Lots of love everyone. I'm updating today because it's a Bank Holiday here in the UK. As this chapter has a bit of a cliffy, I'll warn you the next update is scheduled for Friday or Saturday. Messages for everyone at the end. love and kisses.
Chapter Seventeen
MADNESS
Halfway to the castle her step faltered. She turned back and began walking towards the lake again.
She didn't know what to do with herself, where to go to escape the emotions rising up through her body making her sob with impending tears.
It couldn't be, it just couldn't.
The imaginary dance-partner, the one no man had ever lived up to - it couldn't be Snape - that would be too cruel.
How dare he step into that dance with her and put a face to her fantasy. She refused to allow it to be him; she would not permit it to be him...
Bastard!
How could a man who appeared so cold, so distant, so bitter make her feel like liquid as he held her; as he kissed her? How could he just suddenly turn that on? Because he had been there. He must have been there. Her lips had been crushed by his; her back had retained the heat of his hand...
...her body felt consumed with...
Oh! This couldn't be happening!
...with need. She needed him. She...
She reached the willow and put her forehead to the trunk. There was no Night Diamond to blame for the way she was feeling tonight.
She couldn't possibly feel this way about someone who deigned to stay in the same room as her because he was following orders; who was about as tactile as a rattle snake. How could it possibly have been him dancing with her just a little while ago, making her feel so utterly...utterly...overwhelmed with emotion?
No...it must have been because she'd been thinking about him just before the song played. It had obviously invaded and enhanced her imagination...surely?
Frantically she scrabbled for the earplugs switched on the CD player and found the track.
Putting her hands behind her back just as she always did, she closed her eyes and began swaying to the music in an attempt to bring the evidence back; but the moment wasn't there - her nerves were too jangled, too near the surface to step into the dance.
She leaned back against the tree in defeat and closed her eyes as she listened to the song; and when it had finished, played it again; and then again:
"...The only strings that woo me here
Are tangled up around the pier.
And so a secret kiss
Brings madness with the bliss.
And I will think of this
When I'm dead in my grave.
Set me adrift and I'm lost
Over there
And I must be insane
To go skating on your name
And by tracing it twice
I fell through the ice
Of Alice."
Once again, as the sax solo began, something happened. She felt a sudden quickening of her blood and a thrill ran up and down her spine. She was suddenly absolutely certain he was nearby.
Tentatively, she half-opened her eyes, peering through the curtain of her lashes, anxious not to have him disappear like last time.
Through her half-vision she saw him standing a little way off, between her and the lake, and silhouetted dramatically against the full moon and deep, deep indigo sky.
He didn't move, he just stood very still.
Are you watching me, Professor?
She watched him watching her for a few moments, feeling breathless to be looking at him as the song crooned in her ears.
Then as the song ended she opened her eyes fully and pulled the earplugs from her ears. She stared at him, her heart beating fast. What timing was this?
He began walking towards her. He was clutching a cloth of some sort in his hands.
"I did not mean to startle you, Miss Carver. I called but you did not hear..."
"I...had these in," she said, indicating the earplugs and barely able to speak. "I was listening to...a song..."
He came nearer. Her heart was beating so hard as she searched his face for anything - any acknowledgement of what had taken place a little while ago; pleading silently for him to take her in his arms and confess that, yes, it had been him dancing with her a moment ago and that he had to have her, now, this very minute and just...just...rip her clothes off, throw her to the ground and...
"You should come in. It is approaching midnight on a full moon - it is dangerous for you to be out."
She kept her eyes on him as she stepped to her left.
"Just here, Professor, I had the most extraordinary experience...I believed I was dancing with a man. It seemed so real, I felt the warmth of his hand on my back, the heat of his kisses and...and..."
He stepped towards her, busying himself with folding the cloth to a large triangle as he did.
"The full moon and the recent poison you have experienced can play tricks with your mind, Miss Carver..."
Moving behind her he draped the cloth over her shoulders. The fabric was at once cold on her skin and warming against the breeze that whispered through the trees.
Her mind was so focused on the dance, on the kiss, she failed to recognise this unprompted act of chivalry. Absently, she pulled the ends of the shawl about her and turned to him.
"...I felt something I've never felt before and it frightens me; it frightens me because I know I will never, ever feel it again and I want to tear my hair out with the insanity of it..."
Her eyes were wide and heavy with moisture as she searched his face for...anything...any emotion, any acknowledgement, but he merely turned away with a gesture to return to the castle.
They walked back along the banks of the lake. She walked as close to him as she dared. The moon reflected on the water, crickets chirruped all around, a couple of owls swooped overhead. It was the perfect romantic setting.
"Just a moment."
She stopped and turned to drink it all in - trying to capture the memory in her head before she left the real thing for ever...
Oh, who are you kidding, Andrea. You're stalling, just so that you can stand here close to him and share this moment. And tell the truth now, you're giving him the opportunity to...you're hoping he'll...
"Isn't this beautiful?" she whispered.
Silence.
"Professor?" She turned to look at him, knowing she was bathed in moonlight, knowing her eyes would be shining, her skin glowing.
"I...I have never given it much thought..."
Think about it now. Oh, think about it now.
If ever there was the perfectly staged scene to continue anything he had done to her during the dance, this was it. If he didn't say or do something now, then it never was, and never would be. True, she could make a move, but she couldn't be sure he'd really been there in her arms. Only he knew. She couldn't risk it.
"...Where others see beauty, I see only danger."
He was looking at her, his back to the moon, his black eyes glittering in the half-light. They were mesmerising. She felt herself swaying towards him, so that she actually had to put a foot forward to steady herself. She took the opportunity to move the other foot in line, bringing her a step closer to him.
"It doesn't move you at all? It doesn't stir anything inside you?" She gazed into his eyes, unable to look away, her heart beating hard.
"I..."
Was it her imagination, or had he swayed towards her?
"Is there no poetry in you, Professor?" she whispered.
His face hardened, suddenly, dramatically.
"No," he snapped. "My vocabulary tends to desert me when I am face to face with a werewolf. Could we please return to the castle..?"
They continued their walk.
That was it then. He felt nothing while she felt like a deck of cards in a cyclone.
Andi couldn't do it. She couldn't walk next to him as though everything were normal. She struggled with a rising sob and realised she was on the verge of a major crying session, and that would never do in front of him.
"Sorry...have to go..." she managed to splutter, and picking up her dress, ran ahead, back to the castle, tears streaming down her face.
She got to her room and leaned back against her door. Her head was ready to explode. She couldn't handle this. She was going mad.
Scrunching her eyes up, she bent double and cried out, almost howled, with the pain of it.
Just what had she done, for God to play this awful trick on her?
"Here you are, Andrea, here's the man I've marked out for you - this is your mystery man, the one who's supposed to be so special. Good joke, huh? Well here's the punchline...you don't even exist in the same world; and even if you did, his heart is buried under a ton of ice! Hahahaha. Serves you right for being such a waste of space. I've never known what to do with you, Andrea. After all, you only exist because your mother had a quickie while my back was turned..."
Throwing the CD player onto the bed, she stumbled to the bathroom.
Albus Dumbledore would be here tomorrow. He would help her. She felt safe with him around. If she asked, she was sure he would take her someplace else until it was time to go home. She couldn't possibly face Snape again, not feeling like this. Normal behaviour was now impossible.
She glanced at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were now pink; her face was ashen, apart from two fierce red blobs on the apples of her cheeks.
God, what a mess.
There was nothing left but go to bed, even though sleep was completely out of the question. She would just have to lie awake and count the hours till morning and then try and avoid Snape as much as possible.
Resigned, she began untying the shawl - and stopped.
What was this he'd put around her shoulders?
This wasn't her shawl - she didn't have a shawl.
She looked down at the cloth and frowned. Silver with a gold fringe..?
This...this was the Crone's tablecloth!
The Crone!
Suddenly the words of the Crone came back to her.
"Alice is important. She brings a question you wish answered..."
Alice was the song!
And the question she always asked whenever she danced to 'Alice' was 'who was the ghostly man who always danced with her?'
"In the fullness of the moon she answers your question..."
Real or in her imagination, her question had been answered - her mystery dance partner was Snape.
"She brings you clarity. She will bring a sign that you are to trust your intuition..."
There couldn't be a bigger sign than Snape handing her the Crone's tablecloth.
What did Andi's intuition tell her?
That it hadn't been a dream or hallucination. That he really had, somehow, walked into her arms tonight; had somehow been able to kiss her.
...and then Andi remembered something else - something very important that had happened just after she'd been stung by the tiger-fly.
She gasped with the sudden clarity of it all, and ran from her room to his door...
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TheRealiz: You are special! And yes, I've had that dance too! Thanks for leaving my 100th review.
Prissygirl: Brilliant lyrics, huh? You should hear the music. I've quoted some words in this chapter.
Kerichi: With you with Tom Waits' voice. It's not pretty, but.....mmmm.
Thatweirdgirl & Fury's Grace: Thanks for reading - please keep on. And please leave your reviews, they brighten my day.
Helena Oe: I'm blushing! What a lovely review. Thanks.
Ana: Remember - no apparating at Hogwarts.
Femmeloki: I'm not sure what I'LL do when I end this!
Thousandl: I'm so glad I've aroused your curiosity. And, unlike Scarlett, I get the feeling Andi isn't so eager to return to Tara.
CelticElf: Oh, that last comment was from the heart. Are you in angst, CelticElf? You have my full sympathy if you are. lol.