Hey, I'm finally finished with chapter 8. (Phew!) Took me a bit of a long time, but I've been pretty busy, so forgive me. I'll try to get things up quicker from now on, but I make no promises. I hope you all like it, I worked hard! Thanks for all the reviews, and keep it up!

Knives' Angel

Chapter 8- Dearest

It was late, long past the time when I usually fell asleep. Something was keeping me up, something that had been bothering me for the past couple weeks. Did Knives really care about me?

Ever since I had become a Plant and been resurrected, he had started to act as though he had feelings for me. It made me glad, but I couldn't help but be doubtful. From all the experience I had with him he seemed incapable of caring for anyone, even his own brother. Why then would he choose to show affection towards me of all people? It didn't matter that I was a Plant now; I still didn't think it was possible for him to care for me.

I felt stupid thinking about all this again, it had to be at least the thousandth time. That first day, I had thought about it until it made me cry. With all that had been going on in the past weeks, it made me wonder if the unthinkable was happening. It was almost I dare think it-were we falling in love? I knew it didn't seem plausible, but everything seemed to point to that conclusion. All of the long embraces, the kisses brushed across my forehead frequently for no reason, the sweet words I long to hear, this was my heaven. I didn't like to admit it, but that was what I lived for now. The outside world was as good as nonexistent, all of its troubles and problems disappearing within this place.

This was the closest I'd ever been to happiness in my life, but the same thought kept lurking in the back of my head. This happiness wasn't mine to have, and Knives wasn't mine to love. Vash was the only one worthy of his affections, though he could never cherish them as I did. He knew that he could have them whenever he wanted, but he would never want them. That alone made me jealous, that the one person worthy of Knives' love would never appreciate or accept it. I was just a substitute, a replacement for the one he truly wanted by his side. Eventually I would lose my place and be alone again, I knew it.

I felt like I had been born only to die inside, fixed only to be broken again. I would never be complete, never be perfect. It wasn't fair; I just wanted to be loved. Was that so impossible?

"Cant sleep again?" Knives asked as he let himself inside my room. I nodded slowly, realizing for the first time I that I had been sitting up in bed. I could feel the bed shift slightly as he sat down next to me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

"Something bothering you?"

I wanted to tell him everything, but I knew it wouldn't help. If he really wanted to know what was the matter he could just read my mind, so what was the point in asking?

"If you don't tell me what's wrong, I can't try and fix it." he said with concern. I could tell I wasn't getting out of this until I told him something. This was one of the few ways he exerted his power over me lately, not letting me off the hook until he was sure that I had told him exactly what was on my mind. If I didn't, he would be sure that something was amiss with me, and pester me about it for so long that it was easier to tell him than keep silent.

"It's not anything that you did. It's just me. "I mumbled without making eye contact with him.

I heard him let out a deep and mildly exasperated sigh before taking my chin in his hand lightly and forcing me to look at him.

"Try again. I know you can't lie when you're looking right at me." he reminded me with a tinge of his old smugness in his voice.

"That doesn't seem fair at all." I managed to say halfheartedly.

"I wouldn't have to do it if you just told me truthfully the first time I asked. I'm worried about you. Now tell me what you really meant to tell me."

He had me locked in his unrelenting gaze, and I found unsurprisingly that I couldn't look away.

"I don't want this all to end." I answered finally, my voice quieter than usual.

"What do you mean? Why would it end?"

"Because I'm just a stand-in for Vash. I'm not complaining or being ungrateful, but I know that I'm only here because he isn't."

Knives said nothing and looked away from me momentarily. I didn't like this silence, so I forged on to finish what I was going to say.

"I just wanted to know...am I your anything? I...do I mean anything to you?" I asked as I felt the tears building up in my eyes. Knives was still silent, but in the dark I saw him flop down into my pillows.

"You've always meant something to me. How could you not? Every day I treated you like you were lower than dirt and made you feel inferior, but you don't hate me. You took care of me when I needed you the most, and I never even thanked you for it. I would probably be dead right now if it wasn't for you, but I never appreciated you at all. For all that time I abused you and damn near broke you without any regret...but you still stood by me."

"Of course I did...what else could I have done? You're the only thing I've ever known, so I have to stand by you...as long as you want me to. You are the first thing I can remember, and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. It didn't really matter how bad you treated me because I always thought I deserved it. It's like...you're my entire life." I finished, at a loss of what else to say. I had just told him exactly how I felt, and now he knew everything.

"I'm not worthy of that kind of devotion. I never did anything good for you to deserve your affection. After all, I've been trying most of my life to force my values on someone who will never accept them. I wasted all my time on that and never noticed anything else around me, including you. Why haven't you just abandoned me yet?" he asked again, still grasping for understanding.

"I'm here because I want to be. I like being around you, especially now more than ever. Besides, it's not like I have anywhere else to go." I said with a small smile.

"Neither do I." he whispered as he pulled me down next to him. "The place I want to be...I've decided that it's with you."

I stared at him in confusion for a second, not believing what I had just heard. He wanted to be with me? I wasn't anybody; I especially wasn't someone he would choose to stay with, to love. I wasn't Vash.

"Do you want to be with me?" he asked quietly, looking me straight in the eyes. All I could do was nod my head, for fear I wouldn't be able to say it to him. It wasn't that I didn't want to be with him, it was just the opposite. My problem was that I felt selfish almost in affirming my feelings for him. I didn't deserve him; I knew that from the start.

"It's alright. You don't need to feel like that anymore. I want to be with you, shouldn't that make you feel worthy enough?"

I stayed silent, allowing him to run his fingers through my hair absently. This is where I always wanted to be, wasn't it? Right here in his arms, without another care in the world. This was where I was finally happy, really happy. It wasn't the temporary veneer of self satisfaction I felt after killing, that always went away and left me empty and cold. What I felt now was genuine like I could reach out and touch it, just like I could reach out and touch Knives.

"I want to be with you too. You make me...happy." I breathed as I drew myself closer to him. At this he smiled, silently acknowledging my words. I could feel his heart beating against my own, his breath nearly in synch with mine. For a moment it seemed as if we were connected somehow, in the place where I ended and he began.

"I love you." he sighed in my ear, tracing my jaw line with soft kisses. I turned my head to look at his face, and I saw that he wasn't lying. This was what I had wanted for all my life, and now I had it. I had always gone over this moment in my head, pretending that it was taking place. For years I knew exactly what I would say, long eloquent ways of reciprocating his feelings of love for me. Now, no words at all came to mind, no beautiful poetic confessions from my fantasies.

"I love you too." I answered as I felt my cheeks burning red. Hooking one leg over mine and pulling me up against him he replied, "Then that's all that really matters, right?"

Nodding slightly I felt his lips brush against mine, initiating a kiss. A little shocked, I went along with it, inexperienced as I was. He was leading me through it like an old pro, seemingly trying to educate me as we went along.

"You can kiss me back you know, I'm not going to bite your tongue off." Knives interjected into my thoughts, noticing I was a little hesitant.

"I don't know how." I admitted sheepishly, feeling undeserving and unworthy. I knew so many things about pain, yet I knew next to nothing about pleasure.

"Its alright, you'll be an expert when I'm through with you."

His tongue explored my mouth freely, all the while encouraging me to do the same. Diffident still, I began to give into his physical pleas for his actions to be reciprocated. I played right into his hands, allowing myself to become as carried away in ecstasy as he was.

Devouring each other like two beasts with insatiable hunger, the heat of our bodies rose and painted watery mist upon the stained windows. We were two beings indulging in the most primal instinct of all, feeding off each others desires to fulfill our own erotic hunger. And in that, the world stood still as if holding its breath.

Knives' POV

Our passions subsided; I lay there in a haze of fading euphoria. My breath was still coming hard and heavy, I watched as my sweat-slicked chest rose up and down erratically.

Looking over at the clock, I saw that it was nearly four in the morning. Heaving a sigh and trying to get my breathing back under control, I realized I didn't want to walk back to my room.

"Hey, do you care if I sleep here?" I asked wearily as I stared at the blank ceiling. Silence answered me, along with the gentle exhalations of sleep. I didn't feel right just going to bed with him, so I started to get up.

"Don't go." Legato mumbled as he reached out and grabbed my arm. I sank back down into the mattress, smiling as I did so. When he was asleep, he almost seemed...cute.

"I don't want to be alone." He whimpered once I was safely back by his side. I'd always wondered why exactly I chose him to take Vash's place, but now I knew it was because deep down they were all too similar.

"I wont leave you alone." I thought to myself as I held him close. "After I take care of something, I'll come back and we can be together. But that cant happen until I face him..."

Well, what did you think? Keep the reviews up, and I promise I'll work real hard on the next chapter!

Knives' Angel