Chapter 8 (Talk and progress are not as hard as they seem)

A/N: Glad you liked the last chapter. I was fretting over the letter and if it set the right mood and now I'm relieved that it did. To all those whose review give me courage to continue my writing!

xxxxx

Sara arrived back at the house some time later and expected him to be back out on the veranda. He was nowhere in sight, though.

Her walk had made her uneasy again, doubting her choice. The time alone had left her too much room to think and she had come up with a lot of worst-case scenarios. It had been right to go after him and to finally confront him, of that she was sure now, but that didn't make her any less scared. So much was depending on his reaction.

Please, let him get it right this time, she prayed. She couldn't give him another chance. This was the last one.

As she sat there, staring out on the ocean, she was too deep in thoughts to hear him come up behind her. Grissom was enthralled by her beauty. Her hair was reflecting the light, her eyes reflecting the ocean. But she was tense, probably because of him. Given his past behavior she had no idea what to expect. He had to get this right, for himself as well as for her.

"Sara?" He didn't dare touch her, but she was startled nonetheless. She almost jumped out of the chair.

"Grissom!" She turned towards him and tried to read his face, but he had masked his emotions again. "Sit down?" Sara asked unable to keep the nervousness out of her voice.

He nodded and took a seat across from her so that he had an unobstructed view of her face.

"Who should start?" She would have loved to just let him do the talking. That way, if her turned her down, she wouldn't embarrass herself even further.

"I would like to ask you something." When Sara didn't object he continued. "How long†how long have you had these feelings?"

Her eyes widened with surprise. She had not expected him to accept her words so easily. She thought about it and then a smile spread over her face.

"Since I met you." Her voice carried a confidence she didn't quite feel and she hoped he wouldn't pick up on her insecurity.

Now it was Grissom's turn to be shocked.

"They weren't this strong. They grew with every conversation, with every look, with every smile, with working side by side." He nodded in understanding. He wanted to reach out to her, assure her that she hadn't said too much, but he was still too scared.

"Sara, I have to be honest with you."

She tensed, bracing for the blow she knew would come. She had been waiting for it since his eyes opened in the hospital room. But his next words were not what she had waited for.

"Sara, I†The problem has never been that I don't have feelings for you. I hope you know that." He lowered his head so that he wouldn't have to see the pain in her eyes at his next words. "The problem is, I am so scared that I don't know what to do†about†you and me."

This time he had named the issue and didn't try to avoid it. That alone was progress. Their relationship was not a 'this' anymore. Grissom had realized that they needed to address it.

With his head down she couldn't talk to him so she lifted his chin to meet his eyes. "Are you scared of me?" She tried to banish the pain from her voice and cling to the hope of 'you and me'.

"I'm a bit intimidated by your strength, but I'm not scared of you. I'm scared of your power over me, I'm scared of the consequences and I'm scared of me – my reactions."

Sara didn't know how to respond to that.

"It's not that I want you to change. I admire you for your strength and the effect you have on people. It is me, Sara. I have to change. I have to deal with these fears, but I don't know how."

Grissom had just told her about his fears. He trusted her. Her hope grew. "Then let me help you. Let me show you."

She opened herself up even wider. She knew he needed to see what she felt. And he did. Her eyes shone with emotion. He could see her own fear, her hope, her willingness to help and he could see her love.

Yes, her love. He had finally put a name to this feeling.

And if she loved him, wasn't it ok to love her back?

"It's no crush!" It was only a statement, but it was delivered with tears in his eyes, because it meant so much more. Sara smiled trough her own tears. It was the first real 'Sara smile' since he started pushing her away. He was starting to accept the truth.

"I'm here." Now he just had to believe that she wanted to be with him and was there to stay.

Grissom reached for her hand in confirmation. He gave it a light squeeze and smiled back at her. "Where do I start?"

"Start by telling me you're done running. Promise me you will come to me first. Then we can talk and make it right again." Hearing these things from her, Grissom realized what he had put her through. And her fears had grown when he left Vegas.

"I know that's a lot to ask. It would be enough if you could at least give me an indication that something is wrong. Just one word, so that I know that you're having problems." She was trying to give him space and take baby steps. Everything else could scare him away.

For him, it was indeed a lot to ask, but if he wanted a chance with Sara he had to agree. "I promise."

Sara sighed in relief. Gil Grissom was a man who didn't promise things lightly. And if he did, he meant it.

"Thank you." She let her other hand travel up and down his arms in a move of comfort. "That was the first step. You up for a second one?" She saw him hesitating again. "Griss, it's nothing bad. I don't want you to declare yourself here and now with overt gestures like a dozen red roses or even a ring."

Smiling at him she squeezed his hand trying to get him to relax. "I was thinking about a walk on the beach. Nothing more. I want to show you that it's enough for me to be with you."

She couldn't make smaller steps, but she was willing to take them if it meant that they would get there eventually. She had waited so long and now that there was a definite possibility, she could wait even longer. She would show him that they could work and that he could trust her.

Grissom still felt the urge to run, but now he was strong enough to suppress it. He had to keep repeating 'I want Sara'. That little sentence gave him courage and determination.

He took both of her hands and pulled her up with him. A walk on the beach, he could do that. And maybe even a little bit more. He wanted to do it. So he surprised himself and Sara when he didn't let go of her hand once they were standing in the sand.

It was easier than he would have thought.

And so they walked along the beach, holding hands.

Grissom was relieved to have made progress and Sara reveled in the renewed hope that coursed through her.

TBC