Disclaimer: Not mine, you buffoon, not mine, I say! ::charges madly around cyberspace with a jousting pole to make her point:: The Lady Rowling is the divine creator of Harry Potter, and I am but a humble village idiot. Oh, woe.

Warning: I just love this part. Guy/guy relationships ahead! "We're here, we're queer, and you better get used to it!" (Dear god, my roommate has Will and Grace on constantly and I think the effects are showing).

A/N: No real rhyme or reason to this fic, just that I love Sirius and Remus and they love each other too. All you need is love, after all. (I do believe that slash has turned me into the most appalling, sappy idiot imaginable. Damn it all.) The title, by the way, is based on that childhood rhyme, "First is the worst, second is the best, third is the..." I don't remember the ending.

-Second is the Best-

The portrait slammed shut so hard that a log shifted in the fireplace, causing sparks to jump out at the young werewolf curled up in front of it. He peered over his book at the livid face of Sirius Black.

"So," he inquired casually, "How did your date with Cecily go?"

Sirius gave him a black look, eyes dark with animosity. "Shut it, Moony," he growled as he stalked past.

The werewolf raised his eyebrows. "Swept her off her feet, then?"

"I'm not in the mood, Remus."

Remus remained silent, knowing that it was better not to pry. Sirius stormed up the stairs to the fourth year boy's dormitory, and Remus did not follow.

-o-

The fire had lulled into a smoldering flicker and the house elves had discreetly replenished the wood before Sirius came back down, galumphing his way to the base of the stairs with a sulk still evident in his step. Not looking at Remus, who was near the end of his book, he plopped down theatrically beside him, shoulders still about his ears in anger.

Remus turned the page. "So. What has you so chipper today?"

"My date with Cecily...didn't go very well."

Remus snorted. "Thanks for stating the obvious. What went wrong?" Remus looked over curiously as Sirius not only remained silent, but went a bit pink on the ears.

"The..er..the kissing did, actually."

Remus was torn between the desire to laugh and to run away; kissing was a subject they had never really brought up, preferring to be manly and nonchalant about it.

"What..." he fumbled, "What went wrong about it?"

Sirius' shoulders rose even closer to his ears, which were now very pink indeed, and he looked away from Remus.

"I...I messed it up."

Remus had no idea how to properly respond, so he was relieved when Sirius continued talking.

"It was going fine and all, but then in the middle I just sort of...froze up, like. I dunno. She was just so...I don't know, like I was just kissing her and I suddenly realized I didn't want to be."

Remus frowned, something rattling in its cage in the back of his head, and Sirius grew more insistent, his words rushed and defensive.

"So I just froze up; I just stopped, and then she pulled away and asked me what was wrong, and I said nothing, I just remembered something I needed to be doing, and she started yelling at me, saying I was just blowing her off, which was true, so I just left, and I kept thinking, it couldn't be her fault, I mean, she's all pretty and likeable, so it had to be me, didn't it? And I kept running over things in my head and I was so mixed up about it that I wound up really pissed off," he finished, looking at Remus for some sort of assessment.

Remus opened his mouth, pausing, then he probed, "Sirius. Has this ever happened before?" Sirius had certainly gone on enough dates before, and he had never come back from them looking ready to commit small-scale genocide.

Sirius fidgeted, his fingers kneading the plush fabric of the couch. "I've...Cecily was...this was..." he sighed, exasperated. "This was my first time kissing anybody." He glanced furtively over at his somewhat nonplused companion, and then his gaze darted back to the red couch material.

"...hunh." Remus finally concluded. "Well...I've never kissed anybody at all, so you're one up on me, then." Sirius broke into a relieved grin. Said grin quickly vanished with Remus' next question.

"So...who'd you want to be kissing, then?"

Sirius goggled.

"I mean..." Remus explained, "...if you didn't want to be kissing Cecily. Who'd you want to kiss?"

Sirius frame was very straight as he continued to stare at Remus, mouth open. "...Oh." the word tangled with the quiet. "Oh. You mean, who'd I...yeah, I got it. Um, no one really. Just, ah...not her, was all. Nobody else in particular in mind. No one."

Remus sighed, an uncertain sigh that couldn't decide what the feeling behind its existence was, and leaned back into the chair. Sirius shot him a look from under his bangs.

"Why d'you ask?"

"Huh?" Remus sat up. "I was just...wondering, was all. You know. Just curious. Thought maybe if you had someone in mind I could help you out with getting her attention, or something," he lied weakly, offering up a companionable smile.

Sirius returned the grin, and punched Remus on the shoulder. "Like I need any dating help from you."

Remus brought his book back up to his face, looking superior. "Just because I'm not a good-for-nothing girl-chaser like you, who embarrasses himself trying to woo every female in his year, and then some. I just have classier taste."

Sirius laughed. "Classy, right, Remus. I'm sure those books of yours carry on very informed conversations and look really elegant in designer robes."

Remus turned up his nose. "Your definition of class is limited."

"Hey, I'm a Black. I know exactly what class is." Remus raised his eyebrows, and Sirius grinned derisively. "It's everything my family isn't."

Remus chuckled, and then grew still. An odd apprehension filled the room, and the fire crackled nervously.

"Hey, Moony."

Remus hmm'ed.

"You said you'd help out, right? Just now, you said you would try to help me out, right?"

Remus blinked, a little disappointed, although he couldn't name the reason for his emotion.

"So there is someone."

Sirius swallowed, hesitantly turning to face Remus. "There isn't someone exactly. I mean, there kind of is, but that's not what I need help with. I need help with...practice."

Remus all but dropped his book. "Practice?" he fairly squeaked.

Sirius drew back hurriedly. "No, I mean, you don't have to; it's no big deal, I just thought...but nevermind. Forget it."

Remus cheeks were burning as he ventured, "...What kind of practice?"

Sirius looked up in surprise, and stopped fiddling with the couch.

Remus smiled a tiny, comforting smile. At least, he hoped it was comforting. One of them had better be comfortable, and it certainly wasn't the sometime creature of the night whose heart was rocketing around in his ribcage.

Sirius flickered a smile back at him. "Nothing much," he clarified, shooting for a casual tone, "Just...enough so I could make sure I wasn't terrible. Like, if it gets weird, we can just quit, no harm, no foul. We don't have to go...any farther than you want to." A blush exploded across his face, all stabs at 'casual' flung to hell. "I mean, it wouldn't mean anything," he explained in a rush.

Remus pondered this. "Well, that seems fair. And, what kind of friend would I be if I didn't help out a mate in trouble?" Remus shifted, sitting on his knees to face Sirius. "So...so go, then."

Sirius panicked. "Wait, I'm the one going? Why not you?"

"Because you're the one who wants the practice."

"Oh...right."

Sirius shut his eyes tightly and leaned forward, his breath shaky. After several seconds, he opened them. "Maybe...we should both go. At the same time. I mean, that's fair, right? Happens all the time on dates." Remus had no real choice but to agree.

"So..." Sirius breathed, "So both at the same time. Right. Here we go." They both leaned in, watching each other carefully, until they finally remembered to close their eyes. A jolt shot through Remus as their lips brushed quietly, slowly, before some instinct kicked in and he opened his mouth. Sirius pressed on more avidly, his hand unknowingly creeping up Remus' bicep. He half-forgot what was happening, and was shifting onto Remus' lap when he blinked back to reality and pulled away gradually. Remus cleared his throat and looked down.

"That...was a little weird," he half-whispered, the firelight casting long shadows that hid his eyes.

Sirius swallowed, the lurching sound echoing in his head. "We can stop. It's alright."

"No," Remus frowned, "It was weird...but it wasn't awful. I mean, I could put up with it being weird, to...help out a friend."

Sirius' breath settled.

"Okay. .....Again?" Remus nodded.

This time the anticipation wasn't as stressful; the kiss started fluidly, and neither boy was as nervous. Remus' hand curled around Sirius' neck, and Sirius placed his palm heavily on Remus slowly heaving chest, as their mouths sealed and parted rhythmically. Remus let out a soft sigh, and inclined his head away from Sirius, breaking the kiss. Sirius' eyelashes were lowered, and he looked at Remus in confusion.

"Too weird?"

Remus inhaled, licking his now-swollen lips. "I just...what are we doing?"

Sirius tilted his head, forcing Remus to look at him.

"Practicing."

Remus exhaled. "That's it?"

Sirius inched closer. "Yeah. Just practicing, for...whoever I really feel like kissing."

Remus could not miss the meaning of Sirius' words.

"Well, in that case...I think you need more practice."

Sirius cringed in worry, until he noticed Remus' lightly teasing smile.

A devious grin spread across his face. "You're the smart one."

Sirius met Remus eagerly, pushing the smaller boy down into the cushions. Remus kissed back insistently, arching into Sirius. Sirius' breath grew ragged as their kisses became hungrier, Remus' tongue running along the roof of his mouth, and his ears rang when a light moan rose out of Remus drowsily. The needy noises persisted as Sirius kissed deeply into Remus' pale neck, and the werewolf had to clench his teeth to prevent a sharp cry when Sirius discovered the hollow of his throat. His hands tightened around Sirius' back, and he fought a desperate urge to tug away Sirius' button-up shirt and alleviate his need for skin-to-skin contact. When Sirius surged back up to his mouth and slipped his hand below Remus' starch-white collar, his resolve crumbled, and he pulled at the fabric until it loosed itself from Sirius' pants. Sirius' breath hitched when Remus traced the line of his backbone, and he pressed deeper into Remus body, the raw contact thrilling him. When Remus wrapped his leg around Sirius and licked gently at his ear, Sirius gave a highly undignified whimper, and after one more head-spinning kiss, he lifted his head and stared at Remus. Both their limbs were about as stable as jelly, and their breathing sounded as if they had just finished a particularly tiring round of Quidditch. He gave a lazy smile.

"Still weird?"

Remus panted. "The weirdest," he whispered fervently, before pushing up to steal another kiss, which was given all too willingly.

"So," Remus questioned, "Who's this person you'd rather be kissing, then?"

Sirius leaned back down, breath tickling Remus' nose. "Some dolt who never does anything but read. You'd probably get along with him."

The fire laughed in response.

-fin-

A/N: Oh, that was so viciously cliche. I can't believe I wrote that. So utterly plotless. I'll have to go write some angst now. ::slaps forehead:: Where's my broodiness when I need it?! I need to go read some good, heart-wrenching SubaruxSeishirou. That'll stop this fluffy insanity.