Gilderoy awoke in a hospital bed to the sounds of a hushed argument. He heard his name a couple of times so he decided to listen and see what award he was going to win this time, he had to thank the proper people, and this way he could get his speech ready before hand.

"I will not sleep in a bed in the same room as him, let alone next to him!" Poor boy, he is nervous about being near someone with such a celebrity status as mine. Gilderoy pulled the curtains back a little to see Harry Potter and Professor Dumbledore, Harry was sitting on a bed and Dumbledore was gazing out the window.

"Harry I am afraid you have to sleep next to him, you see you-"He stopped in mid sentence when he saw Gilderoy's brilliant smile gleaming at him from behind the curtains. "Ah Professor Lockhart I am so glad to see you awake. I have good news and bad news for you, which would you like to hear first?" Gilderoy thought for a moment, after all any of his decisions were obviously very important and he had to give the best response, for the betterment of the wizarding world.

"Bad I suppose headmaster, but first," He turned to Harry who even didn't move for fear of loosing anything else. "How are you dear boy? I say it must have been quite a shock to see me, poor fellow, and I hope you know there is no shame in what you did." Harry stared at him perplexed for a moment. "What I did?" Gilderoy smiled even wider, making him look insanely creepy to poor Harry. "Just know that greater witches and yes," he pause for dramatic effect, "even wizards, than you have fainted at the sheer amazing magical me." He paused his expression going blank for a few moments. "Magical Me is my auto biography and covers all my amazing adventures, though if you want full detail on any one of my adventures please view the rest of my collection of astounding published works."

Dumbledore smiled and walked slowly over to them, putting Harry a little more at ease, at least until he heard what Dumbledore had to say next anyway. "Thank you for comforting him, Gilderoy, but anyway the bad news first, "You can no longer teach defense of the dark arts I'm afraid." Gilderoy's smile faltered just a little, "Oh?" Dumbledore continued, "But on to the good news, you will be Harry's personal Tutor of sorts. Spending all the time he has between classes and quidditch with him." Gilderoy smiled brightly and turned to Harry to congratulate him on his good luck, but before he could say a word Harry's body made a resounding THUD as it hit the floor. "Oh look!" Gilderoy said enthusiastically, "He fainted."

When Harry awoke an hour later he was at peace, every thing was right with the world and nothing could trouble him at all, He sighed contently and turned over in the hospital bed warm and comfy. Then something happened, something horrible, one of the worst something's that could ever of happened to him since, well ever... in fact Voldemort himself would have been jealous at the sheer horribleness that this something bestowed upon Harry......Harry remembered, He shot up in a dead panic and franticly looked around the room only to see that the only other occupant was Gilderoy Lockhart, who was beaming at him. "OH GOD NO! This is a dream; please let this be a dream.... I will do anything if you make this a dream" Gilderoy walked closer to him and Harry scooted away.

"I know, it is hard to believe isn't it?" You Harry Potter, semi famous savior of something not important, get me the brilliant Gilderoy Lockhart, super famous celebrity as your own personal tutor." He clapped his hands together and leaned over to Harry, "Isn't it wonderful?" Harry tried to get away but ended up tangled in the sheet and fell on the floor, in his panic he tried to get out of the sheets but got tangled even worse then before, so he resembled a giant caterpillar. Gilderoy moved to the other side of the bed but Harry saw him and did the only thing he could do, he inch wormed his way across the floor. "Harry? I know I am amazing but it is ok, no need to fear me dear boy, perhaps some of my charisma will rub off on you. Dumbledore gave me this note to give you." At the sound of the headmasters name Harry stopped moving. Dumbledore did this Harry wrestled out of the sheets and grabbed the note out of Gilderoy's hand. He stood up and keeping as far away form Gilderoy as possible, even resorting to "sneak," so to speak, along the wall. He got the Glasses and read the note. It read as follows;

Dear Harry,

I know this may be difficult for you but please bear in mind that you will be helping somebody. MR. Lockhart had lost most of his memory as you well know, and something inside him made him remember Hogwarts, and beyond that, you, Mr. Potter triggered even more memories. This has been a great breakthrough for Mr. Lockhart and the healers at St. Mungo's. When they came you were still under the effects of the sleeping draught, but I assured them you would be up to the job, the job being bringing back Mr. Lockhart's memory. The medic-Wizards and I devised a plan, they thought that, because you triggered so many memories, that you could help in some way. It was decided that you should look after MR. Lockhart for the remainder of the school year. Please know that this is for the benefit of a lost man, and I have all the faith of the world that you can do this. Also, please forgive me for what you surly think I have done to you.

Albus Dumbledore

P.S. Don't worry he wont have his wand, just make sure he doesn't get yours, I've been told he is rather good at stealing them.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The headmaster of Hogwarts was sitting in his office enjoying a cup of tea when he heard a resounding scream echo through the hall's of Hogwarts. "Ah," He said to himself." He read my letter."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gilderoy: You stole my pillow!

J752572: no I didn't, you have yours right there

Gilderoy: But I had that one before when we were sitting on the couch and I know you took it so just give it back!

J752572: You did not! You had that one I had this one!

Gilderoy: You switched them when I got up. Don't lie to me, My skin is ultra sensitive and it knows which pillow I had

J752572: Fine hands him back his pillow well?

Gilderoy: Well What?

J752572: Are you going to give me MY pillow back?

Gilderoy: No

J752572: Why not?

Gilderoy: Because you need to lean to respect those greater than your selves

J752572: Why? You don't

Gilderoy: I do too

J752572: I haven't seen you complement anyone but yourself since you came here....and on that note...Why are you in my house?

Gilderoy: First of all; IF there was anyone greater then myself I WOULD complement them, but there is not, and second of all; I am in your house because.......

J752572: Because?

Gilderoy: Because I chose to be!

J752572: No more muggle movies for you

Gilderoy: There is no spoon slowly the spoon in his hands bends

J752572: ....uh.............