Rating: PG13 - bad words and minor sexual content.
Disclaimer: As if......

SPOILER WARNING: Only minor spoilers in this part. If you've read the previous sections, it is safe for you to proceed.

Gil was standing at his front door when Catherine pulled into the driveway. His heart was pounding behind his ribs as he watched her get out of the car. Her voice had sounded so strange when she called and he was very concerned. Gil shivered and wrapped his arms across his chest. He couldn't be sure if his chills were a result of the cool night breeze blowing through the shorts and t-shirt he'd quickly thrown on, or if it was out of anxiety. He rubbed his arms vigorously and rushed down to meet Catherine.

"What is it?" Gil's nervous voice rattled in his ears. He reached out, placing his palm against the small of her back, and led her into the house. He closed the door behind them and turned back towards her. "What's wrong?"

As she turned to face him, Gil noticed that her eyes were bloodshot, her face flushed, cheeks slightly puffy. Catherine had been crying. Anxiety was quickly replaced by fear, and it raced through him. Its icy fist gripping his heart like a vice.

"God, Cath. Please, tell me what happened!"

Gil watched as Catherine slowly pulled a notebook from under her arm. His mouth dropped open in shock. A blush rushed across his features and Gil knew she could tell by the look on his face that he recognized exactly what she was holding in that hand.

"What is this, Gil?"

"Cath, I......"

"Seriously. What is this? I don't understand. Is it supposed to be a joke or something?" A stray tear coursed down her cheek and Catherine, frustrated, brushed it away with a swipe of her hand.

"How did you find that?"

"How did I find it?" The sharp tone of her voice stung his ears. "I was digging through that wreck of your desk trying to get some work done, and there it was! Under the damn folder of shift forms!"

A smirk threatened to form on his lips. Catherine gave him hell about his desk every time she was in charge of a shift. She had no idea that he sometimes left his desk messy on purpose just so that she would have a reason to talk to him. Well, yell at him, actually. But he knew that if he allowed the corners of his mouth to curl upward, Catherine would become even angrier that she already was. And Gil Grissom definitely did not want that.

"But I don't keep that notebook in my desk," he said, genuine innocence and mild confusion infusing his words.

"Obviously not." He cringed as she waved the book in front of his face. "So, if you don't keep it there, maybe you can explain how it wound up here, in my hand."

Gil paled as realization set in. He had been bringing the notebook to the office ever since the Orpheus explosion. Almost losing her had really freaked him out, and Gil thought he might need the journal with him - just in case things got bad. And they had. When Gil found out that Catherine had started seeing Chris, he'd almost lost it. His only outlet for those feelings had been his notebook, although Gil couldn't remember actually writing much about the man Catherine was dating, but just the comfort of having his journal nearby had been enough to get him through some tough spots. Out of habit, he'd always put it directly into his bag when he finished writing in it.

Always

Then Gil remembered. That shift...his most recent...had been unusually busy. Cases coming in, paperwork stacking up. Then Sara had gotten busted for DUI. He remember writing about that quickly after he'd gotten the call to come get her. Gil wracked his brain to try and figure out what had happened next. It was a vague blur.

Gil heard a frustrated sigh come from Catherine as he stood there and struggled with the memories of that night. As it started coming clear in his mind, Gil swallowed roughly. When he'd gotten the call from the station, he'd been so angry and frustrated with Sara, that he'd taken all of the paperwork and folders that had been sitting on his desk, and shoved them into a drawer. At the time, even though he'd just written in it, Gil hadn't realized his journal was included in that mess. He'd completely forgotten about it. That had been only twenty-four hours ago, give or take, and Gil had been so preoccupied with trying to straighten out Sara's mess, that he hadn't thought about the journal.

Until now.

And here was Catherine, standing in his living room, with his most private thoughts, about her, about everything, right there grasped tightly within her fingers.

"I'm waiting for an answer, Gil."

"I don't know what to say."

"Well, why don't you start by telling me why the hell, for the past twenty years, have you been telling a journal how you feel about me, instead of telling me how you feel about me?"

Catherine's eyes stared accusingly into his. Goose bumps rolled along his skin in waves as she glared up at him. Catherine was a little bit scary when she was mad. She was also excruciatingly gorgeous at the same time. He shifted his feet slightly to relieve the familiar pressure that was building between his legs.

"Cath, you know I'm not good at this stuff. I never have been." He turned and started to walk towards the kitchen. Gil felt Catherine's fingers close over his forearm. She stopped him and forced him to turn around.

"No." Her hair flipped around her face in a silken wave as she shook her head from side to side. He could smell the soft scent of her shampoo. It was intoxicating and Gil felt as if he might faint. "Not good enough this time, Gil. I want an explanation."

"There is no explanation I could give you that would be good enough," he replied softly.

"Try."

A long sigh escaped him.

"Ok. But, let's sit first."

Gil reached out his hand to her. He half expected to have it batted away, but was extremely pleased when Catherine placed her small, soft hand into his. He led her across the room and they sat down on the sofa. Grasping her hand firmly, he ran his free hand through his hair. When he turned to face her, he saw eyes that were dark and filled with uncertainty.

"This book," he paused and reached over to pluck the journal gently from Catherine's hands. He looked at its cover, trying to gather his thoughts, to think of the right words to express what he needed to say. "This book is about love. And hope. And sex. And dreams. It's about me. And it's about you."

Gil stopped speaking again. His eyes began to fill with tears, but he held them back as best he could. A few managed to escape and they cascaded down his cheeks. With a quick brush of his hand, they disappeared. Glancing over at Catherine, he again saw the uncertainty reflected in her expression. Gil knew this was it. The moment he had been waiting for was here. Right now. He took a deep breath to settle himself enough to continue.

"Catherine, I have never met anyone like you. From the first time I saw you, I knew it. When I saw you up there on that stage, God, almost 20 years ago, everything else fell away. I think I was in love with you before you even spoke to me. But I also knew I would never be able to tell you that."

"Why not?"

"I don't have the guts to go after what I want."

"That's a blatant lie, Gil Grissom. I've seen you at work, day in and day out, go after what you want. There are people who are almost afraid of you because you don't stop until you get what you want."

"That's different, Cath. It's work, it's the job. It's not something personal."

"There have been cases that have gotten per..."

Gil cut her off by placing his fingertip to her lips.

"Stop, Cath. You know me well enough to understand what I mean by 'personal'."

Her eyes dropped from his and she nodded.

"But we've been through so much over the years, and you never told me. Never even gave me a clue that you felt this way. I guess I just can't understand why."

"Fear of rejection mostly. The idea of telling you, only to have you reject me...it was almost too much to bear. It would have killed me."

"But you don't know that I would have rejected you."

"I know. Like I said, just the idea of it was frightening enough to stop me from ever acting on my feelings. And there were other reasons."

"Really? Like what?"

"Well, there's the job."

"Job?"

"Yes, we work together. If things didn't work out, I was afraid that it would affect our working relationship."

"Ok. What else?"

He paused before answering so he could lift her chin with his hand. When their eyes met, he continued. "You were married, Cath. So that was a big reason."

"But, according to your own words, you've had feelings like this for a long time. Before Ed and I got married. Why didn't you say something back then?"

"I was younger, very stupid and easily intimidated by beautiful women." He smiled softly at her. She returned the smile. "Still am, I guess. Stupid and intimidated, anyway." He shrugged. "But the two most important reasons were our friendship and Lindsey."

"Oh, Gil. I'll give you the first two reasons. But, you know I'll be your friend always. No matter what happens. I think I've proved that over the years."

He nodded but didn't speak.

"And Lindsey? She loves you. She's loved you since the moment she was born!"

"I know and that's the point. I love her too, and I wasn't going to be the one to split her family apart no matter how I feel about you."

Gil stroked his fingertips along Catherine's cheek and she closed her eyes. His skin tingled with the contact. They sat in silence for a long time. Soundless minutes ticked past, neither of them speaking. Gil's nerves began to tighten to the snapping point. He had to say something, but wasn't sure what.

"Cath..." His voice echoed in the silence.

"I just wish you had said something." Catherine's eyes opened and met his. They were filled with sorrow. Gil watched as a single tear slid down her face.

"I'm so sorry." He brushed away the teardrop with his fingers. "I've never regretted anything more than keeping silent all these years."

"Things could've been so different. In both our lives."

"I don't understand. What are you saying?"

"If you would have told me how you felt, right from the start, our lives would be very different."

"Do you...I mean...are you saying that you have feelings for me too?"

"Of course I do. You know I do."

"No, I mean 'feelings'. Do you feel the same way I do?"

"Yes, Gil. I think maybe I do."

Catherine smiled and Gil's heart soared. He cupped her face in his hands.

"You have no idea how happy that makes me. I've waited so long for this day. I thought it would never come." He glanced away shyly. "Uh...I'm going to kiss you now. I think I might be pretty bad at it."

It was Catherine's turn to reach out and touch Gil's face. When her fingers made contact, he turned his eyes back to her.

"Impossible," she replied smiling. With a soft laugh, she continued. "And you don't have to announce that you're going to kiss me. Or ask permission either. Just do it."

Her laughter was music to his ears. It soothed him.

"Ok. Sorry."

Gil inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. Leaning forward, he brushed his lips tentatively across Catherine's. They were even softer than he had imagined. The kiss was slow and timid, but Gil still felt it all the way down to his toes. When they parted, he inhaled again and captured her lingering breath in his lungs.

"Wow." He exhaled slowly. "That was...I don't...I can't... even... describe..."

"Don't." Catherine laughed once more. She wrapped her fingers into the front of his shirt and pulled him towards her. "Just shut up and kiss me."

Gil Grissom was more than happy to comply. He leaned in again and their lips met. There was no sign of tentativeness this time. Gil pulled Catherine tightly against him as their kiss deepened. His lips parted, allowing her tongue to enter his mouth. When it slid warmly over his, Gil's breath caught. Heat flooded through his veins and pooled into his groin. As his erection grew, so did his confidence.

Sliding his hands around her waist, Gil shifted and pulled Catherine off the couch onto his lap. He felt her legs curl around his back. They tightened and warmth pulsed from her center, heating his groin beyond the boiling point. As their tongues danced, Catherine began to grind her pelvis against him. Gil broke the kiss with a gasp.

"Wait, Cath..." he pleaded breathlessly, gripping her hips with his hands and stopping her movement. "You gotta stop. You're killing me here."

Catherine's confused expression startled him.

"God, no..." Gil quickly reassured her with a smile. He placed his palms on her cheeks and kissed her. "I don't want to stop, it's just been a really long time since I've done...and, well, if you keep doing that, it'll be over before it even starts."

Catherine laughed at his shy, embarrassed grin. She stood, pulling him up along with her.

"Well, we don't want that, do we?" Her voice was low. Deep. Like that day in the viewing room. It vibrated within Gil and he could only answer by shaking his head. He watched Catherine walk slowly behind him. Cool air kissed his skin as she slid her hands beneath his shirt, pushing it up and over his head. Shivers shook Gil, goosebumps following in their wake. He was certain that this time, it wasn't the chill of the air causing him to quiver.

It was Catherine.

She was brushing her lips over his exposed back, her fingertips following behind. Feather-light touches floated along his skin. Gil felt as if he would either faint or burst wide open.

He wasn't sure which would come first.

Gil attempted to turn, to face her, but Catherine stopped him. He felt the tip of her tongue slide down his spine and his testicles tightened in response. Her skilled hands found the drawstring on the front of his shorts. Before Gil knew what had happened, his shorts dropped to his ankles and Catherine's warm, soft hand was wrapped around his rock hard member. She squeezed and Gil's breath locked in his lungs. Every muscle in his body constricted tightly, his back arching into her hand.

"Cath..." he barely managed to squeak out.

"Shhhhhhh." Catherine's warm breath flowed over his skin as she massaged his erection, squeezing and releasing. Gil began to thrust his hips in rhythm with her hand. He felt his orgasm building and he groaned deeply in his throat.

"Cath, I'm about to..."

Before Gil could finish his sentence, Catherine had released his penis from her grasp. His eyes flew open. She was standing in front of him, a smirk on her face.

"What?"

"Did you honestly think I would let you go over the edge right here in the living room?"

"Let me...go? I don't underst...."

She began to unbutton her blouse. The corral colored silk parted, revealing a lacy bra in the exact same shade. Gil grinned.

"What?"

"You're underwear matches your clothes."

"So?" Catherine gave him a challenging look, but her voice didn't match the expression. "You got a problem with that?"

"God, no! I think it's adorable." He reached out and pushed the slippery material from her body, replacing it on each shoulder with a kiss. "It's one more thing I can add to the list of what I love about you."

"Is that a long list?" She asked, her eyes twinkling.

"Mmmmmm hmmmmmm," Gil sighed as he brushed his lips over her exposed collar bones. "Longer than you'd ever believe."

Catherine drew in a long breath as his lips passed over the tops of her breasts.

"You'll have to tell me about it someday."

Gil nodded as he began fumbling around the front of her pants, attempting to find a button or a zipper.

"Where the fu....," he mumbled under his breath.

Catherine laughed softly and moved away.

"Sorry, Gil." She turned her back to him, exposing the silver clasp on the rear cuff of her waistband. I just bought these. I thought the back clasp was sort " Glancing over her shoulder, she shrugged and gave him a sheepish grin.

"Cool, huh?"

"Hey, it's not like I got dressed today knowing we'd be here getting ready to... I just wanted to look...cute."

"Oh, believe me, you look more than cute." Gil reached out and tried to open the jigsaw puzzle of a clasp. He threw his hands up in mock surrender. "But if you don't help me with this damn thing, I'm going to have to rip your 'cool' pants off of you, ma'am."

"Alright, alright!" She reached behind her back and easily opened the latch. Lowering the zipper, Catherine carefully pushed the expensive pants and the corral-colored thong down her legs. She folded them neatly and placed them on the couch. "So much for high fashion."

"Catherine," Gil picked her up in his arms and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek. He began to carry her toward his bedroom. "I don't care what you have on. You could be wearing a CSI jumpsuit, or a blue running suit, or even a paper bag. You would still be the sexiest, cutest, most adorable woman on the planet."

Gil placed her on his bed.

"You're such a charmer, Gil."

"I'm not kidding. I'm completely and totally serious," he said as he lowered himself down beside her. Sliding his hand over her exposed abdomen, Gil leaned down to kiss her. "A paper bag, Catherine."

Gil lazily trailed his lips down the front of Catherine's body, pausing occasionally to kiss her soft skin. She tasted like strawberry ice cream. He glanced up at her and smiled slightly.

"Yes?" She asked, returning his smile. "Can I help you?"

"Your skin tastes like strawberry ice cream."

"Oh that. It's a new kind of body lotion. I bought it because I thought it was sort of...."

"Cool?" He smirked at her.

"Smart ass."

"Maybe so, but," Gil paused to slide his tongue over her flat abdomen. "I'm looking forward to tasting the 'real' Catherine Willows. Minus the 'cool' lotion."

As Gil continued down her thighs, he felt goosebumps rising under his lips. He placed gentle kisses on each of Catherine's ten, perfectly painted - to match her clothes, of course - toes before working his way back upward to her mouth. When he reached his desired destination, he captured her lips with his and lowered his body on top of hers.

Their kiss turned passionate quickly. Gil felt Catherine's leg slide up and over his thigh. It settled securely around his back. Sweat began to form on their bodies, mingling together on Catherine's stomach, in a slippery pool of moisture. When Gil felt her other leg begin to move around him, he adjusted his body slightly. His erect penis was now pressing gently against the warm, slick opening between her legs.

Before he could thrust forward, joining them together, Catherine broke their kiss with a gasp.

"I want you to say it, Gil. Before we go any further. I want to hear the words come from your lips."

"I love you, Catherine Willows. I always have. I always will."

Fresh tears slid down Catherine's cheeks and he brushed them away with his thumbs.

"I love you too."

Gil placed his palms on the sides of her face. As he slid inside of her, he leaned in closely and brushed his lips softly across hers.



Continued in Epilogue