Author's Note: My sincerest apologies to chaosbardock, but I am going to have to deny your request in order to preserve the comedic properties of this fanfic. The guys will be acting very cartoony for the rest of the story. Now a message to everyone else: I admit that I don't hate Goku because he's a good character to use for comedy, but Vegeta rox my sox! You all will bow to his Royal, Royal, Royal Highness!!!!

"And that's it for today's episode of Dragon Ball Z: And the Spider-Saiyan is Born. Tune in next time for some great web-slingin' actio—" CLICK!

"Suddenly I'm not so upset any more that Vegeta survived and I didn't. Heh heh..." Came the sinister-sounding voice resembling that of an elderly woman. The extremely amused, yet extremely deceased Ice-jin put down the remote control for his EV (Earth-Vision). He leaned back in his recliner and looked out the bay window of his own personal Hell home, down at the rings of fire and burning, tormented souls below.

"I totally agree, Master Frieza. I suddenly feel so much betta...like a great weight's been lifted offa me shoulders." Agreed the red-skinned white-haired former warrior known as Jeice in his British-accent-like voice, sitting on the sofa next to Frieza's recliner.

A curvaceous, scantily dressed devil-girl walked by and handed Frieza the glass of wine he had requested. "Why, thank you, my dear." The former tyrant took it gratefully.

"My pleasure, Master Frieza!" She purred seductively, taking a seat on the Ice-jin's lap.

"Oh, no, my dear. The pleasure is entirely mine..." The two were about to start sucking face, but Jeice cleared his throat to get the lizard-like creature's attention.

Frieza turned to him, "Oh, my apologies Jeice. Yes, I agree. It turns out that the other baka Saiyan is making him far more miserable than I ever managed to. And to think he's not even trying! Ha ha ha ha!"

"Oh, I just remembered! Captain Ginyu wants to know if you've finished writing his recommendation for that demon job yet, but the deadline's next week so there's no rush."

"Finished it just last night. Ask my devil-maid on the way out. She'll show you where it is."

"Right-o! I'll go do that. Thank you, Master Frieza." Said Jeice, bowing low before him.

Okay, I'm done being random. Now back to the story...

"Um...okay..." Bulma looked around the GT, but there were no Saiyans in sight. She did, however, notice that the titanium launch seats had been ripped off their foundations. She discovered that they had been hurled against the opposite wall. "OH MY GOD!!!!"

Vegeta dropped down from the ceiling and landed in a graceful crouch right behind her. "Bulma!! Holy crap, you won't believe what just happened!!!!"

She spun around in surprise. "Where in the hell did you just come from?! What's going on?!!"

"Never mind that. Kakarott!!!!" Vegeta cried, jogging over to the 'Goku sandwich' and pulling down the titanium launch seats that were imprinted into the wall.

Goku resembled a bug that had just been squashed underfoot. Vegeta peeled the Goku-pancake off the wall and dragged him over to where Bulma was.

"Goku! You better get home right away! Chi Chi just called!" She warned.

Goku tried to murmur his reply, but it was unintelligible. Vegeta answered for him, "NO!!! Kakarott cannot go home until he shows me how to use my new powers!!!"

"What new powers?" Asked Bulma, confused.

"I don't know what they are, but this baka does." He said, pointing to the smash-faced Goku in his grip.

"What's he talking about, Goku?" Asked Bulma.

"Uhhnnnnnm mmnnnimmm!!!!" Cried Goku in pain.

"Maybe we should put him in the regen tank first." Bulma recommended.

"That'll take forever, woman! I want to learn about my new powers NOW!!! I wonder if this baka has any senzu beans..." Vegeta reached into Goku's pocket and came out with a small sack.

Grabbing Goku by the hair, which was extremely messed up (more so than usual) and sticking in every random direction, he forced his head back so his mouth would open and tossed in the senzu bean, "CHEW, BAKA, CHEW!! FASTER, BAKA!!!!" He forced his jaw up and down trying to make the brain-damaged Saiyan eat the legume.

Vegeta released his grip on Goku, who immediately collapsed to the floor, and turned to address Bulma, but not before snickering at Goku's misery. "Now watch this, woman." Vegeta flicked his wrist, but nothing happened. "What the...? Crap! I already forgot how to do it!"

Goku suddenly got up from the floor. "What's going on? Where am I?"

Vegeta grabbed the dazed Saiyan by the front of his shirt and shook him. "I command you to show me how to do it again, baka!!!" Vegeta demanded.

"Do what again?" Asked a stupefied Goku.

"The thing that you showed me how to do!!"

"What thing that I showed you how to do?"

"The wrist thing!!!!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't you remember anything that just happened, baka?"

"Umm..."

"What's your name? Do you even remember that?"

"Uh, Baka?"

Vegeta paused. "Close, but not quite. Try again, baka!" He shook him again.

"..."

"Who am I? Who is she?" He gestured towards Bulma.

"..."

"Maybe if you clonk him on the head with something, it'll jog his memory." Bulma suggested.

"No, that'll just make him triple-brain-damaged." Vegeta put a hand to his chin, trying to think of a different solution. "I've got it! All right, baka, I'm going to introduce you to an extremely hideous person. You must try not to be shocked by his idiotic appearance and just tell me if you recognize him at all."

"Okay."

Vegeta dragged Goku into the bathroom and thrust him in front of the mirror. "Now, does this disgusting person look in any way familiar to you? Think carefully, baka."

"Ummmmm...uhhhhh...lemme see...no, I don't think so."

Vegeta sighed in frustration.

"I know what we can do!!" Bulma spoke up.

They both turned to her. "Yes?" They asked in unison.

"Just follow me, guys!" She said, proceeding to lead them out the gravity room door, "Science is probably the best way to solve this problem."

Vegeta and Goku followed behind her side by side. As they were walking through the yard back to Bulma's house, Goku leaned over and whispered in Vegeta's ear. "Pssst! I didn't wanna say this in front of that guy you showed me, but it turns out you were right about his appearance. Did you get a look at his hair? Damn..." He shook his head in disapproval.

A sly smirk started to appear on Vegeta's face. He put a hand on Goku's shoulder. "Baka, from now on I think we're going to get along just fine..."

Author's Final Note: Okay, guys, I really AM starting to feel bad for Goku right now. Who would you all say that I've tormented worse in this story? Goku or Vegeta? Vegeta has been humiliated, yet Goku has been depicted as he truly is (which is also humiliating). They both had their heads smashed, but only Vegeta was attacked by the vicious super-spider and only Goku was smashed by the flying titanium launch seats. I just...I can't decide. Damn. Who's suffering worse in YOUR opinion? Lemme know what yous guys think, 'kay. Thanx. Oh, one more thing, I'm sorry that I made this chapter shorter, but after Vegeta's last comment it just seemed like the perfect place to conclude. I'll try and make the next chapter longer, mmmmkay.