Title: The Color Blue

Author: Ashley

Rated: PG

Summary: Haley thinks about her marriage with Nathan and it's consequences.

Author's Note: So this was going to be a short one parter. Just sort of came up with it on a whim, and so I hope you all like it. Although I'd be willing to continue it if people want me to ;)


Part one

It was the little things about being married that made everything else just a little bit more difficult, as Haley was now coming to realize. Like having to clean up all of Nathan's clothes off the floor every day because he refused to. Or not being able to get any semblance of homework done, because he wouldn't stop nibbling at the back of her neck, that one little sensitive spot he just knew melted her into a puddle of goo. Or even coming home to Nathan's apartment after a long day working at the café, to find 10 of the Raven's basketball players and their girlfriends just hanging out.

Haley knew there was going to be changes, things she was going to have to deal with once her and Nathan were married. She wasn't as naive as to think it would all just magically stay the same. Although, as the little things grew more frequent, like his incessant need to leave everything and anything messy, the more it began to grate on her nerves.

It was bad enough she'd spent a large portion of the past three months lying through her teeth every single day to both her parents, and her friends. But the one person she could talk to about it, the one person that was always there to talk her through things when she got frazzled was two towns away in Charleston.

Some days, when things got too difficult with her and Nathan, when they fought a little more than usual, and Peyton was out with Brooke, and Karen was busy with the café, on days like those, God did she miss Lucas something fierce. Just having someone that knew you inside and out, that you could talk to about anything, complain, whine, bitch and moan, they wouldn't care, they'd just be there. And as much as she would like to say she could, she just couldn't do those things with Nathan. Sure she could tell him about her crappy day at work, or the evil cow who stepped in front of her at the grocery store, or even the nonstop nagging her mother always seemed to be smothering her with, when she actually was home.

But what she couldn't talk about Nathan with was Nathan. Peyton was around for those random arguments that they always got into, but she could never really tell her friend the reason behind the argument. Nathan thinks that just because we're married, I can stay with him whenever he wants, like my mother isn't already at my throat for a million other things.

There way no way she could just come out and say that, and so everything about her Nathan had to be spun a little differently. And that killed her, because if anything ,Haley was not a liar. She hated doing it, especially to the people she cared about and loved. It made her feel sick inside because, the more she found herself doing it, the easier it became.

And she started to wonder if this whole marriage was such a bright idea after all. Of course she loved Nathan, sometimes she couldn't think straight she loved him so much. Yet, the more she thought about it, she didn't know if she was willing to continue to hurt her friends, family, and herself for a marriage that neither of them, honestly, had really thought through.

Internally she kicked herself at the thought. It was stupid to think such things. Of course her and Nathan had made the right decision. Just because things get tough, just because it's not as easy as you thought it would be, doesn't mean it was the wrong decision. And plus, she was never one to give up so easily. Yeah, sure she could feel some distance between them sometimes, but it was only now and then, when Dan would show up here or there and give Nathan hard time. Or when she was really burnt out from work, and didn't feel like making love that night. Most of the time they were like Ozzy and Harriot, perfectly intune with each other and their needs.

Mostly Haley loved the moments where Nathan would snuggle his head into the back of her neck in the morning. He'd just lay there quietly for a few minutes, his eyes still shut, and he would rub his lips softly against the silky smooth skin at the nape of her neck. It calmed her and winded her up at the same time, and after enough of his ministrations she would spin around in the arms he had placed around her waste and she would kiss him roughly just the way he liked. It was a give and take sort of ritual for them. Nathan would start off sweet and soft and slow, until Haley couldn't stand it any longer and pushed him to speed things up, until it was intense and passionate and they were both on fire. But it was perfect.

Those mornings they spent in bed together for hours, when all the rest of the world just fell away, it was like their own private island.

"I love you so much," he would whisper into her ear, as he laid beside her on the bed, both of their bodies tangled up in the sheets, the afternoon sun unable to come through the closed slits on the shades.

Haley would smile at him, run her hand up over his bare chest, feeling the taut skin, the hard muscle underneath until she found the soft sharpness of his jaw-line. She would cup the side of his face and bring it closer to her own and she would smile at him, the kind of smile only he got to see. "I love you," she would say back, and then lean her head up off his shoulder to crush her lips to his before they started the whole thing all over again.

Sometimes it all felt like a huge dream, looking back at it now. Where had they gone in the past few weeks? Where had the Nathan and Haley gone who used to spend long mornings together in bed, and long nights out on the beach? What had happened to them?

It almost made Haley want to cry at the thought that this was happening to them. That they were deteriorating just like Dan and Deb, just like all those cynics out there in the world who didn't believe in marriage let alone young marriage, said they would. It infuriated her, and made her want to fight, fight for Nathan, and for them. They weren't the kind of couple that could be so easily discarded. She had faith in the both of them. And if she had to, she would fight for them all by herself, everyone else be damned!

Haley hadn't meant to get herself so worked up, thinking about all of this. She knew that a lot of it was probably just needless worry in her head. Nathan loved her, and she loved him and that's all that mattered.

So when she saw him come through the front door that night, a sheen of sweat covering his whole body from the workout he'd just gotten through, she jumped up from her spot on the couch and ran into his arms. Usually she would have waited until he cleaned off, the sliminess of his sweat not quite as attractive when it was on her instead of him. This time she didn't care, she just wanted to be near him.

"Hey there," she beamed, smacking her mouth against his desperately.

He pulled back for a moment to search her eyes, to see why she'd suddenly been too eager to greet him. "Hey yourself," he half smiled. His arms growing heavy at the weight of his gym bag on his shoulder and his wife in his hands. He gave her another quick peck and set her down in front of him. He turned and threw his gym bag into the corner out of the way and then started to make his way back toward the shower, pulling his shirt off as he went. Haley watched him as he went, and sort of expected him to invite her along, but he didn't.

And so she went back to the couch by herself. For a while she sat in silence, the only audible sound was the sprinkling of the shower water as it pelted against the ceramic of the tub. Tears filled in her eyes involuntarily, yet she refused to let them fall. She had to stay strong. She had to be the rock. She had to fight.

The problem was, she didn't know if she wanted too anymore.