Disclaimer: Contrary to common belief, Sirius is not mine.
A/N: Wow, took me a while to update. This chapter skips from Sirius's last year to his first year out of Hogwarts. Wait, does that make sense?!
Chapter Three: Siriusly Modeling
So, I was, like bouncing off the walls. Again. I was looking like a fool. Again. But who cares? It was my 19th birthday. I was a big kid now. No more diapers for me! No sir.
So I bounded downstairs. I lived in an apartment with Lily and James. You remember them? They're silly. So Lily made me breakfast. And I looked through the paper.
I poured myself a mug
of coffee and took the sports page from James. He raised his eyebrows
at me. "Looking for scores? Wasps won again, Sirius."
"Nope,"
I replied jauntily, turning the page. "I'm looking for a
job."
James spat out his mouthful of coffee, staining his
page, not to mention splattering mine.
"Oh that's real
attractive, James," I said sarcastically, waving my wand and
removing the stains off of the papers.
He coughed and pounded his
chest, gasping for air.
"Breathe, James, breathe. HAHAHA.
You need pregnany tests. Breathe harded. I TOLD you to use
protection. I knew Lily would do this."
But that slut
ignored me."You?!" he said incredulously. "A job? In
the sports section?"
"I want to be a commentator," I
told him proudly, turning the page.
"With what
experience?"
"I commentated at Hogwarts- first and
second year before I made the team, remember?"
He sighed in
a resigned sort of way. "Well, it won't be in the sports
section. It'll be in here." He passed me the classified section.
The front page showed a short wizard squeaking, "At Ned's Used
Broom Lot, you can get the Comet 160 for only 29 Sickles and 10
Knuts!"
I took it, flipping to the "special interests"
part of the paper.
----------------------------
"Hi,
guys," Lily greeted us, coming into the kitchen with two brown
paper grocery bags. "Happy birthday, Sirius," she added,
kissing me on the cheek.
"Can I help you with that, Lils?"
James asked immediately, getting up.
Suck up. Well, no. I mean,
it wasn't sucking up when I did that to Bella. Oh, how I miss her.
Oh well, her fault she wanted to buy 60 cats and live with them
instead of me.
James took one of the bags and peeked into it
suspiciously. "Lils, I thought you were only getting eggs and
cinnamon," he said. "There's--"
She stomped on his
foot, glaring. "That's all there is, James," she hissed. He
cottoned on.
"Oh," he said loudly. "Yes, that is
all there is."
I already knew they were throwing a surprise
party for me, however. I know things, you see. Lily could keep a
secret, but if you told James a secret in the morning the whole world
would know by mid-afternoon.
I shook my wonderful, superb,
breath-taking head and returned to searching for my job, which wasn't
going too well. The only thing that had somewhat caught my eye was an
ad to be the next salesperson for Ned's Used Broom Lot.
And then
I saw it.
The ad for my calling. Well, it was calling to me. It
had my name all over it.
"Are you hot?"
Yes,
very.
"Are you sexy?"
Stop asking such easy
questions.
"Do you want to make a bank account to big to be
allowed?"
Doesn't everyone?
"If you answered yes to
all of these questions-"
Hello? Is there an 'if' about
it?
"-you could become a model for Mango's Quidditch
Uniforms!"
Showing off my hot, sexy body in Quidditch
uniforms?! This was my kind of job!
Then in smaller print at the
bottom of the page: "Must be 21 or over."
So I'd become
two years older for big money. Simple.
"Hey, Lils!" I
called, even though she was right across the kitchen.
"Yes?"
"What
do you think of me becoming a model?"
I'm sure that if James
had coffee in his mouth he would've spat it out again. He didn't,
though. It was my birthday cake. Luckily, it landed on Lily's hair,
not my wonderful, superb, breath-taking
head.
---------------------
"Sir," Miss
Booty said gently, looking over her glasses. "Are you sure
you're twenty-one?"
Her name's not
really Booty. It's Henry. But with an ass like that...you've
gotta be called Booty.
I rolled my eyes skyward. "Of course
I'm 21. Don't be ridiculous. If I weren't 21, would I even be here? I
can read, Miss Boo... I mean Miss Henry.. Even the small print."
She
smiled and went back to my resume. "Do you have any modeling
experience, Mr. Black?"
"A little when I was younger,
before Hogwarts, of course," I lied. "I did some Muggle
spreads and things like that."
Booty smiled again. I was
beginning to think it was one of those pasted on, you know when
you're just trying to humor someone. "Well, you're certainly,"
she lowered her glasses again, "handsome enough."
"Why
thank you," I said, wiggling my eyebrows. That makes the ladies
go crazy- except for Lily. She just slaps me when I do that. But
she's James's girlfriend, so that's understandable.
BUT BACK TO
ME!
"And you're certainly qualified....so..." She
sighed loudly. "I guess you've got the
job."
------------------
And so it began. My life as
Sirius Black, hottest male model in the world....
I went in three
days later for a photo shoot for Mango's Quidditch Uniforms' newest
accessory: the fan jacket. I hated the jacket- it had the Wimbourne
Wasp logo imprinted on it (I hate the Wasps with a passion), but I
was being paid 120 Galleons to do this shoot.
The jacket
stayed.
For a while, anyway.
I tried to convince Miss Booty,
who was now my manager, to allow me to wear leather. Leather makes me
look my hottest.
"Please!" I begged. "I look my
hottest in leather! I'm waterproof and everything!"
The
photographer, a Jean-Claude Gorenemmy, raised his eyebrow at me.
"Leazzer?" he inquired suddenly.
"Yes, leather!"
Miss Booty said with a slight, snooty laugh. "Imagine!"
"Zat
could vork," he said thoughtfully, tapping his chin. "Zat
could vreally vork. Do you have any leazzer wiz 'ou?"
In
between his heavy French accent (what is with photographers having to
be French, I wonder? What's wrong with British photographers? Named
Crystal? Who happen to be extremely hot and wear very short shorts?
Or miniskirts, I'm not particular), I made out his question. "Er,
no?"
"Zat can be fixed, of course. Lulu!" He
snapped his fingers, and a middle aged woman, his assistant, who
looked rather like a starved bird, scurried over.
"Yes,
mounsier?"
"I need some leazzer."
Lulu looked
confused. "What kind of leather, mounsier? A jacket, boots,
pants...?"
"Hmm," Jean-Claude mused, sizing me up.
I was very uncomfortable and fought the urge to hide behind Miss
Booty's booty.. "Vou are correct. Vhich article of clozing are
you most comfortable with, Mistair Black?"
"Jacket...and
pants, all the way," I said immediately.
Lulu made a note of
this. "Black, presumeably?"
"Of course," I
said before Jean-Claude could interrupt. "Black is my name, the
color is even hotter on me." I gave my best flirtatious wink at
her and to my surprise she giggled and blushed. But she had no
miniskirt.
"Yes, yes," she giggled,
leaving.
------------------
The leather was a hit. HAH.
Just kidding. I was a hit.
Girls were squealing and giggling
whenever they saw me on the street- which didn't take much getting
used to, of course. I mean, it happened at Hogwarts all the
time.
James and Lily had to change our telephone number because
we were getting too many calls at all hours of the night. Why didn't
I change it? Number one, I don't know how to use the stupid thing,
Lily and James take care of that, and number two I didn't really want
them to change it anyway. I always thought it rather funny when James
woke me up in the middle of the night screaming at some poor girl on
the other line telling her that no, he wasn't hot, sexy Sirius Black
(or hot and sexy....Lily of course begs to differ- but she has to),
but the poor girl didn't understand a word he was saying because she
was calling from INDIA.
I was getting telephone calls from
INDIA.
Imagine!
For Lily's birthday, I did not buy her an
autographed picture of myself as I did every year, but a platinum
tennis bracelet.
What did James get her?
Oh, just an
engagement ring.
-----------------------
Pretty soon, however,
Miss Booty was getting calls from INDIA requesting more pictures of
the extremely hot and sexy Sirius Black. This would not have been a
problem, except there were no other pictures of the hot and sexy
Sirius Black. I refused to do any more photo shoots.
The process
bored me. Plus I didn't like Jean-Claude checking me out when he
thought I didn't notice. I notice when anyone checks me out. I mean,
yeah, it made my tummy feel all tingly inside. But really.
"Just
make more copies and color my jacket green or something," I told
Miss. Booty when she called me in for a meeting. "As long as
they're interested, right Meggie?"
Megan was her first name,
she hated it when I called her that.
"Don't call me that,
Sirius," she said.
I don't understand that. I mean, she was
on first name basis with me, why couldn't I be with her? Unless she
wanted me to call her Booty.
"That's the point," she
continued. "They're not interested anymore, Sirius."
"What?!"
I leapt up from my chair. "But- but James got a call from Greece
last night! They're still interested!"
Meggie was surprised.
"I thought you changed your number."
I shrugged. "We
did."
"The point is," she said, returning to the
topic. "You're not doing any new work, Sirius, dear. Much as we
love you...." She sighed. "We're going to have to let you
go."
"Let me go?!" I shrieked. "You can't let
me go! I'm your best client! Look at these abs!" I lifted up my
shirt for her to see me six pack. She shut her eyes and crossed
herself.
"Dear Lord, Sirius!" she cried. "Put your
shirt down! I do not want to see your....abs. Like I said, you are
hugely popular and can still regain your popularity..."
I
perked up. I knew they weren't dropping me.
"....somewhere
else."
---------------------
So ended my modeling
career. Like Meggie said, I could've regained my popularity. I just
didn't feel like it. I mean, come on. I'm Sirius Black. Anything
you can do I can do better.
Every once in a while, James would
still wake up screaming at some girl who knew not a word of what he
was saying. He eventually got used to it, however.
In the
meantime, we had a wedding to plan.
A/N: I hope you siriusly liked it