Angel stepped into his office, and cleared his throat before Spike could carry in the head, and sent him out. He put his axe on the wall behind his desk with a bunch of other weapons. "Uh...sit down," said Angel.

Stan and Xev uncomfortably complied, as Wesley and Gunn filed in, closing the doors behind them. "So..." said Angel.

Gunn smiled. "I think he means 'What can I do for you'," he said, sitting on the arm of the couch.

"Oh," said Xev. "Well, you tell us. We were-"

"Practically forced up here at gunpoint!" Stan sputtered. "I tell ya, we've done nothing wrong!"

Kai put a cold hand on Stan's shoulder, signaling for him to stop. "I believe Stanley means...that we were brought here because you believe us to be demons," he said.

"Oh," said Angel. "Uh...sorry about that. Um food, you guys said you wanted food,"

He pushed a button on his desk, saying "Harmony, bring some food up here for our guests,"

"We don't mean any harm," Xev said quietly. "We just need to feed our spaceship. Then we'll be out of your way,"

Then a demon with a bird's beak came in, handing Stan and Xev each a tray of food from the cafeteria. The living members of the Lexx crew had never seen McDondald's food, but were too hungry to care. Xev enjoyed the hamburger, since her reptilian side preferred meat, and Stanley was too nervous about the firm's non-human employees to refuse. When the demon offered one to Kai, he refused, and the demon huffily left the room. The crew of the Lexx each took turns explaining their ordeals on Fire and Water, landing on Earth, the Lexx, and how it needed to eat organic material in order to move them to a better place. "So you guys are real aliens?" said Angel, that rare shine of excitement in his eyes.

Stan thought a while, biting the top off a French fry. "...Yeah, I guess you could say that...yeah," he nodded.

"Do you guys abduct people or do you come in peace?" said Gunn.

Stan laughed. "Yeah, we come in peace," he said.

"And this ship you talk about," said Wesley. "It's alive?"

"Hey, if you're so interested, we could take ya up to the Lexx, no sweat," said Stan, in between mouthfulls.

"Well I was about to suggest that," said Angel. "Wes and Gunn are coming with me, but I was wondering if he'd mind staying here," he added, gesturing to Kai.

"Why?" Kai asked.

"It's kinda my job, but you see, if you'd just go to the training room on the upper level, Spike can explain everything," said Angel.

"I suspect you mean you wish to know what I am capable of and if I am dangerous," said Kai.

"...Kinda, yeah," said Angel.

Just then, Spike came bursting through the door, cradling a six pack of beer under his arm. "Spike, you're supposed to be-"

"All ready to go," said Spike.

"Go where?" Angel said irittably.

"Up to the spaceship," said Spike.

"Oh no," said Angel. "You're staying here,"

"Is this a slap on the wrist for putting vodka in your pig's blood?" said Spike.

Angel raised his eyebrows. "No...huh?! Spike! I was stumbling around calling the remote control for pizza and now you tell me-"

"This just figures!" said Spike. "I work all day, get thrown around by Leather Queen whenever she feels like it, and I don't even get to go on the field trip?"

"I don't pay you!" said Angel. "How do you work?"

"Hey, I come to the meetings!" said Spike.

"Look, we don't have time for this," Angel sighed, digging in his desk for anything that might stop the oncoming migraine. "We're going up to the Lexx, you're going to stay here with Lorne and Illyria, and put Kai's ablities to the test,"

"Oh, I see," said Spike. "I don't get to go up to the ship, but I'm allowed to let the missing member of The Cure kick my arse, thank you so much!"

Angel pinched the bridge of his nose, staving off the need to strangle something, and he sighed while the others in the room watched this verbal tennis game. "Okay, Spike, I'll tell you what," he said. "If you take Kai and Illyria into the training room...I'll...give you an office,"

The younger vamp's eyes lit up as if Angel's hair had just caught fire as evil thoughts as to how better he could annoy his grandsire, and nodded. "Okay fine," said Spike, gesturing to Kai. "Come with me,"

Kai followed Spike down the hallway, as Spike tried not laugh at the Brunnen-G's hair, and continually asked, "Can I poke it?"

"Are you quite finished?" Wesley asked sarcastically.

"Yeah, that'll do it," said Angel, turning to Stan and Xev. "Where's your moth?"

Illyria was waiting in the room marked "Training Room 4", seemingly taunting a battered Lorne, who was sitting on a large bag of ice. The green demon noticed their prescence, and stood up slowly, taking his ice bag with him. "It's all yours," he grunted, hobbling out of the room.

Kai looked around the white room with its numerous weapons lining the walls, as Spike said "Well, Blue, you're punctual,"

"Wesley said that is is polite to be on time," said Illyria.

"Studying our ways again, are we?" said Spike.

"It is required," said Illyria. "Not because I wish to descend to your level of social status,"

"Okay, here's the skinny," said Spike, returning his attention to Kai. "I hit you, you don't hit me back, and tell me how it feels. Don't touch the clipboard either, understand?"

"Why?" said Kai.

"Angel said something about standard procedure with potentially dangerous guests. Bugger it all if you ask me," said Spike.

"I understand," said Kai.

Spike nodded, and balled up his fist. The odd thing was, the minute he made contact with Kai's jaw, it sent waves of pain up his wrist from his knuckles. Kai hadn't budged an inch, nor did he seem like getting hit in the face was anything at all. "Bollocks!" said Spike. "What is with you?!
"I am decarbonized," said Kai. "I do not feel pain,"

Illyria looked him over, and started circling him again, slightly jealous that the attention wasn't on her. "Because you aren't human," she said. "I can smell it on you. You are more like me,"

"I am dead," said Kai.

Spike scribbled something on his beloved clipboard and took a step back. "Sorry to spring this on you mate, but Little Shiva here wants to test herself against you,"

"When you say 'Little Shiva', you are refering to Illyria, are you not?" said Kai.

Spike nodded. "Yeah, pretty much, yeah,"

"I see," said Kai. "The dead do not complain. The dead are simply dead,"

On that highly disturbing note, Spike nodded to Illyria, giving her the okay to pummel Kai. The demoness punched him in the face as well, and spun-kicked him in the gut, but he didn't budge from where he was standing. Illyria smiled, and with one uppercut, she sent the dead assassin flying across the room into a wall full of weapons, his head hitting it at an angle that would have broken a normal man's neck, and he slid down the wall into a sitting position on the floor.

Kai however, straitened his head, and with a crack, everything went back into place. He stood up and looked at them with empty eyes. "I will keep you as a pet as well," Illyria concluded. "You will make a nice addition to this white haired haf-breed and Wesley,"

Meanwhile, Stanley stood on the command pedestal of the Lexx, as he showed Angel and Gunn what his job aboard the ship was. He placed his hand on the green hologram in front of him, and activated the ship. "Okay Lexx!" said Stan, shouting up into the bridge. "Say hello Angel!'

"Hello, Angel," the ship echoed back.

Gunn scrunched up his face. "You say this ship is alive?" he asked. "Creepy vibe, dogs,"

"Ah, naw," Stan said reassuingly. "The Lexx is just a big bug, he can't do any harm unless I tell him to,"

Angel looked around, smiling. "This is the coolest thing I've ever seen," he said exuberantly. "It seems like just yesterday I was reading about this in a Heinline novel!"

Stan and Gunn gave him nearly identical "What-the-hell-are-you-talking-about?" looks. "Aw, come on guys, Robert Heinline?" said Angel. "Starship Troopers?"

Still nothing. "Yet again you make me feel old," Angel sighed.

"So what does it do?" said Gunn, looking around the ceiling.

"Lexx!" Stan shouted. "Tell them about what you do!"

"I blow up planets," the Lexx replied promptly. "But only if my captain tells me to, and Stan is my captain. I am very hungry, Stan,"

Stan rolled his eyes. "We know Lexx, we know!" he shouted back. 'Just wait a little bit longer, okay?!"

"All right, Stan, but I am very hungry," the Lexx drawled.

Gunn smiled. "Least he knows what he wants," he said.

He turned around, and found himself standing on the edge of oblivion! The drop had to be at least a thousand feet down, and it obviously wouldn't be a padded landing. Angel hurried over before Gunn fell headfirst, and yanked his arm in the safe direction. "Uh, heh...yeah," said Stan, climbing down from his post. "Forgot to warn you about that. Lexx is still growing,"

Gunn looked at the both of them, and fixed a pleading glance on Angel. "Can we leave yet?" he asked.

"And this is the galley," said Xev. "Even though it's not providing much food these days,"

Wesley sat down on one of the fleshy stools, only to be insulted by what seemed to be a talking robot head strapped to the table. It said "Where's my beloved Kai, you morons?! Please tell me you haven't left him-"

"790," Xev scolded. "Be mindful of guests!"

"I am only mindful of my stiff," 790 persisted.

"Erm, is there something I should know?" Wesley said uncomfortably.

"Only that you shouldn't listen to anything he says," said Xev. "That's why we have him tied to the table. He hasn't been the same since he took a header off the bridge,"

"And it is obsessed with Kai?" said Wesley, looking over the machine.

"Sadly, yes," said Xev. "When Kai fixed him, I guess he forgot 790 falls in love with whatever it sees first...it's a long story,"

"Utterly fascinating," said Wesley, lightly running his fingers over the screens. "What does he run on? Windows 2030?"

"There aren't any windows on the Lexx," said Xev, her face reflecting confusion.

790's mouth screen clenched its teeth, and growled. "Unhand me, you pervert! Only Kai is allowed to touch me, and I'll bite off your fingers the next time!"

Wesley quickly withdrew his hand. "No he won't," said Xev, rolling her eyes. "Because he can't,"

Wesley stood up, not too pleased about being threatened by a mechanical head, but he figured it was good practice, since it had the same taste in insults as Illyria. "And what is your job here, Miss Xev, is it?"

She smiled, and ran a flirtatious finger under his chin. "It's just Xev," she whispered seductively.

"Uh-heh, yes, well, that's fine, and all, but you see we've just met, and someone very dear to me was recently lost, so-"

Xev quickly drew her hand back. She was getting better at it, but sometimes her confounded programming just got in the way. "I'm sorry," she said. "I understand, we should go back to the bridge anyway, Stan's probably all done showing Angel what he does,"

"Right, of course," said Wesley, taking a deep breath. "Would you mind bringing that back down to Wolfram & Hart for analysis?"

Xev mentally groaned, as she saw he meant for her to bring 790. She undid the bindings on the head, and picked it up. "Where are we going?!" the robot sputtered.

"Away," said Xev, heading down the corridor with Wesley in tow.

"Away from my Kai, I think not!" said 790. "Put me down this instant!"

"790, you silly thing," said Xev, trying her best to keep her temper under control. "We're going toward Kai, aren't we Wesley?"

Wesley's face scrunched up in confusion, but he got the point the second Xev's eyes widened and gave him an irritated nod. "Y-Yes, there's positively nothing to worry about. Kai's at Wolfram & Hart with Spike and Illyria, nothing to-"

"Aaaaaaaaah!" said 790, his eye screens reflecting tear gushing eyes. "He's with another woman, I can't bear to be this jealous any longer! I'll bet Illyria's beautiful too, isn't she? She's gonna steal my man away!"

The ex-Watcher was mildly amused with the thought of what the demon goddess might do if she heard this sputtering, pathetic piece of machinery talking about her in such a way, but then didn't want to know, considering that she would probably crush it with one fist and keep the eye screens for her prize. "I warned you," Xev groaned, slapping the robot's casing crossly.

They headed down the passageway, Wesley desperately looking for an off-switch on 790, until a second passageway caught his attention. It appeared to lead deep into the ship, and Xev almost gave it a furtive glance. "What's down there?" he asked.

"The cryochamber," said Xev.

"Can we go in there?" he asked.

"No," she said quickly. "Not without Kai,"

"Why not?" said Wesley.

"Okay, look," said Xev. "This isn't our first time down here, okay? One time when we came down to Earth, we picked up something really nasty and had to freeze it. It's too dangerous to expose to outsiders, but I swear it isn't a demon,"

Wesley smiled slightly at her shyness, since she was such a forward person. "Is it a vampire?" he asked innocently.

Xev had been walking up ahead of him, but stopped as soon as he'd said the word. "How do you know about vampires?" she asked. "I thought Vlad was the only one,"

"I work for one," said Wesley, putting his hand on her shoulder as her eyes widened. "But it's all right. He fights the good fight because he has a soul. Angel can't hurt you, and neither can Spike,"

"So...they really are?"

"Probably not what you're used to, but yes. If you wish to understand it a little better, wait until we get back to Wolfram&Hart, and I'll teach you-"

"Teach me?" Xev asked with a seductive smile.

Of course, she was only thinking of two things; one to get Wesley to warm up to her, and two to finally get what she'd wanted for so long. "I'd love for you to teach me!" she said sweetly, hurrying ahead toward the bridge before he could say anything.

"Tramp!" 790 shouted after her.

Wesley followed, wrapping 790 in his jacket in hopes to quell its shouting.

Kai picked up his left arm and re-attached it, as Illyria smiled cruelly, with a broadsword in her hands. "Again!" she said, dropping the weapon.

"Easy, luv, don't overdo it. Normally, I'm all for breaking stuff, but this doesn't belong to us," Spike began.

"Silence!" said Illyria. "You will not come between me and my amusement. You, Dead Thing, why do you not exchange blows? Are you that pusillanimous?"

"I do not fight back," said Kai. "Because I have not been instructed to fight back,"

"I command you to fight back," said Illyria. "You finally provide some sport, and I wish to see if you are laudable,"

The dead assassin ducked a kick from her, and then fired off his brace in attempt to detain her. She caught the weapon before it lodged in her armored belly, and tilted her head at a rough ninety degree angle. "Unimpressive," she said sulkily.

She grabbed his wrist with her free hand, and whirled him around, throwing him onto his back. She raised one of her heavy leather boots to stomp his face in, but Spike intervened, pulling her back. "Come on, Bluebell," he said. "You don't want to break your new toy just yet, do you?"

She seemed to think a while, as Kai deemed it safe to stand up, and look at them, somewhat intrigued (well, as intrigued as a dead man can get). She slammed Spike into the wall with her elbow, then turned to the exit of the room. "I will stop because I want to, not because you asked me to," she said, storming out through the doors.

"Even if you take away most of her power, she still acts as if I'm her whipping boy," Spike complained, peeling himself off the floor.

Kai tilted his head, instantly reminding Spike of Illyria, not only because of the gesture, but also because both of them had the warmth of snow peas. Spike turned away and crossed the room, sitting down on a bench. He lit a cigarette, and pulled a beer out of the six pack next to him. "Want one?" he asked.

"I do not consume food or drink," said Kai.

"You and queenies with tapioca innards," said Spike, taking a drag.

Kai crossed the room, and looked over the clipboard at the vampire's side. The words "Kai: Does not feel pain" and "Seems to enjoy getting his ass kicked" were scribbled, and everything after that were symbols quite alien to the dead assassin, that consisted of x's and circles in a grid. After the odd writings, were doodles of an overly pointy-headed Angel with rude disfigurations to his face, and arrows pointing to it read "Champion poof," Another one next to it was obviously Illyria, and it had the words "Blue Meanie" scribbled across her forehead. "Hey, lay off the clipboard!" said Spike, pulling it toward him. "That's important work, that is!"

"I can see that. I will...let you get back to work," said Kai, turning and exiting the room as well.

Spike rolled his eyes, highly reminded of both Angel and Illyria at the same time, and took another drag off his cigarette. "Bugger," he mumbled, heading after them.

Kai caught up with Illyria in the hallway, and walked beside her. "Hello again," he said.

"You walk beside me as if I am your equal," said Illyria. "In my time, you may have been one of my decorated generals, but never an equal,"

"And what would be your equal?" Kai asked, descending the stairs after her.

"There are none worthy," said Illyria. "This shell does little justice to my true self. It is tragic that none will ever be able to behold it,"

She stopped at the bottom of the stairs, and turned to him. "Can you see them?" she asked.

"See what?" said Kai.

"Come," said Illyria. "I will show you,"

"Why?" he asked. "I thought I was not equal,"

"You are not," said Illyria. "But for now...you are as close as the half-breed and Wesley can be to being equal,"

About an hour later, Angel stepped off the elevator, his intent to head straight into his office, but he stopped short, and did a double take as the others nearly slammed into him, Wesley trying to muffle the frantic complaining of 790 (Gunn had to run to the restroom, since the moth ride didn't agree with him). "Whoa!" he called out.

"Angel, what's wrong...oh!" Xev gasped.

The constant movement of the lawyers was somewhat stunted, as some kept on moving without a glance, whereas some stopped to gawk, and then go on about their business. Kai and Illyria stood in the middle of the firm, apparently watching something that no one else could see. Both were moving in sync with each other, and as the acknowledged the group, and cocked their heads to the left at the same time. Spike was sitting at the bottom of the stairs, calmly having a smoke, despite the No Smoking sign near Harmony's desk. Harmony wasn't even paying attention; she was too busy listening to a portable CD player. "Hello, Xev," Kai said with detached courtesy.

"Kai..." Xev asked. "What are you doing?"

"Watching the air molecules," he said.

"Are ya seeing any there, dead man?" Stan asked, putting his hands on his hips.

"No," said Kai.

Spike took a drag off his ciggarette, and watched Angel squirm as he snuffed it out on the stair railing. "They don't blink," he said. "Bloody unnatural,"

"Eh, the dead are unpredictable," said Stan, shrugging.

"Spike!" said Angel. "I told you to watch them!"

Spike stood up, giving Angel a careless shrug. "Hey, I am!" he said defensively. "You never said I had to make sure they were fed and tuck them in at bedtime,"

"Spike, there's a dead alien in the middle of the lobby. It could mean some of our clients are going to try and use him for ritual sacrifices," Angel asked through clenched teeth. "And then he'll kill more of our clients, and-"

"Can I have my ten bucks?" Spike asked slyly.

Illyria interrupted the argument, looking at Wesley with praise in her usually blank eyes, as they traveled over 790. "I must commend you," she said. "You have collected a decent trophy for yourself,"

"It's not a real head, Illyria," said Wesley.

"I am a real woman!" said 790. "Kai, help me!"

"No," said Kai.

"When can I babysit for you again?" said Spike.

"Uh boss!" Harmony screamed, putting an end to the chaos. "You're new employee is here...right now,"

The normal rush of the firm continued at those words, plunging the entire building into silence. The elevator dinged, and the doors slid open. A white haired man stepped out, wearing a business suit, with a devilish smile. "Prince," said Xev, her eyes slitting.