Author's Notes: I was feeling particularly silly today. My son asked me to help him write a modern-day version of Cinderella for a school assignment, and these were my ideas. He thought some of them were over the top, so he ended up using very few of them, but I thought I'd post this ficlet here. (You guys are so forgiving!) Please enjoy, comment, and forget it, because grand silliness ensues!

DISCLAIMER: The names used in this story in no way reflect on the actual people or characters they were named for. It is all in good fun. And believe me, I made no money from any of this.

BRITNEY: A Fairly Odd Tale

Britney was a 16-year-old girl from Los Angeles. She lived with her stepmother, Cher, and two stepsisters, Christina and Aguilera. Britney's father, Sonny, had recently died of mysterious causes. Although the police questioned Cher, she was never formally charged in the case. The mystery remained unsolved, but his daughter believed without question that Cher had done the evil deed herself.

Cher had never treated her stepdaughter very well, but since Sonny had passed away, the situation only got worse. Cher never allowed Britney to go anywhere except to school. Not that she had any time for fun; her wicked, hateful stepmother made her do all the chores in the house. Between her homework and chores, it was all she could do to crawl upstairs to her room every night and plop into bed.

Before she went to sleep every night, Britney made time to e-mail her best friend Lizzie or to chat online with her. One night while they were chatting, Lizzie mentioned an upcoming party. Their chat went like this:

Lizzie: hey brit r u going to justin's party next friday

Britney: uhh…i don't think i'll have time. besides cher won't let me.

Lizzie: oh come on, it'll be wicked fun! :-)

Oh, she would die to go! Justin Timberlake was the dream date of every girl in the school! Even her repulsive stepsisters, Christina and Aguilera, were both secretly in love with him. Britney just knew if she could ever get Justin's attention, he would fall at her feet. She wanted this more than anything. She became a woman on a mission.

The next evening, Lizzie was not online, as she was working as a carhop at Sonic. Britney went online, and instead she met Cosmo and Wanda. They were funny characters with unnatural hair colors, wands, wings, and floaty crowny things. She enjoyed visiting with them. She told them of her wish to go to the party, but she knew it was impossible because her evil stepmother never let her do anything. Cosmo let it slip that they were both Fairy Godparents. After Wanda knocked him senseless, which wasn't too difficult considering he was already well on his way, she offered to help young Britney.

They zoomed right over to her house after school on Friday. They knocked Cher out and made her dream that she was an aging but beautiful pop star on an extended farewell tour. Britney wished for a really cool outfit and Italian leather shoes; "BOOM – you got it, baby!" said Cosmo. She wished for transportation, and Wanda provided her with a long, stretch black limo to ride to the party. There was one tiny clause in her contract; if the limo wasn't back at her home by midnight, it would into a pumpkin pie; also, her cool outfit would be replaced by ratty pajamas, and her shoes would change into her fuzzy Mickey Mouse slippers. She promised to be home on time. She thanked them and invited them to stay and listen to her stepmother belt out the tunes, as she was really quite good. Besides, she was wearing some very suggestive clothing that Cosmo found most interesting, until Wanda made his crown fall down over his eyes so he couldn't see her anymore. But Cosmo's spirits were not dampened, and he said, "Oh well, she still sounds good!"

The party was fantastic. Lizzie was there, and Justin danced to every song with Britney. He took her out to the gazebo in his backyard at 11:45 and asked her to be his girlfriend. She was thrilled! So thrilled, in fact, that she lost track of time. When she heard his watch beep at midnight, she turned and ran away, losing one of her shoes. She barely made it home in time. When she walked through the door, pie in hand, she saw that her stepmother was wandering around the room and singing the chorus of "Believe" to herself over and over. Wanda had tried to reverse Cosmo's spell, but it seemed that he had mistakenly set it to last for the next millennia. Ah, well -- at least the music was good.

Justin had seen Britney at school, but he didn't know where she lived. The shoe was really nice, and he wanted to give it back to her. Besides, he figured it was a good excuse to see her again. When he woke up on Saturday morning, he was determined to find her. He called 411 and got her home phone number. He called them up, and Aguilera told him that Britney was at home and gave him the address. However, when he arrived, she confessed that she had lied; her stepsister was not at home and she herself was going to steal Justin's heart. Christina came running in from the backyard and said that she wanted Justin and that neither of the other girls would get him. Just then, Cher came stumbling through the living room, singing "If I Could Turn Back Time." Justin heard her and gave her his agent's business card.

While the girls were having their cat fight and their mother was singing, Britney managed to pick the lock of her room and escape. She ran into Justin's arms. He returned her shoe, and the two dated through college. After that, they broke up, found their soul mates and married them instead, had an affair behind their spouses' backs, got divorced, and then finally got married to each other. Her stepmother sang "I Got You, Babe" at their wedding.

THE END (But if it makes any money, . . . then STAY TUNED for the sequel)

I told you, it's silly :-)