Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT. I wish I did, though. LOL! I can only dream to.
Warning: This fic may contain some harsh language and maybe some violence. However, it does contain angst. A lot of it, too. I'm an angsty kinda writer and I love my Mikey and Raphael. Oh, and please read and review. I'd appreciate it if you do. And I would like to thank those who have reviewed. I'm glad to see that a lot of you like it! AAAAAAAAH!! Don't hate me for this fic, please! I'm really writing it because I want to do something different. Yes, I know Raph would never really want to hurt his brother, which you'll see that later. Oh, and btw, don't hate me for what I am about to do!! -Runs away-
SILENCE
Chapter 2
By Raphangela
-Splinter… Splinter… Splinter…-
A soft voice whispers throughout Splinters mind. It seems to echo, but it is clearly repeating itself over and over again. Splinter concentrates on the voice, either finding a way to purge it or to find who its owner is. The voice sounds so familiar, but the martial arts teacher can't put his finger on it. 'Every time I think I figured out who it belongs to,' Splinter thought 'It either goes away instantly or fades.' Splinter sighs to himself for it seems to be torture for him to comprehend who the voice is. But whoever it belongs to it makes his heart ache with hurt with the way the voice sounds to be so heartbreaking. Sometimes the voice would sound sad at first, but it would then turn vile and unbearable for one to hear. The voice keeps on changing between the two and it also haunts his nightmares. At times, Splinter would find himself not being able to take it. It sounds as if it is one of his sons, his students, but he still can't seem to figure out whom.
-Splinter… Splinter… Splinter…-
'What do you want?'
-Splinter… Splinter… Splinter…-
'Who are you?' He says to it in his mind. He then feels a chill go sharply down his spine. 'No.'
-Splinter…….. Splinter………….. Splinter……………….Splinter…-
-----
"Do you think it was a good idea to leave Mikey with Raph, Leo?"
"Good question, Don." Leo answers an equally worrying Donatello. "I really don't know… But I'm sure if there is something going on between them, I'm sure they'll work it out."
"I don't know, Leo." Donny sighs, still not feeling alright about it. "Maybe I should've gone with Mikey instead. For some reason, I don't trust Raph with him right now. I keep on feeling as if something's bad about to happen or it already did."
"Don't worry, Don. I'm sure they'll be fine." Leo covers up how he really feels and tries to sound optimistic. "Don't worry about it."
"Quit hiding it, Leo." Don informs to his brother, not being tricked once by his brother's words. He sees that Leo's body is shaking and looks like it usually does when about to face a great enemy, his breathing sounds irregular. "I might not be Mikey and even though it's raining, I can clearly see that you're feeling the same. I mean, your body language is speaking for you. You're worried as much as I am."
Leo lowers his head in shame of hiding the truth from his brother. He then looks up at his brother who is waiting for him to reply. "Yeah…well…I can explain that…." He sighs as he looks at the unconvincing looks his brother is giving him. "Okay…you're right, Don. Maybe you should've gone with Mikey and I with Raph. I'm feeling the same exact thing. I'm starting to really have an increase of doubt within me…" He shakes his head. "But this is Mikey and Raph we're talking about. I seriously doubt that they would do something very harmful to each other, especially Raph. You know how much Raph cares about Mikey. He wouldn't let anything in the world happen to him. He's protective over our brother."
"Yes," Donatello agrees. "But…"
"But what?" Leo asks, not liking the doubtful tone of his brother's voice.
"Raph has hurt Mikey before," Don answers effortlessly "Both physically and emotionally. So, why wouldn't he ever do it again?"
Leo tries to search for the answers, but can't find them within himself. He remains quiet for awhile as the lightening cuts through the sky and the thunder roars. "I don't know." He answers.
Donatello frowns and heaves a sigh, still is worrying about his younger. It then begins to pour harder as the lightning slashes more violently through the sky and seems to be tearing it. "Why did it have to rain tonight?" He says a statement more than a question.
"We better head back." Leo suggests as the weather starts to get worse. "It's starting to pour like cats and dogs out here! And besides, we haven't found anything, except a few punk kids dealing into mischief."
"Yeah," Donatello says as he shakes from the cold rain. "Let's go back. Hopefully the others do, too."
"I hope so." Leo says and nods, they both still feel worrisome and this storm doesn't make it any better.
They run from deep within the alley they are in and into the front where a manhole is. Leo quickly lifts it up to one side and lets Don in and then goes in himself and shuts it.
-----
Raphael jumps from building to building, in hopes of finding at least some worthless chump to beat up. Raphael sighs and is becoming really provoked by it. "Great. Just great! It's pouring like hell out here and there's no one to lay a hand on! What? Are criminals afraid of getting wet or somethin'? Sheesh!" He stops and looks up at the sky and then growls. "Oh, how I hate the rain. Always ruinin' everything, especially my play time."
He sighs miserably and then says, "C'mon, Mikey. Let's go back to the laya'! There ain't nothin' here, there's nothin' there, and there ain't a thing anywhere else!" He sighs when he doesn't hear his brother's reply. He rolls his eyes and then turns around, "C'mon, Mikey, lets-" Michelangelo is nowhere to be seen. "Mikey?" He gasps and then growls. "C'mon, you knuckle-head, quit playin' around! Where are you?" He doesn't get a reply. "MIKEY!? C'mon, this isn't funny! Don't play around like this!!" He looks all around him, but still doesn't see hide or hair of him. "DAMMIT, MIKE! I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR THIS SHIT!" He looks over the edges of the building. "TELL ME NOW WHERE THE HELL IS YOU!!" He commands.
He then jumps off from the top of the three-story building and lands in an alley beside it and grunts when his feet hit the cement. He starts to run through it at top speed and into another alley. He looks down it and then another, and then some more. He still can't find his younger brother.
"WHERE ARE YA, MIKE!?" He calls out. "WHERE ARE YA!?"
He runs more and more, from block to block, to shadow to shadow. He still can not find his little brother and it's making his heart pound furiously in his chest. 'Mikey, please, where you are! I need you to tell me where you went off to, buddy.' Then all of a sudden, realization dawned on him. His words he said earlier to his brother and even the scene came back into his mind.
-Flash back-
Raphael glared at Mikey maliciously, "Because you are so annoying, Mikey! You're worse than that brownnoser of a brother of mine! All you ever do is play and play around some more! Your stupid smile and carefree ways don't work for everyone, Mikey! Quit this senseless shit and grow the fuck up!"
Mikey's jaw dropped and he tried not to look hurt. "What? Are you saying that you are mad at me because of the way I am? Huh, Raph? Why?"
"You never act seriously when it comes to any situation, dumbass!" Raphael yelled. "Every time a fight comes around the corner, we always seem to be the ones saving your fucking ass! You never do anything right around here and you complain about stupid penny antic things that really don't make sense at all! You're always scared of things like the coward you are! You think life is all just some big playground and the sun is always shining when it's not! Act serious for once in your life!"
"But…but Raph." Mikey responded, upset at how his brother could talk to him like this. "Why? Why are you saying this? I thought we were supposed to be the best of friends. Best buddies."
Raphael then had gotten up into his brother's face and said darkly, "You are not my best friend. All you are now to me is a pest in my life…a liability. You make me sick with your carefree spirit. Not everyone is like you, especially me. Not everybody accepts your ways, especially us. You are an annoyance that never seems to go away! I'm beyond tired of you! To tell you the truth, I wish I never knew you. I wish I never heard your voice. I wish I didn't have to put up with you. I wish I wasn't your brother. I wish I could get rid of you, you thorn in my side. And I wish you never even existed. To me, the world would be a better place." Lightening stroke in the distance and the thunder roared viciously.
Michelangelo is horrified by his brother's words and is deeply wounded by them. He smiled sadly at his brother; he could hardly come up with anything to say. "Yeah…sure." He peeps softly; his voice seems to have disappeared without a trace.
"Don't even talk to me or at all throughout and after this." Raphael commanded and turned away from him. "In fact, don't even talk at all."
-End of flash back-
Raphael's angry mood sinks into a deep depression and regret; he is also flabbergasted by the way he had treated his brother. He takes in a deep breath and exhales exaggeratedly. "DAMMIT!!" He yells as he kicks a nearby trashcan so hard it flies into the air and lands almost ten yards away, making a couple of rats scurry for their lives in fear. Raph sighs and leans against a brick wall of one of the many alleys he had checked.
All you are now to me is a pest in my life…a liability
"Mikey…"
You are not my best friend
"Oh, no…"
And I wish you never even existed. To me, the world would be a better place
"Mikey… I'm sorry. I'm SO sorry. Please forgive me."
Raphael felt like crying at that very moment. He had hurt his little brother, his best friend in the whole world. He hurt Mikey. And by the way things have turned out; he sees that he had hurt him very badly. He doesn't know what to do about it, either, but something within him tells him to keep on searching. 'Mikey has to be around here somewheres.' He thought as the rain pours harder and it seems to feel even colder than before. 'But where, though? I better find him fast or we'll both be sick from this rain.' He groans. 'Why does it have to rain for? I can't stand getting wet! I'll never understand why Leo even likes it, let alone enjoys it.' Just thinking about Leo makes him growl angrily. 'Why the hell did Leo pair us up today for? That damn teacher's pet should know when I'm not in the mood for somethin' or not!' He then turns his thoughts back on Mike.
He shakes his head and sighs to himself. "Oh, Mikey… I'm SO sorry. I'm coming, buddy. Please forgive me." He says as he then continues his search for his runaway brother. "Please be alright. I'll NEVER forgive myself if you're not."
-----
Mikey still sits by himself in the same alley, he never even moved an inch from the spot. He is too depressed to move or to even care if someone would find him there and keeps crying to himself miserably about what happened. Usually words would ever get to him, maybe they did, but he usually got rid of them out of his head quickly enough to where it wouldn't bother him. However, for some reason, these words won't go away and they also are also very painfully strong. Maybe he is hurting deep within from the very beginning? He remembers when he was a child he would a lot of times would go hide somewhere to cry alone, because he was afraid of being made fun of. His brothers always seemed to have made fun of him then and when until today. Sure, he loves to make them laugh, but they always made him to be the butt end of a joke. Their terrible laughs and ugly words feel his mind, making him not paying any attention at all to his surroundings. He tries to make them all go away, but they keep on getting stronger by the moment as past memories he never even thought of before came into his mind. In his mind his thoughts of his brothers laughing, scolding, hurting, yelling, and telling him to shut up never seems to end, even his Sensei's word's plagues him.
Mikey, Shut up
'Leo…'
Shut up, Mikey
'Don…'
Michelangelo, be quiet!
'Sensei…'
Shut the hell up, Mike!
'Raph!'
SHUT UP!!!
"Guys!" Mikey cries as he clutches his head in agony, they all seem to be screaming at him at the same time.
SHUT UP!!!
"Please stop! Go away! Please! Just stop!"
SHUT UP!!!
"No more! Please, I beg of you!"
SHUT UP!!!
"NOOOOO!!! SHUTTUP! SHUTTUP!! SHUTTUP!!! I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!!!" He screams as he cries harder. He clenches his teeth tightly, but then hears a voice whisper to him.
-You don't have to.-
'Have to what?'
-You don't have to take it anymore.-
'Take what?'
-Take 'them'.-
'Take who?'
-Your so called family.-
'What?'
-You don't have to take them anymore.-
'I don't?'
-No. No one really haves to. So, you don't either.-
'But…but…they are my family.'
-Them? You've got to be kiddin' me. They aren't you're family more than the Shredder being your best friend.-
'But…still… I could never…'
-You should. They'd do it to you. In fact, they've already done so millions of times. So why not you?-
'Cause…they are my…'
-Family? Brothers? Loved ones? Trust me when I say that they no longer love you as much as you think they do. -
'What?'
-In fact, they never did.-
'That's not true! They do love me! They…do…'
-Oh, really? If so, why does your heart tell you other wise? Why do you feel so much doubt about your words?-
'I guess you could be right…but they are my family. They've even risked their lives for me. Why wouldn't they care? I'm their brother.'
-Tsk. Tsk. Tisk. You keep on forgetting the reality of it all. They save you because they know they have to. They act as if they care because they know they must. If you were anymore different, they'd forget all about you. They save because they are taught to do so…and to them, you're just another troublesome fool always waiting to be saved.-
Mikey sucks it all in, all of the words, thoughts, emotions begin to mix within himself.
-They don't care about you. To them you are nothing but a burden........ A 'liability'.-
That word strikes him through the heart instantly. His brother, Raphael's words seem to repeat through his mind.
All you are now to me is a pest in my life…a liability
'No…'
-Yes, now you see.-
'Yes…'
-You DON'T have to take it anymore.-
'Yes… I WON'T! I WON'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!'
-Good.-
'But…how? How can I?'
-Give into me.-
'What?'
-You heard me... Give into me.-
'Why?'
-You want them not to bother you anymore, do you?.-
'Yes…but…'
-Then you MUST give into me.-
'Ooookay…no offence, but who ARE you?'
-Can't you tell?-
'………well……no…..'
-I am you.-
'Me? What do you mean? How?'
-I am you, Mikey. I am the REAL you who you've been putting back for SO long.-
'What?! You can't be?! Can you?'
-Don't be so simple minded, my friend. I AM you… Your true self. I AM the way you ARE supposed to be. I am the true you. And I am your only and for truly 'best friend'. -
'You… are?'
-Yes. You must remember, 'best friend', that one can only trust himself and not others. This world is filled with backstabbers, killers, thieves just waiting to claw at you and hurt you.-
'Yes.'
-And for that, this world MUST pay!-
'Yes…I mean….no…I…'
-Do you want them to know that you've had enough?-
'Yes, I do…but…'
-Then give into me!-
'I…don't know…'
-Mikey, I am your only true friend. I am you! You must trust yourself before you can trust the likes of others, am I right?-
'Yes…you are…but…'
-Then give into me! You really don't have a choice, Mikey, if you want to make a stand in all this. You MUST give into me and you MUST do it now! Either that, or you will suffer for the rest of your ENTIRE LIFE!-
To Be Continued
Well, what you think? LOL I'll try to get to the next chapter soon. Stay tuned if you want to know what happens next and if Raph will find his brother or not before it is too late.