by Tina
Rachel could feel her hands trembling softly, her palms sweating. Her heart was pouding like mad and when they reached the livingroom she couldn't stop shifting her body from one side to the other, unpatient. She looked up at Ross and saw the already devastated expression he wore.
"So..." he began "I guess you're really leaving again, huh?"
She didn't know what to say. She figured she should have some speech prepared about how this was for the best and he'd agree... they'd hug and say they wished all the best for the other.
But... this was not at all what was about to happen. She had no speech and she knew she couldn't wish him all the best when leaving him was tearing her apart! She never wanted him to be with anyone else, but couldn't be the one to hurt him again.
"Yes" she mumbled.
They looked at each other and he sighed, chucking, almost sarcastic. 'How could I let myself be fooled', it clearily said. Rachel looked down as Ross paced around.
"Right, right...!"
Rachel's temper was being quickly teased by his tone.
"We've never agreed on anything, Ross, I never said I'd stay!"
"Did I say you did?" he shot her a look. "I'm just finding extremely ridiculous what just happened between us, then! Two people on their late thirties, divorced, two kids, sleeping around just for the sake of it!"
Rachel didn't know what reaction she should let speak louder.
Ridiculous?!
Ross knew he was being unfair, she didn't exactly lure him into bed. He had fallen because he wanted to and he knew this was a likely possibility all along. But it hurt too much. And Mike's reaction had stirred up so much in him.
But... how was hurting her going to help? Would it really make him feel better?
He looked down, ashamed. He should just let it go. If anything, reacting like this would only make things worse.
He turned around and sighed, massaging his temples.
"You know what, nevermind. I'm sorry, I'm just upset over Mike"
Ross turned around and saw Rachel looking at him with still angry eyes, obviously still hurt by his words. How could he call her love for him ridiculous? Her atempt to keep herself from hurting him again?
To hell with it, now she wanted to hurt him.
"Well, stop it, I'm his mother, I know what's best for him!" her stare kept fixated on his and she sighed and chuckled much like he'd done earlier. "He's not even your son!"
Ross looked up at her and couldn't believe what she'd just said. Not in the many years since Mike had been born had she ever said such thing to him.
"You promised me you were never going to say that"
"Well, it's truth, isn't it?" she looked as if she was enjoying watching the painful look on his eyes.
"No, it's not!" he raised his voice, but was extremely discoraged to fight back by her cold expression and the insecurity rising in his heart. There was always a part of him that feared she'd end up throwing that to his face. "Screw you, Rachel..."
He turned around and left the room.
Alone in his room, Ross slammed the door and sat down on the bed. He raised his hands to his face and tearlessly sobbed and shaked.
'She didn't mean that, she didn't mean that! He's my son and no one can take him from me!'
He let him mind take him to years ago, where he'd hopefully regaign the reassurance he needed.
Ross was sitting down on the couch, tired from restlessly wandering around his livingroom the past few minutes. He could not quite figure out what he was feeling, but it was too much. He got up once again and paced around some more. He couldn't stand still. It was like he had to catch up with the thoughts in his head.
She was pregnant??
He knew the way he left Monica and Chandler's apartment clearily showed how upset he was about this, but he didn't have space in his mind at the moment to care.
Who was the father? When did that happen? Had he lost her forever??
Those questions seemed much more important at the time.
The door to his apartment opened and he quickly turned around. Rachel stood there, concern and sadness clear in her eyes.
"Ross... hm, can we talk?"
He kept looking at her and didn't know how to react. Why had she chased after him, what did she have to tell him now?
It shouldn't be a big deal, after all, right? They hadn't been a couple for too long, he knew she'd eventually meet somebody else and have her own life! But it still terrified him. It made things even harder. It killed the little hope inside of him that they'd one day be together again... maybe...
"Yeah, okay" was all he could manage to say.
They sat down on the couch, together. Looking closer, he saw tears in her eyes.
"I... I just want you to know, I..." she trailed off, not knowing how to say it. "This was not meant to happen, Ross. I'm not with anyone, I..."
She broke down in tears and Ross didn't know what to say. Why was she telling him that? Did she really care about what he thought about this whole thing?? Why, why did she care?
"Who's the father?" he couldn't believe how bluntly he'd said those words.
Her eyes were fixated on the floor for a long time.
"I... We're not together, Ross, it was just a one night thing" she sobbed and looked up at him. "It was stupid and not meant to happen, I..." she kept looking at him for a long time as silent tears rolled down her cheek. He too was getting teary eyed and it was like he could feel what she was feeling, just looking into her eyes. She swallowed hard and grabbed one of his hands. "Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah" he whispered.
"Do you ever think about us?"
Ross was taken aback by the question.
"Yes" he quickly answered, nonetheless. "A lot"
Rachel smiled and, without thinking, leaned closer and kissed him. She held the sides of his face and he couldn't help but sink in. When they broke, she kept her eyes closed, savouring the feeling and Ross watched her. As much as he enjoyed it, he had to make sure why she had done it.
"What-what's going on, Rachel? Why are you doing this?"
"Because I'm tired of doing the wrong thing, Ross." he could feel the honesty in her words and it softened him up. "This whole thing just made me think about how much time we've wasted here. This is the only thing that makes sense to me! It's always been you, Ross!"
He hugged her and let her rest on his chest. He stroked her back and thought... She was pregnant with another man's baby, saying she wanted to be with him. What was he to do?
Hell, he loved her.
He kissed the top of her head.
"So you wanna... get back together?"
She broke the hug to look up at him and nodded.
"Yes"
"Rach, I need to know you're not doing this just because-"
"I'm doing this because I love you, Ross" she broke him. "'Cause this was like a wake up call to me."
"And this guy-"
"It's just some random, guy, Ross" she cut him again. "I barely even know him, it was a stupid thing I did, but now..." her eyes filled up with tears again. "I'm pregnant" she shrugged. "And I wanna start doing the right thing, for once, you know? Do the right thing for me and my baby"
A long silence followed.
"So the only question is... are you willing to take the both of us into your life?"
He stroked her hair. If anyone had told him 24 hours before that would be happening, he certainly wouldn't believe it.
"Of course, Rach... I'm sure I'll love this baby as if it was my own"
She smiled at him. She knew he would.
Ross looked up and sighed. Yes, Mike was his son. He'd watched him grow, bathed him, changed diapers, taken care of him when he was sick...
No one would ever change that.
Right?
Rachel was still shaky herself, in the livingroom. She'd regret saying it the moment Ross stormed out. She knew there was nothing else in this world she could say that would hurt him as much as that statement did. Specially 'cause, no matter what, Mike was his son! DNA was nothing compared to his years of dedication.
But Ross was insecure about that, she knew it. She knew how much he wished Mike was indeed his. She knew it because she could seee how different it was when it came to Ella. The sparkle in his eyes when he found out she was finally having his baby.
And there was always this part of him, she could tell, that feared she'd take him away. That would say he had no rights over him. Specially after the divorce.
She turned around and walked towards his room, she had to go talk to him. She had crossed the line. As Joey would say, the line was a dot to her!
When she did so, however, she faced something she didn't quite expect. One of Mike's toys rested on the floor, as if it's been dropped there. She could swear it wasn't there just minutes ago. And by realising that, she froze. No, it couldn't be!
"Mike?? Mike????"
Rachel ran into his bedroom and found it empty.
"Oh, shit!"
She ran into all rooms she could find, opening the doorknob with shaky hands, being taken over by overwhelming panic.
"Mike?? This is not funny, sweetie, where are you??"
"Mommy?"
Rachel turned around and found a sleepy looking Ella standing by the door to her bedroom.
"Sweetie, have you seen your brother?"
"Noooo..."
"Okay, go back to sleep, won't you? We're gonna have a full day tomorrow"
"What's going on? Where's Mike?" Ella looked worried.
"Go back to sleep, Ella"
Rachel rushed downstairs to check the first floor of the penthouse and left her daughter confused.
"Mike???"
She entered the kitchen, the laudry room, the maid's suites. No sign of her son.
Re-entering the kitchen, she faced a worried Ross and startled.
"What's going on?", he asked.
A lump formed in her throat and her eyes filled up with tears.
"I can't find Mike. I think he overheard us"
Ross stared at her.
"What?!"
Before you guys say this is really soapy, I wanna say this is something I've been planning since the beginning! Check out the first few chapters and you'll see I've left little clues to the fact Mike's not Ross' son! If you don't like it... well, too bad! haha
This is it for now! I've been really busy and stuff, but I wanna finish this soon to start a new fic! And now I'm a good girl, I just start fics after I finish old ones! Yeah ;) Hm... reviews?? Puh-lease? ;)