Disclaimer: I/We own none of this. It is the awful truth. Well not awful... aw, never mind.

Author's note: This story is a collaboration between me, ArieiDelmonte, and Luny, luny teen. It is a very soft R and probably will not get worse cause Luny yells at me when I get dirty. hehehe. The chapter title has something to do with the people in the chapter. If you want to know you'll have to wait until the third chapter! And now, onto Irish and Pureblood.

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Chapter one: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Head Boy Draco Malfoy sat leaning back in his leather chair; his feet up on the solid oak desk. He was watching his new toy, his computer. His father had let him purchase one and he had gladly accepted the money to do so. Draco was not against everything muggle as people thought. He had gotten on the Internet once when stranded in muggle London. He had gotten an email account and quickly hooked-up with some girls. Well... "hooked-up" wouldn't really be the correct term to use. He had gotten what he wanted out of them and never spoken to them again. He was currently waiting for one of said girls to email him back when Head Girl Hermione Granger walked into their common room.

"What are you doing, Malfoy?" she asked, with a little curiosity in her voice.

"What does it matter to you, Granger?" he said back, smirking at her. Hermione walked over and sat on the edge of the desk. They had become friends (with benefits) over the year, having to share a common room and all.

"I'm having Harry and Ron over for some study time. Just thought I'd warn you." she said with a laugh in her voice. Draco pulled her onto his lap, his arms around her. He planted kisses on her collarbone.

"Are you really going to study, hmm?" asked Draco between kisses. Hermione laid a kiss on his forehead and pushed him away.

"Yes. Contrary to popular belief, we are not like that. Only me and you, Malfoy." Hermione explained. There was a knock at the door and Hermione left Draco's lap to answer it. Draco leaned farther back, listening. He couldn't hear anything and suddenly tipped over, much to his embarrassment, in front of the trio.

"Have a nice trip, Malfoy?" asked Harry sarcastically.

"See ya next fall, Malfoy." said Ron. Hermione tried to hide a smile, but her eyes were twinkling with merriment.

"We are going to be in my room studying, Malfoy, if you need anything." Hermione said. She pointed out her room to Harry and Ron. They walked into her room and Draco pinched Hermione's behind. She squealed quietly before turning around.

"Malfoy, I don't want any of that while Harry and Ron are here."

"And why not? Right after they leave, then?" Draco smirked at her. She rolled her eyes, and leaned down to kiss him, giving him a nice view. Hermione kiss his lips lightly as a reply. She walked away from him swishing her hips and closed the door of her bedroom. Draco licked his lips and went to go after her, but his computer beeped.

He got back up on his chair and clicked on his inbox. There was a letter telling him that his informants had found a muggle who had plenty of money and might be willing to talk to him. Draco smirked. A muggle. Ha! I can get all of his money and then some. This'll be so easy.

Draco walked over to his couch and slumbered until he heard some shouting coming from Hermione's room. It was Hermione.

"That would not be good at all! Plus, is it safe to touch the baby with a feather? Where did you get the feather from? Is the feather still attached to the bird? What kind of bird? Is it a parrot? THE PARROTS CLAWS COULD HURT THE BABY, RONALD! YOU IDIOT!"

Draco chuckled and walked back over to his computer. He sat down and proceeded to write an email to this certain muggle. His email went like this:

Dear Mister Artemis Fowl,

I would like to talk with you. If we could arrange a time when that would be acceptable when we could both have plenty of time that would be wonderful. I look forward to talking to you soon.

Mister D. Malfoy

Draco sent the email and walked to his room. He smoothed out his bed covers and got out his edible lotions. He walked over to his mirror and fixed his hair. He got undressed and lathered himself up in his favorite lotion; the one he knew Hermione liked and flopped down on his bed. Putting a light satin sheet on top of him, he snuggled down into his sheets and awaited the time when Hermione would get done "studying" and come to him. He smiled and fell into a light sleep.

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A/N: When Hermone shouts comes from a book. A very funny book, but I can't remember what it's called. Luny will probably tell you and yell at me. Yep.

You'll notice next chapter that it's much cleaner... I have a dirty mind and it shows through. Luny also has a dirty mind (maybe not as dirty as mine) but it doesn't show through as much. Hehehehe. Anyway, please R&R. I would love you for it... unless you don't want me to love you for it. :D