Hey Kids- Thanks for reading, and especially for reviewing! I can't believe no one has flamed this yet. Maybe all the would-be flamers are taking my advice on better outlets for their anger? For this chapter, you may direct all your anger at the telemarketer who woke me up this morning.
Chapter 5, or "When Bad Dialog Happens to Good Characters"
To recap: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, James, Remus, and Sirius are all in their late teens, and therefore dead sexy, and are going to tell Dumbledore of their time traveling.
Dumbledore is in his office, being very wise.
""Tis a strange tale, thee doth tell." He says, nodding wisely.
"Uh, Sir, why are you talking like that?"
"Alas, 'tis the teenage fanfic authors. When they try to make me not sound like a sixteen-year-old American, I inevitably end up sounding ridiculous. Methinks I must always be-eth a bad imitation of what is supposed to be Shakespeare, or talk like Yoda, I do. Apparently my wisdom is such that it can only be expressed through truly appalling grammar."
"So, what do we do about the time traveling?" Asks Hermione.
"Alas, tell you, I will not."
"But, why not? Don't you know?"
"Of course I do. I know everything. But if I just fixed everything, which I am perfectly capable of doing mind you, there would be no time for ye olde cliched subplot of romance. Besides, I prefer to watch thee all bungle it up and laugh at thee. Forsooth."
"So what do we do?"
"I dunno. Probably thou should to to the library and look for a book called "What To Do If You've Broken Your Time-Turner And Travelled Back To Your Parents School Days And Are Really Sexy" or something of the sort. Then thou shalt probably have to go and search for some magical object to take thee back, but the plot will never get that far because thou shalt all be too busy snogging each other. Hark! That's the most important thing, thou must snog."
"Wow, Dumbledore sure is wise." Harry said as they left his office.
"Am I the only one who noticed he didn't actually tell us anything?" Remus remarked, again being the smart-can-be-sexy one.
"We should really try that snogging thing." Suggests Sirius.
"I really only want to snog Evans." Remarks James. "But you have red hair," (To Ginny). "So I could make an exception."
"So it's all just arbitrary snogging?" Hermione asks.
"Of course not! It's so much more. We're all deeply in love and committed. And sexy."
"To who?"
"You! I'm in love with you Hermione!" Sirius declares. "Or was it Ginny? Oh, wait....Remus, I'm in love with Remus!"
"Damn." Says Ginny. "Don't tell me I walked into another slash fic!"
~~Younger readers run away screaming at the words "slash fic".~~
"Actually authors are pretty divided on which side I play for." Sirius continues. "So Hermoine, if you're interested...."
"Actually, you're really not my type. It's more cliched if I end up with Remus, since we're both smart and bookish."
"Just you wait then!" Sirius adds. "In twenty years I'm going to be dark and brooding and tragically flawed, maybe then?"
"Yeah, maybe, for those who are into the cross-generation thing."
Right, this is pretty much where I ran out of steam on this one. Luckily, that's about the attention span of most of the authors as well. For "research" purposes I looked at a few time turner fics, and most of them were so atrocious I couldn't read any further. I haven't decided what the next chapter will be yet...ideas are welcome....might do a Draco/Hermione one? What do you all think? Oh, and Valentia- good idea on the "Playing truth or dare" plotline, I actually have to go read some of those, since I usually ignore them. (Oh, and "slash fics" will get their own chapter, I just thought I'd throw it in here as well.)
