Authors Note: Thank you everyone who reviewed! There were a few things I forgot to say: T.O.S. is short for Star Trek, The Original Series, And the song at the end of the chapter was "Lonely" by Britney Spears, albeit with a few words changed. I'm sorry for the confusion! This first part will probably be uncomfortable for the devoted H/Ger, but stay with me and love conquers all!
Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine, they all belong to the lovely Joanne Kathleen Rowling. I claim the plot alone, so please don't sue me!
"Fear. It's a most wonderful thing. It is the most powerful force in the human world. Not love, not hate. Fear." Buffy the Vampire Slayer "Nightmares"
Ginny knew, standing there in the dark forest,shadow's dancing around her, surrounded by (thank the Powers) invisible horses; she knew, with every fiber of her being, that she had to go with him. Not because she wanted to prove herself, not because she loved him (as a brother, she assured herself), not even because it was the right thing to do. She had to go. Something deep inside her was forcing her to. She felt, as she never had before, a magical bond with this boy, this man. And all she could think about was whatever was needed, she would do to protect him.
And so she flew on invisible horses, went on a mad chase through the ministry, came face to face with Death Eater's, ran, fought, and nearly died more than once. It was only as she sat in the hospital wing hours later that she managed to look beyond the screaming necessity and bothered to cast her mind to the inexplicable reason why she had needed to go. After nearly half an hour of thought (and feigning sleep when Madame Pomfrey came near) it finally occurred to her.
She had heard second hand, through Hermione, about life debts. As she thought it over, cursing her stupidity, she came to the startling realization that she was tied to Harry. No matter what she did, no matter how long they lived, she would forever be in his debt. A
magical debt.
A binding debt.
She closed her eyes, slowly exhaling, I'm so not ready for this kind of commitment.
center /center
i The world swirled around her. Colors and faces and sounds danced before her eyes and her mind. Briefly she saw terrified faces before peace returned. She fought the peace with every bit of strength she had, a constant, exhausting battle. She never won. And every night when she finally returned to herself she was so worn out that she collapsed on her bed, succumbing to the sweet peace of dreams unhaunted by terror. When she woke, she was sure that it had all been a nightmare, for reality was sharp and harsh, and these times were blurred and soft. Sometimes in the morning there would be a sign of the Heir, sometimes not. It was these normal, uneventful mornings that convinced her that the dreams were in fact dreams, brought on by the fear of the monster and the stress of her classes. She knew she wasn't connected to the events at all. /i
The summer after her fourth year was stressful. Once again they were forced to return to Grimauld Place, and reminders of Sirius were everywhere. Two weeks into the summer Harry came to join them, which didn't help anyone's mood. He was angry, sarcastic, withdrawn, and never made it through a sentence without mentioning his departed Godfather. While Ginny sympathized with him, it was all becoming a bit much for her to handle. The dreams had never stopped, so she rarely got a good nights sleep. Ron and Hermione were suddenly privy to Order Meetings (Harry was practically dragged to them, no one wanted to be accused of keeping him in the dark), while Ginny was not. Her O.W.L.'s were coming up this year, and she studied almost constantly to alleviate boredom. Her mother constantly nagged her about her schoolwork, her chores, her friends, and, most annoyingly, her love life. And every time she saw Harry the world would go silent, her head would throb, her heart would pound, her stomach would churn, and no matter what she did, she couldn't help but hang on to his every word, sarcastic as it might be.
One day, a package arrived when everyone was in a meeting in the kitchen. Assuming it was from the order (who else had this address?) she reached in and grabbed the object. A bolt of electricity shot through her and she recoiled as if bitten. Slowly, without realizing it, she put her hand back in and drew out the object. It was Tom's diary. She wanted to scream to fling it away from her but she couldn't. Of it's own accord her hand gently placed the diary in her pocket, and, overriding her desire to run to the kitchen screaming, she turned and calmly walked up the stairs to her room, went inside, and began to calmly read a book.
That night at dinner she desperately tried to tell someone, anyone, about what was happening. All she could do however, was stare at Harry, listen to the conversations, especially the whispered one's, and keep a had on her wand. Sometime during desert she snuck a knife into her pocket, a voice whispering that it wouldn't do for Dumbledore to sense magic. As she left the table with everyone else a hand grabbed her shoulder and pulled her into a room.
"Are you ok Ginny?" Harry's rough voice whispered in her ear.
"Of course I am, why?" Her voice was tiny and shy.
"You've been starring at me all night." To her astonishment, she blushed.
Harry must have seen, because he cleared his throat and released her. Walking past her he muttered, "You looked, very, er, nice tonight Gin." She watched him go, mentally cursing his stupidity. Couldn't he know that she wasn't being herself? Didn't he realize she was over him, that she was beyond stammering and blushing. Couldn't he see through the act? Her body turned and calmly walked up the stairs, and prepared for bed.
After hours of lying in bed she sat up, careful not to wake Hermione, and reached for the bedside table's drawer. Pulling it open, she took out the knife she had smuggled. She stood up, pulled on her robe and tiptoed down the hall. Her mind was reeling, she had no idea what was going to happen. Padding to a door, she realized with a jolt that it was Ron and Harry's. Franticly she tried to stop her self from opening the door, but had completely lost control. Leaving the lights off, she walked over to stand by Harry's bed. As she raised the knife over his chest she heard Tom's voice whisper that he was only protected from i magical /i attacks.
center i Long lost words whisper slowly to me
Still can't find what keeps me here
When all this time I've been so hollow inside
I know you're still there
Watching me, wanting me
I can feel you pull me down
Fearing you hating you
I won't let you pull me down
Hunting you I can smell you - alive
Your heart pounding in my head
Watching me, wanting me
I won't let you pull me down
Saving me, raping me, watching me
Watching me, wanting me
I can let you pull me down
Fearing you... hating you
I won't let you pull me down /center /i
