by Tina
Rachel woke up the next morning with a delicious smell of breakfast filling her room. She coudn't tell if it was coming from their kitchen or from one of the neighbours, but her empty stomach hoped for the first option. Still, she allowed herself to lay on the bed for a little longer, it was too early to get up. She let her eyes look around the room for a while, thinking of how she never expected herself to be the one using it.
After another round of thoughts that led her to no conclusions, Rachel pushed them away and took a shower. When she was done, on her way to the kitchen she dropped by Ella and Mike's room and found both empty and already neatly cleaned.
Right, how could she'd forgotten?
Rachel entred the kitchen and found both her kids and Ross there, while a woman was cooking something.
"G'morning, mommy!" Ella shouted with her mouth full of pancakes.
"Morning, sweetie"
At this, the woman turned around and smiled at Rachel.
"Dona Raquel, tudo bom?"
After months of trying to get Vanda, the maid, pronounce her name properly, Rachel had given up. Her interaction with her used to be a funny thing to watch, even earned Rachel a few laughs, given that Vanda couldn't speak English and Rachel's Portuguese never seemed to improve much. Still, she remembered enough to greet Vanda and have a very brief conversation about how things have been.
When Rachel sat down, she noticed there was not one single empty spot over the table. It was filled with all the things Rachel would ask Vanda to make, such as pancakes, eggs, bacons and other traditionally american breakfast food. This time, however, Rachel noticed there were things in there that didn't use to be part of their breakfast when she lived there. There were many fruits, some of which she could not recognise.
"I let Dalva and Celina go after you guys left, but I could try and find another nanny for the next few days, if you want. Vanda's just coming for the days now."
Rachel shook her head.
"No, I don't think it's gonna be necessary anymore. Thanks"
Rachel grabbed a fruit.
"What time are we leaving?" Mike was excited about the sight seeing.
"Well, I was waiting for your mother so we could set that up. What do you wanna do today?"
"Don't you have to go to the museum?"
"Not today. I have Mondays off"
"Oh, okay. Mike, what do you wanna do today?"
"Dad?"
Ross chuckled.
"Well, you said you wanted to go to the cable car at the Sugar Loaf, right?"
"Yeah!!" Mike shouted, excited.
"Right, I think that's a good way of starting a Rio tour. But that really should be something we should do in the afternoon, 'cause we can see the sunset from up there"
Rachel remembered the first time she was there with Ross and looked down.
The hands on each other's, the stolen kisses and tender looks...
"So I suggest we go and do something else during the day and then we can go there. Anyone got any suggestion?"
"As long as we don't go to any museum" Rachel couldn't help herself and chuckled. Ross looked at her and chuckled back.
"Well, that crosses out half of my list, then"
"Can we go to a park??" Mike interrupted their little moment.
Rachel looked at him and smiled. Going to the park was something they used to do so much back in New York. She remembered their Central Park zoo family thing. She looked at Ross and could see he was thinking the same. It could still be it, couldn't it?
"I think that's a great idea, Mike" Rachel commented. "Ella?" she looked at her daughter and noticed she was eating one of those fruits she couldn't recognise. Her mouth was full and the little girl couldn't speak. Rachel chuckled "So you like that?"
Ella just nodded and Ross smiled adoringly.
The walk around the Botanical Garden was simply lovely. There were times Mike and Ella would make each other company and Ross and Rachel could talk. She told him about her new job, now at Louis Vuitton and how she'd moved in to Long Island to be closer to her family again. Aparently, Jill had recently had a baby out of a wedlock, much to their father's dislike, and Amy was getting married to a guy Rachel had to admit she loved.
"I guess she never expected she'd fall in love with a guy who organises Star Trek conventions on his spare time"
"I bet she overlooks our relationship now, huh?"
Rachel laughed.
"Actually, she says Star Trek comes way above Jurassic Park, when people say that"
Things were getting so much easier and lighter and comfortable and... natural... Rachel was doing a good job putting those thoughts aside. She just wasn't sure now if that was a good idea. But the the way their interaction was flowing made her forget about it. It was in fact worth it, they always had so much fun together.
They had lunch at a fancy and yet casual - oh, the contradictions - restaurant and then Ross took them to a bakery down town - where aparently the high society used to meet for tea, in the past.
Everywhere Rachel looked, she could spot tourist. Sometimes she was under the impression that there were more tourists than brazilians in Rio de Janeiro. Of course that was given to the fact she was only around the tourists spots. But, still...
Later that afternoon, they went to Sugar Loaf. When they entered the cable car, Ella looked outside through the glass walls and hugged Rachel's leg, scared.
"Oh, sweetie, calm down. It's safe"
But Ella didn't care, she just hugged Rachel's leg tighter.
"I wanna go down, mommy!"
"Sweetie, it's just for a little while"
"No, mommy!"
"Ella, do you want daddy to pick you up?"
Rachel looked at Ross and looked down. Bad idea. When Ella put her foot down, she was pouty, unbendy and very harsh. She would turn him down and he'd get so upset over this... But to her surprise, Ella put her arms up, towards Ross, and he picked her up.
She stood there with her mouth open, unable to speak. Almost unable to breathe.
Such a small gesture could touch her so much.
She actually came to believe that if she took Ross from Ella, she wouldn't get to love him as a father and wouldn't suffer so much. But now she thought maybe she just left this gap, this void in her little girl which she saved for her daddy. And he was willing to fill it, Rachel never questioned that. And that realisation just made her feel even more guity about the whole scenario.
With the slightest movement of the car, Rachel saw Ella hug Ross tighter. He held her tenderly and planted a kiss on the top of her hair. Mike quickly hugged her legs and she looked down at him. Praying tears wouldn't fill her eyes, Rachel stroked her little boy's hair.
There was only one thing missing to make them the perfect little family she'd always pictured.
If only things could be easier.
Up on the highest hill, Ross and Rachel stopped to take a lot of pictures. After Mike was tired of smiling for them, he ran to the opposite direction and Ross followed.
"Wow, dad, look at that!!"
Mike rushed to the edge and held on to the fence, staring at the amazing view. Ross stood by him and sighed. This was the beautiful city that... ruined his marriege? Broke up his family?
He still couldn't tell what had happened. He'd thought about asking her one of those days, he was sick of all those questions, but... he feared it would just make things worse. They were finally getting along, becoming friends. Friends... was that all they could come to be again?
He looked back and found her kneeling down next to Ella. There was another woman with a little girl around Ella's age near them and they were chatting, as if introducing the girls to each other.
But he just focused on Rachel. She was smiling down at the kids and stroking Ella's back. He loved how much she loved their daughter. She was so caring and responsable and... so much else he could spend hours listing. And she was so beautiful. No other woman could ever compare to her. No other woman could ever make him feel the way he felt about her. He looked down, knowing even though he still loved her very much, they'd probably never be together again. Too much had happened, too much pain had been felt.
Still, he knew that if she gave him the chance, he'd jump for it again.
But after everything she'd told him, he wouldn't let himself get hopeful.
Ross was standing helplessly in the middle of the room while Rachel packed a suitcase. He held a hand up to his forehead and sighed, his eyes already swollen and red, much like Rachel's. She couldn't be leaving him. This couldn't be happening. He wouldn't let it happen.
"Rachel, please, let's talk this through"
Rachel disserted, brushing more tears away, not stopping on her way back to the wardrobe.
"I'm sick of talking, Ross, it's not gonna change anything"
"Yes, it will. If, for once, you told me what's going on, we could work on this." Rachel looked as if she didn't even hear him. "Okay, Rachel, fine" he sighed. "Then I'll go back with you"
She finally stopped and looked up at him.
"No"
He approached her.
"Yes, I will" he said, firmly. "I am not letting you go, Rachel"
He took her hands, but she made him let go of them. As if that meant something.
He should've held them tighter.
She looked straight into his eyes in a way that almost made him shiver.
"I don't want you to come, Ross"
Ross looked down, defeated.
"Don't do this to me, Rachel, please"
"This is not about you, Ross. God, how can you be so self involved? Can't you see that I'm dying here, Ross?? This place is killing me!"
"Why didn't you tell me?? We could've gone back sooner, Rachel!"
"Stop saying 'we'!"
Ross grabbed her.
"I told you before and I'm standing for it, I won't let you go. If you go, I'll go with you"
He kissed her, but she broke it off quickly. Their last kiss.
"I don't want you anymore. I don't love you anymore, Ross. Now let me go"
Her voice was harsh and steady. He let her go and looked down.
He brushed his tears one more time, looking so lost.
With one last sigh, he left the room.
Ross finally dropped his sight from her. If she indeed felt that way, there was nothing he could do. He'd just have to try harder to get over their past to built a better future. So he looked back at Mike and started pointing out the places they were bound to visit the following days, oblivious to Rachel's eyes following him this time. She was blushing, having sensed Ross' eyes on her this whole time. How could he still make her heart skip a beat like that?
Well, another confusing chapter if you ask me. It's supposed to make better sense at the end. So yeah, I'm going somewhere. Sorry about all this chapter confusion, but ffnet is... confusing, sometimes! :) Ah, anyway...! Reviews, please?? :)