Tainted White

- Crimson Drops -

By: Lil' Amethyst Angel

Summary: Omi is not as happy as everyone thinks. Weiss never looks behind the smile, but what happens when his façade starts to crack? Will someone be there to pick up the pieces?

Warnings: OOC (dark Omi), angst, swearing, self mutilation (cutting), and drugs.

Omi's POV

In the two weeks since I have met Aki I have met with him five times, not counting our first encounter. I'll admit that he is interesting. One minute he playing around, having fun like a five-year-old and the next he holds a look of wise perception. Sometimes he seems to be able to get into my head so well it scares me. Right now, we are taking a walk through the park, down the street from the flower shop. Last night Weiss had another mission. I am tired and annoyed since some bastard hit me on the head with a friggin' vase and gave me a large bump. Why a vase, of all things? Still, I smile my largest fake smile and try to listen intently to Aki. I think he is talking about something to do with school. He suddenly stops.

"Omi..." He pauses looking at me as if scrutinizing me. I just continue to smile in response. "You know, you don't have to smile when you're not happy." I immediately stop smiling. I look at him with a shocked expression.

"What do you mean?" I quickly slip my smile back on.

"I've noticed your smiles...they're so cold. They are very rarely real. It's like...like you're hiding behind fake cheerfulness. I want to know the real you, Omi." I can't help gaping at him. This is not right. He can see through me. He knows I'm lying. How can he see through my mask when no one else can? Not even Weiss could see. They never suspect anything. No. He can't know the real me. That would make me vulnerable. No. I won't be vulnerable.

"I don't know what you mean. My smiles are real." I continued to smile, but my voice was cold, warning him to back down. He sighed.

"Sorry, I guess I was wrong." Aki, thankfully, didn't bring it up for the rest of our walk.

That night I am up in my room alone. The fact that Aki could see through my smile seriously disturbed me. My fingers begin to twitch and I know what I want. It's been a while since I last have. But I need it now. I go over to my closet and pull out a small dagger. The good thing about working at Kritiker is that I have access to weapons of my choice. I never bring this dagger on mission, though. This is mine. The only blood that touches this dagger will be my own.

I hold the blade in my right hand and roll up the sleeve on my left arm. I lightly trail the cold metal along my arm, shivering as I do so. Youji is out on a date, Aya is up in his room for the night, and Ken has fallen asleep watching a soccer game on television downstairs. No one will interrupt me. I smile to myself. Not the same smile I show to everyone else, but a grim, crazed grin. I slowly plunge the blade into my arm, staring in contentment as blood leaks out of my arm. The stinging pain calms me down. Aki, he is starting to affect me. He is white, the only color that can affect me. I can't let him. I can't loose control. No one else will have control over me. I start to whisper to myself over and over again, "I have complete control. I have complete control. I have complete control..."

I am careful not to go to deep, so as not to leave scars. I'm used to it now. I know how deep I should go. I started cutting when I was ten years old. I felt like I had no control over my life. I was becoming something terrifying. I was becoming a killer. Did Kritiker never think what that would do to a kid? No, they just didn't care. When I could inflict pain on myself I could control it. Only me. I made me feel strong. Soon I grew to need it. It's more addictive than the crack I take. If I had to choose I would choose my knife.

I wipe off the dagger and out it back into my closet, tucked away. I go to the bathroom and wash off the cut, putting a bandage onto it. I'll wear a long sleeved shirt tomorrow and no one will notice. Youji already thinks I have a weird fashion sense. It's Autumn, so I don't think anyone will find it odd that I am wearing long sleeves.

The next morning I have first shift. All of the squealing of the noisy girls is giving me a headache. Just smile. As long as I smile everything will be fine. Aki's voice kept echoing through my throbbing head. "I've noticed your smiles...they're so cold. They are very rarely real. It's like...like you're hiding behind fake cheerfulness."Fuck. I need to cut. Now. I notice my hand has started to tap the side of my legs. I stop them and try to keep them still. My shift is almost over and I am going over to Aki's after. I don't really want to go, but if I break off all contact now he will get suspicious. I can't let him know that he affected me. He shouldn't be affecting me this way to begin with.

"Omi, I'll take over now." Youji's suave voice snaps me out of my trance.

"Okay, thanks, Youji. I'm going over to Aki's. I'll see you later." I am stopped by Youji slinging an arm over my shoulder.

"Y'know, Omi, a lot of people are starting to think that this Aki is your boyfriend." I gave an indignant snort. "Are you saying they are wrong? All of the girls and, not to mention Kenken, saw how affectionate you two are. He's constantly hugging you."

"Youji! That's ridiculous. He's just a touchy-feely kinda person. We are not going out." I push Youji's arm off of me and continue to exit the shop.

When I arrive at Aki's apartment he throws his arms around me and pulls me in for a warm hug. Okay...so maybe this wasn't exactly normal. I guess we do kind of hug a lot. Aki pulls me into the apartment.

"I need you're help! I just baked these chocolate fudge brownies, but I don't know if I put in too much sugar. You have to taste them for me." Aki shoved a plate of brownies in my face. I wonder how many of these he has already tasted. He seems more hyper than usual. I take one off the plate.

"These are really good, Aki." An adorable pout graces his face.

"But not as good as yours. You are such a great cook, Omi-kun!" He puts down the plate and takes a seat on the couch. There is a brief silence and my mind starts to drift back to yesterday. "I've noticed your smiles...they're so cold. They are very rarely real. It's like...like you're hiding behind fake cheerfulness."I can feel my cut start to dully throb. I need to cut. No, I can't think about that.

Blacky swiftly comes into the room. He purrs and circles my leg. The cat has grown fond of me. What can I say? I seem to have a connection with it. It's a small, black kitten with beady eyes that reflect innocence and adoration. I guess not all things black are corrupted.

I hear Aki gently chuckle. "He reminds me of you. When I first found him he was in such poor condition and looked so lost. His eyes were what drew me. They were full of pain, but there was a lingering innocence. Your eyes are the same." He stated nonchalantly.

My head snapped up to look from the kitten to Aki. He was sitting comfortably on the couch tugging a piece of string in front of the kitten. He was wrong, though. There is no innocence left in me. Yet, he still saw more of me than any other. I suddenly had the overwhelming urge to cut. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Umm, I'll be right back. I just need to use your bathroom." With that said I hurried down the hall to the washroom. After locking the door I pulled a safety pin out of my pocket. It was small, easy to carry around, didn't leave a scar, but could still draw blood. That was all I need. A little pain. Just a little cut. I dug it into my arm, across the deeper cut I made yesterday. Droplets of red fell into the sink. I could feel myself becoming calm and in control. I was in control. Me.

I washed out the sink and left the washroom.

After about an hour Aki and I were playing with Blacky, while sitting on the floor. I was dangling the string Aki had before. Suddenly he grabs my left hand and stares at it. I realize, too late, that crimson has started to color my shirt. Shit. My cut had stopped bleeding a little while ago, but not before it leaked through the bandage to my shirt. I wore a pale shirt. What was I thinking? And Aki, being as observant as ever, saw it.

"Omi, you're bleeding." Before I have time to react he pulls up my sleeve, gently removing the bandage. Seeing the large gash he gasps.

"I accidentally cut myself cooking, yesterday. It's not as bad as it looks." I curse myself for not being able to come up with a better lie.

He searches my face for a moment. "You're lying. I can tell. You can't hide anything from me. I can see it all in your eyes. Omi, did you do that to yourself? Do you...cut yourself?" I don't understand. I've always been able to lie to people, all of my life. My whole friggin' life is one big lie. No one has ever noticed. No one is supposed to notice. He's staring at me. What do I say? I can't lie.

"Please...Omi, don't hurt yourself." That gentle voice. I feel like time has frozen and I let out a breath I just now realize I have been holding.

"I-I have to go." I run out of the apartment and home to the Koneko never looking back.

When I arrived home I entered as quietly as possible and crept into my room, locking the door. I have to calm down. I go to my closet and pull out my beloved blade. I hold it above my arm, tracing the ribbons of red I created yesterday and today. As I go to thrust it into my arm I stop. I want to. I want to cut so badly. I need this. Yet, I can't bring myself to inflict any harm on my already damaged arm. Aki's soft plea sounds through my head, "Please...Omi, don't hurt yourself". My body won't move, though my mind is screaming for me to cut. I can't...

I put my dagger away. I didn't realize Aki's influence on me was so strong. I go over to my mirror, reach behind it and pull out a little packet of powder. At least I have this.

To Be Continued

Author's Note: I'm kind of unsure about how this chapter will come off, so tell me what you think.