The GRE class strikes again, but not my favorite chapter (I think "badass Hermione" still wins).
It's not so much that Badass Ginny is overdone, but that it's so badly done when it is done. This is based on a fic that an alert reader sent me (in an e-mail, not a review, so don't go looking for it). I would tell you the name of it, but that's against my "not being a complete bitch" policy (also, against my "not getting kicked off " policy).
My problem with these fics is that they are rarely related at all to Harry Potter.
Thank you all for your input on "cool" music. I've just thrown together the most popular suggestions so please do not send me e-mails saying "Someone who listens to (insert band here) would never listen to (insert band here) you huge loser!" Also, for the love of God, would someone who owns a CD by Evanescence PLEASE go and look and see how it is actually spelled because every single person who suggested it (and that's quite a few of you) spelled it differently.
Chapter 15, or "A Plot Lifted From Bad Teen Movies and The Author's Fantasy, Using The Names of Harry Potter Characters"
Ginevra stepped onto platform 9 3/4 amid catcalls and whistles from all the boys. She was wearing ultra-low-rise (the kind that show off your knickers) hip hugger jeans so tight they might have been painted on, and a strappy, low cut tank top cropped to show off her new belly-button ring and backless to show off her new tattoo. She was wearing loads of make-up, including heavy black eye-liner and bright red lipstick. She had really changed over the summer, and by "changed" I mean "got a boob job". She was perfectly skinny and tanned and had "filled out in all the right places". She had the most amazing body ever. In the whole world. Ever.
(At this point, readers are not sure if that author wants to look like Ginny, or wants to shag her. Or both.)
Forget about learning magic or fighting Voldemort, this year Ginny had decided she was going to make boys notice her. And she wanted to be called Ginevra too, because it sounded more fuckable (am I even allowed to say that in a PG-13 fic?) than "Ginny".
"Wow Ginny!" Exclaimed Hermione. "You look so hot even I might shag you!"
"It's Ginevra bitch!" She replies, to show Hermione that she's got a whole new attitude. "Thanks Mione, you look so sexy too!"
Hermione was wearing a short leather skirt and halter top, also had "filled out" (wink wink), and her hair was sleek and shiny, like a shampoo commercial.
"Thanks! I got a makeover from my American cousins, and along with my new wardrobe I apparently got a new personality, because now I'm only interested in clothes, boys and music. Hey, let's pointlessly talk about music so the teen author can list all the bands she likes so we realize how incredibly hip and cool she is!"
"Okay, Hey Hermione, what CD's from 2004 even though it's the mid-nineties are you bringing to our school where there is no electricity and CD players don't work?"
So Ginny and Hermione looked through all their CD's in the author's desperate attempt to impress us with her coolness.
"Wow, Linkin Park, Good Charlotte, Evanesence, Avril Lavigne, The Rasmus, Simple Plan, AFI, Nirvana, Blink182, 50 Cent, Eminem....Wow Ginevra, you (read: the author) have SUCH great taste in music."
Now that the author feels she has established her coolness to her poser friends who will actually read this fic, Harry and Draco come in, wearing incredibly cool punk clothes that still manage to show off their rippling, rock-hard muscles. At least, two guys named Harry and Draco who bear no resemblance, personality-wise, to canon Harry and Draco. Ron is not there because he doesn't want to shag Ginny, and in this fic there is no room for anyone who doesn't want to shag Ginny.
"Hi Hermione and Ginny." Harry says. "Since Ginny is badass and has to fall for a "bad boy", I actually play no part in this fic, I'm just here so the author can call it a Harry Potter fic when in reality the only Harry Potter-related thing about it is our names."
"Well hello there you sexy thing...." Draco drawls. (Citygirl pauses to consider the implausibility of Draco saying this as well as the implausibility of any female actually finding it flattering.) "What's your name? You must be new."
"Too bad you used to be mean to me, because it's me, Ginny Weasley and now I'm not going to sleep with you."
(Readers: "What?! No sex?!" Many readers leave.)
Harry and Draco leave and the author channels her inner-squealy-fangirl into Ginny.
"OMG, like Draco is such a total hottie and I am so totally in love with him and OMG I totally want to make out with him and for him to be my boyfriend and stuff."
They get to school and have the feast, but the author skips over it because it's boring until Dumbledore makes a shocking announcement.
"We have decided this year to do away with uniforms! In fact, we are going to have absolutely no dress code whatsoever. Hell, you can all walk around naked for all I care, which Miss Weasley and Miss Granger have already got a pretty good start on."
They are all delighted to hear this because they have all brought their sluttiest clothes just in case. As they are leaving the great hall, Draco comes up to Ginny.
"You look so hot this year Ginevra, I'm going to totally forget that I used to hate you and look down on your family."
"Oh good, because you're such a hottie I'm going to forget that you're evil and you've always treated me like dirt and your Dad tried to kill me in my first year."
They discover that they have the same taste in music, and of course, that is more important than past murder attempts. Ginevra and Draco start dating, and the entire rest of the fic consists of them snogging, going to clubs, drinking, listening to cool music, and snogging some more. At no point is Harry Potter, Hogwarts, or magic mentioned. However, entire pages are spent on what Ginny is wearing.
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I realized I have never done a Harry/Draco, a "Dear Diary", or a body switching fic. Look for these in the future, but no promises on when, I really do need to study for my GRE.
