Rating: PG13 - bad words.
Disclaimer: Do I really need to keep saying it?
SPOILER WARNING: This chapter is taken from Season 2. If you haven't seen all eps from this season, you will be spoiled.
Catherine decided to take a break from reading so she could check in with the other three CSIs. Thankfully, case-wise, the shift was fairly slow and she had been able to stay around the office. Sara and Nick were assigned to a dead body that had been found in a car behind a casino. They would be out of the lab for another few hours. Warrick was doing some follow up on a few unsolved cases and would be heading back to the office as soon as he was finished. Catherine told him to take as long as he needed. She didn't want anyone walking in on her while she read.
After a quick stretch and a trip to the break room for a diet Coke, Catherine returned to the office, locked the door behind her, and picked up where she left off.
I don't know what to do about Sara. She crossed the line today and came into my personal space. We had been knocking out the walls at a scene looking for a body. We weren't finding anything and I was getting frustrated. I could feel my blood pressure rising and I didn't want to lose it in front of Warrick and Sara, so I went outside to calm down. Sara followed me out...which normally wouldn't be a big deal. She asked if I wanted to go for a walk to get some air and clear my head. I told her that I was fine. That's when she touched my face. She said she was just brushing plaster chalk off my cheek, but I'm not stupid. I saw what she was doing. It was reflected in her eyes. I flinched. I felt myself jerk slightly backward when she touched me. I wanted to grab her hand and tell her never to touch me again, but I was so shocked that it had even happened in the first place, I couldn't get the words out. God. I wish Catherine would touch me like that...with that same look in her eyes. I'd probably faint.
"I touch you all the time, Gil. I mean, it's possible that I don't have that look on my face when I do it, but that doesn't mean the feeling isn't there."
Some kids found a body in a sandbox. I decided that Cath and I should work this one together. We went out to the site, and sure enough, there she was. Mona Taylor. I knew it was going to be tough to get her out of there. Cath appropriately said it was going to be a nightmare, but I told her that we sometimes had to destroy evidence to get evidence. She made a joke about it. I responded by telling her we had to choose a path at each crime scene, and that we risked destroying evidence by doing so. Then I called her 'grasshopper'. She came back with another smart-assed comment and called me 'master'. It was nice to be kidding around with Cath. We don't get to do it often, so those rare moments are precious to me. We tracked Mona to a bondage shop. I'm not even sure that's the right name for the place. I guess it doesn't matter much. We met a woman by the name of Lady Heather. She was the...uh...owner of the place. She asked Cath, Jim and me if we were there as customers. I was mortified. Cath? She just laughed. I'm sure she did it, at least in part, because of my obvious discomfort. Over the duration of the case, I found myself spending a lot of time with Lady Heather. She really intrigued me. She was able to tell me things about myself. Things I've never told anyone about. It freaked me out a little, but I was also drawn to her. I almost felt guilty. Like I was betraying Cath by spending so much time with Heather. But we needed her help, so I did what I could. The case was actually a pretty easy one. Man was married to a dominant, uncaring, unloving woman. Man went to sex shop, covered a woman in latex, pretended woman was his wife. Man wound up killing woman in a rage directed at his wife. It was ABC simple. Afterwards, Cath told me that we have a very healthy relationship. I had no idea what she meant by that so I asked her. She commented that when we have a problem, she doesn't paint Greg in liquid latex. I replied that he'd probably like it. She turned to me and wanted me to share something revealing. I should have come right out and told her that I'd love for her to paint me in liquid latex...whether we have a problem or not. But I didn't. I told her something silly instead. I felt like such an idiot! She had opened another door for me and I closed it without taking a single step forward. Damnit! Why am I so stupid?
"You told me that as a child, you begged your mom for a puppy and she got you an ant farm instead. I thought it was a very cute thing for you to tell me." She laughed lightly. "It did explain a lot about you though."
Here we go again! Paul Milander. I wish this guy would just go away. Cath and I were called to an identical 'suicide' scene. Only this time, Milander had wished me a happy birthday on the tape. It was so creepy to hear him say something as innocent as 'Happy Birthday, Mr. Grissom.' It was in that moment that both Cath and I realized that my birthday fell on the date of his next murder...at least according to his pattern. We gathered the team together and they brought up the fact about my birthday. Nick said that Milander couldn't outsmart all five of us. He can be such an optimist sometimes. I told him that yes, he could. I was pretty upset by this time, so I just glanced up at Cath. Thank God we have the connection we do because she stepped in and took over for me. I wanted to hug her after the team left, but I just said thanks.
"Of course I stepped in you goof! We do that for each other...you and me."
We got him this time. Sort of. Milander was living a double life. Judge and Halloween props salesman. Oh and I can't forget, serial killer? We also found out that he was born with both sexes and that his parents had raised him female. This whole thing was just completely crazy! We found him dead, in the bathtub of his mother's home. So we didn't catch him, but at least it's over. Milander won't be back. I asked Catherine to come with me and help me take his name off the fishboard. She smiled and held my hand as I did it. It was a perfect moment in my life.
"I was thrilled to be there for you in that moment." Catherine had to fight back a shiver as she thought about Milander and Gil's birthday falling into his pattern. "I'm just so glad that Milander didn't get to finish his plan."
Cath was kidnapped during this last case. I was coming out of the building and I actually saw her driving off with the guy. At first, I was only mildly suspicious. But when I tried to call her cell phone, I heard it ringing in the parking lot. I tracked down the sound and found it sitting on top of her kit, along with her gun. That's when I knew something bad had happened. I thought I was going to die. I had never been so scared in my life. I couldn't breathe. I felt so cold. I just sort of sat there like a zombie, waiting and praying. I don't do that often, but I felt the need to do it in this situation. The not knowing was the worst. When Sara came into the lab and said she'd seen Cath at the café, I was a little bit relieved, but not completely. I knew I wouldn't be able to relax until I heard from Catherine personally. Lindsey was asleep on the couch in my office when she called me. Catherine called. It was actually her voice on my phone! I was in the autopsy room with Al, and when I heard her voice, I had to resist the urge to collapse in relief right then and there. And once I hung up, I did. Thank God Al was there. I would've wound up flat on the floor if he hadn't caught me mid-fall. If anything had happened to her, I don't know what I would have done. Thank God I'll never have to know. It was the first time that I had been forced to face what life would be like without her, and I do not want to ever feel that way or think about it again!
Catherine's heart broke. She had felt almost the same way after she had shot Syd Goggle. Gil would probably be dead if she hadn't gotten there. For a few weeks after it had happened, Catherine had been plagued with a recurring nightmare that she'd been late. That she was at the top of the stairs, drawing her gun, when the shot rang out. The dreams came vividly back to her and she hugged herself tightly to keep from shaking. Each night she'd had this dream, she had been jolted from sleep at the sight of Gil's lifeless body - blankets soaked in sweat, tears streaming from her eyes.
As bad as those days had been, Catherine had never told Gil about the dreams. It had been a tough couple of weeks, but each time she saw him, touched him or heard his voice, the nightmare faded a little. Until it was gone altogether.
Catherine remembered the first day she woke from a peaceful, dreamless sleep as if it were yesterday. She had wanted to run into the office and hug Gil, but didn't want to explain why she was acting like a lunatic, so she didn't.
"Hell, maybe if I would've done it, he would've said something or done something to let me know how he felt."
I hope I haven't stirred up an already uncomfortable situation. I could blame Cath since she's the one who told me to fix things. I would never do that to her, but I could. We found a corpse out at the body farm. One that didn't belong. I brought Cath in on the case. She said it was creepy out there. Then she pointed out a carpet beetle. Said it was a friend of mine. What a smart ass. Later, I got some grief from the staff about having my experiments in the fridge. Cath was the only one who didn't say anything about it. Maybe she felt bad about teasing me earlier, but I doubt it. I think goading me is one of her favorite things to do.
A smile threatened to break across Catherine's face, but she resisted it and kept reading.
I had Sara clean up an experiment. I guess she's a vegetarian or something and had a major problem with cleaning up the meat. What? Am I supposed to keep a diary of her likes and dislikes or something? Anyway, she came into my office and gave me a letter asking for a six-to-twelve month leave of absence. Said she'd quit if I didn't sign it. When I told her the lab needed her, she got all weird again. I have a feeling she was expecting me to say that I needed her. Of course Cath heard about it. I still have no idea how she found out, but she did. She came over for our normal post-case solving breakfast and started in on me right away. Said she'd 'heard about me and Sara.' It may have been the screwdrivers talking, but she told me that I had to take care of the situation. She said something about getting burned. That she had gotten burned bad in her marriage and that people just moved on. I suggested we just move on because the whole conversation was making me uncomfortable. But she wouldn't let it go. Cath told me that the staff was building a family around me. Once she explained what she meant, I sort of got her point. Sara really is one of the best CSIs around and we do need her in the lab. So I called the florist and sent her a plant. I'm worried that she may get the wrong impression - although it's not like I had them write 'Love Grissom' on the card or anything. But this is Sara we're talking about. I just hope she doesn't think that this is my way of admitting that I have feelings for her. If it does, and if things get worse with her, I don't know what I'll do.
"She probably took that stupid plant home and placed it on her 'Altar of Grissom'. With the candles and the pictures and the little cards that say 'Sara loves Gil - forever' on them." Catherine laughed, but then backtracked quickly. "Ok, Cath. Stop it. That was just plain mean."
There are some things in life that I guess you have to see to believe. Over the years, I've heard many women, including Catherine, say how men are pigs. And while part of me understood what they meant, the other part of me didn't. Maybe it's because I'm not one. A pig, I mean. I have nothing but respect for women and it always bothered me when someone would say 'Well, you are a man after all. How could you understand.' After this case, I completely understand why women are so pissed off at men. Cath and I were going over Terry Rivers' house. His bedroom actually. Cath was checking the bed for semen. She found some. More than some. It was actually pretty disgusting. Cath said the ratio was about for-to-one...four women per each piece of furniture the hockey player owned. Including the TV. This guy was the definition of a pig. Cath made a comment about him. She said 'I guess our guy is about three things. Pucks, bucks and...' I gave her a look of surprise. The truth is, I wanted to hear her say the word. It's sick, I know. And maybe wanting her to say such a filthy word makes me a pig, but it would've turned me on. She must've misread my glance, because she said 'chicks' instead. I was pretty disappointed.
"You're a dirty little boy, Gil Grissom..." Catherine said with a grin.
We had a very scary case this week. A young woman was found murdered in her apartment, which was completely sealed from the inside. Doors bolted, windows nailed shut. We eventually figured out that a cable repairman was the murderer. He was a real psycho. This guy was living in the attics of peoples homes...stalking and making video tapes of them. I had the entire team work on this one. Cath and I went with the body. While doing the autopsy, Al told us that one of the things he knew for sure was that the victim had been a natural blonde. Both of us glanced at Catherine. I think Al's reason for looking at her was to see her reaction to the news. At least I hope that was his reason. My reason wasn't quite so innocent. I was wondering if I'd ever find out if she is a natural blonde. Cath must've thought we were both leering or something because she snapped 'Why are you looking at me?' All I could do is look away and apologize. Al just laughed uncomfortably. It was pretty embarrassing. Nick was attacked at the suspect's apartment. The guy threw him right out the window. I had Warrick and Sara stay with Nick at the hospital while Cath and I checked out the apartment. We found hundreds of video tapes. It was very creepy. Turns out, this guy was stalking Nick too. Even tried to kill him. Thank God Nick is ok. I give him a lot of crap, but if I'd lost him, it would've been like losing my own son. Holly's death was hard on me, this would've been crushing. For some reason, I couldn't get past this, so I went to Cath's after shift. She was shocked to see me standing on her doorstep. For once, I opened up and told her how upset I was about Nick. She hugged me and reassured me that everything would be ok. I felt so safe and secure in her arms. I should've told her how much I love her, but I couldn't get the words out. So I closed my eyes and fell asleep. I woke up several hours later, still wrapped snuggly in Catherine's arms. It was like a dream come true.
"I felt that way too. It was so perfect. Natural. Like we were meant to be together. I should have said something. I didn't because I had no idea you felt that way too. I figured you'd think I was nuts, and I didn't want that."
She's gone. Well, for a little while anyway. Miami. That's where Catherine is. We have a situation that involves both Vegas and Miami. I sent Cath and Warrick there to investigate and I'm running this end of the case. Had it been possible, I would've gone with her. But we're the seniors around here and one of us had to stay behind. So I sent Warrick. Them...together...in Miami makes me a little nervous. I have a suspicion that Warrick has a small crush on Cath. I should be one to talk right? Maybe I'm just jealous because I can't be so free with her. So flirty. Like Warrick is. Anyway, as much as I didn't want to send him, Warrick was the best choice. Sara was a definite no. She and Cath put on a good act, but I know they only tolerate each other to keep the peace in the lab. And as much as I love the kid, Nicky is still too, I don't know, green? He gets distracted too easily. With the beaches, the sun and all the women in bikinis... Bikinis. Cath in a bikini. Did she even pack one? Oh, God. If they come back and Warrick says anything about seeing her in a bikini... I mean, sure I saw her topless in the club all those years ago, but that was different. I'll have to call and check in with her often. Just to make sure they have plenty of work to keep them busy.
Catherine smiled. She had packed a bikini, but had been so busy with the case, that she hadn't even taken it out of her bag. Gil's jealousy was cute, though. It made her heart flutter a little each time it flared up in his writing.
Everything in my world is back in its proper place. Cath and Warrick came back from Miami today. I missed her a lot. I ached the entire time she was gone, but I didn't realize just how much I missed her until she walked into my office. I was adjusting my tie when I heard her voice. I turned around and saw her standing there. I swear I just about fainted. She was radiant...beyond beautiful. My legs turned to jelly and I had to sit down. She said she liked my suit. I had worn it for her, so the fact that she noticed made me happy. Of course I made a joke and said I wore it for the chief's funeral. She saw through my little rouse, just like she always does, and joked about me missing her. She has no idea! I'm so glad she's back.
Beneath this entry, Gil had drawn another sketch of her. She was standing in the doorway of his office, just as she had the day she came back from Miami. The drawing was perfect, just like the previous one. From her clothes to the soft expression on her face.
"God." Catherine released her breath slowly as she ran her fingers over the sketch. "He really does love me, doesn't he?"
I made a complete ass out of myself today. We were having a team meeting and Sara was going over what she'd found in Ashley James' diary. Well, while she was talking about 'not being even', I had to open my big mouth and make a comment about bugs. Japanese scorpion flies, to be exact. I was saying how the males with the most symmetrical wings get the most mates. Catherine looked at me like I'd grown a second head. Then she rolled her eyes. Did I stop there? No, of course not! I had to go ahead and dig myself in deeper. I said that being even in entomology signaled the fitness to procreate. Cath just looked away that time. I felt pretty stupid afterward. Although, maybe if I used the bug analogy...I could tell her how perfect she is. How much I love her. Then again, she could always tell me that my wings aren't symmetrical enough...
"Gil, Gil, Gil." She shook her head and chuckled softly. "You and your bugs."
After closing the James case, I went to see my doctor. She told me that I have otoscelerosis...but I knew that before I even made the appointment. Having her confirm it, though. God. I wanted to cry. If I lose my hearing, I won't be able to do my job. That's bad enough. What's worse? Never hearing Catherine's voice ever again.
Continued in Chapter 4