove: Johnny's Ghost
Lidia Frances: Oh, God I hope she's dead
William Haden: Spelt 'Esquire' wrong in Mr. Lyte's name
Cinacall Hasley: Smallpox
Cynthia Hasley: George, Erenstine, Mary and Samuel
Erenistine Hasley: Smallpox
George Hasley: Smallpox
Mary Hasley: Smallpox
Samuel Hasley: Smallpox
Johnny Hancock: Look in your history books
Linda Jacobson: Smallpox
Little Jehu: A Boston Fishwife (He let John Hancock's horse trample on some flowers)
Dorcas Lapham: To much flower on her face
Ephraim Lapham: Weren't you paying attention
Isannah Lapham: Every one and everything in the known universe
Madge Lapham: Overeating
Maria Lapham: Her husbands kept disappearing on her
Cilla Lapham: Smallpox (I hope!!!!!!)
Aunt Jennifer Lorne: Unknown (Most likely...um...still unknown today...)
Rabbit: A heart attack from the stress of telling everyone that his name wasn't 'Rabbit'...His real name is...Um...it...doesn't...say...Well that's a rip off!
Thomas Lorne: Trying to figure out what his son's name was
Aunt Best Lyte: She was struck down for her Pride...Because as we've learned Pride is a sin...and if you have pride you'll be struck down for it. Proverb Eleven, Verse Two: When pride comeith so shall shame and a haunty spirit...yada, yada, yada...
Jonathan Lyte: The three Ghosts of Christmas present, past and future that came during the night of December 25, in London...(They've now been identified as a young Charles Dickens, Jacob Marley and Ebenezer Scrooge...or possibly members of the Cratchet family)
Livinia Lyte: Plumb cakes, roast turkeys and stuffing, rice pudding, gravy and potatoes marinated pig, limes and Lemons, chocolate and tea, clams and goose and quail.
Sewall: He ran into a wall (and guess what, he didn't see it!!!!!)
Talbot: Who's he?
Thomas McHiggin: Is he even in the story?
Dusty: Didn't clean the house and died of...what else...Smallpox!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No I'm kidding, dust, or maybe smallpox!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or maybe not... (Whimper)
Samuel Miller: When in doubt...Smallpox!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Robert Newman: Paul Revere's faulty lantern...
James Otis: The lightning rod on top of his head!!!!!!!! ((chewing)...Well I'm back. I bet that you didn't think that I'd be back again, did you? Well, now you know...(chewing)...better. Well...Sam Adams is...giving me all that I can eat...mostly James Otis, which I have to say is the best that I've ever had...Well again, I would like to speak on behalf of the Hobo King...Samuel Adams...Old Sammy boy...Yes, that great big lovible cousin of Johnny Adams...Sorry, John Adams...Johnny's his dog, and it's not very nice because if I called him a cousin that would make him a son of...Liberty...Yeah, that it's it...Well I would like to say that I want to take back everything that I said about James Otis, except for the fact that he really was delicious. Now for a little bit of history...You see, why I like to talk about James Otis and Lightning...among other things, such as smallpox...smallpox...smallpox...(Sigh) and of course smallpox, along with getting thrown into rivers is because I have turned, on and off, insane. This going frequently in between sane and crazy is called (By me at least, although the medical cuminity refuses to think of me as a doctor...now at least...but not when I'm crazy...oh, no then it's Doctor Otis, come here into this nice hospital...yeah those were the days...actually that was only two hours ago, which might explain why I'm still in this strait jacket...Yeah, Sammy boy, can you give me a little help here?...Yes, I do regonize you as being alive...(softly) and decaying in your grave...Good thing he didn't see that) Well as I was saying...it is called by Doctor Otis...a. k. a...Me...the James Otis syptom...You see over James Otis' life, up until he died he went in and out of being...Koo..Koo...sorry I do that everytime the hour strikes...now as I was saying he went...Koo..koo...I guess it was two...Koo...Two thirty...Now, as I said James Otis went crazy and this went from the time he was hit on the head by the costoms agent, in 1769 to the time he died in 1783. He was Insane for about ten years...though many say that he was sain...and then only about a month then went crazy again...and this went on for many...many...times...You see he wanted to...um...He thought that...the best way to...He wanted to die...Alright...he wanted to be struck by lightning...Okay...and that's where we get this...absloutly...(chew) meat...delicious. You really shouldn't try to understand me or him (depending on weather I'm absloutly...(minical laugh) crazy.......................Now I know that your just getting sick and tired of me actually telling you real historical facts, so let me talk about small pox once more.....Smallpox, smallpox, smallpox...Now to the tune of jingle bells! Small...pox...small...pox...small...pox. Smallpox, smallpox and smallpox all the way, hey! I just love that word so much. I wouldn't like to get smallpox, I just like typing it though. I wonder what happened to Mr. Yeti, the outdoor guy. Or where Sammy boy went. Or James Otis...oh, yeah right, I knew that. It sure is quiet up here now. And it's getting kind of boring. Everybodys gone, they've left me for dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, well, at least I still have some James Otis left to eat...)
Patty Peterson: As no one is quite sure who exactally she is, lets just be on the safe side...Smallpox.
Paul Revere: The British weren't coming by sea...
Rab Silsbee: If I have to tell you this, you'd better have a good reason why you missed the last quarter of the play.
Colonel Henry Smith: Stupid assistance like stranger.
Major Jacob Stranger: Stupid Colonel's like Smith.
Jack Townsend: Throughing fat privats into the sea.
Will Townsend: ...um...da...smallpox?
Johnny Tremain: He found another sin...And worked on a Sunday! And maybe smallpox...No? Ah, drat!
Joseph Warren: the British marching up Bunker hill...or was it Breeds...no, Bunker...Breeds...Bunker...Breeds!...Bunker!...Breeds!...Well one of those two...hopefully...(Of course he probably didn't know where he was because he was drunk at the time as he had been drinking all night with Paul Revere, and hadn't slept...that was probably why he was so dressed up to go and die. But I still don't get why he was reading Shakespeare instead of fighting, I don't think that anyone gets that really. But oh, well he died like he wanted...up to his ankles in blood...well actually he just fainted because he got blood on his shoes, they were farely knew so he had a reason to faint. Or, maybe the reason the he went to the hill to get killed was because of the bad fitting teath that none other then Paul Revere had made for him. You know I think that Johnny could have done just as good of job as Revere, but no Warren needed to go to a profestional that would actually show him his hand! Well la-te-da...Oh, be quiet, Otis...Shut up Adams...stop making fun of Warren...I said be quite...Oh, shut up...no you shut up...the pithitic thing is that I'm only one person...(minical laugh)...and that person is...None other then...Da-da-da...Joseph Warren...the tiny little person...Oh my gosh, my head hurts. Sorry I have to be leaving so soon, but there's kind of this big battle on this small hill, I have to go and be one of the one hundred casulities. The only general to get killed but you know, you have to fight...Are you so sure that you have to fight?...James!...John shut up...Ah, Johnny boy now you're here...oh, be quiet Sam...Johnny, old cousin of mine, who's side are you on?...For what?...Hobo King of course...You really want to know?...Yes, of course...(pause)...I can't tell you...Why?...Abby, my wife, says not to get into politics...You Johnny, in politics?...Yes, Sam, I'm sorry...Well I'd never...Hey, it's not my fault that she like that...No but it's your fault that you married her...Really? My fault? How else was I ever going to become a layer? If I didn't marry into her family, I would have lost more then half the town of Braintree. Her parents have a lot of children you know...Yes I know...So will you tell us then?...I told you I can't...Ah, Johnny just for old times sake?...Okay, then...Ben Franklin...he's running for Hobo King?...Yes, I'm sorry...But he's not even a Boston man...No actually he was born and raised in Boston...The only reason why your voting for him is because he's in the congress isn't it, John?...Well...I'm in the congress to! (Sam starts crying)...So am I...And who are you, pray tell?...Don't you regonize me Johnny? I'm Johnny!...Who's that?...Johnny Hancock?...No, not ringing any bells...My signatures so big the only one that can read it is God!...Oh, that Johnny Hancock, didn't you just get into the fabric business...Yeah, but it really hasn't been good...Oh, sorry to hear that, Johnny boy...Those things happen, John...Yeah...Hey, didn't you say that Ben Franklin's running for Hobo King, John?...Yeah, why?...Nothing, he just doesn't seem like the Hobo type, I mean, yeah half of what he does, does, but not the other half...Yeah, it's proabibly just a publicity stunt, like what that Virginian did to get to be commander and chief...Who did what?...Oh, nothing Joe, just that George Washington dressed up in his uniform when he went to congress...(mocking) Dressed up in his uniform to congress, bla, bla, bla...Why are you so mad John?...Oh, Jim, he wanted the job...Oh...No I didn't. But come on that guy was a total phoney, about as phoney as you can get. I mean when I saw him stand up I thought that the British were coming into our state house...Good thing I wasn't around for that, I was dead by that time wasn't I?...Yes, Joe, you were...I knew that, Sam...Then why did you ask?...Filler...Oh, filler...But that Washington guy, he's ain't that great, I mean I could have done just as good of job as him...Oh, I'm sure...I could have...Right...I could have Sam...Sure, so...oh, hey Paul...Hey, Sam. Just parked my horse out side, no body's leaven soon, right? Else I could move it...No, I'm not, not too soon at least. Hey you got one of those new fangled utility horses, don't you Paul?...Yeah, kinda'. Actually we got a mini-horse. Twice as big as a regular horse, but not as big as a big horse. Rachel made me get ride of my old horse, militia. Boy I loved that horse, but she says that we have so many kids now, that we need it...But ain't that new horse, four-holf drive...Yeah, oh, boy that's sweet...I can imagine. So how's your oldest Debby?...Oh, Ma ain't doin' so good nowadays...No, I mean you daughter...Yeah?...Your mother's your daughter?...Yeah?...(What?)...(No one can quite figure out what he's talking about...or why the founding fathers have developed such bad grammer, and spellin'.)
