Understanding

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and any other related materials, for they all belong to J.K. Rowling. I do not own the song, "Understanding (Wash it All Away)", which belongs to Evanescence as it is one of their old songs that has never been released on an album. The reference to ceromancy is from the book, The Sorcerer's Companion.

Author's Note: So yeah, this is one of those good chapters you've all been waiting for. Haha.

My love for you still grows

This I'd do for you

Before I try to fight the truth

My final time

"We're supposed to try to be real, and I feel alone; and we're not together. And that is real…"

Can't wash it all away

Can't wish it all away

Can't cry it all away

Can't scratch it all away

Chapter 4: Riddles of the Heart

Ginny walked beside Luna to Transfiguration class. Luna was telling Ginny an unusual event that happened during her summer, while Ginny listened absent mindedly. Occasionally, she acknowledged that she was listening by nodding her head or responding at the appropriate time. However, Luna knew that she wasn't really listening. She told her so once they stepped into McGonagall's class.

"Sorry," Ginny apologized.

"It's alright," Luna said, "But I have to say, you haven't been yourself lately. What have you been thinking about?"

"Nothing," Ginny lied, avoiding Luna's eyes.

"I think Ron's been noticing too." continued Luna, as she set down her bag on the desk.

Ginny rolled her eyes and said, "I highly doubt he notices anything."

Before Luna could open her mouth to protest, McGonagall appeared in the class. Everyone settled down and gave Professor McGonagall their attention. She explained that they were to be reviewing what they did last year to refresh their minds on the first day. Soon, the whole class began shouting random incantations, waving their wands wildly.

After Transfiguration, Ginny and Luna parted ways to go to their next class. Ginny had Divination, while Luna had Care of Magical Creatures. Professor Trelawney was still teaching, even after that little incident with Umbridge during Ginny's fourth year. When she entered the heavily perfumed room, Trelawney stepped out with a dreamy sort of voice, welcoming the class.

Today, they started ceromancy, which was just like reading tea leaves. Instead, they used wax. The wax was melted in a brass bowl and then slowly poured into a bowl of cold water. Once they did so, they had to interpret the shapes that formed in the water by the wax.

"Now, remember," Professor Trelawney said in a dreamy voice, "The shapes formed are the same as the tea leaves we read in third year. Look closely, now."

Slowly, Ginny poured her hot wax into the bowl of cold water. Slowly, a shape formed from the wax in the cold water. She stared at it for a moment, and it looked very much like a circle. But there was another blob of wax that looked like a…blob? Frowning, she opened her textbook and looked up the meaning for her shape.

Trelawney floated over to her table, peering into her bowl.

"A circle and a keyhole…" she murmured, looking up from the bowl.

"A keyhole?" Ginny said, raising an eyebrow. "It looks more like…" she tilted her head at an angle and continued, "A…blob with a small hole…"

"Look it up, dear." Trelawney said, ignoring Ginny's comment.

Ginny looked at the textbook and looked up the two shapes.

"The circle means love," Ginny told Trelawney, "And the keyhole means…unwanted news."

Frowning in bewilderment, Ginny looked up at Trelawney who looked completely content with the answer Ginny gave her. Without saying another word, Trelawney wandered to the next table that was occupied by a student who was having trouble figuring out what shape the wax had taken.

Ginny wondered if all this Divination was actually true. What unwanted news could come to her? And what was this rubbish about love? Sighing, she closed her textbook and stuffed it into her bag. However, she continued staring at the shapes, wondering what meaning it could possibly have. Perhaps Ron was right about Divination, and it didn't have any meaning at all. But something inside of Ginny kept telling her that this could mean something.

Soon, Divination was over. Ginny went to her other class, Potions, and went to lunch afterwards.

"How were classes, Ginny?" Hermione asked when she plopped down on a chair across from her.

Ginny swallowed her food and answered, "It was pretty good, except for Snape's, of course."

Soon, they were joined by Harry and Ron who were looking very disgruntled from Divination.

"I suppose Divination didn't go well?" Hermione said.

"Well, it was very boring." Ron said, shoveling food into his mouth.

"And it wasn't very fun dropping stones into a small pool of water and seeing what the ripples made." Harry said, helping himself to some of the food.

"I'm telling you," Hermione said, impatiently. "You should just drop that subject and take up something else."

"It's kind of too late, isn't it?" Harry said. "Besides, it's easy getting a good grade in that class…"

Hermione rolled her eyes and continued eating her food. Suddenly, Ginny remembered the shapes that her wax had formed, and she wanted to ask Harry and Ron about it.

"Ron, Harry," she began.

They both looked up and said in unison, "What?"

"Did you guys do ceromancy in Divination last year?" Ginny asked.

"Yeah, why?" Ron said.

"Well, we did that today, and I was wondering what shapes you got out of your wax." said Ginny.

"I dunno," Ron said, shrugging. "A moon or something."

"Er—I remember mine." Harry said. "It was a pumpkin."

"What did it mean?" Ginny asked.

"A warm relationship." Harry answered, glancing and grinning at Hermione.

"So ceromancy is accurate then?" Ginny said.

"No," Harry said, thoughtfully. "I think it's just coincidence."

"Well, it is a strange coincidence then…" Ginny said. "I think you're starting to think like Hermione too." she added.

Harry chuckled and continued eating his food. Hermione, however, began reading a book for her next class.

A strange coincidence it is, indeed. Of course, Tom eventually drifted into my mind as I thought these things on ceromancy. However, I doubt he would ever return to me again. It's over, and I know in my mind that it is. But in my heart, I refuse to accept it. Somehow, I want him, and I keep waiting for him.

I know that he is the Dark Lord; actually, in his future he is. What am I doing with myself? I'm in love with a memory. A memory that will never return to me…But he promised me he'd return. And I promised him that I'd love him, no matter what happens. My promise is still kept, even until this very second.

I'm hopeless, aren't I? I always trail after someone who will never return for me. For example, my huge crush I had on Harry. I guess the ceromancy had a meaning today. I won't find love, and that is unwanted news. Or is it, really? Anyway, I don't think I'd ever know. Divination always confused me, although Luna finds it fascinating. I guess it's different for different people.

However, it pains me to think about Tom. Every time I do, I find myself on the verge of tears. Sometimes, I think I should just give up. Part of me knows that it's hopeless waiting around for him. The other part of me hopes and reassures that he'll be back, and I will be in his arms again. I wonder what I'm doing to myself. Am I hurting myself by fighting the cold truth that's right in front of me? I know what the truth is, but I prefer to live in this lie I've created for myself.

Tom will come back. He said he would. And I, foolish as I may be, believe him. With my whole heart that I've given to him, I believe him.

Ginny's day passed by fairly quickly, and she was glad that it did. By dinner, she was exhausted and felt like skipping dinner altogether. But she knew Ron would be worried, so she decided not to. She ate fast, and left as soon as she was done. No one asked where she was going because they knew she usually eats pretty fast.

For a while, she wandered aimlessly around the corridors. Finally, she decided to settle at the library, where it was quiet. She could probably get a start on her homework, as well. Ginny went to the back table, where no one would bother her. But when she arrived at her table, she found Draco Malfoy sitting there. He was leaning his chair back onto a book shelf, and he had his feet propped up on the table. Since he was absorbed in a book, he did not notice Ginny.

Ginny bit her lip, wondering what to say. She could always sit somewhere else, but it wouldn't be that bad to sit with Malfoy. It's not like he was going to hex her or anything. Or maybe he would, just to get back at her for setting the Bat Bogey Hex on him in his fifth year. Would he hold a grudge for that long?

"You can sit down if you want to, Weasley." he said, startling Ginny

"Oh-er-you wouldn't mind?" asked Ginny.

"As long as you don't hex me with that Bat Bogey spell," Malfoy said, still not looking up from his book. "And as long as you don't accuse me of being a Death Eater like your idiot brother."

"I won't." assured Ginny, setting down her bag next to her chair as she sat down.

She took out her Divination homework. Her homework was to keep a diary of the events that occurred in her daily life that may have something to do with the shapes in ceromancy. Dipping her quill in the ink, she began writing about her day and how nothing happened that would apply to the wax shapes of love and unwanted news. While she was writing, she wondered if Trelawney would read these diary entries and butt in on their private lives.

"Ceromancy?" Draco asked, snapping Ginny out of her thoughts.

"What?" Ginny said, stupidly.

"Are you starting that in Divination?" he asked, nodding towards her small journal book.

"Er—yeah." Ginny said.

"What shapes did you get?" he asked.

Ginny frowned and said, "Why do you want to know, Malfoy?"

He shrugged and said, "Just wondering, Weasley. No need to get all touchy about it."

"I wasn't being touchy." argued Ginny, glaring at Malfoy.

However, he was reading his book again, and he didn't meet her glare. For some reason, Ginny was reminded greatly of Luna by this action. She sighed angrily and continued her work. She was moving on to her Potions essay. She had to write about the effects of Veritaserum and how it is made. There was an awkward silence between Malfoy and Ginny. Her quill scratched against the parchment noisily, which made Ginny nervous. She was actually afraid that he might snatch the quill away from her and break it or something. This was the only quill she had at the moment…

"It was a circle and a keyhole." she answered, finally. Ginny didn't know why she did it. Perhaps the silence was making her feel a bit nervous…

Malfoy nodded, still not looking up from his book. He said, "What did it mean?"

"Love and unwanted news." replied Ginny. "It's a bunch of rubbish. What did you get?"

"Why do you want to know, Weasley?" he mocked.

Ginny opened her mouth to say something, but Malfoy cut her off.

"I'm kidding." he said, smirking.

She flushed and mumbled an apology.

"It looked like crap to me, but Trelawney insisted that it was flowers." Malfoy said, putting down his book and sitting up straight.

"What did it mean?" Ginny asked.

"Love, honor, and esteem." he said, rolling his eyes. "Ha, yeah right…"

"So I'm taking none of that happened?" Ginny said, giving him a small smile.

"No," answered Malfoy. "Not yet, anyway." He shrugged and continued reading his book.

Ginny continued working on her Potions essay. As time passed by, not a word was exchanged between the two. Malfoy silently continued reading his book, which he seemed to be completely absorbed in. Ginny went from each subject, finishing up her homework.

Suddenly, a dark, spiked hair boy came to the table, plopping down next to Malfoy. He had the same smirk as Malfoy, and Ginny could tell he was also in Slytherin. Malfoy acknowledged him by putting down his book and giving him a questioning look.

"I've been looking all over for you," the boy said. "Goyle said I'd find you here. Anyway, what are you doing here?"

Malfoy shrugged and said, "Reading."

"Reading?" his friend said, looking a bit surprised. "Seriously, you have changed."

The boy didn't even seem to notice Ginny sitting there, just listening to them talk. She raised her eyebrow at him, and she figured that he saw with the corner of his eye. He finally noticed that she was sitting there. He winked at her, which made Ginny turn a bit of red.

"What's up, Weasley?" he said, smiling at her.

Then he turned to Malfoy and said, "And sitting with a Weasley. You've changed a lot."

Ginny, growing tired of this person talking as if she wasn't there, spoke up. "I'm sorry, but I don't recall your name." she said in a cold tone.

"Blaise Zabini," he answered lazily. "And you're a Weasley. Don't remember your first name, though…"

"It's Ginny," said Malfoy, smirking at her.

"Oh, yeah!" Blaise said, dawning with realization. "I know you. You were kidnapped into the Chamber of Secrets in my second year! I didn't really know Draco back then, so I didn't know that Lucius gave you the dia—ow!"

Apparently, Malfoy had kicked Blaise from under the table to keep him from continuing. Ginny bit her lip. Memories of Tom flooded back to her; memories of the chamber came back. She could see it clearly in her head again.

"I'm sorry I had to do this to you, Ginny…Any moment now your precious Harry will come here, in an attempt to rescue you…It's what you always wanted wasn't it?"

Without a word, Ginny began packing her textbooks into her bag. Tears began to blur her vision, and she felt like she was suffocating. She heard Blaise mutter, "I'll just go now…" and getting up to leave. She stubbornly told herself not to cry in front of Malfoy. She was keeping her head low, pretending to concentrate on stuffing a big book inside her bag.

However, the tears came pouring down her cheeks. Quickly she wiped them away with her sleeves, but more and more came. Finally, she started sobbing uncontrollably right in front of Draco Malfoy. Blindly, she grabbed her bag and ran out of the library.

I couldn't help it. I really couldn't. I've been thinking about Tom so much lately. I feel as if he's taking over me, once again. He's messing with my head, again. But despite everything he's done to me, I still love him. Why? Did the promise seal itself within my heart, making it impossible to break? Why couldn't I just break it? Why do I still trust he's coming back? Why do I still wait for him? Why do I still love him?

With my wasted heart, I still love him. My mind urges myself to forget this love and move on with my life. However, my heart continues to wait for him. Doesn't everyone say to follow your heart? Is everyone lying then?

Ginny didn't get very far. She stopped running when she got to the corridors. She held onto the cold, stone walls for support. Sobbing, she slid down onto the cold, stone floor. Suddenly, a shadow loomed over her and a sense of dread filled her entire, aching body. Slowly, she turned around and saw that it was Malfoy.

"I really don't need this right now, Malfoy."she choked out, hiccoughing from her sobs.

He got down and sat beside her. His face was emotionless, but he continued to look at her. She closed her eyes and continued sobbing quietly. For a while, he sat there, not saying a single word to her. Finally, his silence was broken.

"Are you still scarred by the past?" he asked, quietly.

"A scar never fades." Ginny said, sniffing.

"I know."

Ginny began sobbing again. She took a long, shuddering breath and sobbed, "I loved him so much."

Malfoy didn't say anything. He was probably confused and had no idea what Ginny was talking about. Awkwardly, he put an arm around Ginny and gave her a comforting one-armed hug.

"Well," he said. "Remember your wax shapes: you still have love in your future."

She laughed hollowly, wiping her tears away. Ginny had calmed a bit when he put an arm around her. For a minute, they were both quiet. Then Ginny turned to Malfoy.

"I think your friend is right," she said, "You have changed a great deal."

"You don't know how many times I've heard that." he said.

"Yes, but…you're sitting here with a Weasley. And we're actually having a civilized conversation." Ginny said, "And you're not even taunting me for crying like this…"

"Maybe if it was your brother, I would." Malfoy replied.

"But you hate all Gryffindors."

"No, all Gryffindors hate me. Same with Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff."

"And you hate all Weasleys, including me. I'm a Weasley. I even cursed you with the Bat Bogey Hex…"

"What? Do you want me to start taunting you?" said Malfoy.

She shook her head, wiping tears away. She calmed herself and stood up. With the bag over her shoulder, she extended a hand to Malfoy. He took it and helped himself up.

"Um—it would be great if you didn't—" she began.

"Mention this to anyone." he finished. "Especially not to your brother."

"Yeah." Ginny said, nodding.

An awkward silence passed. Finally, Ginny nodded at Malfoy.

"Good night, Malfoy." she said, turning to leave.

"It's Draco."he said.

She turned back around and smiled. "Good night, Draco." she said.