Title: Mother's Tears
Author/pseudonym: NemKess
Fandom: Saiyuki
Pairing: one-sided GokuSanzo
Rating: PG
Status: ficlet, complete
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Disclaimers: Goku belong to me? I could only wish. Nope, not mine. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is made. This is purely to silence the voices in my head.

Notes: This just... hit me as I was reading another fic about Goku's reaction to rejection. Also, in case it's difficult to follow, the 'mother' reffered here is Mother Earth and the whole thing about Goku's life being tied to the earth's is just my own pet theory. You'll actually find hints of that dotted throughout all of my Saiyuki fics.

Summary: Immortality is a curse to the rejected.
Warnings: Shonen ai.

How could I love you, demon?

Shaky hands were raised just above the surface of the water almost but not quite touching the image reflected there. "I'm not a demon..." But neither was he human.

Don't make me puke.

"I'm sorry..." He didn't know what he was aplogizing for. Anything. Everything. His very existence which was such a curse.

His reflection stared back at him, wide eyes dry now that he'd cried all the tears there were to cry. He could see his soul looking back at him, old and sad. Weary of the pain that it had held for so very long.

If he could, he imagined he'd have killed himself long ago. But the fates were never that kind and it was his destiny to suffer.

No, he couldn't kill himself because as long as his mother lived, he would also live. And no matter how unhappy he was, he could never wish for her death and the disaster that would befall all he cared about should that happen.

But he could choose to spend the rest of his existence in unawareness.

He could retreat from reality and live in dreams until his mother died and he was released from his fate.

The small hands splashed the water, disrupting the image there before going up to pull something off his head.

When the water finally settled again, the image was the same, yet different. As if it was still distorted. A sinister smile was reflected back and the eyes held only hunger for death.

In a flash, faster than any eye could see, the being was gone.

There was no one left to witness the reflection as the Mother's tears rained down on the small golden crown abandoned on the water's edge.