Commitment

Chapter 1

Although they'd scheduled the wedding for five months in the future, when Jack would be fully recovered from the injuries inflicted on him by Andrei Drazen's sons, some of the preparations went in fits and starts. The attack by The Man in the Hat had occurred three months earlier and Barbara had recovered from the shock of the attempt on her life, so she was able to devote her full attention to planning the ceremony and reception.

She found a dress right away, but she couldn't get Jack to help choose a restaurant for the party. After she narrowed the possibilities down to three, all of which Jack had been to, he still wouldn't make a choice. When he finally gave his preference that place was no longer available on the day the minister was. Jack's second choice was made so late that they practically had no time to send out the invitations. Barbara gave up on Jack's participation; she was so annoyed, she told herself she'd be happy if he just showed up. She chose the flowers alone, and while she brought Jack a brochure with proposed menus for the reception he dragged his feet so long that she made the selections herself. The next hurdle was getting Jack to buy a new suit. He grumbled about it so much that she lost patience. She was overwhelmed by the feeling that Jack didn't really want to get married. That was the only reason she could think of that would explain his foot-dragging.

One day she said she'd had it. She told Jack that she wanted to call the wedding off. He looked at her in shock, his color fading. He saw tears in her eyes as he cupped her face in his hands. "No, Baby," he said, the enormity of what she said hitting him in the solar plexus, along with the reality of his behavior. "I want to marry you more than anything in the world. I don't know why I've been giving you such a hard time. I don't understand it. But I promise you it'll stop. I'll do whatever you say."

"It's not a matter of doing what I say, Jack," she said, the tears starting to flow. "I thought we'd do this together, plan it together, so it's meaningful for both of us. But not only don't you want to participate in the preparations, I get the feeling that you don't want us, Jack. Not as a couple. Not permanently. And the last thing I want is for you to feel trapped. So if you want to call it off, Jack, tell me now. Please."

The thought of giving Barbara up made him physically ill. She meant the world to him and he was driving her away. What the hell is the matter with me? he asked himself. I love her. She's perfect for me. So why am I resisting this marriage?

"I don't want to call it off, Barb. That's the last thing I want. I love you. I want to be your husband, more than I want anything. I know I've been uncooperative and I don't know why. It's not because I don't want to get married, I swear it. I see the pain I'm causing you, and that's going to stop. We'll plan the rest of this together, every step of the way. We'll see what still has to be done and we'll start doing it. Right away. Now." He kissed her on the lips, gently at first, and then as he took her tightly in his arms their kiss became more passionate, more insistent. Jack knew he could never bear to lose her. And that meant marriage.

Barbara wasn't entirely placated, but they sat together and discussed what still needed to be done. It was only mid-afternoon, so when the list was finished they had plenty of time to drive to a men's clothing store where Jack was fitted with a suit they both liked. He looks terrific, Barbara thought, and told him so. Then she said, "That wasn't fatal now, was it? You still here with me?"

Jack laughed. "I'm here, Baby," he responded. "That wasn't so bad. I don't why I thought it would be an ordeal."

"While we're here, Jack, and you're in a cooperative mood, why don't you get whatever other clothes you need? You said you need more suits since you've moved up the ladder at CTU into a corner office. And tennis clothes, a raincoat, shoes, slacks, shirts, sport coats, ties, everything. Are you game for it now, Jack? Or do you want to come back another time?"

The thought of having to repeat this painful process didn't appeal to Barbara, so she hoped he would be willing to keep shopping. He read her mood and decided it was time to stop acting like a baby and finish selecting his wardrobe. She was right about all the things he needed; he was now a CTU "suit," one of the bureaucrats who told others what to do while doing nothing to get their own hands dirty, and he had to dress the part. While the rest of the work world was slipping into 'Casual Friday' garb with khakis and loafers without socks, the brass at CTU, who had always seemed tightly wound now only appeared more so. The field ops agents were still permitted to dress casually, which was reasonable in light of the work they did. They could be and frequently were called out into the field without warning, so it made sense for them to dress appropriately for their work. The 'suits,' on the other hand, sat in their offices, or those of other people, having meetings, conferences, discussions, planning sessions, all sorts of synonyms for sitting around and doing nothing, according to the agents. Jack had had more problems with those people than anyone; he felt that they only made decisions when they couldn't delay them any longer, and then only to cover their own as, and that made things all the more hoary for the people who actually went out and risked their lives.

As Barbara had predicted Jack survived the shopping trip, even volunteering that he needed clothes for their honeymoon, so he bought khakis and golf shirts as well as swimming trunks, shorts and a pair of Tevas. At the end of the excursion, laden with packages, they piled everything into the trunk and went for pizza at a store nearby.

As they waited for their food Barbara looked at Jack closely. She knew Jack had agreed to go shopping only to please her, and she still didn't understand what was happening. She sensed that Jack was still hesitant about getting married. Despite his apparent change of mind before their trip to the clothing store she was still troubled by his earlier behavior. It seemed that from the moment they'd agreed to marry Jack had acted as though he felt he'd made a terrible mistake and was desperate to find a way out without hurting her.

Jack, in turn, was troubled by what he saw in Barbara's big black eyes. There's sadness there, he thought. And I'm the cause. "Barb," he said, taking her hand, "I want to marry you, as soon as possible. I know you think I don't, but you're wrong."

"I hope so. I love you, Jack," she said softly, the slightest tremulousness in her voice. I don't know what I'll do if he leaves me, she thought. I love him so much!

When they finished their pizza they walked to the car without a word. Neither of them spoke on the drive home.

Barbara got into bed early with every intention of reading until she felt sleepy. She was tired, she knew, but it was a tiredness of spirit. Where did everything go wrong? she wondered to herself. I love him, and I know he loves me. Why is it all so horribly, horribly wrong? Sleep did not come.

Jack brought a bottle of beer into the den where he absentmindedly flipped on the Dodgers game. That they were playing the Cubs didn't even register. Normally Jack took every opportunity to tease Tony about his hapless team, but that was the last thing on Jack's mind. He knew that Barbara was in the bedroom. He'd seen the pain in her eyes. He wanted to go to her, to tell her everything was fine, that they'd work things out, but he just couldn't. He didn't know what to say because he didn't know what was wrong. He stared at the TV without seeing it. The cheering that was accompanying the shut-out didn't even penetrate his preoccupation.

It was after two when Jack awoke in the recliner. He turned off the TV and the lights before he headed to the bedroom.

The light on Barbara's nighttable was still on and the book was face-down on her lap. At first Jack thought she had fallen asleep, but he saw her look at him as he reached to turn off the light. There were tear stains on her cheeks and on the sheet. She'd been crying for quite awhile.

He took her in his arms as he got into bed and held her tightly to him. For the first time Barbara wasn't responsive to his desire. She'd always wanted him as much as he wanted her, but everything seemed to have changed. He tried to wipe the tears from her eyes but she pulled away and started to cry again. He pulled her back to him, and this time she buried her face in his chest while her shoulders heaved with sobs. Jack felt his heart pound. He was on the verge of losing her, and he couldn't bear it.