"Just in case you're asking yourself: "How the fuck could me and my buddy end up in close company with a psychotic killer, let me reflect on what actually happened today..."
-
I was in town for a few days, checking out some friends, getting drunk, I was on my fucking holiday and I was enjoying it.
-
Budd lifted his 9mm...
"And just off the record – I'm not enjoying this shit right now."
...And shot a hole right through Evan's shoulder, as the poor piece of shit tried to yell his way through his taped lips. And when I say taped, I don't mean cello tape; I mean his lips were fucking tuckered.
-
So, like I said, I was having a good time and one night, I went to this joint called "La Granda"
-
He lit a cigarette, exhaled and sat down on a chair right in front of Evan and his comrade Klaus.
"Ever been to that one?" He asked them with genuine interest.
Of course, he didn't get an answer.
"No? Well, pay a visit sometime and take your kids with ya, they'll love it!" Budd said, watching blood dripping out of their mouths.
"Care for a Kleenex?" He laughed.
-
Back to my story, boys:
So there I was in that joint, minding my business and drunk as a skunk, when this fine ass blonde came up to my table. She said she was French, but I didn't remember her name...fuck it, anyway: she came up to me and asked if I wanted to buy her a drink.
The music was loud as fuck, so I leaned forward and she repeated her request, but in such a way that I knew that she didn't just want a drink, she was in the mood to fuck my brains out. So I happily agreed and gave her some cash as she walked up to the barman, shaking that ass of hers like she was going for a record or something.
He gives her a glass of scotch and she just cants that booze down like it was fucking ice tea! And then she just walks away, but before she does, she gives me that follow-me-and-I'll-show-you-everything-finger and blows me a kiss.
-
"Damn, boys, I've been come on to more than a couple of times in my life, but this was truly something special!" Budd giggled, pouring himself some Chivas Regal.
-
So I get off my ass and follow hers upstairs. Yeah, that joint even has upstairs rooms like those old saloons in those old Westerns would have! I follow her up those stairs, anticipating the fuck of a lifetime, as she opens a door and waves me inside. I straighten my clothes, breathe in, breathe out and walk into the room.
She's already lying there, with that gorgeous body of hers. And just when I shut the goddamn door, you know what happens? I see my fucking brother standing behind it with that fucking grin of his.
For a minute we just look at each other, before he tells that girl to scram and me to sit my ass down.
-
"That motherfucker!" Budd laughed, lighting another smoke. "I'm all for brotherly heart-to-hearts but couldn't he have picked a better time?"
-
So we have one of these talks: he tells me he needs my assistance with a pair of punky little twits. I tell him I'm on fucking holiday. We have a little fight, he calls me an ignorant, pedophile jerk-off, and I call him a hard-assed old faggot. Then I accept.
-
"And as chess players like to say: the rest is history!" Budd laughs again, leaving his chair and throwing on some honky-tonk music.
"You know what pisses me off most of all?" Budd asked, picking up his Hanzo sword. "That girl went back to his room!"
"That's just so much like that bastard!" He complained, slicing Klaus' torso open. "What a fucking egomaniac!"
