Author's Note: It's up! IT'S FINALLY UP! I hope you guys remember this fic if you read it before. XX I did kinda wait a while, for reasons explained in the Intermission previously. Anyway, in this chapter get ready for some Mido Madness, Navi the fairy acquiring a disability (WOOHOO!) and a load of other random stuff. You're so lucky. :P Also, a note that soon this fic may become PG-13. Remember that.

Disclaimer: I don't own Nintendo, the Legend of Zelda, Donkey Kong or anything related to them. Except an extreme liking of them all. :P

NIGHTMARE ON CHANNEL TINGLE by Vex

Link and Saria saw daylight once again as they re-entered Kokiri Village. Before they could decide where to go next, Mido ran up to them wearing a white sequinned jacket. His hair was dyed black and it was gelled up. But what most scared Link was the microphone in his hand...and his accent.

"Yo, Saria babe. Whaddaya think of the new look?" Mido was trying, and failing, to speak in a decent American tone. Saria looked horrified.

"Uh, Mido, what did you DO to yourself?"

Mido hung his head in shame and began to speak in a normal voice again. "Well, I realised I was a crap games character, so I decided to become an Elvis impersonator." To both Link's and Saria's annoyance, he started up the accent again. "So, uh, Saria. You wanna drink wi'me tonight?" Saria looked horrified. 'Um...I'm busy."

"Tomorrow night?"

"I'm busy."

"The night after?"

"I'm busy."

"Oh."

Link grabbed Saria's arm and they both sprinted away from Mido, who had obviously gone a little crackers. As they ran into Link's house, they sat down and wondered what to do next.

"So," mused Saria, "Ganondorf escaped from the Sages' prison, the Deku Tree doesn't want anything to do with it, so what on earth are we supposed to do?"

Link stood up and began to pace around the room, in such a manner that would imply that he was considering a potentially risky plan to put Ganondorf back where he belonged. Saria watched him. "Link, if I'm correct, you're pacing around the room in such a manner that would imply that you are considering a potentially risky plan to put Ganondorf back where he belongs."

"No," said Link, "I just felt like pacing around the room. But now that you mention it, we should probably go and see Zelda and the other Sages. They must know something."

"Sure, fine," muttered Saria and she turned to leave.

"Hey, wait!" Link cried. "I have to summon Navi!"

"Not that idiot!" Saria grumbled. "She's weird. She hovers around naked and glowing like some kind of...well, you know..." (after all, Saria was the closest thing to a 7-year-old you could be without actually being 7 years old) "and I don't like her. She's really strange and irritating."

"I know," said Link, "but the contract I signed with Nintendo means that I have to bring her along every mission."

"Bummer."

Link nodded, sighed and took out the Megaton Hammer. Swinging it in a large, exquisite arc, he smashed a little red box on the wall saying "Smash in case of mission, or we set Donkey Kong on you". A little tinkle sounded as Navi flew down from the heavens holding a pina colada and wearing a sombrero.

"Hey, what the hell? I was enjoying that vacation."

"Sorry, Navi, but Ganondorf escaped. Now go and fetch Epona for me."

As Navi sauntered out of the door, she yawned very loudly. Saria shook a fist at her back as she left. "What a crap contract..."

The two friends began to pack for their journey to Hyrule Castle. As they did so, they heard a fairy scream from outside. "Oh, sweet goddesses..." Link ran out of the door to see his trusty steed, Epona, sporting a mohican haircut and nose rings, Her hoof was trampling Navi's tiny face, and the fairy was screaming loudly in every language she knew (just English).

"I knew I shouldn't have asked the Deku Tree to babysit her..."