Understanding

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and any other related materials. I do not own the song "Understanding (Wash it All Away)" by Evanescence.

Author's Note: Insomnia is actually pretty good for your writing…So here I reveal a part of the pentagon. How fun! No, Ron's not part of it. Poor Ron, he never gets to be a part of anything in my fic. Not to worry, Ron-lovers. One day, I will write a fic for Ron. And he'll be very, very special. Sorry if Luna is OOC.. Oh yes, and this is H/Hr. Yes, so if you don't like it, I suggest you leave. I do not accept flames. They hurt. They really hurt. ::cries::

Chapter 2: Blinding From the Truth

The Weasleys, Harry, and Hermione rushed into King's Cross station, about ten minutes before the train was about to leave. Quickly, by pairs, they went through the wall and arrived on Platform 9 ¾. Ginny was the last to go through the wall and by the time she got through, everyone was already boarding the train. She sighed and pushed her trolley towards the loading area, where they quickly took her trunk and loaded it onto the train.

Ginny went aboard the train and went to the compartments where the prefects sat. Before entering one of them, she reached into her robe pocket and pinned her prefect badge onto her robe collar. She looked into one of the compartments, but Ron and Hermione were not there. Naturally, she looked into the other one, and they were sitting there, with new fifth year prefects.

"Thanks for waiting for me." Ginny said, sarcastically.

"You're welcome, Gin." Ron said.

"Sorry, Ginny. We had to get aboard the train because we have the meeting with the new prefects." Hermione said, nodding towards the prefects, who were sitting quietly at the other end.

"Ron's not even Head Boy." Ginny pointed out.

"No," Hermione sighed. "But he wanted to catch a glimpse of who it was…The Head Boy is in the other compartment, telling the other new prefects what to do. I think it's Justin…I mean, who else could it be?"

Ginny rolled her eyes. She sat down next to Ron, when Hermione started speaking to the new prefects. Ginny easily tuned out what she was saying after the first five minutes. The train whistled, signaling that it was going to leave Platform 9 ¾ in a few seconds. Slowly, the train started to move, and they left the station. After a minute or two, the compartment door slid open. All heads turned, including Ginny's, to see who it was. It was Draco Malfoy. And he had the Head Boy badge pinned on his robes.

Hermione stopped speaking and stared at him in shock. She opened her mouth then closed it, and she was at a loss for words. Ron did something similar to Hermione, only his face was contorted to a look of anger. The fifth year prefects looked uncomfortable at the awkward silence.

"Bloody hell!" Ron cried, outraged. "I can't believe you're made Head Boy!"

"Ron, not now," Hermione said, quietly. She cleared her throat and said, "Are you done telling the other prefects what to do?"

Malfoy nodded. Hermione told the rest of the prefects to carry out their duties, and they quickly left the compartment. Malfoy casually sat down and looked at Ron with amusement.

"Don't be jealous just because I'm Head Boy and you're not, Weasley." Malfoy said, smirking.

"Who the hell said I was jealous?" Ron said. "I just can't believe they'd make a git like you Head Boy."

"Well, it happened, so you might as well get over it." Malfoy said.

"You always abuse your powers!" Ron pointed out, angrily.

Hermione rolled her eyes and said, "Stop acting so childish, Ron! And it's not like you never abuse your powers, either. C'mon, let's go find Harry."

"Yes, go run to Potter and whine about it." Malfoy sneered.

Before Ron could say anything else, Hermione pulled him out of the compartment door and shut it. Cries of outrage could still be heard, but it eventually faded away when Ginny heard a slam of another compartment door. This whole time, Ginny had just been sitting here, watching Ron and Malfoy go at each other. Now, she was left alone with Malfoy, who seemed to be oblivious to her presence. She stood up and went out of the compartment.

She found Ron and the others seven compartments down from the prefects' compartment. Ron was still ranting about how Malfoy had gotten to be Head Boy, but this time he was ranting it to Harry. Harry listened attentively to his rants, and he'd nod occasionally, agreeing with Ron.

"And doesn't Dumbledore know that he's a future Death Eater?" Ron finished, angrily. "He's probably working for You-Know-Who right now!"

Ginny felt a small tug of pain at the mention him. It had been five years now, and her darkest secret was still kept. No matter how hard she tried, she realized she could never hate him. It's as if that whole year of writing to him kept a special bond between them. In her mind, she knew it was hopeless to keep a promise made five years ago to a memory. But he had said he would cease to become a memory, and he would be alive.

Ginny shook away her thoughts. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and continued listening to the trio's conversation.

"I just don't understand how he could be Head Boy…" Ron continued.

"Well, if you really think about it, Ron, he does have good grades." reasoned Ginny, after she grew tired of Ron repeating that for the hundredth time.

Ron looked at her sulkily and said, "That doesn't matter."

Ginny shrugged and said airily, "I'm pretty sure it does, Ron."

Ron paused for a moment and looked incredulously at Ginny. "Why are you all of a sudden defending him?"

She sighed angrily and rolled her eyes. "Please, Ron, just act your age. Like Malfoy said, 'it happened, so you might as well get over it.'"

"Oh, so now you're agreeing with that Death Eater!" Ron said to Ginny, accusingly.

"Stop it, Ron." Hermione said.

Harry looked slightly amused by Ron's overreaction, but he didn't say anything. He just shook his head and continued looking through his box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavored Beans he bought off the food trolley earlier. Ron glared at Hermione and Ginny, as he grabbed one of Harry's Chocolate Frogs. He moodily bit off the Frog's head and refused to talk to them. He only talked to Harry; and when Hermione said he was acting immaturely, he would say, "Did you hear something, Harry?"

"Harry!" Hermione said, angrily. "I can't believe you're just letting him do that."

"Sorry, but you know Ron. Even if I try to convince him to stop, he won't listen." Harry said. "Besides, it is bad that Malfoy got to be a Head Boy. And Ron is right, he always abuses his powers." he added.

Hermione glared at Ron and took out a thick book. She huffed and buried her head inside the depths of the huge book. Harry put one of his arms around her and whispered something into her ear. Ginny saw Hermione blush and suppress a giggle. Ron rolled his eyes and stuffed his mouth with more of what Harry bought. Harry grinned mischievously and continued whispering sweet-nothings into her ear. Soon, Hermione put down her book and pushed Harry away, playfully.

Ron groaned and said, "You guys are making me sick. Seriously, just sick."

After Ron said that, the compartment door slid open and Luna Lovegood stepped in. She had a copy of The Quibbler in her hand and a wand behind her ear. She beamed when she saw Ron and kissed him swiftly on the cheek. Ron's ears went pink, but he returned a kiss to Luna on the lips.

"You guys are making me sick. Seriously, just sick." Harry said, echoing Ron.

"Oh, shut up." Ron said.

"So, I hear Draco Malfoy is the new Head Boy…" Luna said, almost in a dreamy voice.

"Yeah," Ron muttered, sulkily.

"Yeah, he's been brooding about it this whole time," Hermione said, sarcastically, "Can't you tell?"

"Yes, I heard him when you guys were walking down the hallway." Luna said, seating herself next to Ron.

Ron and Luna had been a couple ever since Ginny's fifth year at Hogwarts. It was true that Luna often drove Ron crazy because—well, she was somewhat insane herself. But, all in all, Ron loved her and she loved him. Basically, they're crazy for each other. Harry and Hermione had been together since Ginny's fifth year, as well.

It's true that Ginny has been feeling a bit jealous that Harry was with Hermione. But she couldn't help it. It was hard to explain. She was really happy that Harry and Hermione were a couple. She really had gotten over her crush on Harry, but she just couldn't help feeling jealous. It was because he always reminded her of him. Harry almost had the same features, but they were different in their own ways. Even so, whenever she saw Harry, an image of him ran across her head…

I suppose it is a bit foolish to wait around for him. It's even more foolish to even feel this type of jealousy because Harry resembles some of his features. How long has it been, five years? Five years, and I still wait for him. My promise has never been broken. It's true that I had gone out with Michael Corner and Dean Thomas, but I've never felt anything for them. They both broke up with me, but I could care less. I only love him, and he is the only one I will ever love.

He is the Dark Lord, but for some reason it does not frighten me. I know, deep inside him, the memory of his former self is still lingering. Tom told me to keep the promise to always love him no matter what happened. And that's what I'm doing right now. There's no wrong in it. I love him, even through this war he has created.

During my fifth year, the Death Eaters who had been caught in the Department of Mysteries escaped from Azkaban. They released a list of the Death Eaters' names. It included Lucius Malfoy, the father of Draco Malfoy, and the same person who gave me Tom. Naturally, Malfoy was the main target of the students who were in Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff. Nearly everyday, someone tried to hex him as he walked down the corridors.

I even felt bad for him, but I didn't do anything about it—what they were saying about him was true. After all, he was the son of a Death Eater. There was no doubt in my mind that he was going to one day join his father. But I should talk—I'm in love with the Dark Lord, himself.

As the weeks went by, more names were released by the Daily Prophet; more Slytherins were made targets. The staff of Hogwarts couldn't stop the hatred brewing between the three houses and Slytherin. They didn't care about the house points because the war was the only thing that mattered. Detention didn't have any great effect either. The war was and still is splitting everything apart. The three houses that are against Slytherin are now known as the Allied Three, which is totally ridiculous, if you ask my opinion. But I am only one of the few who are actually against the idea…

So how have I been coping without Tom? I have been blinding everyone. I've been making them believe that I was really okay. They don't see me as the same girl who got possessed by the memory of the dark lord. They see me as a normal, teenaged girl, who has nothing wrong in her life. How could there be? Even though I am poor, I have the best family, and I had good friends.

That is what I've been making them believe; it's what I've been making my family believe. After my first year, my parents had always been worried that I would sink into some bottomless pit of depression or some symptom of trauma. However, I told them I was fine, and everything was going to be fine. Except the truth was nothing was fine.

I even tried writing my real thoughts in a normal diary. But every time I did, I found myself waiting for a reply out of the ordinary, mindless diary. Tom became my drug, and he was still my drug. I'm still addicted, and I'm suffering severe withdrawal. I don't know how much I can pretend anymore.

Ever since this war started, I've been having dreams of Tom. He's been telling me that I won't have to wait any longer. Sometimes, I wonder if the dreams are real, and if he's really sending me a message through a dream. But then I think that I'm probably just bringing my hopes up because an iota of me doubts he's ever coming back for me…

Ginny sighed, louder than she had intended to. All of them looked at her when the sigh escaped from her lips.

"What's the matter?" Hermione asked.

Ginny met the older girl's concerned gaze. She smiled and shook her head.

"Nothing," she replied with a shrug. "Just thinking about the war, y'know?"

Hermione nodded and said sadly, "This war has to end sometime…"

"We're almost near qualification age for being Aurors." Ron said.

"And that's a good thing?" Ginny said, raising an eyebrow.

Ron frowned as if the answer to the question was obvious. "Well…yeah…I mean, don't you want to give those bloody Death Eaters what they deserve?"

"Ron, I think she means that you could get killed in battle." Hermione said, exasperatedly.

"Oh, well, I wouldn't worry about that. I mean, I'm sure Harry and I can survive it." Ron said.

Luna opened up The Quibbler magazine because she always preferred to stay out of the conversation when it came to war. She was more of the person who preferred to keep peace. She fell silent as she began to read if You Know Who was actually a famous actor in the Muggle world before he became evil.

"You never know what could happen." Ginny said, quietly.

"Well, isn't there that one saying 'if I die, I die with honor'?" Ron said.

"Ron, you shouldn't even joke about death." Ginny indignantly said.

This whole time, Harry seemed to be a lot quieter than before. He looked out the window and had a depressed look upon his face. He looked troubled. He always did whenever he was quiet and apparently thinking. Ron sighed and continued nibbling bits of the last Chocolate Frog. Hermione scooted near Harry and gave him a sad smile. She put an arm around him and whispered for him to walk around the train for a bit. Harry nodded. They both got up. Hermione beckoned Ron to follow.

Ron got up as well and said, "I'll be just a minute."

Once Ron shut the compartment door and walked away, Luna cleared her throat loudly. Ginny shot her gaze over at her. She looked at her questionably, but her head was still behind the magazine. For a moment, there was silence as Luna continued reading the article. Then, the silence was broken when Luna flipped a page and spoke.

"So what was the real reason you sighed so incredibly loud?"

Ginny frowned and said, "That was the real reason…"

"No, I don't think so." Luna said from behind the Quibbler. "Sighing and talking about this war? No, not the way you sighed."

"What do you think it is, then?" Ginny inquired, with a mocking tone.

Luna put down the magazine and gave Ginny a small smile. "Why don't you tell me, Ginevra?"

Ginny shuddered inwardly at the name. Tom was the only person that had called her by her full name. She looked at Luna, who was still waiting for an answer. Could Luna read her mind or something? How could she tell that she was lying?

"What makes you suspect that I'm not telling the truth?" Ginny asked, suspiciously.

Luna shrugged and leaned back on her seat. "Oh, I dunno. You just had this dreamy sort of look on your face. You know, the same look when you were still fancying Harry."

Ginny stared at Luna and laughed. "Oh…so this is what it's all about."

"All what about?"

"You want me to tell you who I fancy now?" Ginny said. "Well, it's no one. No one at all."

Luna picked up The Quibbler again and started flipping through the pages.

Ginny leaned forward and said exasperatedly, "Because I had a dreamy look while I was thinking doesn't mean anything."

"I wouldn't be so sure…" Luna muttered, flipping the magazine upside down to read an article.

Ginny was getting annoyed now, so she said, "So what? You have the Sight now or something? Can you see things others can't see?"

"You don't have to throw me an attitude, Ginny." Luna said, not looking up from the article.

Ginny scowled. She was the one that brought this whole thing up! Now, she wasn't even going to end it. Ginny leaned forward and pulled the Quibbler down. Luna slowly looked up, meeting Ginny's eyes without a sign of nervousness. Luna raised an inquiring eyebrow and quickly pulled the magazine out of Ginny's grasp.

"Seriously," Luna said. "No need for that."

"I always knew you were crazy, Loony." Ginny said, but she had a teasing tone in her voice.

Luna shrugged. She pulled out a scrunchy from her robe pocket and tied her dirty-blonde hair into a loose pony tail. After doing so, she picked up the magazine again and started reading. After a short while, they both heard the trio coming near the compartment.

"I may be Loony Lovegood." Luna said, keeping her voice low. "But at least I'm not lying to everyone, and pretending to be something I'm not."

"What are you talking about?" Ginny whispered.

"You," Luna said. "I can tell right away that you're lying every time when you zone out to another world; perhaps you're thinking of someone; perhaps you're thinking of the wrong things in your life…"

"Or perhaps the war." Ginny inserted.

Luna ignored her and said, "Or maybe betrayal of some sort."

Ginny stared at Luna like she was some sort of lunatic.

"I think…you've been reading too much of The Quibbler…" Ginny sputtered out in disbelief.

Luna shrugged and said, "If you're thinking how I know all of this, the answer is that I observe."