A/N: I just wanted to reply to some reviews.
Pokey: I'm glad you like it.
Dulcey: I'm glad you like it, too. I take it you've seen Aida.
Jaredgirl: Thanks for the compliment.
(Rory)
It took me a few days of hiding in bedroom until my decision was clear. I hated it, but I knew it was the right one. It was hard. I wanted to break down and cry, but I knew I had to be strong. When I went into the kitchen, my mom was making coffee. There was another thing I had to do before I even carried out my decision.
"Mom," I said.
Mom turned around and stared at me with a blank expression on her face. This was the first time in five days that I'd ever spoken to her.
"I'm so sorry," I said.
Mom put the mug down and came over and embraced me.
"I didn't mean any of those things I said," I said, still clinging to her.
"I know," Mom said.
We stayed there hugging for a moment and then we finally released.
"Rory," Mom said. "Can we talk?"
I nodded and sat down with my own mug of coffee. I was dreading this talk. She was going to tell me that what I did was wrong and all that crap. I wasn't in the mood.
"Is there a plan?" she asked.
"Yeah," I said. "I'm not going to see him anymore."
This is the moment when the gods expect meTo beg for help but I won't even try
I want nothing in the world but myself to protect me
And I won't lie down, roll over and die
"Are you sure this is what you want?" Mom asked.
"It's not what I want," I answered. "But, it's the right thing to do."
I got up and put two pop-tarts in the toaster, trying to busy myself to keep from crying. Mom got up and followed me.
"How was it?" she asked.
"How was what?" I asked.
"You know what I mean," Mom said.
I didn't want to talk about it because I knew it would never happen again. But, Mom would bother me until I told her.
"Really, really, great," I answered.
"Do you love him?" Mom asked.
I bit my lip. "Yeah," I said. "But, love dies anyway, right?"
"But, is it worth losing him?" she asked. "You could take a break until he gets a divorce."
"No, Mom," I said.
"If you love him, you shouldn't make yourself miserable," Mom said.
"I said I loved him four years ago," I said. "And I said I loved Jess."
"But, those were very different situations," Mom said. "You can work this out."
The pop-tarts popped out of the oven and I took them out.
"No," I said. "Because what if I fall for someone else? Why should I do that to him again?"
My mom nodded. "Whatever you want," she said. "You're an adult now. I can't make this decision for you."
All I have to do is forget how much I love him
All I have to do is put my longing to one side
Tell myself that love's an ever-changing situation
Passion would have cooled
And all the magic would have died
It's easy
It's easy
When I was finished with my breakfast, I went into my room and took out the Dean box. I had to get any proof of his existence out of my house. From now on, when I passed him in the street, he would just be a stranger. Mom came in and saw what I was doing.
"Oh, honey," she said. "Don't get rid of that."
"How did you know I was planning on doing that?" I asked.
"Because," Mom answered. "You and I think alike. You're going to want that you know."
"I know," I said. "But, I have to get this stuff out. It's the only way."
Again, my mother nodded. "I'll be in the other room if you need me," she said.
All I have to do is pretend I never knew him
On those very rare occasions when he steals into my heart
Better to have lost him when the ties were barely binding
Better the contempt of the familiar cannot start
It's easy
It's easy
I went to get up, but I accidentally knocked over the box. I scrambled to pick up all the items, when I came across the same picture I found of Dean and me five days ago. I ran my fingers over his face.
That night was everything I'd wanted it to be. It was amazing. There was so much fire and electricity between us. It just felt so right. And he looked different than I'd ever seen him. He was so............
I realized that I could have this every day, but I wouldn't. I was throwing it away. For a moment, I regretted my decision.
Until I think about him as he was when I last touched him
And how he would have been were I to be with him today
Those very rare occasions don't let up they keep on coming
Everything I've ever wanted and I'm throwing it away
It's easy
It's easy as life
"MOM!" I called.
Mom came in faster than Flojo.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"Please, take this," I said, gesturing to the box. "I just- I can't-"
"Okay," Mom said, taking the box from me with uncertainty in her eyes.
"Please!" I said. "Before I change my mind."
Mom left with the box. I lay down on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. A few tears escaped my eyes, but I didn't cry. God must be playing a sick cruel joke on me, I thought. 'Cause this is the hardest thing I've ever done.
Suddenly, Lindsay's angry face in the market appeared in front of me. I didn't want to see what it would look like when she found out that I slept with her husband. And the people of Stars Hollow would have a field day.
"I can't believe Rory would do such a thing," Babette would say.
"I know," Ms. Patty would reply. "Who would've thought that our Rory Gilmore would turn out to be a tramp?"
"I'm never letting her in my ice cream store again," Taylor would jump in. "Who knows how many people she would try to seduce? I could lose customers."
Okay, so they wouldn't say those exact same things, but it would be similar. There would be no place for me to hide. I didn't regret my decision anymore.
But then I see the faces of a worn, defeated people
A father and a nation who won't let a coward run
Is this how the gods reward the faithful through the ages?
Forcing us to prove that the hardest thing we've done
Are easy
So easy
I wasn't going to deny Dean's existence. I'd always be thinking about him. He would always be the one I loved. There was one more thing to think about. I took out my cell phone and dialed Dean's cell.
"I need to talk to you," I said. "Can you meet me at the bridge by the school tonight?"
"What time?" Dean asked.
"Ten o'clock," I answered.
"I'll be there," he said.
When I hung up, I erased his number off my phone. So, this was it. I was shutting him out of my life. This was easy and yet, it was the hardest thing I'd ever done.
And though I'll think about him till the earth draws in around me
And though I choose to leave him for another kind of love
This is no denial, no betrayal, but redemption
Redeemed in my own eyes and in the pantheon above
It's easy
It's easy as life
It's easy as life
It's easy as life
To Be Continued............
A/N: I'll think of something better. I'm going to use the song "Not Me" next. Let me know how you like it.