Too Far CH. 3
"Sirs Mail Call." Radar entered the SWAMP. Days after the "incident."
Hawkeye hadn't spoken to anyone in days. Only the occasional nod in passing. He had drunk himself into a stupor two nights in a row and Trapper could do nothing but watch. He knew he had to let him grieve in his own way for what had happened.
Henry was still stunned by the whole thing, and Radar has just buried himself in his work like he always did to hide showing how he felt.
"Trapper." He handed a couple envelopes to Trapper.
"Thanks Radar."
"Hawkeye" Radar tried not to shout.
Hawkeye seemed to be passed out so Radar set the letters on the edge of his cot.
"Major Burns."
Only Radar hadn't said it.
Hawkeye lifted his head up slightly. "Don't forget about Major Burns Radar, I'm sure he got something."
Being the first words he'd spoken in days, the two friends stood silent.
Hawkeye sat up, grabbing his head. "Well?"
Radar swallowed hard. "Well what sir?"
"Ferret face…where's his mail?"
"It's being stopped at HQ and being sent back to the States sir." Radar looked up at Trapper confused.
"Hawk, you know he's not gonna get mail here anymore…what's the matter with ya?" Trapper added.
Hawkeye was rubbing his temples and attempted to stand up. He glanced around the tent, particularly at Major Burns's cot which was empty, and belongings gone.
He looked over at his two friends, sighed, and left the tent.
"What was that about?" Radar asked.
"I'll keep an eye on him; you just get back to getting us that replacement kid."
"Yes sir."
The two followed Hawkeye's exit. Trapper following as Hawk made his way to the Mess Tent.
Everyone was happy to see Hawkeye out of his tent and walking around. They all tried to say 'Hello' and 'How are you?' but Hawkeye just passed them by.
Trapper caught up to him as he was getting coffee.
"How ya feeling Hawk?" He got no reply.
Trapper started to get a bit frustrated and stopped Hawkeye in his tracks.
"Listen Hawk, this is getting out of hand, it's been days already, and if you don't start talking I'm fixing to have Radar call Sidney!"
Hawkeye simply shrugged and stepped around his friend, glancing around the room. He took a seat.
"Well hello there Hawkeye, good to see you're out and about my son."
He took a sip of his coffee. "Father…can we talk?"
"Why of course, is my tent alright?"
"That's fine."
The two stood up and Trapper watched as Hawkeye followed the Father out. He suddenly felt a hint of jealousy, but let it pass as he realized his friend was making a step forward.
The two took a seat.
"What's the trouble my son?"
Hawkeye bowed his head. "Father, I can't do this anymore."
"What exactly can't you do?"
"I don't want to be here anymore, I hate this place."
The father nodded and tried to console. "That's no sin Hawkeye."
"No, but murder is."
The priest's eyes widened. "Murder? Hawk…"
"I killed Frank, Father."
Father Mulcahy understood.
"It was his time Hawkeye."
"Why do you priests always say things like that? I mean if I hadn't been such a jerk, it wouldn't have been his time. So how can I justify what I did with that statement Father?"
"Hawkeye, I don't have all the answers to why. But I do know that you would never hurt Major Burns knowing full well what would have happened. Give yourself a break, Hawkeye. There was no way you could have known; no way could you have prevented that shell from falling. Please my son, take refuge in those thoughts. They are all that will save you from tormenting yourself any longer."
"That's exactly it Father. I feel tormented inside, like my insides are all torn up. I can't look anyone in the eye. I can't interact with them like I used to…"
"Why?"
Hawkeye thought for a second. "I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself Father."
"Ya see, my son, this camp needs you. And whether you like it or not, you are depended upon. Now you take your time and grieve in your own way, but you and I both know the War will come back anytime, and those soldiers will need you. Just like we all need you Hawkeye."
For the first time in days, and slight smile fell across his face. "And I need all of you."
The Father nodded. "So why don't you go tell all of them, just that."
"Thanks Father…I knew…I just knew you could help me."
"That is what I'm here for…" he chuckled a bit.
Getting up to leave, Hawkeye grabbed the Fathers hand and squeezed it. Causing the Father to be deeply touched. "And I don't know what we'd do without you Father."
--
Hawkeye passed by Radar on the way to the SWAMP and stopped him. "Hey Radar."
"Hello sir." He stopped surprised.
"Listen, I want to apologize for my little episode earlier, I was a little out of it."
"It's alright sir…are you better now?"
Hawkeye took a deep breath. "I think so Radar, I think so."
He patted Radar on the shoulder and headed towards the SWAMP.
"Hey Trap."
Trapper looked up. "He speaks."
"I want to apologize."
"For acting irrational, crazy and scaring the crap out of me."
"Among other things…I was just messed up, pretty bad, and I know you were there for me and…I'm sorry I couldn't come to you."
"I'll always be here."
"I know…"
"Hey Frank dying, hurt me too. I mean I helped remember? I know we all deal with it differently, and I guess this was your way."
"I guess." Hawkeye replied. "Thanks for understanding."
"I'll never understand you Hawk, but that's good, cuz you'll always keep me guessing."
After he left the SWAMP he knew there was one more person he needed to see.
Margaret had been working like a mad woman and hadn't spent any time alone except for when she slept, which was hardly at all. She missed Frank's closeness and it hurt that their friendship was cut so short.
"Major, can we talk?" Hawkeye approached her from behind. Avoiding her ability to walk away.
"I see you're finally sober Captain, congratulations."
"Margaret, we need to talk."
"I have nothing to say to murderers."
He shook his head. "Damnit Major, I didn't kill him! The North Koreans did, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you'll stop being mad at me and start being mad at yourself."
"How dare you?"
"It's not your fault either Margaret."
"I never said it was."
"You pushed him away that night, mad at him for something irrelevant and you kicked him out." Hawkeye tried to say softly.
"How'd you know? I….who do you think you are?"
"A nobody, stuck in the middle of war, where people I care about get killed. And am only trying to help."
"Well don't! I didn't ask for your help! Now get out!" She screamed and pointed towards the doors.
And Hawkeye knew right at that moment, their relationship would never be the same again.
THE END!
AN: Let me know what you thought. I'm taking a risk, ending it like this! Please review, it helps me, help you.
"Sirs Mail Call." Radar entered the SWAMP. Days after the "incident."
Hawkeye hadn't spoken to anyone in days. Only the occasional nod in passing. He had drunk himself into a stupor two nights in a row and Trapper could do nothing but watch. He knew he had to let him grieve in his own way for what had happened.
Henry was still stunned by the whole thing, and Radar has just buried himself in his work like he always did to hide showing how he felt.
"Trapper." He handed a couple envelopes to Trapper.
"Thanks Radar."
"Hawkeye" Radar tried not to shout.
Hawkeye seemed to be passed out so Radar set the letters on the edge of his cot.
"Major Burns."
Only Radar hadn't said it.
Hawkeye lifted his head up slightly. "Don't forget about Major Burns Radar, I'm sure he got something."
Being the first words he'd spoken in days, the two friends stood silent.
Hawkeye sat up, grabbing his head. "Well?"
Radar swallowed hard. "Well what sir?"
"Ferret face…where's his mail?"
"It's being stopped at HQ and being sent back to the States sir." Radar looked up at Trapper confused.
"Hawk, you know he's not gonna get mail here anymore…what's the matter with ya?" Trapper added.
Hawkeye was rubbing his temples and attempted to stand up. He glanced around the tent, particularly at Major Burns's cot which was empty, and belongings gone.
He looked over at his two friends, sighed, and left the tent.
"What was that about?" Radar asked.
"I'll keep an eye on him; you just get back to getting us that replacement kid."
"Yes sir."
The two followed Hawkeye's exit. Trapper following as Hawk made his way to the Mess Tent.
Everyone was happy to see Hawkeye out of his tent and walking around. They all tried to say 'Hello' and 'How are you?' but Hawkeye just passed them by.
Trapper caught up to him as he was getting coffee.
"How ya feeling Hawk?" He got no reply.
Trapper started to get a bit frustrated and stopped Hawkeye in his tracks.
"Listen Hawk, this is getting out of hand, it's been days already, and if you don't start talking I'm fixing to have Radar call Sidney!"
Hawkeye simply shrugged and stepped around his friend, glancing around the room. He took a seat.
"Well hello there Hawkeye, good to see you're out and about my son."
He took a sip of his coffee. "Father…can we talk?"
"Why of course, is my tent alright?"
"That's fine."
The two stood up and Trapper watched as Hawkeye followed the Father out. He suddenly felt a hint of jealousy, but let it pass as he realized his friend was making a step forward.
The two took a seat.
"What's the trouble my son?"
Hawkeye bowed his head. "Father, I can't do this anymore."
"What exactly can't you do?"
"I don't want to be here anymore, I hate this place."
The father nodded and tried to console. "That's no sin Hawkeye."
"No, but murder is."
The priest's eyes widened. "Murder? Hawk…"
"I killed Frank, Father."
Father Mulcahy understood.
"It was his time Hawkeye."
"Why do you priests always say things like that? I mean if I hadn't been such a jerk, it wouldn't have been his time. So how can I justify what I did with that statement Father?"
"Hawkeye, I don't have all the answers to why. But I do know that you would never hurt Major Burns knowing full well what would have happened. Give yourself a break, Hawkeye. There was no way you could have known; no way could you have prevented that shell from falling. Please my son, take refuge in those thoughts. They are all that will save you from tormenting yourself any longer."
"That's exactly it Father. I feel tormented inside, like my insides are all torn up. I can't look anyone in the eye. I can't interact with them like I used to…"
"Why?"
Hawkeye thought for a second. "I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself Father."
"Ya see, my son, this camp needs you. And whether you like it or not, you are depended upon. Now you take your time and grieve in your own way, but you and I both know the War will come back anytime, and those soldiers will need you. Just like we all need you Hawkeye."
For the first time in days, and slight smile fell across his face. "And I need all of you."
The Father nodded. "So why don't you go tell all of them, just that."
"Thanks Father…I knew…I just knew you could help me."
"That is what I'm here for…" he chuckled a bit.
Getting up to leave, Hawkeye grabbed the Fathers hand and squeezed it. Causing the Father to be deeply touched. "And I don't know what we'd do without you Father."
--
Hawkeye passed by Radar on the way to the SWAMP and stopped him. "Hey Radar."
"Hello sir." He stopped surprised.
"Listen, I want to apologize for my little episode earlier, I was a little out of it."
"It's alright sir…are you better now?"
Hawkeye took a deep breath. "I think so Radar, I think so."
He patted Radar on the shoulder and headed towards the SWAMP.
"Hey Trap."
Trapper looked up. "He speaks."
"I want to apologize."
"For acting irrational, crazy and scaring the crap out of me."
"Among other things…I was just messed up, pretty bad, and I know you were there for me and…I'm sorry I couldn't come to you."
"I'll always be here."
"I know…"
"Hey Frank dying, hurt me too. I mean I helped remember? I know we all deal with it differently, and I guess this was your way."
"I guess." Hawkeye replied. "Thanks for understanding."
"I'll never understand you Hawk, but that's good, cuz you'll always keep me guessing."
After he left the SWAMP he knew there was one more person he needed to see.
Margaret had been working like a mad woman and hadn't spent any time alone except for when she slept, which was hardly at all. She missed Frank's closeness and it hurt that their friendship was cut so short.
"Major, can we talk?" Hawkeye approached her from behind. Avoiding her ability to walk away.
"I see you're finally sober Captain, congratulations."
"Margaret, we need to talk."
"I have nothing to say to murderers."
He shook his head. "Damnit Major, I didn't kill him! The North Koreans did, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you'll stop being mad at me and start being mad at yourself."
"How dare you?"
"It's not your fault either Margaret."
"I never said it was."
"You pushed him away that night, mad at him for something irrelevant and you kicked him out." Hawkeye tried to say softly.
"How'd you know? I….who do you think you are?"
"A nobody, stuck in the middle of war, where people I care about get killed. And am only trying to help."
"Well don't! I didn't ask for your help! Now get out!" She screamed and pointed towards the doors.
And Hawkeye knew right at that moment, their relationship would never be the same again.
THE END!
AN: Let me know what you thought. I'm taking a risk, ending it like this! Please review, it helps me, help you.