Well, in order to write this chapter, I wandered around a bit reading some Draco/Hermione fics. I won't name any names, but there are some bad ones. For this chapter, you should direct your anger at Washington Metro Area Transit Authority, because they pissed me off in a number of ways today.
Chapter 6, or "Hidden Love" or "Secret Passion" or "Hidden Secret Passionate Love"—All the Titles are Roughly the Same
Hermione was very excited to return to her seventh year at Hogwart's, especially because she was Head Girl.
~~Obviously.~~
Over the summer, she had gotten a makeover with the help of her American cousin. She was now absolutely stunning, and was going by some sort of hideous and out-of-character nickname like "Mione" or "Mia" or something because "Hermione" is not a cool enough name for the author. She was also happy to see her best friend, Harry Potter, and her friend-who-has-been-in-love-with-her-since-second-year-but-that-is-going-to-be-completely-ignored-for-this-fic, Ron. But as Harry and Ron talked about quidditch, because that is always what they do when Hermione needs to have a long, soulful, internal monologue, her eyes drifted involuntarily to the Slytherin table, and she saw Him.
She was not sure exactly when she had fallen in love with Draco Malfoy…maybe it was that time he called her a mudblood, or that other time he called her a mudblood, or that time he made fun of her, or that time he cursed her, or that other time he called her a mudblood. She just wasn't sure, but she was sure of one thing, she loved him desperately with every fiber of her being. Her summer had been an agonizing agony of darkest despair without the sight of his aerodynamic hairstyle, his cold eyes…
~~Note: Draco's eyes are never colors, they are always temperatures.~~
…his smug and sneering expression, his incredibly sculptured, rippling muscles. And did she mention his muscles? You could grate cheese on those abs.
"Mione, why are you looking at that huge git Malfoy?" Ron asks, rudely interrupting her melodramatic and out-of-character wistful pining.
"He's not a git Ron!" She insisted, becoming irrationally angry. "Although there is absolutely NO evidence to support it in canon, I think he's really just tragically misunderstood and abused by his deliciously evil father."
Looking around haughtily, he caught her eye across the hall. For a moment, she was frozen, staring into their icy, frigid depths, and then, his lips parted, and he mouthed "mudblood". Hermione's heart melted. She began to weep, while Harry and Ron tried to comfort her in a totally platonic way.
Meanwhile, at the Slytherin table Draco is sneering and posing for all he's worth. He is acting even more smug than usual because he is now head boy.
~~Bet nobody saw that one coming.~~
"Draco, what did you do this summer?" Asked CrabbeOrGoyle.
"Mostly I went torturing and killing muggles with my father, and was horribly abused. First we *censored* and then *censored* and then we *censored* with a *censored* and *censored* and a llama."
"Wow, I wish my Dad was as cool as yours." Sighed CrabbeOrGoyle wistfully, before remembering it was not appropriately thug-like to be wistful.
"And now you're head boy." Said CrabbeOrGoyle. "Too bad you're going to have to work with that mudblood."
"Yeah." Agreed Draco, though inside he was disagreeing strongly. Oh, the torture of having to keep up appearances, to have to pretend to be the evil heir of the evil servant of the evil overlord. For while Draco kept up the appearance of a good Slytherin, inside he was not a bit evil, but nice and sweet, and slightly effeminate. He did not really want to follow his father into the family business of death and destruction, he just wanted to open a bakery. He would have looked wistful, but then everyone would see through his evil bastard disguise.
Yes, Draco was no longer truly the sneering, nasty little punk that he had been in canon, because this was fanfiction, and he had been transformed by his secret, hidden, overwhelming love for Hermione Granger.
He gazed longingly across the Great Hall, and spotted her longingly sitting at the Gryffindor Table, longingly. (Insert seven pages of nauseating description of Hermione's enchanting, enthralling, exhilarating beauty. Be impressed by Author's use of alliteration) Suddenly, she looked towards him. Their eyes met! And Draco felt as though fireworks were going off in his heart. He felt such a rush of passionate longing it was unbearable. Such pain, such agony, such longing! "Oh, why oh why must my father be so sadistic and abusive?" He wept.
CrabbeOrGoyle and CrabbeOrGoyle looked at each other in confusion. "Uh, Draco?"
"Oh..uh...I mean...er, I shall tell my Father about having to work with that mudblood, certainly he will not stand for it."
But inside his heart was breaking. It's so hard to be a misunderstood evil-minion-in-training.
When dinner was finished, Dumbledore said something wise and deep and meaningful. that the author will leave out because she can't actually think of anything wise and deep and meaningful. Then as the students were leaving, he asked to see the Head Boy and Girl. Draco quickly switched from his "expression of wistful longing" to his "expression of sneering contempt."
"Since I have predictably made you, Hermione, head girl, and inexplicably put someone like you Draco, as head boy as part of a contrived plot device, you will not be living in the regular dormitories, since the head boy and girl have a special place to live, and despite the fact that it is wildly inappropriate and would never happen, you will be sharing a huge and ridiculously fancy room!"
Much drama ensues as Malfoy and Hermione have lots of staged arguments where they throw un-original insults at each other to cover up their true feelings of luuuuuuv.
Finally, in a nauseating scene that will include much weeping and angst and flowery language, they confess their secret love and snog enthusiastically.
~~Readers hope the author is too young to be comfortable writing smut, because otherwise there will be a truly horrible sex scene with truly horrible dialog and even worse description of anatomy that will make us all cringe.~~
But all will not be happily ever after, for Lucius Malfoy, in all his delicious evilness, has a very evil plan to break up the tragic, angsty young lovers.
"Muwahahah!" he cackles maniacally for dramatic effect. "I will kill Hermione Granger so that my son will become bitter over his lost love and want to become evil like me." He says, with an evil toss of his hair.
"I am going to uncharacteristically defy my father and take the side of my secret love Hermione." Cries Draco defiantly, in a very rebellious and defiant way. "I refuse to be evil and be drawn into your evil life of evilness!"
He confronts Lucius in a dramatic confrontation, with Hermione steadfastly by his side, and they somehow (how exactly is never explained) defeat Voldemort and all the evil in the world with the awesome power of their luuuuuuuv.
Epilogue: They move to a sunny, happy, joyful place in the country where they have many adorable, cute, little babies.
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Ideas for the next chapter?
