If I needed you, would you be there for me? Even if it was not me you needed yourself?
Okon heard the shoji slide open and smiled, her eyes never leaving the rice she was cooking.
"Aoshi-san, did you get the– "
The sharp slap of the door closing upstairs interrupted her sentence and stole her grin. Cursing briefly under her breath, Okon briefly turned to stir the soup on the fire.
"He's lost something."
Okon let out a small shriek, flinging her hands up in the air as she whirled around. Shiro watched her with a raised eyebrow, a small smirk gracing his features.
"Don't sneak up on me like that, you imbecile!"
Used to her moods, he shrugged. "It would serve you right, letting a boy sneak up on a ninja so easily." Ignoring her outraged sputter, he reached around her to snag an apple. Biting into it, he took his time chewing, letting the flush of anger fade from her cheeks.
"He's lost something, you know."
"You've already said that." She turned back to the cooking, eyes blind with memories. "What makes you think that he's the only one?" she burst out with uncharacteristic bitterness. "How could one assume that he loved her more than I, than any of us, with what he did to her? Why would it be a greater loss to him?"
The air was tense around the pair, the silence only broken by Shiro's quiet munching. Turning to leave, the boy stopped. Without turning, he spoke softly, as to himself.
"Aoshi needed her more than anyone else. Without her, he is without himself." He looked at her then, a small smile on his face, and Okon wondered at the wisdom in the boy's eyes. "Don't you see, Okon? Do you not pity him?"
"He deserves no pity."
"Then why do you give it to him? Why do you give him so many mindless errands to run, if not to get his mind off of her? To get him away from the emptiness of the room down the hall."
She opened her mouth to fire a retort, but paused, unsure of what to think.
"Without Misao-chan, Aoshi has nothing. Without her, Aoshi-san is without his soul."
Shiro leapt gracefully out into the courtyard, peering up into the window of Aoshi 's room. There was no light of a burning candle, even as dusk was settling. There was no rustle of movement. Frowning as if he were disappointed, the boy took one last bite of his apple and tossed the core carelessly over his shoulder. Okon could not see where it fell.
"Can you not pity him, Okon?" Shiro asked one last time. The wind whispered secrets as it gently touched his skin. "Without Misao, he is barely human."
Okon stared out of the window above the sink, her eyes looking at nothing. She could not answer.
"It isn't fair..."
"He deserves none of your love or devotion, Misao."
Her light laugh failed to break Okon 's worried frown. Seeing that her friend's expression did not change, her voice sobered."I love him. There is nothing else I need to know other than the fact that I need him."
"You cannot need someone else?" Okon tried to hold back her exasperation as the younger girl leapt carelessly onto the counter. "Do not think that I miss the way you die with each passing day. Why torture yourself like this? I can never understand."
She gazed out the kitchen window as her long legs swung back and forth. Quietly, trying to explain something that remained unclear even to her, she murmured,"He needs me as well, Okon. I think that...I think that he needs me more than I need him."
Okon looked at the young sage, spellbound at her quiet dignity. Blue eyes pierced her as Misao leapt off the counter to fetch the tea tray. Loading what she needed to bring to Aoshi in the temple, Misao turned and smiled sadly at the older girl's bewildered expression.
"Can you not pity him, Okon? I sometimes fear that we are all that he has left."
The plate that Okon was washing shattered against the wall. By the time that Omasu ran in to see what was the matter, Okon had already curled up in a ball in the corner, tears shaking her body.
"Okon!" Omasu cried. She grabbed a damp dishcloth and bent down to help. "Okon, what happened? Are you all right?"
Dark eyes caught and held Omasu 's frightened gaze, and refused to let go.
"Omasu, I've done something horrible."
Omasu was silent, wiping away her friend's tears. But her next words had the dishcloth falling from her hands in shock.
"Omasu, I know where Misao-chan is."
"But...but that's impossible! We all told Jiya that we had no idea!"
Okon could not answer, screaming in shame and flinging away any helping hands that her friend tried to offer. "I lied! I lied!"
As Omasu fell back to let the wall hold her weight, Okon 's eyes widened in genuine fear as she saw who had stopped suddenly at the doorway.
"Nani?"
"Can you not pity him, Okon? I sometimes fear that we are all that he has left."
"Can you not pity him, Okon?"
"I pitied him!" she screamed, her eyes welling up with tears. "I pitied him more than anyone will every know!"
As Omasu tried vainly to subdue the ninja's flailing fists, her own tears splattered on the floor.
"Omasu, I pitied him! I did! But can no one understand?"
Omasu tried to hush the girl, eyes fearful of the reaction of the man who's eyes were horrified at the spectacle in front of him.
"I loved him too..."
Sometimes telling lies is harder than telling the truth.