The one to give
by Tina
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Flávia crossed the livingroom holding a cup of tea and handed it to Rachel, as Ross had instructed her to do. While he and Hugh were still out looking for Mike, her job was to make sure Rachel stayed in and, possibly, calm. The way Ross' eyes were so filled with concern touched Flávia deeply, but the soft impersonality it countained also showed her Rachel had not talked to him about her idea of staying. The past few days Rachel had not mentioned anything about it to her, so now she was beginning to suspect something went wrong.
"Drink this, it's gonna make you feel better"
Rachel looked away from the window and her blank expression was terrifying.
"Thanks"
"Don't worry, Rach, they'll find him in a sec. Kids do that sometimes. Have I ever told you about the time Katie packed a little bag, told Lisa she was moving and just left? It was not for about three hours she came back saying there were too many ants behind the deck"
Rachel smiled weakly, but wasn't too comforted. There was still much to come. Yet, having a friendly face putting so much effort on trying to make her feel better already helped.
"Thanks for coming over, Flávia"
"That's what friends are for"
Only Rachel had forgotten what friends were for. She never saw hers anymore...
"Can I ask you something?"
Rachel looked back up at Flávia. Why did people always have something to ask her?! Well, yeah, probably because those days she always kept so much to herself...
"Sure"
"Have you, hm, talked to Ross about staying?"
Rachel looked out the window again. Partly hoping to catch of glimpse of Mike wandering around. Partly simply to avoid looking at Flávia's disapointed gaze.
"No"
"Why?"
"'Cause I've decided to leave"
"But why?"
"Because...!"
Rachel was frustrated. She always had to explain. It made sense for her, but it seemed like no one else ever got it. No one ever got her. And now her son was missing, there was so much going on she felt like she could explode. Her eyes filled up with tears and she couldn't take it anymore. Once again, she broke down in tears.
"Because I don't want to hurt him, Flávia! And I don't wanna put my kids through this again. They all deserve better. I've been a terrible person to these people and I don't wanna risk ruining this again, it hurts too much. I'm doing this for them. I know Ross will find someone good, who's not as messed up as I am. He doesn't need me here to make him go through that hell again!"
"So you're telling me you're doing this for him?"
"Of course! Or do you think I'd hurt myself like this voluntarily?"
"But Rachel... Don't you think this is up to him? If you love him and he loves you and wants to give this a shot, let him! If it doesn't work out, it's not your fault! Try! That's the best you can do! Other than that, he has the risk of getting hurt by any other woman he meets! But if he wants to be with you, then this is your chance. Do it, Rachel"
Not knowing what to say to that, Rachel finally sipped her tea.
And the words sunk.
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Ross entered the 2nd floor of the garage and kept looking around. Most of the spots were occupied by their respective cars, so it was hard for Ross to check whether Mike was around. It didn't take him too long to get a hint of him though. After a couple of minutes, he could hear sobs coming from behind one of his own cars. Relief washed over him, but it was quickly replaced by a sudden panic. What was he going to tell him?
By the muffed sounds he could hear, his son was clearily crying. Ross too had tears in his eyes, though they were now happy tears.
He recomposed himself and tried to think of what to tell Mike. He'd have to be honest, Mike would take it. He had to.
And so he approached the car and peeked on the corner. Sure enough he was there, sitting on the floor, looking up straight at him. For a moment, Ross didn't say a thing. They just kept eye contact.
Simpathetic, understanding.
"Boy, you've sure given your mother and me a scare"
Mike didn't respond. Ross sighed and approached him.
"C'mon, buddy, let's go home"
"Is it truth?"
Playing games wouldn't be at all helpful, Ross knew. He disserted.
"No" Mike looked surprised. "You are my son, Mike" Mike smiled and Ross smiled back. But after a painful breath, he went on "But I am not the man who got your mom pregnant"
Mike's expression turned confused.
"But how-"
Ross cut him.
"I am your father, Mike, because I'm the one who took care of you through all of these years, okay? Nothing else matters here. I mean, aren't fathers those who are there for you, who watch for you, provide you everything you need, who would die for you??" Ross stroked Mike's hair with extremely teary eyes "That's me, buddy. And no one will ever be able to take you from me, okay? Ever! It doesn't matter if you go and live in another country with your mom or if she marries someone else. I'll be there for you either way"
"But I don't want to!"
Ross was stunned. What had he just said?
"You- you don't want me to go after you?"
"No, I don't want to live in another country, dad"
"Oh"
"I want to stay"
Ross finally hugged Mike.
"I wish you could stay too, son. But your mother wants to go and I think it's fair for us to let her do what she thinks it's best. We can't force her into anything, sweetie. It'll only make things worse"
"Do you miss me, dad?"
"Oh, Mike, of course I do. Very-very much"
"I miss you too"
Ross hugged Mike tighter. The dark sport on the botton of his heart that always felt so insecure Mike would resent him had faded. Finally.
"How about this..." Ross broke the hug to look at Mike. "I'll come with you"
Mike smiled.
"What?"
"I'll come back to New York with you"
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About an hour later, Mike was drifting off to sleep on his bed. Rachel laid next to him, stroking his hair, cherishing her son. She couldn't take her eyes off of him. She couldn't believe how beautiful he was and how much she loved. What would she ever do without him? She didn't even want to think about what would be of her if something...
No, better not think about it. Everything was alright. There he was, safe, not a single scrap to tell a story. Rachel thanked Ross in her head. He always kept his promises. He was always there to look after them and make things better. Well, when she let him, anyway...
And the best thing about this was the surprising smile Mike wore. Even then, as they laid on bed together, Mike's teeth were bear and Rachel could spot the adorable way his cheeks formed dimples when contracted.
"What's so funny?" she whispered.
Mike's eyelids were looking as if they were getting heavier.
"It's dad"
"What about dad?" Rachel smiled at the sound of Mike still calling Ross dad.
"He said he's coming with us"
"What?"
"Yeah"
Mike finally closed his eyes for the night.
Rachel stayed in there for a few more minutes, thinking. Why exactly was Ross doing that? Was he leaving to really just be with their kids or was he maybe hoping... for more? He probably was doing this for the kids, she figured. But either way, she had to talk to him. 'Cause if there was still hope for them, now she had to-
She kissed Mike's hair softly and left the room.
Ross was in the kitchen, getting a glass of water.
"Is he asleep?" he asked the minute she walked in.
"Yeah, he was pretty tired"
"He sure gave us a scare, huh?"
"Tell me about it..."
Ross set his glass down and started leaving.
"Should I let Ella sleep in my room or do you want me to-"
"No, that's okay, leave her there"
"Okay, goodnight then"
"Wait, Ross"
He turned around.
"What?"
"About earlier..."
He cut her.
"That's- that's fine, Rachel"
"I didn't mean any of that. I've just... been very... confused, you know?"
"Right. No, it's- it's okay. Really." But Rachel could see in his eyes that it was not okay. Her departure was still hurting him. "I'm sorry about what I said too"
"I deserved it"
Silence followed and just when Rachel sensed Ross was about to say goodnight again, she went on.
"So, Mike told me you told him you were moving back to New York"
"Yeah, I... I just really wanna be around them more, you know? The past few weeks showed me I'm missing out on too much, you know? I really miss these kids and now I don't think I can go by without having them around all the time, anymore. I mean, it probably won't be like the past few days, but still..."
Now, say it!
"Ross, hm, sit down, please, we need to talk"
He raised his eyebrows softly, surprised.
"Okay"
They sat down on the kitchen table and Rachel took a deep breath. This is it. Time to be honest, Finally. Time to tell him everything.
"I'm sorry"
Her eyes were big and honest. Her voice soft and emotional.
He knew just what she was talking about. She was talking about the short words, the lack of sentiments. The games, the mood swings, the 'I love you's then 'I hate you's. And so much more over the last few years.
He just nodded.
"I've been confused and I've been scared and I've ruined our marriege. And, and not just that... I come here and I- I put ourselves through this again, I..." He looked down and she brushed one tear away. "I just want you to know... I didn't intend to do this and hurt you again. In fact, I tried to fight it at first, I did, but..." she trailed off. "And then I thought about staying"
He looked up at her.
"What?"
"Yeah, I was going to stay. I even had a few Portuguese classes with Flávia again" Ross just watched her, surprised. "I just changed my mind because... I thought about what you said and I thought you were right."
"Wait, wait. What did I say?"
"That I was going to mess this up again"
She brushed away more tears.
"Oh, Rach, I-"
"No, it's okay, you' were right to say this. I always do it, what would make you think I wouldn't do it again, right?"
"That's not truth. Before any of this happened, we were- we were great..."
Rachel was in silence for a while, recollecting.
"And also... I thought about how you must see me. How selfish you must think I am"
"Rach-"
"No, let me finish" He relutanctively nodded. "I went to lunch with Flávia's old students and one of them told me about how she left her husband because he couldn't move away for her. She said it showed her he just couldn't see how important this was to her and that if he wasn't willing to sacrifice for her, then she shouldn't sacrifice for him. See, this is the same thing, Ross."
"It's not, Rachel and you know it. See... yes, a lot of messed up things happened and I should've been more understanding too, I-"
Rachel put a hand on his forearm.
"No, you were great"
"No, Rach... You were pregnant. You were emotional and stressed and I can't believe I asked so much from you then. You were already going through so much and then moving to another country, having to leave your family and friends and career behind..."
"But I didn't try, Ross"
"You came, didn't you?"
"But then I just gave up."
"I shouldn't have brought you here"
Ross looked down and massaged his temples. Things would've been so different if...
Rachel finally smiled.
"Look at us... First we blame each other and now we're blaming ourselves"
Ross looked up at her.
"Sometimes it seems like placing the blame is all I do. But it- it doesn't change anything"
"It really doesn't"
They kept looking at each other for a long time. Rachel realised she still had a hand on his arm and tenderly stroked it. He looked down at his arm and then back at Rachel.
"I'm staying"
"What?"
"Don't go to New York. I'll come here"
"Are you serious?"
"Yes"
"But, Rachel, I've told Mike, I can-"
"No. I know you can sacrifice for me. And I want you to know I can do the same for you."
"Rach, you don't have to prove me anything"
"Yes, I do." Ross sighed, not believing his ears. "Besides-" she shrugged "I guess I can get used to this again" She looked around and Ross smiled. "The beaches, the house,... The kids love it here too. And I got Flávia, I'll look for a job... The past few days showed me I can really grow to love this" she moved her hand from his arm up to his face. "No pregnancy to drive my hormones crazy this time. Maybe a little PMS, but..." she trailed off and he chuckled.
"Are you sure about this?"
He played with her hair with one hand, ocasionaly brushing the back of his hand on her cheek, making her softly close her eyes at his tender touch.
"It's up to you, actually, Ross" she opened her eyes and looked at him. "I can't promise you anything. I can just promise you I'll try. I can't say this is going to work out for sure and that we won't be hurt again, I can't... So you need to know there is risk. You need to be with me again full aware of that"
"I am, Rach. But there is no one else out there I wanna be with" she smiled. Yes, corny... But so sweet. "And even if I did, there would be risks there too. I would rather take all my chances with you, though"
With that, Rachel couldn't help it anymore. She leaned foward and kissed him. After a few seconds, they broke it.
"Then I guess this is it"
He smiled.
"This is it"
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Not quite the end yet though. There will be one last very small chapter :) An epilogue, yes. Sooooo... tell me what you think :) I'm a review addict!