Title: Spidery Web
Chapter: One-shot
Autor: MajinSakuko
E-Mail: MajinSakukoyahoo.de
Disclaimer: I own nothing, JKR everything else
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing/Main-Chara: Severus Snape (SS/RS)
Rating: R
Genre/s: Drama, Humour
Warning/s: Kind of dark, morbid humour
A/N1: A/U set in the end of Goblet of Fire
A/N2: Again, this is not my plot, kind of. Hope you get the Insider Joke, you know who you are ;P
Summary: Snape's working off some tension (like the unconventional Potions master that he is) due to Black, Harry and Co. With some bloody repercussions.
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The door banged shut forcefully.
And there was silence; dark, thick, foreboding silence.
Severus Snape was having one of his days, and not even the spiders in his jars seemed intent to cross his way. The air was chilly and clammy, forcing its way under one's skin to try and freeze you to death, but it humbly backed down whenever Snape activated his icy glare of impeding doom. Dozens of spiders scrambled backwards, thumping against glass walls in their haste to try and escape. A toad gulped uneasily at detecting the sheer mass of power Snape emitted just standing there, balling his fists.
The Potions master's head was tilted slightly, hair falling to conceal his face, which was most likely drawn into a tight scowl of displeasure. The air around him nearly bristled, serving as a convenient 'every living being' repellent.
Snape reached for his collar and ripped it open roughly, sending two tiny buttons flying. He drew his wand and quickly shrugged out of his robe, throwing it away and casting a Banishing Charm after it. Almost as an afterthought, Snape sent the two buttons behind and sewed them both on with a quick spell. Another click was heard, and the teaching robe was securely put away.
Snape rolled up the sleeves of his dressing shirt, enjoying the chilly feeling as the coldness crept up his spine, letting the fine hairs on his arms stand on end.
The fire was lit. Hot and dangerously, the tongues of flames whipped the cool pewter cauldron to life, slowly warming it.
"Bloody Potter!" snapped Snape to no one in particular, throwing his wand arm towards the fire place, filling the cauldron with water. The man's fingers nearly crushed his wand, before he uttered a quick Silencing Charm. The serenity became even more all-embracing.
Right before Snape pitched a fit.
"Aaaaaaaaahhhhh!" he shrieked in a shrill voice, somewhat resembling a piglet which was being impaled. The eerie sound echoed off the stone walls, reverberating at least ten times before finally getting quieter and ebbing out.
Severus Snape had not had a bad day; that would be the understatement of the century. First, the bloody dog Black had to be the one Snape had to report to about the latest Death Eater meeting. Then, one Slytherin fifth year (Andrea Angleton) wanted him to give her a voice sample for her collection – he'd rather eat his own broomstick for breakfast than say "Andrea" in a raspy voice! And to top it off, he had the growing suspicion that the dreadful Dream Team had again broken into his office and stolen Potions ingredients. Also, he hadn't heard about his lover in over a week. Where could she be? Snape wondered, but couldn't find a possible answer. She'd never left without saying anything before. Snape didn't worry about her; Rita was capable of looking after herself. However, the whole day added together ... Had he taken Potter into account, as well? The boy was a constant nuisance, so that sometimes it escaped Snape's mind to complain about him altogether.
"Stupid brat!" he swore and immediately felt better. Too much steam in the system was not healthy; especially for his blood pressure.
Chuck!
There was one way, though, which worked even better for steam releasing than simple swearing and cursing.
Squeak! Chuck!
It was soothing to let his mind wander and brew some potion by heart. Even inventing new potions worked fine that way.
Pad! Pad! Chuck! Chuck! Chuck!
And the physical workout he got for good measure was appreciated, as well, mostly by Rita.
Chuck! Squish! Gurgle! Chuck!
Snape wiped the sweat off his brow and added the freshly chopped spider legs to the bubbling cauldron. It emitted a puff of green smoke, then changed colours to yellow. Snape smirked in satisfaction. Holding the large knife like a butcher, the Potions master went after the next (in fear quivering) ingredient. Nothing could escape, as it was of no surprise.
Ten gram toad kidneys, two beetle feelers, three crow feathers and seven drops mutt's blood later, Snape let his new concoction simmer peacefully. It was perfect, whatever it was, he knew as much. Maybe he was lucky and he finally invented something really useful (for example: instant de-fertilizer). Then, he'd be rich and could chuck his job in. No more Potter, no more infuriating little know-it-alls anymore ... Could that be heaven? Snape didn't harbour any hopes that he'd get anywhere but straight to hell, so a life without children would be as close to heaven as possible.
Thankfully, Rita was of the same opinion.
Snape put the empty glass jar back into its place.
-End-