Chapter Ten

"I can't for the life of me figure why you should forgive me," he started, watching her form slouch at the sound of his voice. It was obvious she didn't want him here.

"Go. Away."

Very obvious.

"Other than the fact that we're friends."

"You're not allowed to use that word, Clark. I don't think you understand the meaning."

"Oh, yes I do. And friends forgive each other for stupid acts that unintentionally hurt."

She spun around, her eyes red and swollen. "How could you, Clark?" Her voice was raw and she was shouting but it came out no more than a whisper. Something gave him the impression she'd done quite a bit of shouting at Lana.

It hurt him to know that she wanted to be with him. That she wanted to kiss him and open up to him and have him tell her the truth about everything. He stuck his hands in his pockets, but never looked down, never lost eye contact. It was too precious and without it, she might shut him out completely. "I wasn't thinking."

"Obviously."

"I didn't go over there to-" he cut himself off, but not in time. Chole's bottom lip trembled. Despite her strong independence and willful attitude, she was still someone who just needed to be held.

He crossed the room slowly, delicately, as if walking on a trapeze line, ducking under a "Torch's Headquarters" banner that Pete had hung. They were seniors and not going to be here much longer, so they were leaving their mark in every corner.

"You're so special, Chloe."

She snorted derisively.

"You are," he said allowing the firmness of his belief to come out. He crouched next to her and wiped a tear away. "The only thing in the world I want right now is to take away your pain."

Her bottom lip trembled again. "I wish it didn't hurt, too. But it does."

"Chloe, you are one of the most important people in my life and if I could go back in time and stop what I did where I did it, I would. But it's not like I can reverse time."

"You'd try for Lana." She cringed. "I hate being that girl, Clark!" she yelled. "I hate it with all that I am. You turn me into the thing I despise most, the stupid little infatuated teenybopper with a head full of clouds. Someone who turns everything into a way to think about the person they love. Do you think I want to be here pretending to work but not able to get you off my mind?"

"No, am I'm sorry I can't return the favor."

"I don't want you to feel pity on me."

"I don't. I am geniunely sorry that I don't feel the same way because I would be one hell of a lucky guy."

She didn't say anything, but gave him a half smile. That was the personification of his hope.

"I love you like the sister I never had and those perverted thoughts about every now and then."

She slapped his arm. "That's disgusting."

"I know." He took a breath. "Can I trust you with something?"

Her nod was good enough for him. She was still hurting but he was showing her genuine remorse and love and attention. He was making it better. And that elated him. "There are several things I want to talk to you about eventually, but right now I want you to know, and this is the truth: I am not in love with Lana."

She frowned. "What? You've been like crazy about her forever."

He shrugged. "It went away. Sometimes the thing you want the most isn't what you thought it was. You built it up and up and you find out that it's something completely different."

"So she disappointed you?"

"This isn't about last night and it's not about disappointment. I think she's great, just not what I thought she was." He thought about the way he felt for Lex. Lust but that was a secondary thing, an added perk. Just Lex's presence was calming and exhilirating and made it easier to breathe. He wouldn't just say he'd do anything for Lex. He did do anything for Lex. If he had the chance to be normal or have Lex in his life he'd pick Lex without thinking about it.

"And now that I look back on my teenage years, I think it was more an hormonal thing than anything else." Chloe looked surprised. "Listen, if I thought Lana felt anything for me beyond the friendship, last night would have never happened. She's lonely and I'm lonely and it wasn't about romance or love or anything... It was like a way to build a bridge over a void instead of filling it."

Chloe eyed him. "And you wouldn't do that with me because you know about my feelings."

"Right."

"Well, it just so happens I'm not crazy about you anymore."

He laughed and she smiled, clearly relieved. Whether it was because he'd laughed at her joke or the fact that he didn't love Lana more, he didn't know. In spite of everything there was laughter, and it was thanks to her.

He opened his arms and she fell into the hug. "I love you, Chloe and I'm sorry this relationship isn't what you want it to be."

"I'll live. Are you helping Lana with this thing tonight?"

He nodded.

"I told her I would too." She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Let's go."

"Is everything ok?"

"Inside?" She shook her head. "But it will be someday. I really wanted to stay mad at you forever, but it figures. You show up with your Clark-eyes and your Clark-hugs. Let's just go."

"Well, wait. There's one more thing I want to tell you." This was going to be the hard part. Would she still be his friend after this?

"What?"

"It's something about me that you'd probably never thought before."

"What? You're building this up like you're some kind of serial killer or mass murderer or birthday party clown or something."

He took a breath. You had to know just when to fold, the song said, and this was where friendships were sealed in gold or burned in heartbroken flames. "I'm gay."

She looked a little taken back, but then shook her head. "No, you're bi, Clark."

"Well, I would have to-"

"You stare at my breasts in Eng Lit III and you had sex with a girl last night."

Now that was two uncomfortable topics, and just where was that corner he wanted to crawl into?

"Didn't think I'd noticed?"

He only had the strength to shake his head, still not looking at her.

Chloe grabbed her keys and stood up. "At least it's not as obvious as the way you stare at Lex's ass." She passed him, heading toward the door. Without turning to look at him, she whispered, "I thought you were going to tell me why the meteors make you sick."

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