I forgot to reply to a review.
Quinndolynn- That's what I thought when I first heard this song.
A/n: Ironically, this is the song Amneris sing after she overhears Aida and Radames ending their romance and Amneris was supposed to marry Radames and she loved him.
(Lindsay)
I went out for a walk that afternoon when I heard Gypsy and Jackson talking loudly.
"Are you sure they were sleeping together?" Jackson asked.
"That's what Ms. Patty said," Gypsy replied.
Not having anything else to do, I walked a few feet behind them, but close enough to be in earshot.
"This doesn't sound like Rory and Dean," Jackson said.
"Well, that's what I heard," Gypsy said. "Ms. Patty said Kirk heard them talking last week. It sounded like they were sleeping with each other."
I froze in my tracks. My breath came out in short little puffs. I was sure I was going to faint. Rory and Dean were having an affair? How could they do this? How long was it?
I ran home, tears blurring my vision. It's not true, I kept thinking. It's just gossip. They could be making it up. But, I was fooling myself. I don't know why I didn't see it in the first place. Dean still loved Rory and I threw a year away thinking it was me he wanted.
How did I come to this?
How did I slip and fall?
How did I throw half a lifetime away
Without any thought at all?
When I got home, Dean was sitting on the couch with his hands clasped in front of him. He looked up at me and all I saw was guilt written across his face.
"Lindsay, I have to tell you something," Dean said. "I wanted you to find out first from me before you heard it from someone in town."
I knew what he was talking about.
"Is this about your affair?" I asked, bitterly. "Because I heard Jackson and Gypsy talking about it."
Dean sighed and held his head in his hands for a moment and then looked back up at me.
"You know?" he asked.
"Did you not hear what I just said?" I retorted, the volume in my voice increasing. "Yes, I know! How could you do this to me?"
"I'm so sorry," Dean said. "I never meant for this to happen. I never meant to hurt you."
"How long have you been sleeping with Rory?" I asked.
"Only once," Dean answered. "I swear to God."
I had to ask him the question that had been in my head since he and I started dating. I knew the answer would kill me, but I had to ask it.
"Do you love her?" I asked.
Dean stared at the floor for minutes. I knew he was trying to hide the truth from me.
"Answer me," I said, a little more sternly.
"Yes," Dean said, not taking his eyes off the red carpeting on the floor.
I knew it was coming, but it never hurt more. He married me. He should be loving me right now. But, Rory Gilmore had one and I lost. I just couldn't believe I was so blind not to see it this whole time.
This should have been my time
It's over- it never began
I closed my eyes to so much for so long
And I no longer can
"Did you ever love me?" I asked.
Dean got up from the couch and touched my cheek gently. "Lindsay, of course I loved you," he said.
"But, not in the same way," I said.
Dean sighed and took his hand away from my face. This is a bad dream, I thought. I pinched myself to make sure that I was asleep, but I wasn't. This must've been because I practically gloated my marriage to Dean in her face. It must be bad karma or something. But, it wasn't karma.
I try to blame it on fortune
Some kind of shift in a star
But I know the truth and it haunts me
It's flown just a little too far
My marriage to Dean was a sham. I don't know why I didn't see it before. It was a way to get over Rory after all. I was right all along. Well, this marriage couldn't go on anymore.
"I think you should go," I said, my voice breaking. "You need to move out."
Dean nodded and slowly made his way upstairs.
I know the truth and it mocks me
I know the truth and it shocks me
It's flown just a little too far
I sat down on the couch and tried not to care. I stared down at my wedding ring. The priest said it was the symbol of our bond everlasting. It seemed to be mocking me now. I took off my ring and place in on the coffee table in front of me.
On the table next to the couch was a picture of Dean and I on our wedding. My heart broke all over again. I still loved Dean. I couldn't believe he would do this. I thought he loved me, but he didn't. But, I still loved him.
I wished we could put this behind us and try to work our marriage out, but it wouldn't work. Not, while he was in love with someone else.
The town would probably be pitying me so I had to show a strong exterior. I had to walk around town and pretend it didn't affect me, but that would be the hardest things I had ever done.
Why do I want him still?
Why when there's nothing there?
How to go on with the rest of my life
To pretend I don't care
Dean came downstairs with a duffle and stood in front of me.
"I'm sorry," he said again. "If I could go back and do it all over again-"
"Don't," I interrupted. "You're making it worse."
Dean sighed. Then he walked over and kissed my cheek and walked out the door. Well, this is it, I thought. It's over.
This should have been my time
It's over- it never began
I closed my eyes to so much for so long
And I no longer can
I took out a box and got rid of every picture of Dean and the pictures of Dean and me. There was no use having them around. They would only be mocking my failed marriage. The last thing to throw in was my ring. I took the box down to the basement.
I try to blame it on fortune
Some kind of twist in my fate
But I know the truth and it haunts me
I learned it a little too late
When I went upstairs, I stripped the sheets and put them in the washing machine. The sheets smelled like him and it would only make me miss him more. When I was finished, I flopped on the bed and cried. The truth was out and Dean wasn't mine anymore. I'll find someone else, I thought. In time I will. But, there would still be a hole in my heart that Dean left.
Oh, I know the truth and it mocks me
I know the truth and it shocks me
I learned it a little too late
Too late
To Be Continued........
A/N: That sucked, I know. But, it'll get better. I won't be adding that much more.