In The Eye Of The Beholder

by Falcon and HM Writer

FINAL chapter is up. Please leave a final review. We hope you enjoyed it.

14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

Margaret walked up the stairs to their apartment feeling somewhat content. Like every day, work had been hell, but for some reason she felt unusually calm. Tonight she only carried a small bundle of papers with her. If she worked diligently, she'd be able to get them done and still have time to cuddle with Hawkeye on the couch before they went to bed. For the first time in a long time she felt pretty damn good. Things between her and Hawkeye seemed to be on the mend, they had come to an understanding and were starting to talk about their problems more and more. She knew now that she had nothing to be afraid of, they were both just a little eager to get going. Once they were finalized with the Army, things were going to be a lot better.

Margaret opened the door and set her things down on the side table. She took of her purse and hat and hung them on the nearby hook. The apartment was unusually quiet; Hawkeye wasn't sitting on the couch watching TV like he usually was. She walked through the living room and around to the kitchen. It was there that she found her fiancé sitting on the dinning room table talking on the phone. He had a stack of papers in his hand and was busily shifting through them as he spoke.

Hawkeye noticed her almost immediately, yet he only glanced at her and set the stack of papers down. Margaret hadn't heard enough to know what he was talking about or to who he was talking about it with, he was just getting off when she stopped right beside him.

Hawkeye hung up the phone and slid off the edge of the table. He gave her quick kiss and then moved to put the stack of papers back into a large brown envelope. "Hey, I didn't hear you come in."

Margaret watched him curiously. She put a hand on the table to balance herself as she scratched the back of her leg with her foot. "Well, you seemed to be pretty distracted."

Hawkeye smiled widely, he seemed a little unnerved. "Oh that, that was just an acquaintance from back home."

"Ah, I see," Margaret shook her head. "Everything okay?"

"Oh sure," he scratched his scalp. "Just catching up."

"So nothing is wrong?" She asked a little worried.

"No," he smiled. He gave her another kiss. "Do you have some work tonight?"

She nodded. "Not too much though." She walked into the kitchen and looked around to see a few dishes in the sink that were from Hawkeye's lunch, but nothing else. "You didn't make dinner."

"No, I'm sorry. I know I told you I would, but..."

She smiled and stopped him before he went any further. There was no need to tell her why. "It's okay. I can find something simple for us."

"No, honey. I'll make something. I did tell you it would be done when you got home. You must be starving."

"A little, yeah. But I don't think I'll waste away to nothing for having to wait a little while longer."

Hawkeye glanced over at the stack of his papers on the counter and then back to Margaret. "Why don't you go change so you're more comfortable and I'll start dinner?"

"That sounds great."

Hawkeye hadn't paid too much attention to her, but he did notice that she was in a better mood. Just last week she had snapped his head off for not having dinner done. When he saw her round the corner and head to their bedroom he grabbed the stack of papers. Something wasn't adding up right, and it was bothering him. He'd have to set that aside for now and pick it up tomorrow.

Margaret walked back into the kitchen a few minutes later and saw that Hawkeye had his head sticking in the refrigerator and nothing cooking. "Couldn't find anything?"

Hawkeye hit his head when he jumped at the sound of her voice. "You scared me." He stood up rubbing his head.

"Sorry," she smiled.

"We don't have anything good."

"Didn't you just go shopping Friday?"

"Yes, but everything I bought takes a little time cook."

Margaret pushed him out of the way and looked in the refrigerator herself. "Do we have a loaf of bread?"

"Yes."

"Do we have some chips?"

"Yes."

She pulled out a block of cheese. "We'll have grilled cheese then."

"That's what you eat for lunch."

"Says who?"

"Me!"

"Honey," she smiled. "That's just silly."

"I've never had grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner," he was somewhat stricken by the idea.

"Where have you been living?" She gave him an odd look. Suddenly she realized what she'd just said, "Don't answer that."

Hawkeye smiled and pulled out the bread. "I don't care," he told her. "I guess it's easy enough."

"Very easy," she told him as she started slicing the cheese. Hawkeye got out the skillet and turned on the stove.

He stood back and watched her for a moment. "I'm sorry I didn't make dinner."

Margaret turned her head and grinned, "Its okay. I know you were having fun catching up with your friend."

Hawkeye would exactly call it that, they hadn't had a very pleasant conversation. "Caught up is defiantly the word."

Margaret noticed he seemed a little distant at the subject, "Are you sure everything's all right?"

Hawkeye stopped staring off and realized that she had been speaking to him. "Oh sure." He moved to the refrigerator and pulled out the butter. "How was work?" He opened the silverware drawer and picked up a knife.

"It was long, like normal," she sighed.

Hawkeye put some butter onto the hot skillet and watched it sizzle. "It'll be over soon."

"Yeah I know."

He smiled at her. "Not soon enough, right?"

"Right."

Margaret tossed some buttered bread slices onto the skillet. Hawkeye grabbed her hands once she dropped them and brought them to his mouth, kissing each of them. "You keep doing what you're doing, and I'll take care of everything in Maine so we have somewhere to call home."

She smiled. "How are you going to get us a house over the phone?"

"I'll figure out a way." He dropped her hands and started to put the cheese on the bread.

"Okay." She stepped back and let him do the cooking. It was easier if she wasn't in the way, and he seemed to want to do it.

Hawkeye didn't say much, but seemed lost in thought. Margaret grabbed some plates and poured them two glasses of milk. Unlike last week, this silence wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. "Chips."

"What?"

"Grab some chips."

"Oh." She opened one of the few cabinets and grabbed them. "These are almost gone."

"I do eat during the day, you know."

She grinned. "I thought you were going to lose weight."

"I decided not to. I started running again today. I went this morning."

"How was it?"

"It felt great. You should go with me sometime."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. Why wouldn't I be?" He turned and looked at her after he flipped the sandwiches.

Margaret leaned against the counter, she shrugged her shoulders. "Well, you've never asked me to before."

Hawkeye set the spatula down and looked at her. "I didn't know you liked to run."

"Well you would have granted you'd asked me."

Hawkeye went over to her and slipped his arms around her waist. "Margaret, would you like to go running with me sometime?"

"When would I find the time?" She moved out of his arms and pulled a bottle of milk from the refrigerator.

He rolled his eyes; there was no winning when it came to her. "Milk?" He asked when he noticed the bottle.

Margaret looked at him like his face was painted bright orange. "Well what do you drink when you eat grilled cheese sandwiches?"

Hawkeye shrugged, "Water, tea, beer..."

Margaret screwed her face. "What's wrong with you?"

"That's like...eating pizza and drinking milk."

"Oh it is not," she said. "How can you eat cheese and drink beer at the same time?"

"There's cheese on pizza and you drink beer with that."

"Yeah, but that's different."

"How?" He asked.

"It just is."

"Well, give me a beer. I don't want any milk." He really needed to relax. After spending all afternoon on and off the phone, he was a little stressed. He grabbed the plates and placed the sandwiches on them. "All done."

He sat them on the table and took his seat. "Are you sure you don't want to run with me?"

"I really don't have any time, honey. I would like to though."

"Okay. If you ever want to, the invitation is always open."

"Thank you." She put some chips on each plate. "After dinner I need to get started on some work. If I can get it done, we'll have some time to be together before we fall asleep."

"Okay." While she was doing that, maybe he would be able to take another good look at some of those papers and decide what he needed to do.

Margaret noticed he seemed a little preoccupied through dinner. Normally he would have been hording her with questions and talking about their future plans, but this night it was different. He spoke to her in simple sentences while retaining a rather bleak and concentrated look on his face.

"Honey?" Hawkeye had stopped eating and was sitting slouched in his chair. He had a fixed eye on the table. "Hawk?"

"Hmm?" He suddenly looked up.

"Honey are you feeling alright?"

Truth be told, Hawkeye was feeling almost sick to his stomach. "I'm fine sweetheart."

Margaret wasn't sure if she should believe him or not. "You were a little restless last night now that I come to think about it, are you sure you're not sick?"

"Margaret," he stood up and picked up his plate. He walked over to her and gave her a kiss. "You know, you worry too much," he said as he picked up hers as well.

Margaret followed him to the kitchen and then placed her hand on his forehead after he'd placed the dishes in the sink. "You seem a little warm," she said as she moved her hand across his face.

"Of course I'm warm; it's like an oven in here." Hawkeye tolerated her as she felt his forearms and then his forehead again.

Margaret gave him a skeptical look. "You're hands are clammy." She'd picked them up and was holding them in hers. "Maybe you ought to go take a bath or something."

"Margaret, I feel fine." Again another lie. Ever since he'd gotten that package in the mail earlier that morning he'd felt almost light headed.

"Well, you don't seem fine."


"I really am. I'm a doctor and I know when I'm sick. I am not sick."


She narrowed her eyes, thinking for a moment. "Fine, but I'm keeping an eye on you."

He smiled. "Deal. Now why don't you go get started on your work, and I'll get this kitchen cleaned up."

She sighed. "I really should get to it."

He gave her a kiss on the lips. "Yes you should."

"Aren't you going to ask if I need any help?"

"You always turn me down."

"Well...you could still ask."

Hawkeye rolled his eyes. "You're a pain in my ass, you know that?" She made her bottom lip stick out, looking up at him with a pouty face. He gave her another kiss. "When will you be done?"

"An hour or two."

"Okay."

She turned and walked away, but hollered back to him. "You're the one that's a pain in the ass, not me."

"I love you too." Hawkeye smiled to himself. It was nice to see her in a good mood again, it made him happy too. One look at the stack of papers on the counter and his mood changed. He was really hoping that he could handle things long distance, but the more he thought about that, the more impossible it seemed.

He never really stopped thinking about the questions that brown envelope held. He washed the dishes and cleaned up everything, and as soon as that was done, he picked up the envelope and headed off to the bedroom. Margaret spotted him from where she was sitting at the dining table, and reached out to him when he passed. He stopped and gave her a kiss, and then continued on to his destination point. There was more privacy in there and if he needed to use the phone, he could do it without his fiancé hearing.

Margaret didn't take much notice that he was up to something, and if she did she didn't care. She had her own work to think about, it was probably for the better that he was in the other room. After nearly an hour and a half Margaret was done. She put her stack of papers away and then cleared the table before going back to the bedroom to find him. When she opened the door she found Hawkeye lying on the bed with an arm draped across his face.

This concerned her almost immediately, she had the feeling that something was wrong. "Honey?" Margaret sat down beside him. "Hawk, are you feeling okay?"

Hawkeye moved his arm back so he could see her. "I'm fine," he said softly.

Margaret wasn't sure whether to believe that or not. "Well, you don't look it."

"I'm just a little tired, that's all," he moved his arm completely off.

"Oh," Margaret lay down beside him. "That's too bad, I finished my work."

Hawkeye turned so he could see her better. "And..."

Margaret shrugged her shoulders, "And I wanted to spend some time with you." She leaned closer and kissed him softly.

Hawkeye sighed; it was a fine time for her to be playful. "What's with you today? This is so, unlike you."

"Watch what you say," she warned him. "This good mood isn't going to last, I assure you that." Hawkeye moved closer and kissed her again, he could take a hint.

Suddenly, no sooner then he had touched the hem of her shirt, the phone rang. He sighed deeply. "Damn."

"No," she stopped him from moving. "Let it ring."

"I can't."

"What do you mean?"

He didn't answer and sat up and grabbed the phone. "Hello? Yes. Are you kidding me? Fine. Ok. Yes. I said yes! Fine. Bye."

Margaret sat up curiously. "What was that about?"

"Nothing really." He ran a hand through his hair and it came to rest on the back of his neck.

"Something is wrong. What is it?"

"Ah," he sighed. "Nothing you need to be concerned about."

"It is if you're worried."

"Its business," he stood up and walked out of the room.

Business? What was he talking about? She stood up and followed him out of the room. He was in the kitchen going through the junk drawer. "What are you looking for?" The best way to get something out of him was not to approach him directly. He would come around when he was ready.

"A phone number. It was in a little notebook."

She stood next to him and started to go through the drawer. Within a few seconds she produced the notebook he was looking for. "This?"

"Yes. Thank you."

"Who are you calling?"

"An old acquaintance of mine."

"Do you want me to leave you alone?"

"I'll just be a few minutes." He gave her a friendly peck on the cheek and walked passed her into the bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

Margaret stood in the kitchen; she didn't know exactly what to think. He had gotten so upset over that phone call and it bothered her that she didn't know why. Hawkeye wouldn't tell her who was on the phone or what the call was about, he was hiding something and she didn't like the fact that he was keeping her in the dark. Then again, if he was reluctant to tell her then maybe it wasn't something she needed to know.

About ten minutes later Hawkeye emerged from the bedroom. Margaret was sitting on the couch on the TV when he walked up behind her. She felt his strong hands grip her shoulders and gently massage them for a moment. "Everything okay?" She asked him.

Hawkeye leaned down and kissed the top of her head before moving around to sit beside her. "For the moment," she spoke softly.

Margaret was going to ask him to elaborate when he leaned in and kissed her gently. "What was that for?" She asked when he pulled away.

"No reason," he said and then kissed her again.

"Hawkeye, are you sure you're okay?"

Hawkeye nodded, "Just a little tired."

"No." She didn't believe him at all. There was more, and the longer he acted like nothing was wrong, the more concerned she became.

"Really," he smiled and kissed her.

"No, something is wrong. Are you going to tell me what it is or let me guess?"

"You can guess."

"Hawkeye!" Something had to be wrong. She becoming increasing distressed and he could see it in her face and body language.

"Okay." He sighed deeply and felt his heart begin to ache. Oh, how he dreaded having to tell her what he was about to. He took her hands in his own and looked into her eyes. She could feel that his palms were sweaty and began to worry even more. "I'm going to have to leave for a little while." He watched her face drop and her eyes fill with worry and fear.

"Is this...because of the problems we...."

"No," he stopped her form going any further. "Not at all. This has nothing to do with you and I. It's not about us."

"What's it about?" She asked softly. "Why do you have to go?"

"It business." Was his simple answer.

That confused her even more. What was he talking about? "Business?"

"Yes. There are some things I need to go take care of. Things I can't do from here."

"Where?"

"Maine."

"Oh." She didn't want him to leave, and hated being left in the dark. She trusted him, but she was still confused as to why he wasn't telling her more. "How long will you be gone?"

He looked at their hands intertwined and spoke to them rather than to her. "I'm not sure. A few days, a week, maybe more."

Margaret's gaze fell, "Maybe more?"

Hawkeye couldn't look at her; he didn't need to see her face to tell how hurt she was. "I don't know that for sure."

Margaret tried to hold back threatening tears, she didn't know if she could handle being away for him for more then a week. "When will you leave?"

Hawkeye closed his eyes when he heard the pain in her voice. He hated himself for bringing this upon her. "Most likely tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" How could he leave so soon? She thought they would at least have had few days together before he left. Margaret's voice cracked, "Hawkeye..."

"Oh honey," he let go of her hands and moved to hold her.

Margaret wrapped her arms around him tightly. She didn't want to let go of him. "Why so long?"

"I just have to go, baby. I wouldn't go if I didn't have to, you know that right?" She nodded, burying her head deeper into his neck. "I won't be gone for long."

"I don't want you to go." The tears started to fall a little.

He smiled. Part of him felt guilty for having to leave, but the other part of him was glad. He was glad to know that she wanted him there with her and that she was really going to miss him. "I'm sorry. I'll be back when I can."

She wanted to ask him not to go, but she couldn't do that. He would never do that to her, and she had to give him the same respect. She was tempted to ask him the nature of his business, but she didn't want to spend what little time she apparently had with him focusing on that. "No more calls tonight?"

"None. The rest of the night it's me and you." He rubbed her back, and then pealed her off of him, wiping the tears and mascara that was now running down her face. "Don't be so sad," he smiled, trying to get her to do the same.

Margaret sighed heavily and looked at him with a longing expression. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too," he told her with a kiss. When he pulled back she started crying again. "Hey, there's nothing to get worked up over," he lifted her chin. "We don't even know that I'll be gone for more then a few days."

"I know, but..."

Hawkeye silenced her, "Everything will be fine, I'll be back before you know it."

"We haven't been apart for a moment since you moved in."

"Well then maybe this isn't such a bad thing, it'll give you the chance to get things in order before we leave."

"I don't need you to leave, I didn't give you that impression did I, that I wanted some space? Because if I did, I didn't mean..."

"Margaret, I don't think that at all," he reassured her.

"Then why do you have to go for so long?"

"I'm not going because I want to. I'm going because I have to. I have some things to take care of, and maybe I'll do a couple of extra things while I'm there."

"Like what?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe I'll talk to a realtor and see if we can get a jump on looking for some houses for us."

She looked up at him with hurt in her eyes. "Without me?" How could he do that without her? They were going to have to live in that same house for the rest of their lives. Once she was stable, she wasn't planning on moving.

He was a little shocked at the look on her face. He had intended that thought to be something that was happy. Something that would change her mood, not increase her sadness. "No, no. Nothing like that. I'll just get some papers together of a few houses I think we'll like and I'll bring them back to you. I won't do anything without you."

"You promise?"

He smiled and nodded. "Have I ever lied to you?" She shook her head no. "And I'm not going to start now."

"Good." She moved in his arms so she was sitting next to him, with his left arm wrapped securely around her, and his right hand was holding one of hers as they rested against her lap. She was going to miss those arms. "Don't let me go," she said softly.

"You're mine forever."

"No." That wasn't what she meant. "I mean tonight. I'm going to be without you for...well, I really don't know how long. I just want you to..."

"I know," he silenced her. Listening to the hurt tone in her voice, he didn't want to hear much more. Knowing that he was hurting her was more than enough. He didn't like to hear it in her voice. "So, where would you like to live?"

"What?"

He wanted to change the subject now. Make her see the bright side of things. "In Maine. Where should I look?"

"Well, I don't know." She had only been there one time, and that was early in their relationship. They hadn't even been engaged at the time. "You know the place better than I do."

"What kind of house do you want?"

As long as he was going and was willing to look at houses, she ought to give him some indication of what she wanted. "Stone."

Hawkeye chuckled. "That won't be very hard to find considering half the houses in Maine are made of stone, well at least the older ones are."

Margaret nodded, "That's what I want."

Hawkeye kissed the top of her head, "Then that's what we're going to get. A big stone house, possibly on a couple of acres of land, with a nice view of the ocean."

Margaret turned in his arms. "Acres of land with a view of the ocean?" Where did he think they were going to get the money?

"Yeah," he smiled. "You cannot live in coastal Maine and not have a view of the ocean." That was just common knowledge, everyone knew that.

"Hawkeye, that all sounds nice, but we don't have the kind of money for something like that."

"Don't you worry about the money," he told her. "Money is not a factor when it comes to this."

"Of course it is, we have to set a budget, we can't spend all of our savings on a house."

"Margaret, listen to me, I'll take care of this. You don't need to worry about the cost. I am a doctor, remember?"

"A doctor who's not working," she reminded him flatly.

Hawkeye paid no attention to her comment, "Just please, let me worry about the money, okay?"

She didn't want to be pushed away when it came to money matters. Too many women she knew nothing about how to manage money and pay bills. She already knew how and she didn't want to be treated like it wasn't any of her business. They were getting married and she had every right to know their financial status. But, for the time being she was willing to let it slide and just enjoy the time they had together. "Okay."

"Good," he smiled. "Do you want to tell me more about what you want?"

"What we can afford or what my dream house is?"

Little did she know that they were one in the same when it came to Hawkeye. "Dream house." He'd play along. He knew that she had to have things in mind. She was one of the few people that he had met in his life that seemed to have clear picture of what they wanted from life. Margaret's problem was that she wasn't always sure how to get there. Hawkeye vowed to help her with that.

She laid her head on him comfortably. "Dream house... let me think." She didn't actually have to give it much thought. She just had to remember some things. "Stone, defiantly want the stone. Since it's my dream house, I want acres and acres of land, safe land, so that our kids can play and find all kinds of adventures."

He smiled. He was enjoying this very much. "What about the inside?"

"Hard wood floors, crown molding, chair rail, all of that."

"Sounds nice."

"Yes, but not too nice."

"Huh?" He asked in confusion.

"I want it to feel like a home, not a museum. We'll have kids running around one day and I don't want them to feel uncomfortable or scared that they're going to break something. That's the way it always was in my houses growing up."

He pulled her close and kissed her head. She didn't have the best parents in the world and that was a very sore spot for her. "What else?"

"All the bedrooms upstairs. I want to be near the children, and we can't lock our bedroom door."

"What if..."

"Then you'll have to get up and unlock it after we're done."

"Me?"

She turned her head and smiled at him. "One of us will. I just don't ever want to lock our kids out. They should feel comfortable enough to come to us when they have a bad dream." She remembered times when she was a child that she would want to go to her parents after a bad dream, or even if she couldn't sleep. She was scared to do that because she would get yelled at and sent back to bed alone. When she was scared, the last thing she wanted to do was be alone.

"Your dream home seems to revolve around kids, honey."

"Yes, well why else would we have a big house?"

Hawkeye thought that was an odd question. He would have just assumed that she wanted a big house even if they weren't going to have kids. "There's no reason why we shouldn't, even if we weren't going to have kids."

"If we weren't going to have kids then we certainly wouldn't need a big house," she told him.

"I would have thought that despite all of that you would have."

"Not if it was just going to be you and me."

Hawkeye nodded, that made sense. Maybe it was just because he was claustrophobic that he liked a lot of space. "Is there anything else I should keep my eye open for?"

"Why don't you just start with that and then we'll go from there."

"Sounds like a plan." Hawkeye kissed her head again. They sat in silence for a while, both thinking about how it was going to be when he left. After a few moments he said, "I'll call twice a day."

Margaret smiled and turned in his arms so she could hug him to her. "Can we just spend the rest of the night like this?"

Hawkeye rubbed her back soothingly, "I couldn't think of any other way."

After a moment of thinking Margaret sat up, "Would you like to take a bath with me?"

Hawkeye smiled lovingly, "Of course." He kissed her softly on the lips and then followed her to the bathroom.

"Would you get some towels in the linen closet?" She asked.

"Yeah." He grabbed some and then set them down on the counter and watched her. She turned on the water and waited for it to get to the temperature that she was looking for before she put the plug in the tub. He started to watch her movements; the way her hands moved when she turned the knob, the way her body stretched, the way her hair fell on her shoulders. He was starting to realize just how much he was going to miss her.

When she stood up he picked up her hand and pulled her in for a hug. She was confused, but she melted into him all the same. He was holding her awfully tight and she began to worry. "Are you okay?"

He didn't let go, but breathed in her scent deeply. "You smell good."

She smiled and knew what he was doing. It felt good to know that she was going to be missed. "Bubbles?"

"What?" He chuckled.

She pulled out of his embrace. "Should we have bubbles?"

"Oh, sure."

Margaret grabbed some while he watched her. She would have love to stay in his arms like that, but it was making her sad. She didn't want to start crying. "Well, are you going to take your clothes off?"

Hawkeye looked at her for a moment before realizing what she had actually said. "Oh, right," he nodded and untucked his undershirt. Margaret stopped what she was doing and watched him as he undressed. She'd watched him do it so many times before, but for some reason she couldn't tear her eyes away from him this time. Hawkeye took off his socks and then his shirt and dropped them on floor. He was in the midst of unbuckling his belt when he noticed she was staring at him. "Aren't you going to get undressed too?"

Margaret collected her self and looked away from him. "Yes," she said as she looked at the floor. She didn't want him to see that she had gotten a little teary.

Hawkeye was undressed and in the tub before she was finished. He sat in the warm water and watched as she finished undressing. When she was done, he held out his hand and helped her into the water. Margaret sat down in front of him and leaned against his chest as Hawkeye wrapped his arms tightly around her.

"You feel nice," he said. "I was beginning to think we only took baths together when we were on vacation."

She smiled. "We haven't exactly been getting along that well lately."

"Sure we have." She turned her head and looked up at him. "Okay, so maybe we haven't." He kissed her before she turned her head back and rested it against him. "We are now. We're working on things, right?"

"Right."

They sat in silence for a while just being together. With one hand Hawkeye was playing with her hair and with the other, he was just letting her hold it. She was mindlessly caressing his hand and playing with it. She would really like to see a ring on that hand. He was going away without her and she was a little nervous about that. Hawkeye had never been short of admirers and she didn't like the thought of other women making the mistake that he was single. He was very much taken.

"Are you okay?" He asked. Her new found obsession with his hand was a little odd.

"Fine." She didn't want to tell him that her heart was breaking at the thought of losing him, so she would just say she was fine.

"I know you, and fine doesn't mean fine. It means your holding something back."

"Yes, something that I don't want to talk about."

"Ah." Point taken." There wasn't going to be any fighting tonight. He didn't want to have to leave on bad terms. He would have taken her along if he could, but with the army that wasn't an option.

Hawkeye stopped playing with her hair and wrapped his arms tightly around her. He was pretty sure that he knew what was bothering her. Hawkeye pulled her closer and buried his face in her neck. "Don't be mad with me."

Margaret closed her eyes, she wasn't mad at him, she was sad that he was leaving. "I'm not mad at you," she told him sorrowfully. He wasn't running away from her, he was going because he had to.

"I love you," he said earnestly. "I love you so much." He kissed her neck and nuzzled her softly.

"I love you too," she told him.

"I'd take you with me if I could, you know that don't you?"

Margaret nodded. "I know you would."

"I'll call you two, three, four times a day. It'll be as if I never left," he said almost desperately. He knew she was hurting, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her.

Margaret knew he was only trying to comfort her, but even if he did call her a dozen times a day; a phone call wouldn't be able to replace him. Work wasn't going to be so bad, but from the moment she got home she'd be reminded that he was gone and she was all alone. At night, she'd lie awake in bed, not being able to sleep because he wasn't there beside her.

Hawkeye could feel how tightly she was squeezing his arm; he knew what she was thinking about. "I'll come back to you as soon as I can," he told her.

"Just hold me," she whispered. She didn't want to think about tomorrow anymore. She just wanted to be in the moment with him.

He kissed the side of her head once again and held her tightly. "Okay." Hawkeye sat there in silence, but he didn't like it. He didn't like leaving things unsaid or letting her keep her feelings to herself. Hawkeye had never understood why she kept things so closely guarded. When he felt her body start to shake he moved so he could see her face better. "Oh, don't cry."

As much as Margaret wanted to believe that she could keep everything inside, it never worked out that way. Maybe if she had had time to prepare knowing he was going to go away. Maybe if she wasn't so lonely there in Virginia things would be different. All they had was each other. "I'm not crying."

Hawkeye wiped a tear off of her cheek. "What's this?"

"Water."

"You're not alone, you know that? I'm still here."

"I know."

"No more crying." He held her close. "Okay?"

"Okay. Maybe it will be fun."

"What?!" What was he thinking?

"We'll be like a couple of teenagers. Our parents won't let us see each other, so we spend all night on the phone." He saw her crack a smile. "That's it. That's what I want to see."

"I'll be able to read that book I started when we were on vacation."

"Yes, and you can get your work done without interruptions."

"That's true. You are a pain when it comes to that."

Hawkeye chucked. "There are good things to this. I'll come back with some houses we can look at. I know you'll like that."

"Yes."

"Those big houses."

"Bring me details on each of them."

"You know I will," Hawkeye smiled. "I wouldn't dare come home without them."

"Oh, I don't know," Margaret turned around so she could hug him. "I'd rather you came home without them then not come home at all."

"I know you would," he kissed the side of her head. Margaret sat up and moved to straddle his lap.

She hugged him again, but this time tighter. Hawkeye sat back against the back of the tub and held her to him. "It's been a long time since we've done this," he said to her.

Margaret kissed his neck and let her face rest on his shoulder. "And the moment you get home, we're going to do it again."

Hawkeye chuckled at that, "I'm going to hold you to that."

Margaret sat up and looked him in the eye before kissing him lovingly and tenderly. "Not if I hold you to it first."

Hawkeye enjoyed the extra attention he was getting. Maybe he should go away more often. He didn't dare say that out loud right now for fear that Margaret would break into tears. "Let's get out of the tub."

"No." Her lips went back to his neck.

His arousal was building as he sat there with his hands around her naked back. The front of her body was pressed against his and she was sitting on his lap. She could also feel his arousal building. "Ah...honey." He tried to stop her.

Why did he want to talk? She didn't want to get out yet. She just wanted to be with him for the moment. "Shh."

Hawkeye swallowed hard and gave up on his fight to get out of the tub. There was no hurry. No sooner had he decided that and the kisses stopped. Margaret looked into his eyes, but didn't say anything. "What's wrong?"

"Are you flying?"

He was utterly confused now. "What are you talking about?"

"How are you getting to Maine?"

"Oh." Now he understood. "I'm driving my car."

"You better be careful."

"I will," he smiled. Before he had moved in with her, he had made that long trip many times to see her from Maine.

"Good." She smiled and moved in to kiss him again. Her fingers played with the hair on the back of his head as his hands held her back and pushed her as close to him as he could. Their wet bodies were pretty close to being one when Margaret stopped. "Time to get out."

"Now? We're not done. We haven't even started."

"I know. The water's getting cold." How could she tell? She seemed pretty warm to him. She stood up and climbed out of the tub grabbing his hand to pull him up. She grinned as she watched his naked body emerge from the bubbles. He was all hers and she was going to make sure that he remembered that.

Margaret stood beside the bed and watched him while she tucked in her shirt. He was packing his suitcase; he was getting ready to leave her. Margaret knew she shouldn't have thought about it like that, he wasn't leaving her; he was going home for a few days. If things worked out well, he could be back in a matter of days, she had to think positive.

Hawkeye noticed she was staring at him. He turned his head and watched her, she had an almost week look on her face. "Hey," he stopped what he was doing and walked over to her. "It's going to be okay." He put his arms around her and let her rest her head on his chest. Hawkeye rubbed her back in a comforting fashion.

"I'm okay," she said. She was reassuring herself more than him.

"I'll call you right when I get there," he told her.

Margaret sighed, she didn't want a phone call, she wanted him. "And you'll call me tonight?"

"And I won't get off the phone until you're begging me to hang up," he told her.

"Until my eyes are drooping and I can no longer speak coherently?"

Hawkeye smiled, "Of course I will."

She sighed deeply leaving her head on his chest. "I don't like this."

"Honey, things will be fine."

"I know." Part of her knew everything would be okay, but part of her was hurting too much to believe that.

He kissed her head and then let go of her. "I have to finish packing."

Margaret nodded and stepped back watching him. "Do you have plenty of underwear?"

"Yes."

"Socks?"

"Yes."

"Did you grab your tooth brush and your razor?"

He held them both up. "I have everything that I need."

"Okay." She sighed again and watched him. She could feel the tears forming already. They were leaving in three weeks, together. Why couldn't this wait?

"Will you hand me that?"

"What?"

"That shirt."

Margaret looked at the shirt that was hanging on the door knob and gave it to him. "This is a little dressy for you, isn't it?"

"Just in case." He rolled the shirt in a ball and tossed it in.

Margaret rolled her eyes and took the shirt back out. "Why don't you hand me what you want, and I'll pack it."

"Thank you," he smiled. He was horrible about that sort of thing. He didn't want to ask her to help him leave. He knew that she was having a hard time with the idea. With Margaret, leaving for a few days was like leaving for good. She was very emotional about it.

Margaret noticed he'd packed his black suit, his nice suit. She didn't say anything either when she noticed the silk tie she'd given him on their one month anniversary, it was hard enough not to start crying, let alone talk. Margaret folded his shirt and then moved to refold his underwear.

Hawkeye could tell how distraught she was, her face was wrought with pain, he knew she was trying so hard not to cry. He stood up and moved behind her and put his hands on her arms. "Everything's going to be alright," he told her. He laid his chin on her shoulder and held her close. "I promise I'll be home before you know it."

Margaret sighed, "I'm going to be counting every second, its going to feel like years."

"You'll hardly notice I'm gone," he told her.

She turned in his arms and looked into his eyes. "That's a lie. I'm going be all alone. You'll have family and friends, and all I'll have is a telephone."

That was very true. Since the two of them had been together they secluded themselves from the outside world. Or at least the world that was directly outside their door. Margaret knew people she worked with, but had never made an effort to get to know them. She'd be leaving soon anyway.

Hawkeye watched as a stray tear fell from her right eye. "You'll have me. I'm just a phone call away."

"I don't like this."

He gave her a soft kiss. "I know you don't." Hadn't they had this conversation before? "I'm sorry. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was hurt you."

"I know you didn't want to." She laid her head on his chest and breathed in his scent.

Hawkeye took a deep breath, kissed her on the head, and then pulled away. "I have to finish. You'll be late for work if we don't get this done." He had planned to leave the house the same time as she would leave for work.

Margaret didn't say anything, but turned around and started to refold his clothes. He tossed her a few pairs of jeans and some shirts. He was taking an awful lot. She didn't want to stand there anymore. "I'm going to get another cup of coffee. Do you want one?"

"Make mine for the road, please. I don't want to fall asleep at the wheel." He made a poor attempt at humor.

"Okay," she called back. Did he think that was funny? The thought of losing him forever made her stomach churn. Her head was pounding as it was, and now she was getting nauseas. It was going to be a long day.

Hawkeye packed up his things and took one last look around the bedroom. Their bed was so comfortable. It wasn't just the mattress, it was being together. He loved to roll over in the middle of the night and put his arm around her. It was the smallest things that made everything so special. When her legs would brush up against his own, or when she would end up using him for a pillow. Just her touch was enough to make him melt and drive him wild. She had some sort of power over him that he couldn't explain.

He sighed and picked up his suitcase. Hawkeye switched the light off and then left the room. He placed his luggage by the door and then went to the kitchen where he could hear Margaret banging around. "Hey, what are you doing?"

She looked over at him with tears streaming down her cheeks. "I spilled the damn coffee all over the place!" She was frantically trying to clean it up while not getting her clothes messy.

Hawkeye walked over to her and took the rag from her hand. He gently pushed her out of the way and went about wiping the mess up with a towel. He placed the wet cloth in the sink and then washed his hands. Turning around he saw her sobbing, her arms wrapped around herself.

"I'm sorry," she cried.

Hawkeye felt his heart ache. "There's nothing to be sorry about." He took her into his arms and wrapped her in a nice warm hug. Her arms went around him holding him as tight as she could. "It's all cleaned up. No harm done."

"Now you can't have any to take." She buried her face into his chest and sobbed.

"That's okay. I didn't really need any. It would just make me pee more." He smiled, hoping that would at least make her crack a smile, but he had no such luck. "Cheer up."

"I can't even make a simple cup of coffee. How do you expect me to live without you for...? I don't know how long."

"Margaret honey, you're getting yourself upset over something so silly. You can take care of yourself. You did it for a long time."

"I don't want to do it anymore. I want you." The fact that they had been fighting lately had added to her sensitivity. She was worried about losing him forever.

Hawkeye didn't know what more there was to tell her. He knew that she was capable of doing things on her own. She was more capable of that than he was. Without anything to say, he stood there and held her letting her really cry for the first time.

To some people that would seem foolish. After all, he wasn't going away forever. At the most they would be apart for three weeks, but Hawkeye wasn't planning on letting that happen. Some people would look at that as a nice break, but not Margaret. She had found her one true love and never wanted to let him go. She would rather fight with him everyday than not have him at all. Everyone else in life had left her, and now he was leaving too. She was scared that a few days or weeks would turn into forever. Hawkeye never made her feel that way; it was her own life experiences that did it.

After a while Margaret pulled herself away from Hawkeye. His white t-shirt was all wet with her tears and had makeup stains on it. "I'm sorry."

He looked down a smiled. "I can change it." He wiped some tears off her face. "Do you feel better now that you let some of that out?"

She nodded. "I guess so."

"You know I'm coming back, right? You act like I'm leaving you forever."

"You better not."

"I better not come back? You couldn't get rid of me if you tried."

"No," she smiled. "You better come back to me. If not, I'm coming to get you."

"Deal." He gave her a kiss on the lips. "Hmm... a little salty."

She giggled a little. "I must look like hell." She placed her hands on her face as if to hide from him.

He held her wrists with his hands and pulled them away from her face. "Never," he said softly looking into her eyes.

"I should wash my face."

"Okay." He gave her a kiss. He cleaned up the dishes while she was gone. It was going to be hard on her to watch him leave. He started to think that maybe he should let her leave for work and he'd leave after she was gone. Maybe that was best for her.

Hawkeye walked back into the bedroom and pulled out a fresh shirt. By the time Margaret had finished washing her face and reapplying her make up he had already finished changing. "What are you doing?" He appeared to be smelling the discarded shirt.

Hawkeye looked up and smiled when he saw her. "Here," he held the t-shirt out to her.

Margaret raised an eyebrow and grinned. "What's this?" She said as he handed it to her.

"Something to remind you of me," he told her. Then with an even brighter smile he said to her, "Go ahead, smell it." Margaret smelled the shirt and closed her eyes, it was doused lightly in his cologne. She smiled up at him and Hawkeye smiled back. "I didn't want you to forget me or anything."

Margaret shook her head and stepped into his open arms. "I could never do that."

Hawkeye glanced over at the bedside clock, it was almost about time she got going. "It's almost seven," he said softly. Hawkeye didn't want to leave her just as much as she didn't want him to.

Margaret nodded; she didn't want to start crying again. "I know."

"I'll walk you to the door." He pulled out of the hug and put an arm around her shoulders. "That sound good?"

"I thought you were leaving at the same time as me." She allowed him to lead her out of their bedroom and to the front door.

"I changed my mind." He really wanted her to leave him so that she didn't have to watch him drive away.

"Oh?"

"Yes." That was all he was going to say. He handed her, her purse and she slung it over her shoulder. "Well..."

"Yeah." She didn't know what to say.

Hawkeye took her into his arms and gave her a warm caring hug. "I love you."

"I love you," she said into his neck. She had buried her face there taking in the smell of him.

Hawkeye rubbed her back and then pulled her off of him and kissed her tenderly. "Be good."

She smiled. "I'm not a child."

"I'm going to miss that smile." He touched her hair. "And this." He looked into her eyes realizing that he was going to miss everything. "I guess you should get going."

"I should." She pulled him to her for another hug. She kissed him quickly. "You behave yourself and come back to me in one piece."

"I'll call you when I get there." He kissed her again.

"Bye, Hawkeye."

He opened the door for her and gave her one last kiss. "Bye, baby." She gave him a said smile and then walked away. "Have a good day," he called. "Oh, and you need more lipstick. It's all smudged."

Margaret smiled and waved as she turned the corner. What Hawkeye didn't see was that she wiped some more tears off of her face.

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