Oh No, What Now?
Chapter 6I think I'm going to be sick. I mean sitting there on my boyfriend's floor was Carla. I had to reach for the dresser to sturdy my balance. I didn't think anyone noticed this small moment, but of course someone did, and it had to be Eli.
"Grace? Are you okay?" I started to get up, but then realized that Carla is right in front of me. This isn't the place for Carla to learn that Grace and I are together.
"Yeah I'm fine. Wow Carla, I'm surprised to see you here." Surprised I don't think even explains how surprised and shocked I am to see her here in Eli's room.
"Yeah, I know it's been awhile, but I had to come back."
"Why did you have to come back? I mean you've been gone for what, almost year or so now. What made you come back?" Why would she have to come back? She left Eli sitting in a bus station and came to me for money, is she repaying old debts now or what?
"Well, it's been a little over a year now since I left Grace. I had to come back because I have things I need to take care of around here and I figured I'd start with you two. Since there isn't many people that I have to see while I'm here. It's not like I had a lot of friends or anything like that, but yeah, I need to clear up a few things with you guys. Then I'm off to Europe."
"Wow Europe, you're finally going huh?" I remember when Eli and her were going to travel all around Europe after Eli graduated, but things changed and she left him at the bus station. Makes me wonder if she is going to ask Eli to go with her, I mean true him and I are together, but he had strong feelings for her, he loved her he told her so, he was going to leave with her when his dad didn't want him to. What's going to stop him this time? Ugh, stop it; I know damn right that Eli isn't going to leave me. But I'm not so sure about that myself.
"Yup, I finally saved up enough money so I'm going to travel around Europe and then maybe go somewhere else, anywhere but here. I don't think that I could ever move back to that place, or even a city like this one. So before I leave the country I had to come back and repay you guys."
Okay that is enough, I'm getting tired of listing to her bullshit, "Carla, what are you talking about? What could you owe me? You left me sitting at the fucking bus station a year ago!" I can't believe her. After all this time she just waltzes into my room and says she owes me? Fuck that! I get up from my bed and walk over to my desk area; I can't even look at her right now. What the hell was I on when I invited her in?
"Eli I know what I did was wrong, but I couldn't go through with it. You were too ready to give it all up for me, and I couldn't have that."
Oh man am I glad that no one is home right now, this conversation could get a little bit loud and ugly, "What the hell Carla, I loved you! I don't know if it's just me, but when you love a person, you stick by them even if you don't like what they are about to do. I'm sorry that I ever gave a damn about you!"
"Eli." He doesn't mean that, I know he would never be sorry about loving her. Even if he says that he doesn't a thousand times. Even if he won't admit it, I know it's true.
"No Grace, she needs to hear this. Carla, I loved you! I never thought that I could love anyone else the way that I loved you. I mean you were so out there; you were never afraid to show people who you were, you were perfect to me. Sure you had your problems, so did I, who doesn't have problems in this world? I went to the bus station that night, and I fucking waited for you. I guess I was to damn blind to really see who you were!" I want to just kick her out of here, and just hold Grace and tell her everything is going to be fine. This cannot be easy for her. I see it in her eyes when I look at her she is worried, I know that for sure. She doesn't have anything to worry about, but she is Grace and she will worry until Carla has left town.
"Eli damn it I'm sorry that I put you through that. You know how I am, half the time I don't even know if I'm doing the right thing that night I wasn't sure. I'm sorry that I didn't call you, write, or anything like that. I just couldn't see the hurt in your eyes. Grace please you have to understand where I'm coming from."
I never told Eli that Carla came to me that night, until now that is, "Carla how can I understand that? I mean you left Eli sitting in a bus station, wondering what the hell is going on. And while he was there, you came climbing through my window asking me for money and telling me that Eli was too trusting and shit." At that moment Eli spun around and gave me that look he gives his dad when Rick is talking about something Eli should know, but doesn't. I know I should have told him, but why should I bring up feelings that he wants to keep buried.
"What! You went to Grace and told her that you never intended to meet me at the bus station, and asked her for money. I can't fucking believe this." Why wouldn't Grace tell me this? I know she probably didn't want me to feel sad, but she still should have told me.
"Eli I'm sorry I really am. I needed money to get out of town and I couldn't meet you and tell you that I didn't want you to go with me anymore. I'm sorry okay. I can't change the past, hell I wish I could, but I can't. Just try to find it in your heart to forgive me, okay? Grace here is the money that I borrowed from you, plus a little extra for taking it."
I reach out and grab the money, in a way it's like a closure for me. I just wish Eli could get closure on this ordeal. "Thanks Carla." What else can I say to her?
"Eli I wish there was something that I could do or say to give you some type of closure on us, but I can't. I don't know what I was thinking when I came here today. Maybe I was hoping that you didn't hold a grudge against me this whole time. But if it makes you feel any better, you'll never have to see me again after today. I'm sorry for the pain that I caused both of you and I hope you could find it in your hearts to forgive me somehow. I guess this is goodbye. Bye you guys."
And with that, Carla left our lives forever for the second time. Silence filled the air as soon as she left. I mean what could we say to each other right now. Eli just saw his old girlfriend for the first time in a year, he learned that she came and saw me that night. And here I am with a wad of cash in my hand from a friend that I use to care about.
"Eli, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about Carla coming over that night. I just didn't want you to remember the pain that she caused you. Please tell me that you're not mad?" I wonder if he even heard me since he hasn't made a move since Carla left. Maybe he didn't, I spoke in such a quite voice, and I wouldn't be surprised if he asked me what I just said.
"Grace I'm not mad at you okay? I'm going to go take a shower, you can stay here if you want." I turned around and went straight to the bathroom, not even giving a glance over towards Grace. I know in my heart I shouldn't be doing this to her, but I can't help it. She should have told me about Carla coming by that night. As I close the bathroom door, I can hear soft cries coming from my room, and then a click. She left crying, and it's my fault.