Tainted White
- Innocence Lost -
By: Li'l Amethyst Angel
Summary: Omi is not as happy as everyone thinks. Weiss never looks behind the smile, but what happens when his façade starts to crack? Will someone be there to pick up the pieces?
Warnings: OOC (dark Omi), angst, swearing, self mutilation (cutting), shounen-ai and drugs.
Omi's POV
It's been a week since Aki found out about my cutting. He hasn't come by the Koneko or called. I haven't felt like trying to make any contact with him, either. Ken noticed our sudden lack of visits and calls. When he questioned me about it I told him we had gotten into a fight. Ken didn't push me to say anything more.
I stare at the computer screen, scanning my history paper for any errors. I hear a knock at the door.
"Come in." I call, moving my attention to the person now standing in my room. Aki. One of the guys must have let him in.
"Hi, Omi." I nod in reply. "Look, I wanted to apologize for before. I shouldn't have made assumptions or gotten involved in your business. I just didn't want you to hurt yourself..." He trails off. I don't reply, not really knowing what to say.
"You know, if you were having problems you could have come and talked to me. I would have listened and tried to help you." I snort. Would you have comforted me while I tell you about all of the people I killed? Would you try to get me to stop cutting or doing drugs, knowing how much I need it? Or would you be scared away? Somehow, I think the latter in most likely.
He kneels down in front of me and takes my left hand. He slowly moves up my sleeve and tenderly strokes my arm, being careful not to hurt me.
"Why did you do this?" His voice is barely a whisper. I knew I had to answer, but what could I say?
"I-I can't. You w-won't understand. You..." I was stupidly stuttering, unable to come up with an intelligible answer. I am broken and am unable to be put back together. "It's okay. If you don't want to or can't tell me, that's fine. Just please don't hurt yourself anymore, Omi. Please?" He raises his eyes to meet mine. They're so warm and full of something that I can't quite place...love?
My mouth is suddenly dry. I can't get any words out. I weakly nod, unable to object to his request. He smiles such a kind, captivating smile that I can't help but smile back. I'm feeling strangely. What is this feeling? He starts to move his head towards mine. This feeling...it's pleasant. Our lips slowly brush against each other and I feel my eyes slip shut. He tastes so sweet, so pure. His brilliant whiteness is affecting my darkness, but that's okay. I will allow him to affect me. Only him.
I feel him pull away from the chaste kiss. "Omi, let me protect you from anything that will hurt you...even yourself." Again, all I can do is nod.
In return, I promise to always protect your innocence. I will always protect you, Aki. I don't dare say any of this aloud, but I think he knows anyway.
I feel strong arms fold around me. Aki's warm breath touches my cheek and I start to feel something I don't remember ever feeling before, happiness.
"Well, I should get going. I'll see you later, Omi." Aki stood up and with one last smile leaves.
Over the month Aki and I grew closer and closer. He would hang around the Koneko even more often than usual. When I wasn't at school, in the shop, or on a mission, Aki and I would go out. We would usually just go for walks at the park, as I learned that is something he loves to do. Needless to say this fueled more teasing from Youji and even some questioning looks from Ken. I hadn't told them that Aki and I were a couple and had no intention of doing so. Aki is my weakness and I'm not going to openly tell people my weaknesses.
I believe I have truly fallen in love with Aki. That's something I never thought I would do. I didn't think I knew how to love, that I was incapable of doing so. I guess I was wrong. It makes me wonder what else I am wrong about. Aki is always so affectionate, holding hands, hugging, and basically snuggling. I'm still getting used to that. I feel I can trust him. The only person I would ever think to trust is Aki. That's another thing I was sure I would never do.
I hadn't cut for a while since Aki asked me not to. After a while it was getting to be too much for even me to bear. I was having trouble sleeping and becoming on edge during the days. Hell, it made me look like an addict. Well, I guess I am, but I don't like to advertise it. Then, I just couldn't hold out any longer. Even though my brain kept telling me to stop, my body wouldn't listen. It felt so good to make that string of red appear on my flesh, yet it also felt horrible. I felt bad for betraying Aki in that way. I don't like to dwell on that. I haven't been cutting my wrists though, realizing just how observant Aki can be. I cut my thighs, and once my upper arm. Even so, I have been trying not to cut. If I get the urge I do something else. Of course, that something else is probably just as bad. I replace one addiction with another, taking more drugs than before to compensate.
The consequence of this is, of course, a shortage of money on my part. Though, it's not hard for me to get quick cash when I really need it. All I have to do is some hacking in the bank's files. Sure, it's illegal, but when has that ever stopped me?
Weiss has been given a mission, which we will be carrying out tonight. Some sick scientist has been experimenting on humans. Nothing new there. After a few late nights of research on my part the location of his two labs were found. Midnight tonight we head to the first lab to kill the scientist. If he's not there, tomorrow we will try the second.
It just happens that I've been needing a hit really badly lately and was supposed to meet Damien today at eleven. I'm going to have to go straight from the club where I'm meeting him to the lab for the mission. It's just past ten, now. I go into my closet and pull out my mission clothes. I stop when I realize my shorts may reveal some of my self-inflicted injuries. I opt for a pair of black pants instead. All the other guys wear pants anyway. I'll just say it was too cold to wear shorts tonight. Quickly pulling on my mission gear a grab some darts, hiding them in my jacket. I place me crossbow and more darts in a black backpack, which I sling over my shoulder as I head out the door.
I tell the guys I have something to do quickly for Kritiker. They know I am sometimes given little 'jobs' to do for the organization, so they don't question it. I ask eventually talk Ken into letting me borrow his bike and tell the rest of Weiss that I will meat them at the lab at midnight. With that, I'm out the door.
Damien is hanging at a different club tonight. If he stuck around one club too long the cops were sure to bust him eventually. When I arrived at the club it takes me a while to find Damien. He really can blend in well. I see him at one of the tables making out with some bimbo. When he notices me coming over to him he smirks.
"Happy to see me?" I ask sarcastically. He ignores the comment, handing the girl a bill and telling her to go and get him a drink, as I take a seat across from Damien. Once she leaves I pull an envelope out of my pocket and hand it to him. After he peeks inside he slips me an envelope in return. Inside is the powder I came here craving. We have to be more conspicuous here than in the other clubs, since the owner doesn't stand for this stuff. He won't call the cops, but will beat the crap out of any scum that will bring that stuff to his bar. The girl returns with a drink for herself and Damien.
As I'm about to leave Damien speaks, "You're friends with Mikey, right?" I wouldn't call us friends, more like acquaintances, but I nod all the same.
"He won't be around for a while. Got himself arrested." Damien informs me.
"What'd he do?" I ask.
"He got high and mistook a cop for a blueberry. Let's just say bad things happened." Damien replied shortly. I let out a snort. The sad thing is I'm not surprised. Shaking my head, I stand up.
"See ya soon, Mamoru." Damien sneers. I nod my reply and leave for the mission.
I arrive at the lab shortly after Youji, Ken, and Aya, who took Youji's car. I park Ken's bike and take me weapons out of the backpack.
"Changing your style?" Youji asks, eyeing the pants.
"Just cold." I reply nonchalantly.
"Let's go." Aya prompts us. Aya and Youji head off to a side door rarely used, which should have few or no guards stationed there. Ken and I make our way up to the roof, climbing the side of the wall using a cable we slung to the roof. Once we reached our destination we hurried down the stairs leading from the roof to one of the many halls, making sure to be cautious the whole time. We are finally in position, down the hall from the room the target should be experimenting in. Youji and Aya are taking him out. We're on look-out in case any trouble should arise. I find my mind wandering to the substance in my pocket. If I were too loose it while fighting off some goon I would be pretty pissed.
There aren't any guards or security systems. This mission seems easy. Too easy. There should have been some kind of protection. Maybe we are just lucky for once, the target being too stupid to even hire security, though I highly doubt that.
"Ah, Kitten, you know nothing is ever easy." A venomous voice spoke from behind me. I whirled around to find Schuldig stepping out from behind a corner. I hear Ken growl, but he doesn't move, waiting for the other members of Schwarz to show themselves.
I realize Mastermind has just commented to one of my thoughts and quickly put up my mental shields. Yes, I know how to put up barriers in my mind to keep people like Mastermind out of my head. Kritiker expected their agents to encounter such people as those in Schwarz and couldn't have them finding out our information. It took me years, but I have developed a strong mental barrier against telekinetic abilities. Still, it takes quite a bit of energy and so I don't put it up when I don't have to. Though, I always keep up a shield, albeit a rather week one. That week shield only blocks off my deep thoughts, but my surface thoughts are still reachable. I wonder, now, how much Schuldig has gotten from my mind.
"It doesn't matter that you put up your shields now. I've already found out something very interesting." The redheaded German smirks. Schuldig, then, turns to Ken who is looking back and forth between either end of the hallway for the rest of our rivaling group. Aya and Youji suddenly burst through the doors behind us, having assumedly completed the mission. They stop dead in their tracks when they see Mastermind. All three are now on guard, waiting for the rest of Schwarz to pop up.
"Now, calm down, kitties. My teammates aren't here." I guess that means Weiss will be going out again tomorrow night, this time to the other lab I located. "I was just out for a walk in the neighborhood when I picked up on some deliciously dark thoughts. Imagine my surprise when I found out it was coming from the little Weiss pet, Bombay. I don't get to play around in your head often. You have some strong shields." Mastermind says, now referring only to me.
"Why, thank you." I reply sarcastically. "Though, I must say, I don't appreciate someone fucking around in my head." I snap bitterly, a little on edge from the fact that Mastermind may tell the rest of Weiss some of my well-hidden thoughts. After all my hard work perfecting it, Schuldig will not tear my mask off now. I realize my slip-up of language and quickly take control over my nerves.
"What do you want, Schwarz?" Aya hisses, fed up with the idle chat.
"Simply to stop by and say hello." Mastermind grins maliciously.
"Well, hello to you too. Now, I suggest you get out of our way, you sadistic bastard." Youji starts to get his wire ready in case Mastermind doesn't take the hint.
"Oh, how you wound me." The German dramatically puts a hand over his heart, or where it should be. "Well, I may be sadistic, but at least I'm not a masochist, eh, Omi?" I see the other members of Weiss look at me in confusion.
"Shut up!" I bite out. I know, now, that he did indeed get a good glimpse at my thoughts. How much he knows he still has yet to reveal.
"No, I don't think I will." The redhead replies lazily. In a sudden movement Schuldig is in my face and I feel him reach into my pocket, stepping back again before any of us have time to blink. "Well, well, well. What is this? Drugs? Tsk tsk. These aren't good for you." He taunts, waving the little package, after taking it out of the envelope. I glare at him, daring him to continue. "Where is that dagger of yours when you need it, hm? Oh, but you don't use that to cut up others, only yourself, right?" I hear Ken gasp and Youji's eyes widen considerably. I snap.
To Be Continued
Author's Note: Thank you L'Ananda for reviewing chapter 5. Please continue to review, everyone!!
- Innocence Lost -
By: Li'l Amethyst Angel
Summary: Omi is not as happy as everyone thinks. Weiss never looks behind the smile, but what happens when his façade starts to crack? Will someone be there to pick up the pieces?
Warnings: OOC (dark Omi), angst, swearing, self mutilation (cutting), shounen-ai and drugs.
Omi's POV
It's been a week since Aki found out about my cutting. He hasn't come by the Koneko or called. I haven't felt like trying to make any contact with him, either. Ken noticed our sudden lack of visits and calls. When he questioned me about it I told him we had gotten into a fight. Ken didn't push me to say anything more.
I stare at the computer screen, scanning my history paper for any errors. I hear a knock at the door.
"Come in." I call, moving my attention to the person now standing in my room. Aki. One of the guys must have let him in.
"Hi, Omi." I nod in reply. "Look, I wanted to apologize for before. I shouldn't have made assumptions or gotten involved in your business. I just didn't want you to hurt yourself..." He trails off. I don't reply, not really knowing what to say.
"You know, if you were having problems you could have come and talked to me. I would have listened and tried to help you." I snort. Would you have comforted me while I tell you about all of the people I killed? Would you try to get me to stop cutting or doing drugs, knowing how much I need it? Or would you be scared away? Somehow, I think the latter in most likely.
He kneels down in front of me and takes my left hand. He slowly moves up my sleeve and tenderly strokes my arm, being careful not to hurt me.
"Why did you do this?" His voice is barely a whisper. I knew I had to answer, but what could I say?
"I-I can't. You w-won't understand. You..." I was stupidly stuttering, unable to come up with an intelligible answer. I am broken and am unable to be put back together. "It's okay. If you don't want to or can't tell me, that's fine. Just please don't hurt yourself anymore, Omi. Please?" He raises his eyes to meet mine. They're so warm and full of something that I can't quite place...love?
My mouth is suddenly dry. I can't get any words out. I weakly nod, unable to object to his request. He smiles such a kind, captivating smile that I can't help but smile back. I'm feeling strangely. What is this feeling? He starts to move his head towards mine. This feeling...it's pleasant. Our lips slowly brush against each other and I feel my eyes slip shut. He tastes so sweet, so pure. His brilliant whiteness is affecting my darkness, but that's okay. I will allow him to affect me. Only him.
I feel him pull away from the chaste kiss. "Omi, let me protect you from anything that will hurt you...even yourself." Again, all I can do is nod.
In return, I promise to always protect your innocence. I will always protect you, Aki. I don't dare say any of this aloud, but I think he knows anyway.
I feel strong arms fold around me. Aki's warm breath touches my cheek and I start to feel something I don't remember ever feeling before, happiness.
"Well, I should get going. I'll see you later, Omi." Aki stood up and with one last smile leaves.
Over the month Aki and I grew closer and closer. He would hang around the Koneko even more often than usual. When I wasn't at school, in the shop, or on a mission, Aki and I would go out. We would usually just go for walks at the park, as I learned that is something he loves to do. Needless to say this fueled more teasing from Youji and even some questioning looks from Ken. I hadn't told them that Aki and I were a couple and had no intention of doing so. Aki is my weakness and I'm not going to openly tell people my weaknesses.
I believe I have truly fallen in love with Aki. That's something I never thought I would do. I didn't think I knew how to love, that I was incapable of doing so. I guess I was wrong. It makes me wonder what else I am wrong about. Aki is always so affectionate, holding hands, hugging, and basically snuggling. I'm still getting used to that. I feel I can trust him. The only person I would ever think to trust is Aki. That's another thing I was sure I would never do.
I hadn't cut for a while since Aki asked me not to. After a while it was getting to be too much for even me to bear. I was having trouble sleeping and becoming on edge during the days. Hell, it made me look like an addict. Well, I guess I am, but I don't like to advertise it. Then, I just couldn't hold out any longer. Even though my brain kept telling me to stop, my body wouldn't listen. It felt so good to make that string of red appear on my flesh, yet it also felt horrible. I felt bad for betraying Aki in that way. I don't like to dwell on that. I haven't been cutting my wrists though, realizing just how observant Aki can be. I cut my thighs, and once my upper arm. Even so, I have been trying not to cut. If I get the urge I do something else. Of course, that something else is probably just as bad. I replace one addiction with another, taking more drugs than before to compensate.
The consequence of this is, of course, a shortage of money on my part. Though, it's not hard for me to get quick cash when I really need it. All I have to do is some hacking in the bank's files. Sure, it's illegal, but when has that ever stopped me?
Weiss has been given a mission, which we will be carrying out tonight. Some sick scientist has been experimenting on humans. Nothing new there. After a few late nights of research on my part the location of his two labs were found. Midnight tonight we head to the first lab to kill the scientist. If he's not there, tomorrow we will try the second.
It just happens that I've been needing a hit really badly lately and was supposed to meet Damien today at eleven. I'm going to have to go straight from the club where I'm meeting him to the lab for the mission. It's just past ten, now. I go into my closet and pull out my mission clothes. I stop when I realize my shorts may reveal some of my self-inflicted injuries. I opt for a pair of black pants instead. All the other guys wear pants anyway. I'll just say it was too cold to wear shorts tonight. Quickly pulling on my mission gear a grab some darts, hiding them in my jacket. I place me crossbow and more darts in a black backpack, which I sling over my shoulder as I head out the door.
I tell the guys I have something to do quickly for Kritiker. They know I am sometimes given little 'jobs' to do for the organization, so they don't question it. I ask eventually talk Ken into letting me borrow his bike and tell the rest of Weiss that I will meat them at the lab at midnight. With that, I'm out the door.
Damien is hanging at a different club tonight. If he stuck around one club too long the cops were sure to bust him eventually. When I arrived at the club it takes me a while to find Damien. He really can blend in well. I see him at one of the tables making out with some bimbo. When he notices me coming over to him he smirks.
"Happy to see me?" I ask sarcastically. He ignores the comment, handing the girl a bill and telling her to go and get him a drink, as I take a seat across from Damien. Once she leaves I pull an envelope out of my pocket and hand it to him. After he peeks inside he slips me an envelope in return. Inside is the powder I came here craving. We have to be more conspicuous here than in the other clubs, since the owner doesn't stand for this stuff. He won't call the cops, but will beat the crap out of any scum that will bring that stuff to his bar. The girl returns with a drink for herself and Damien.
As I'm about to leave Damien speaks, "You're friends with Mikey, right?" I wouldn't call us friends, more like acquaintances, but I nod all the same.
"He won't be around for a while. Got himself arrested." Damien informs me.
"What'd he do?" I ask.
"He got high and mistook a cop for a blueberry. Let's just say bad things happened." Damien replied shortly. I let out a snort. The sad thing is I'm not surprised. Shaking my head, I stand up.
"See ya soon, Mamoru." Damien sneers. I nod my reply and leave for the mission.
I arrive at the lab shortly after Youji, Ken, and Aya, who took Youji's car. I park Ken's bike and take me weapons out of the backpack.
"Changing your style?" Youji asks, eyeing the pants.
"Just cold." I reply nonchalantly.
"Let's go." Aya prompts us. Aya and Youji head off to a side door rarely used, which should have few or no guards stationed there. Ken and I make our way up to the roof, climbing the side of the wall using a cable we slung to the roof. Once we reached our destination we hurried down the stairs leading from the roof to one of the many halls, making sure to be cautious the whole time. We are finally in position, down the hall from the room the target should be experimenting in. Youji and Aya are taking him out. We're on look-out in case any trouble should arise. I find my mind wandering to the substance in my pocket. If I were too loose it while fighting off some goon I would be pretty pissed.
There aren't any guards or security systems. This mission seems easy. Too easy. There should have been some kind of protection. Maybe we are just lucky for once, the target being too stupid to even hire security, though I highly doubt that.
"Ah, Kitten, you know nothing is ever easy." A venomous voice spoke from behind me. I whirled around to find Schuldig stepping out from behind a corner. I hear Ken growl, but he doesn't move, waiting for the other members of Schwarz to show themselves.
I realize Mastermind has just commented to one of my thoughts and quickly put up my mental shields. Yes, I know how to put up barriers in my mind to keep people like Mastermind out of my head. Kritiker expected their agents to encounter such people as those in Schwarz and couldn't have them finding out our information. It took me years, but I have developed a strong mental barrier against telekinetic abilities. Still, it takes quite a bit of energy and so I don't put it up when I don't have to. Though, I always keep up a shield, albeit a rather week one. That week shield only blocks off my deep thoughts, but my surface thoughts are still reachable. I wonder, now, how much Schuldig has gotten from my mind.
"It doesn't matter that you put up your shields now. I've already found out something very interesting." The redheaded German smirks. Schuldig, then, turns to Ken who is looking back and forth between either end of the hallway for the rest of our rivaling group. Aya and Youji suddenly burst through the doors behind us, having assumedly completed the mission. They stop dead in their tracks when they see Mastermind. All three are now on guard, waiting for the rest of Schwarz to pop up.
"Now, calm down, kitties. My teammates aren't here." I guess that means Weiss will be going out again tomorrow night, this time to the other lab I located. "I was just out for a walk in the neighborhood when I picked up on some deliciously dark thoughts. Imagine my surprise when I found out it was coming from the little Weiss pet, Bombay. I don't get to play around in your head often. You have some strong shields." Mastermind says, now referring only to me.
"Why, thank you." I reply sarcastically. "Though, I must say, I don't appreciate someone fucking around in my head." I snap bitterly, a little on edge from the fact that Mastermind may tell the rest of Weiss some of my well-hidden thoughts. After all my hard work perfecting it, Schuldig will not tear my mask off now. I realize my slip-up of language and quickly take control over my nerves.
"What do you want, Schwarz?" Aya hisses, fed up with the idle chat.
"Simply to stop by and say hello." Mastermind grins maliciously.
"Well, hello to you too. Now, I suggest you get out of our way, you sadistic bastard." Youji starts to get his wire ready in case Mastermind doesn't take the hint.
"Oh, how you wound me." The German dramatically puts a hand over his heart, or where it should be. "Well, I may be sadistic, but at least I'm not a masochist, eh, Omi?" I see the other members of Weiss look at me in confusion.
"Shut up!" I bite out. I know, now, that he did indeed get a good glimpse at my thoughts. How much he knows he still has yet to reveal.
"No, I don't think I will." The redhead replies lazily. In a sudden movement Schuldig is in my face and I feel him reach into my pocket, stepping back again before any of us have time to blink. "Well, well, well. What is this? Drugs? Tsk tsk. These aren't good for you." He taunts, waving the little package, after taking it out of the envelope. I glare at him, daring him to continue. "Where is that dagger of yours when you need it, hm? Oh, but you don't use that to cut up others, only yourself, right?" I hear Ken gasp and Youji's eyes widen considerably. I snap.
To Be Continued
Author's Note: Thank you L'Ananda for reviewing chapter 5. Please continue to review, everyone!!
