Cut this picture into you and me
Burn it backwards kill this history
Make it over make it stay away
Or hate'll say the ending that love started to stay
There's a kid a floor below me saying brother can you spare
Sunshine for a brother old man winter's in the air
Walked me up a story asking how you are
Told me not to worry you were just a shooting star

Elliott Smith, Sweet Adeline

These Strange Conditions

3: Drifting in Limbo

IT TOOK A SERIOUS AMOUNT OF COURAGE for Brooke to finally make her way down the old wooden stairs. Her arms were wrapped around herself protectively as she struggled with a feverish desire to run back upstairs to the comforting embrace of James'. She silently cheered as her fierce independence rose and conquered her desire. This was her life. She had no reason to be terrified of Lucas Scott. Ten years had been plenty of time to heal—

But there were still scars.

Some scars had already made their mark long before Lucas. Terrible scars of her parents' abandonment and broken promises had steeled her for years to come. The intensity of independence and her desire to be more than just a good mother to Sarah overrode the pain most days.

Lucas' scars on her heart were of a completely different nature. There were miles of broken promises. Lucas had taken her heart.

Peyton had asked her once before how he was any different from any other of her conquest back when the three of them had entered that vicious cycle of a love triangle. But she could never truly bring herself to explain her side of her relationship with Lucas.

Lucas had genuinely wanted to know her. It was a complete mystery to her why anyone would, years of building walls and neglect had made her cautious, but Lucas had managed to break through that. It had scared, thrilled, and left her in a wavering state of bewilderment. She is— no, was— uncontrollable when it came to Lucas Scott.

She rubbed her hands against her arms.

"Mummy! You're okay!"

The whirlwind known as her daughter barreled into her shaky embrace. "Sarah, darling— I'm fine."

The ten year-old girl looked up, tears glittering in her eyes. "You had me worried," she accused quietly. "You promised you weren't going to work too hard on vacation."

Work? She mused in puzzlement. Jamie. He must have told Sarah that she had been up late grading papers. She sighed with an emotional mix between gratefulness and irritation.

"I'm sorry, baby," she murmured, kneeling in front of her daughter. She placed her hands on her shoulders. "I didn't sleep very well last night, so I tried to grade papers to help me fall asleep. I didn't realize how tired I was. I'm sorry I scared you."

Sarah's lips trembled. "And it had nothing to do with Mr. Scott?"

Her throat caught and her eyes widened. Brooke began to feel light headed. Had someone told her something?

"Where did you hear that, darling girl?" She asked softly, brushing some hair out of Sarah's face.

"I heard Jamie and Grandma talking. Everybody's worried about you. Grandma said that Mr. Scott was asking about you. She said that he was in the library on the phone, I think. I'm sorry, Mummy, I didn't mean to listen when I—"

Sarah sniffed and Brooke forced a watery smile on her lips. She tapped her daughter on her nose. "Don't worry about it, darling girl. Listen, go upstairs and pull out the movie I promised you. See if Jamie wants to watch a movie too."

"You're going to find, Mr. Scott," her daughter said softly, accusations empty from her voice.

She stood, giving her daughter a reassuring smile. "I'll tell you about it later," she offered half-heartily. Much later, she added silently. When you're older. "I just want to apologize to Mr. Scott and his friends for scaring them. I'll be back."

Sarah nodded her acceptance and ran up the stairs, yelling for Jamie to get a head start on picking a movie. Brooke allowed herself a real smile. There wasn't a day that hadn't gone by that she hadn't thanked God for her daughter. In fact, her daughter was probably the sole reason she had even remotely started to go back to church.

"Brooke."

She stiffened, staring straight ahead and preparing herself for the worst. Subconsciously, she began to chant his name as if she were a little girl wishing the boogey man away. Lucas, Lucas, Lucas... Her heart began to beat in symphony with her chanting mantra.

Go away. Go away. Go away.

She turned around and forced herself to focus on a spot his head. She knew that if she met his gaze, she would crumble.

"Lucas," she breathed shakily, cursing at her lack of control. She pulled her sweater closer to her body, wishing that she wasn't standing in front of her past and that she somewhere away— with Jamie, Sarah, anybody.

She needed sanctuary.

"That's it?"

Her eyes widened incredulously. "What do you mean that's it?"

It was then that she made the mistake of meeting his gaze. She couldn't pull away. It was almost surreal, she mused dazedly. These were the very eyes that had haunted her through the first couple years of her bitter loneliness. The very same eyes that always seemed to know her.

"Brooke, I do—"

She snapped out of her daze and threw her hands up. "We do you expect me to say, Lucas? It's been ten years. Ten Years. Since you obviously know what to say why don't you tell me?"

He didn't answer, staring at her with a hooded gaze. It was then when she began to see bits of Sarah in him. The same sandy-brown hair the stubbornly falling over his eyes, the well-defined lines of his features, and—

His smile.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I'm not going about this the right way."

She shook her head. "I don't even know why I—"

He grabbed her arm, stopping her early rant.

"I've spent the last ten years missing you, Brooke."

She found she had lost all ability to speak.

TBC

A/N: There's a method to my madness, I promise. I'm actually musing on incorporating some aspects of the season premiere into the fic, but we'll see. Keep all those lovely review coming, guys! I can't thank you enough.

I'm glad people seem to be liking Jamie. I'm having fun with him. Brooke needs an all-around dependable guy...

Next time: Brooke and Lucas attempt to talk despite the countless interruptions.