I'm probably going to do one shot's all day....

I don't particularly like this song...but hey

It's a little short but i like it.

If I didn't feel this depressed you might've actually gotten happy one shots.

I'm working on a poem too.

Here's another 1:

You can change your life - if you wanna
You can change your clothes - if you wanna
If you change your mind
Well, that's the way it goes

I've been hurt a lot. Everyone knows this. But hell, they don't understand. They don't know the pain I go through each day. Only I do. Because I'm the only one. I was chosen. That's the day my hurt began. I try not to reflect on painful memories as they just hurt me more.

But I'm gonna keep your jeans
And your old black hat - cause I wanna
They look good on me
You're never gonna get them back

They all know that i have the cross necklace, Mr.Pointy, my leather jacket, and the skull ring. They are the from the most important people of my life. Angel, Kendra, and Spike. Angel, he was my first real love. I gave him all my heart and he crushed it. But I've moved on. Kendra. I didn't know her very much. But we had the Sister Slayer thing going. She undestood me. Spike. He gave me one of the happiest days of my life. He was my fiancé. That day made me feel so happy even if it was fake. Because something like that won't ever happen. I don't have a future. If i do, it's a very painful one.

If it's over, let it go and
Come tomorrow it will seem
So yesterday, so yesterday
I'm just a bird that's already flown away

That's the thing it won't feel like that. I'm never gonna be loved. Cared for. Thought of. Not if it doesn't include slaying. My happy memories can't seem so yesterday. They don't. They won't. Never. I just can't seem to let them go.

Laugh it off let it go and
When you wake up it will seem
So yesterday, so yesterday
Haven't you heard that I'm gonna be okay

I try to laugh. I give them fake smiles. That they al think they are real. Except Spike. He understands me. And as for the two other's that understand me? Kendra, she died, Drusilla killed her. It was my fault. I recognize that and it hurts. Angel? He's in LA. He left me. I doubt he understands me much anymore anyway. But I have to move on. Keep the past. Keep the memories. And move on to more pain. But for the while, I'll be okay.

You can say you're bored - if you wanna
You can act real tough - if you wanna
You can say you're torn
But I've heard enough

I use the excuse of being slaying all night. That it's the reason for me being tired. That's not true. Partly it is. But it's mostly because I can't get any shut eye anymore. Whenever I go to sleep, I'm haunted. I remember the pain of everything. Dieing the first time, my mother's death, Giles' leaving, Kendra's death, Willow's short coma, Giles' torture by Angelus, the First Evil. The First taunts me. It uses Kendra's body. My mother's. Tell's me it's my fault. And it's right.

Thank you... you made my mind up for me
When you started to ignore me
Do you see a single tear
It isn't gonna happen here
At least not today, not today, not today

I have. Been ignored I mean. So many different times that I have begun to not even care. Even I have begun to ignore them sometimes. Stay locked up in my room, the cementary, Spike's crypt. It doesn't matter anymore . I don't care anymore. Sometimes I even wander the streets randomly. Suicide was a choice. But I decided to live by what I said to Angel once. 'Strong is fighting. Strong is living, And it's every day'. I cried about it. About everything. Being ignored. All the pain. The hurt. But I'm over it. I won't cry anymore. I tried to scream at all of them. For hurting me this way. But I can't. Seeing them in pain will only hurt me more. But sometimes I wish. I wish that I could be a normal girl. With a normal life. Or at least that I wouldn't feel his way. But I've tried. Going away. It didn't work. My past followed me. The First was right in one of it's taunts. I'll always be alone. I'm never gonna feel better. Cause it's the cost of being the slayer.